#zofia stays sober until she's given her best man speech and then she just gets a whole bottle of wine from the bar

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

8 for Zofia and Garrus

8. “You’re so drunk.”

I love that we’ve ascended Elliot and Zofia, heroes of the galaxy, first human spectres, to idiots who get smashed and then either get arrested or get hitched to their alien boyfriends and don’t remember it.

"Hey," Zofia says, giggling in the way that she only does once she'd downed a bottle of red wine, "hey, hey Garrus, watch this."

"No," Garrus says automatically. Watch this, for Zofia, is only a prelude to flipping the Mako down a mountain to ram a thresher maw, or before Kaidan biotically flings her into a geth enclave, or before someone has to bail her and Elliot out of jail again. "Don't do it."

He told Elliot and Solo that having an open bar at their wedding was going to be a mistake. He told them.

"Nonono it's gonna be like..." Zofia throws her shoulder into his arm and then she knocks her head against his shoulder. "Gonna be cool."

She has her hand out, glowing with biotics, directing a fork hovering above a slice of cake. "Watch," she says, and then like a bullet the fork drops straight down into the cake, making a horrifying screech as it scrapes across the plate. "Shit. Okay." The entire fork is coated in cake. "I've got this."

Garrus reaches out and gently pushes her hand down. "You're so drunk. You're going to miss your mouth and stab yourself in the eye."

Her head flops against him again. "I could do it when sober. I could... I'm gonna - you know what? When we get married I'm gonna get a machete and I'm gonna cut the cake with biotics and a machete. It's gonna be so cool."

"No one is going to trust you with biotics and a machete," Garrus says. Well, Zaeed and Jack might, and Grunt probably too, and that combination is a bad combination. "You --"

His brain comes screeching to a sudden halt. He forgets what he was going to say. 

When we get married.