#zhante deprived

[zhaliacain]

Sophie: what’s Zhalia’s love language

Dante: words of affirmation and acts of service, she’s bilingual

Sophie: what’s Dante’s love language

Zhalia: French.

Sophie: what?

Zhalia: yeah it weirds me out too

[zhaliacain]

Someone posted #18 of the comics in one of the discords and I fell off my chair

[zhaliacain]

Klaus: Zhalia! Attack Dante!

Dante: *pulls out uno reverse card*

Zhalia: the rules the rules, I can’t argue with that

[zhaliacain]

Sometimes I forget Dante straight up did a black market drug deal on a kids show. Like how did 6 year old me not go hmm yeah that’s a good way to deal with a sick parent.

This only came to mind because I saw a zhante screenshot on insta and my reaction was as yes criminals and I have no idea where that came from.

Everyone: but Dante, she’s a criminal

Dante who’s been buying sketchy sh*t on the internet to try and cure Metz so can appreciate that’s Zhalia’s just trying to survive in this stupid world: …okay…

[zhaliacain]

Huntik would have been so much funnier if they’d kept up the whole Zhalia telling the team she’s a spy from the start. Like it starts with the ‘if I was a spy, this would have been an easy way to gain your trust’ and then it just carries on and everyone thinks she’s just got a dark sense of humour.

-Sophie: maybe that comment was a double bluff!

-Zhalia: it was

—

-Lok: if Zhalia was a spy why would she be helping us?

-Zhalia: because it’s my job, I get paid

—

-Sophie: I just don’t trust her

-Zhalia: good, you shouldn’t

—

-Dante: I know at the end of the day, I can trust you

-Zhalia: no, no, no, that’s a horrible idea, please don’t do that

—

Dante: hey are you okay?

Zhalia: yeah, I’ve been told to assassinate you today

Dante: okay hilarious, come find me when you want to actually tell me what’s wrong

—

-Lok: you weren’t just… playing cell phone games on a mission were you?

-Zhalia: no I was texting the organisation

-Lok: haha texting the organisation, good one!

—

Dante: the organisation always seems to know our next move

Zhalia: yeah because I tell them

Dante: Zhalia this is serious. Not now!

—

-Dante: don’t let your guard down

-Zhalia: why I work here

—

-Sophie: she’s been acting more suspicious than usual!

-Zhalia: Organisations been saying that a lot too recently, beginning to think I might be the problem.

Even when Dante starts suspecting he can’t really say anything because technically she had told him all along and he’s at the point now where as long as she takes the right side he doesn’t care

Basically, it’s an au, wherein rather than pretending she doesn’t fit in with this misfit crew, she just leans into it from the start

[zhaliacain]

[zhaliacain]

One headcanon I have that has absolutely zero basis in canon is that Zhalia is the better driver than Dante. Not only is she better but she actually prefers driving and Dante actually isn’t as big of a fan of driving so is perfectly happy to let Zhalia drive.

This probably has something to do with Zhalia being taught to Hotwire and drive cars at a very early age so that probably plays a factor in that she’s a lot more confident. I just like the idea of someone asking Dante a car question and he just rolls his eyes like I have no idea go ask Zhalia. He’s not a bad driver but since Zhalia likes driving he’s perfectly happy with that arrangement.

In the comics I’m pretty sure we see Dante driving at some point but this headcanon is a hill I will die on for absolutely no reason

[zhaliacain]

A kinda fun thought process at the moment is Zhalia having literally no possessions after blowing her flat up. Its pretty well established in fanfiction her borrowing Dante’s pyjamas and basically moving in with him. But like, depending on how much of the gear they have is provided by the foundation/organisation, there's a decent amount of stuff that Zhalia would regularly use on missions that she's just gone and blown up. 

Okay so serious gear like scuba tanks and stuff is probably borrowed but it would make more sense to have your own personal scuba suits, sub-temprature clothing and various terrain specific shoes. One because its not practical to be sharing that stuff and also if its better to have your own stuff that fits properly. 

But Zhalia blew hers up. But practically its kind of hard to imagine that she just went out and replaced all of this stuff at once because thats a hassle, so she probably just borrowed gear from the foundation until she got her own again.. or Dante.

I just really like the idea of Zhalia going on missions wearing like an oversized coat of Dantes and like two jumpers underneath because its too baggy to keep the heat in.

[zhaliacain]

Dante to Klaus: I bet I could take your best seeker

Klaus: in a fight right?

Dante walking off with Zhalia:…

Klaus: in a fight right!

Zhalia: bye.

[zhaliacain]

Dante advising Lok whilst he’s at a council meeting because Zhalia got whacked in the head again

Dante: if she’s got a concussion you need to keep her conscious! Ask her questions!

Lok: what’s your mothers name?!

Dante: stuff she knows!

Zhalia: …

[zhaliacain]

Dante: which member of the organisation do you think you could beat in an arm wrestle?

Zhalia: Defoe, 100% every time

Dante: 100%? I’d give you best of three at most

Zhalia who is organisation and has a 100% arm wrestle score against Defoe:… no.

[zhaliacain]

Someone: aww... you two are such a cute couple, I know some couples who won't even hold hands in public, let alone hug.

Dante: This isn't a hug.

