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[taishirosmantitties]

Be got this thing in my head (thank you Bo Burnham) that my left and right brain are actually polar opposites that have nothing in common.

—When I’m doing a small task such as a chore, my left brain judged me like I’ve just killed somebody.

—And when I’m sad she’ll tell me I’m a wimp, that I’d lied to her saying I could handle whatever I’m crying about. She’s so strong it’s almost unbearable.

—My right brain? The poor thing can barely stand without defending me in some way. Tired and hazy, she’s so tired and weak.

—Often fighting against each other, I wouldn’t call it my favorite— but I imagine LB standing in a ready position, knees bent slightly, upper arms at her side, forearms raised with her fists clenched, screaming at me from behind my eyes, telling me everything I don’t want to hear, might as well write about it.

“Get up, dumbass! What are you doing?!” The sweat collecting above her forehead wasn’t doing her any good, no matter how much she’d swiped at it already. Ignoring it, the scene continued. Wiping the droplets once more, the blue aura did not leave.

“Your such a fucking wimp, you asked for this. What’s wrong with you?” Surely the words stung, but not as much as the pain in her right hand, trembling slightly with each stabalizing movement.

“Stop it, she’s doing her best.” The red aura came back, on her knees with her hands in her lap. Downward dog eyes trailing towards the screen, the view from their habitats mind. A theatre, they were sitting in a theatre. And she? She was at work, McDonalds was destroying her work ethic.

“Fuck that, she chose to fuck that up.”

“She’s in pain.”

The burn wasn’t anything at all, scolding water if anything. Still doing her job, she really had asked for it. Earlier that day, the blue aura had gone too far. Moving her body along with all the other students, she’d told her to kill herself. Why? Over and over and over, why had she done such a thing?

None of this was helping, unfortunately. No one was doing their selective job and everything was going downhill. But she kept a bright smile, uplifting those around her no matter how much she wanted to just quit and leave. Seeing the auras as clear as day, she listened.

“I told you it was necessary. What else has she got to be alive for? All she’s doing is making us suffer. Selfish whore!” Kicking the seat in front of her, the red aura reared up. She may be tired, but god dammit she was going to do her job.

“Your the one who makes her feel that way! You idiot, your her rhyme and reason!” Swiping furiously as the tears fell, the blue aura shoved her back, bearing the teeth that bit so badly at the will their poor girl held.

“Rhyme and reason! Your so uselessly stupid. Rhyme and reason?!” Her voice got louder, angrier, even if the red aura was inc barge of emotion. Things were just going too far.

“You are supposed to be making her happy, not making us suffer— this is all your fault! Motherfucker wants to kill herself and it’s your fault—“

“No! No! You influenced her! You—“

She’s burned herself again, her head swarming purple, holding her hand so close to her chest that somebody cared enough to ask if she was ok.

“Fuck you! She wants this. She wants us to die—“

“You are killing us! You are killing us, do you understand? Stop it! You’re killing her! If she follows through with what you want or don’t want, then we will both cease to exist, don’t you understand?! She’s going to kill her self and—“

“Dont UOU dare put this on me. We’re a team—“

“Act like it! Ask for some goddamn feedback.”

Silence in the theatre, auras separating. Even if the girl had had a bad day, they wouldn’t stop fighting. Crying to herself, leaving work was a hassle. Crying even more when she’d gotten home, everything got a little better, even if it was only her mind deciding to take care of itself.

Does anyone else think this way?...

[taishirosmantitties]

Not This Time.

Kageyama x reader

A little angst, pop switches sometimes cause I made this within fifteen minutes of thinking about it- Annnnnnnddddddddd Yeah, enjoy.

It’s almost inevitable, you are never going to jump as high as Hinata. You’re never going to hit the ball over the net half as hard as Asahi. You’ll never reach the ball right before it’s aimed at the ground like Nishinoya. You’re never going to set at all, no one has taken the time to teach you. But this time, in this game against Aoba Josai... You knew by the time you arrived to play that this game would be different. In a good way? You’d finally be off the bench. But of course that was only because Hinata got sick for the first half of the game. That’s fine, he’s allowed to feel nervous. But you? No, the bad part was that you had to take his decoy position. 

Daichi of course, being the captain as he is, he tries his best with what little time he has between classes and such. Sugawara himself told you that hey, it’s gonna be alright. It isn’t, because today Kageyama is not going to hold back from you. You don’t even know how to play as a decoy. 

“Alright, line up. Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t mess this up.”

Kind words from a harsh man. Nishinoya stands beside you, sending reassuring glances with sweat already collecting on his forehead. As much as he partnered with the Ace of the team, he wanted you and everyone else to rely on him too. It spreads some sort of hope when the team trusts each other and delivers. But today... Nishinoya stopped his advances when Daichi shook his head. It wasn’t his idea to put Y/N in as the decoy, but with them being the same speed at least, they’ll make a difference. At last you get to play though, right? At least you get to trip some people, although you aren’t believable.

“Y/N. I’m serious.”

Kageyama closes in to the end line, everyone else taking their positions. You want to take your position, his hand on your shoulder doesn’t let you. Unfortunately, this man has an effect on you. In reality, he isn’t going to go easy on you, but you already knew that.

“If we lose today... I want you to know that I don’t think it’s worth the trouble of-”

“Just give me a chance, what is so wrong with playing with me? It’s your fault if I don’t hit your sets, and it’s your fault alone that you haven’t bothered to practice with me. So suck it up and let’s go.”

