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Actress Melanie Griffith lived with a pet lion in the early 1970s when she was a teenager. These show their amazing home life together.

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Love yourself

March 23, 2016 1:51 am New year, new.. Me? I never would have thought so. I hate that saying. Cliché, annoying, and everything else you despise. But really though, my life has came crashing down on me in matter of 3 and half, almost 4 months And trust me I've fucking changed. This time three months ago I hated just about every inch of my own being and the life that followed. My heart, freshly torn into two bitter pieces My mind, weak and damaged from brutal self destruction And my body, slowly malnourishing and only on a path to worsening my health. I decided to hop in a van and get the fuck out of the only place i could consider home and chase my doom I properly placed a fairytale into my imagination that ended in me making it, doing big things with bigger people, going elsewhere and seeing more, all in which i did, but barely surviving along the way. My diet consisted of mcdonalds and shitty gas station food, and if we made enough money playing music on the side of the street we were able to get a lil ceasers pizza. Thats when I learned to really appreciate the little bit of food my mom held in her cupboards when i always seemed to be complaining about the lack of food. But theres plenty more to it than just my shitty diet. I traveled all along the states I went to New York for the first time and spent days on the beach in California, enjoyed the Southern hospitality of everyone in Texas, Louisiana, and Alabama, I even dropped acid on the strip in Vegas. It was a fucking adventure and it had its highlights But the entire time i was lost in this loop of confusion. I had really convinced myself before i left that I loved the people i was with, that they loved me too and we were a family, I was promised to be taken care of. In all reality everyone in that entire group was only concerned about themselves and it wasn't long before i realized just how unwanted i was. I got left in California, with a girl, a really nice girl, but still some random girl And they moved on, headed back to Texas where bigger things were going on and assured me I'd be ok on my own. Wasn't long before my relationship with Pat ended, but i wasn't surprised or devastated in any way. He really was just a rebound and i took advantage of his presence to heal my broken heart. I guess thats kind of fucked up, but after he left me in another state to feign for myself i stopped feeling so bad about it. I dont even think i made it two weeks without being persuaded into coming back home, i had friends that told me i could stay with them and they'd help me take care of myself and get back on my feet. So i came home. I stayed at my moms for the first night and fussed over my restless mind, just kinda drowning in my own anxiety. My fear of being alone was intensifying and all i could think was that I needed somebody. Next day i was up and gone before i even saw my mom again Off to see my friends and feel some sort of comfort. And when I saw them, thats when i felt like home again. Its different feeling actual love and appreciation compared to the "in the moment" "love" and "appreciation" i was used to. They made me feel better, they really did, and i still love them to death. But just like everyone else in the world, they were doing what they had to to live comfortably. Stripping and trapping. And I wasn't one to judge, I had basically been homeless before that and these friends of mine had built a foundation together. So those first two nights us three spent our time drinking wine and doing coke in ways I didn't even know possible, popping half a xanax and snorting the other half, choking on cigarette smoke and fussing over blunts. It was great. Doing that many drugs wasn't even a worry in my mind considering Pat kinda got me into Xanax, mainly to help with my emotional rollercoasters at the time, and we would do coke whenever offered to us. He would never get mad at me about drugs the way my ex used to, he was down and opened up my mind to experimenting. But its only so long before experimenting turns into something else. I feigned hard. I started doing coke everyday, and popping bars in between foilies. I didn't have any money so i did what i had to to get some sort of income. I would probably have upwards of a thousand dollars if i hadn't spent all my earnings on drugs, but hey thats what drugs do to ya. I was on a binge for almost a month. Turned into a fucking vampire, sleeping all day and waking up around 8 just to go to work and buy a bunch of coke when i got off, to stay up all night until a few hours past sunrise and then pass out to repeat myself again the next night. My life turned into a giant cycle and my days morphed together and i couldn't remember if something happened last night or last week and i forgot what day time looked like. Felt like. I knew i was losing myself. I felt like fucking shit. Every come down i would cry. Literally just sit and stare out into the blank road at 4am watching nothing Letting the tears roll down my face with no real understanding of why they were flowing in the first place. It was in my ugliest of acts that i felt the most beautiful. Sitting on the bathroom floor with the rolled dollar bill in my mouth, fussing over the folded up tin foil, getting its black residue all over my hands and random smears on my face. Light it Suck slow breath deep Hold it in And let it out. Let go No more hate no more stress Just me and my addiction getting along quite well for the time being. I found myself in a nice boys bed who had the same problems as i did for multiple nights. & one night we were about to be done with our third or fourth gram when i started to get anxiety about the lack of coke and then all of the coke i was doing and then how i spent all my money i made that night on coke and then how i really had no money and then how much i hated myself and so on and so forth. I had to get up and leave. I walked outside to my car and felt the mornings sun for the first time in what felt like a lifetime and cried in my car for awhile, trying to call anyone and everyone I trusted enough to understand that I was too yakked for my own good and that i just needed a stable place to stay and sleep for awhile. It was when no one really answered and i knew i had no where to go that i found myself. I understood myself. I forgave myself. The high became my sobriety and i knew nothing could help me anymore. My body was high but my mind was the same It was just me and all i had was myself Raw and bare. For the first time I felt my own solitude I didn't need the love of anyone else, i just wanted to love myself. Its been 3 days since then. And I'm never buying coke again.

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Bruce Lee x Sailor Jupiter

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Natasupernova for Pop Mag

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