Dante: I'm preventing her from murdering you.

[zhaliacain]

Sophie: please don’t put the knives point up, I don’t fancy getting stabbed

Lok: sure!

Dante: oh so when she asks not to get stabbed it’s okay, but when I asked three weeks ago, no one listened!

Dante: why does nobody care if I get stabbed?!

Zhalia: I care if you get stabbed

Dante: aww thank y-

Zhalia: i want to be the one to stab you

—————————————

Den: do you ever have a handful of people-

Sophie: no I don’t tend to be able to hold human beings in my hand. It’s an incorrect measure

Den: well with small hands like yours of course it is

———————————————

Den: *texts hehehehe like he’s writing a 2009 fan fiction*

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Lok: do you ever think that you stole your whole personality from characters you liked as a kid?

Den: yeah. Pretty much everything I say.

Lok: is it bad?

Den: I mean it just means that those tumblr text posts as characters saying things you’ve said is really funny.

Lok: yeah we should do that

Den:…

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Zhalia: you know that customer I really don’t like?

Ryder: yeah

Zhalia: he’s been banned

Ryder: what? Just because you don’t like them?

Zhalia: no because he kept shoplifting and threatening people

Zhalia: but I like that you thought that people cared about me enough to just ban customers I don’t like

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Lok: thank you criminal minds for the reminder that at any moment someone can walk into my house with the sole intent of murdering me and then graffitiing poetry on my wall

Dante: don’t worry we keep self defence weapons in the hall now

Lok: forget the self defence, my family won’t get the deposit back for my funeral

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Zhalia: an unsub in criminal minds had the same ring as me, therefore I am obliged to become a murderer

Dante: please don’t, because we both know who your first victim will be

Zhalia: it’s alright, statistically you’re very likely to survive

Dante:…

Dante: How about you don’t try murdering me in the first place?!

[zhaliacain]

I’ve been collecting huntik cards for a solid 7 nearly eight years right? Like I have a lot including many spares. And I only realised TODAY that apparently some of the non shiny cards… also have shiny versions

Like I know that’s a normal trading card thing to do but it’s thrown me because I’ve always like yeah ponderous is a non shiny card and that’s okay. But no! Rocky the Dino is a shiny boi! And that’s okay too but I’m confused!

[zhaliacain]

Lok: where do you live?

Den: you xyz?

Lok: yeah

Den: not there

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Den: I’m fast as fuck boi

Den: *runs into automatic door*

Lok: he should have seen that coming

Sophie: clearly he didn’t.

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Lok: if I made this sandwich on Friday, is it still okay?

Sophie: :|

Cherit: it’s Monday

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Den: we’re a squad

Lok: why a squad? Why not gang

Den: because it’s suicide squad not suicide gang

Lok: oh yeah :)

Sophie: I’m sorry we’re doing what?

———————————————

Zhalia: I can already tell it’s going to be one of those days :(

Dante: you can’t be scared of yourself if you’re scared of me.

Zhalia: yeah that’s true-

Zhalia: wait what are you going to do?

Dante: bye!

Zhalia: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!

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Lok: how come you two never seem to talk?

Sophie: I just don’t think we have anything in common

Zhalia: my specialty is in bullshitting, I’ll find something to talk about

Zhalia: I’ve literally won an award for it

Dante: are you talking about your job interview?

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Den: sometimes I go into McDonald’s just for an ice cream and leave with a whole meal and three milkshakes

Zhalia: I’m loving it for you

Zhalia: …

Dante: you didn’t mean to make that pun did you?

Zhalia: I’m going to go have an existential crises now

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Sophie: I was taught that if something doesn’t hurt you, then you get no say in it

Den: Lok you’re handsomeness offends me

Lok: :O

[zhaliacain]

*distant sound of nerf gun firing*

Dante: WHO GAVE HER A GUN?!

Zhalia: *frantic running sound*

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Lok to Zhalia: What is wrong with you?!

Dante: don’t be mean to her!

Lok: she doesn’t like brownies!

Dante: what is wrong with you?!

——————————————

Zhalia: I am horrifically unloveable

Den: I look like a bird!

Dante:…

Dante: I don’t even know what to address first here

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Den to Lok: you look like a profiterole, except profiteroles taste nice

Sophie: how do you know he doesn’t?

Den: …

Den: HOW DO YOU KNOW HE DOES!!!!

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Zhalia: you know, according to the Geneva Convention-

Dante: we are watching a 2000s chick flick, will you stop bringing the Geneva Convention into this!

———————————————

Lift: *makes strange sound*

Lok and Den: WE DONT HAVE ANY EMERGENCY SNACKS

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Zhalia: why is it job applications always ask for people who want to make a positive impact in the community?

Zhalia: what if I want to make a negative impact?

Dante: *chokes on food*

Den: I’m just here for the money

Lok: at least you’re honest

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Zhalia: harvesting serial killers organs and giving them to transplant patients would be the circle of life

Dante: …

Dante: we were talking about Christmas

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Zhalia: my specialty is with knives. They’re fun

Dante: I mean I’m glad you’re happy…

Dante: but you’re a menace to society and I feel like everybody involved needs more protective gear

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Den: hi

Dante: I have 99 problems and you are most of them