“Expect a serve from me.”

“Expect me to miss you fu-”

The whistle. Y/N bends their legs slightly, clasping their clammy hands together in an act of hope, if not courage. They don’t want to lose, they don’t want to fail the team. They don’t want to be benched. But it’s only a matter of time before Hinata comes back, the star player. 

“Thank you!”

“Let’s go! You good Y/N?”

Looking at the shorty now, Nishinoya gave them a sideways glance, a reassuring smile that screamed ‘rely on me’. They will, they will. Of course you’d watched them when they wouldn’t teach you, you knew what to do but you just aren’t fast enough. Aren’t tall enough. Giving him a thumbs up, the ball is in the air. Move, dammit! Move! 

‘Oh god. It’s in the air, stop stop stop I’m not ready! Dammit Hinata come on!’

It was aimed straight at you. With a loud yelp, it’s inertia changes, your face bouncing back and giving almost ten percent whiplash. Some cheers, a couple hollers, your back bounces on the floor twice before coming to a stop. Who the hell hits that hard?

“Y/N! Y/N Are you alright?!”

You sit up anyways, you can’t breathe through your nose- why can’t you breathe through your-

“they’re nose is gushing dude-”

“shut up!”

Of course. It’s bleeding. You raise your hand, and you push them away. You weren’t fragile, you just took a volleyball to the face and your vision isn’t even blurry. Taking Nishinoya’s hand instead of Kageyama’s, you did not miss the nasty look he sent your way. But hey, while all of that was happening, Asahi was keeping the ball in the air. Good for you. Play is still on.

“Set it to m-” Your voice stops, you were ready but... The ball was already hopping off of the setters hands, but it wasn’t sailing towards you. It was supposed to go towards you, everyone was running towards Asahi. Right, but that isn’t how this play was supposed to go, it’s not-

It was wrong. He chose wrong, Daichi knew. His face dropped and he clasped a hand over his mouth. That set, it could cost them the game. Nishinoya fumed, and Sugawara was ready to interfere.

The ball did not make it past the other teams blockers. And Kageyama wasn’t looking at you. He was looking at the other team, feeding their cocky attitudes.

“That ball was supposed to go to me.” 

Finally, you speak. But he doesn’t listen, walking back to his position and readying himself with his nimble arms. You try again, walking towards him.

“Kageya-”

He turns towards you, eyes half lidded with- was it anger or disappointment?

“You couldn’t have hit my set even if you tried.”

Is that really what hurt the most? Or was it that the rest of the game, not once did you touch the ball after you took it to the face...? When hinata finally joined back in, he replaced you. You were benched next to Sugawara, who placed his hand on your sunken shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he had to say. It didn’t matter if the king of the court was your boyfriend, he would rather play volleyball than spend your birthday with you. Of course it wasn’t for another month, but still...

“I’m going home.”

“W-what? The games not over- it’s just-”

“Did you not see what just happened? I can’t play on a team that doesn’t want to work with me.”

He didn’t say another word, he couldn’t explain how much he wanted her there int he first place. being as second year student, Nishinoya and Daichi both made it their prime goal to make her a specialist. But with Kageyama’s attitude with her exploiting their plans, he had to let her leave. And so, Y/N went straight home and turned their phone off to binge watch some Netflix to feel better about Kageyama not trusting her with the ball. 

“That was a dick move, Kageyama!” Nishinoya stormed towards the king, shoveling him backwards with his little self. Caught off guard, Tobio pushes him back, grinding his teeth in frustration.

“First of all, they wouldn’t have hit it! Not Like Hinata could’ve-” He’s shoved again, this time by his captain. Daichi doesn’t utter a word, a look of disappointment on his face. Kageyama had seen it the first day of practice when him and Hinata had tried to join the club but... It was different.

“S-Second of all I-”

“Stop, dude. they left cause of you, they could’ve resigned in the time it took for you to realize that. Idiot...”

His eyes dart all around to look for you, but Tanaka was right. you were no where to be seen. So he left too, he went home and he called you  precisely twice before appearing on their doorstep to apologize. Knocking on the door in a rhythmic pattern, you heard it with deaf ears. Opening the door ajar, he quietly snuck his foot inbetweent eh door and the wall in case you slammed it shut on him.

“Get out of here.”

“just let me talk, ok?”

reluctantly, you didn’t move a muscle, eyes red and puffy and your bottom lip trembling. He didn’t make much time for you, and this is the first time in months that he’d actually set out to find you himself. IT was nice, the attention was nice. 

“I just... I trust you. I do, I promise. But you wouldn’t have made that play.”

“Seriously? You trust me but you don’t want to let me touch the ball? What, do I have bad luck or something? Jesus, Tobio.”

“No! No. I’m sorry ok?! Obviously that play was to go to you and I made the mistake of not trusting you. You looked os ready for it, I saw the same look on hinata’s face and he missed it to. I was worried, dammit.”

He clamped his eyes shut, fists balled and his shoulders raised. 

“I didn’t want to embarrass you, I know you hate that. And I know that if you would’ve made it... It would’ve gone to your head, you know most things do.”

The truth. It almost stung. You open the door a few more inches, and he lets himself breath.

“Forgive me, Y/N. I’m sorry, can I come in? I wanna make it up to you.”

“I... I’ll think about it. Let’s... Let’s watch a movie. I just want to relax.”

“What ever you want, I got it. Thank you.”

“Shut up. I’m still angry at you.”