takeawaysven-blog - Tumblr blog

[takeawaysven-blog]

oh thank you! I want to know twitter ones as well if it's not too much of a hassle;;;;

kureiiya , maankvii_ , _una_kv, nonconman, wavyfoxtrot, renoruu, ttaechim_, uta_kp

you should check who they follow for more afhnk 

[takeawaysven-blog]

and i’m not even drunk yet. fortunately the post can be deleted rather than words that were said.

i want to shout to your face this so badly. to confess to you and myself in everything finally. to yell it, to spit it out to your face so you can do whatever you want to do with it. i’d been choking on your tenderness for three years. i’d been protecting everything you had as i could. i wasn’t holy, not an angel. i’d like to shout to you that yeah goddammit i was in love with you. i was in love with you and at the same time i was rotting in my depressions , with my healing, whipped hands and neck. i was choking on my pride and i was sure it was a safe oxygen deprivation. i was in love with you and drowning in all my shit, was noticing nothing like there was nobody around me. all cigarettes were being bused into my lunges so you could breathe with a fresh air. i went completely blind and the whole world was turned into the same black and white canvas by me. and all my colors were bused into you by me and as my music, all my worlds were spilled in front of you by me, so you got the keys for each of them and also my permission to enter no matter in what condition you could be. i was so proud so when you were reaching out to me i was beating your hands with a big pleasure. but later i was twisted under the knives which were whipping on me so i could get something like a reparation for you. what a nonsense, you agree? what an absurd... i’d like to shout to your face that i was loving you when you were yelling at me, when you were taking it all out on me. when you were striking me with all your million knife hits onto my ill spots. when you were hitting me and feeling no compassion. when you were laughing at me and feeling no compassion. i was loving you being weak and pathetic at three am, when you were making through your another one anxiety attack. i was loving you when you were blaming me in something that was absolutely far away from me. i was loving you being so tender and delicate in a dark apartment under a blanket you were so hot and opened. was loving you being silent knowing your answer would solve everything for me. was loving you when you were saying you’d learned a lot from me. was loving you when you were trying to say delicately that i was wrong. was loving you when i knew you were mixed up with people just because you were always trying to see something good in people but you used to get fucked up with it often. was loving you when you’d been composing and i was getting shocked and was asking who these all were written about and you told it was about me. was loving you when:

- love, listen...

and when:

- shut the fuck up and get the fuck off!

was loving when:

- you’re not getting a single damn thing

was loving you when:

- will you fuck me off if i also get useless?

and when:

- you ‘re just using people. have you already got the use out of me too?

no. no. i had not used you. you are the completely different swiping move of mine because i had no idea who i could get used to get next to you and when i got, i just dropped them all down and got you wrapped around with my hands. monster. i was loving you when you were telling you loved me. was loving you when you were commanding me to appear in front of your door right now. yes, i was loving you and telling with a big joy i din’t want to and you had to deal with it on your own. i was vulnerable and trying not to get wounded. that’s why i was hitting first. i was in love with you but telling i didn’t care about your suicide attempts. i was saying it and pressing you stronger. i was squeezing your shoulders and ribs. was loving you while you were hissing in pain but i didn’t let go off  of you cause that was a first time i finally let my feelings out for a really long time. was loving you when you were making fun of my flaws, and when you were looking at me with adoration. was loving you when realized that you could had waited for me at that place even longer. was in love with you when:

- i miss you

- hmm

and when:

- i had no idea what could i do, what would i be able to do without you

i was loving you and i answered:

- oh but i was okay instead hah

so loathsomely. so proud. i am disgusting. i let myself get wounded though. i loved you back then in a cold hall when i was texting you it was too late. i was loving you when i was telling you how i fucking done with you and that i was planning on cutting you out and i fucking meant it. i was in love with you when you were reaching out for me and walking behind suffocating dying out but i was listening to your breath and wishing you to stumble cause then i would come over immediately and would give for you everything that was matter. but. the thing was that there was nothing to give, you know? there was nothing. all your verities i used to take instead of postulates. i was swearing myself that i would not narrow my world to just our and i did it though. god i was so into you back that night when i was looking at your windows in your apartment and literally physically felt your acid that used to blow up and smudged glasses from the inner side. i felt your anger evaporating and rising to the ceiling. i saw how everything was in dust and your surprised face like where did this all come from and why there was no fresh air to breathe. i was loving you when i heard steps at night in the house and your hands on my hips and your concerned eyes and then:

- listen, i remember about you. we are coming home.

i was in love with you when you were asking me to stick with my finger to show you things which were in need to change or fix about you, but i answered with pleasure i didn’t fucking need you the same or with changes neither. ah for the heaven’s sake you saw me was insane, didn’t you? why you didn’t puss me to get me understand who i was talking with... and you were just shouting at me and then stroking on the head. shouting and then taking care, healing me. you were looking through me and then knelt and kept silent in the center of the room, asking me to close the door. i. was. loving. you.

and now i feel only anger and aggression. i’m sitting next to you and i’m boiling, i’m ready to explode. i’m not controlling my face though nobody can read anything in it if i don’t allow. i’m sitting next to you and going extremely mad cause the whole my body’s got numb. i’m sitting next to you and wishing to fucking broke the car, to explode the ground around you and look! look at me! here i am - a monster. i love nobody, i have no values, i don’t remember what does the sincerity mean, i don’t remember what does being opened mean. i don’t remember how is that to think about the other person not because of need but because of your will. cause you do it not even thinking, it is subconsciously. here i am in front of you. i’m evil and lonely, selfish and hypocritical, i’m cold and acid, aggressive and spiteful. i can build a bridge to you immediately and leave this all behind, you know? i can leave this all behind, just throw it all in dust and forget, cause if you will look at me like you used to do, all these thing are going just to be burnt, you understand? tell me you are not afraid, tell me you trust me, tell me you know how much i love you. and if you do i’ll just bring you back  from that Golgotha and you won’t need to carry all my dirt anymore.

lord, let’s be honest, i’ve learned the lesson, so please let him stop being so incisive and make him respond me.

* * *

the point is i’m thinking about all of this trying like really trying to learn how to let go off of people we love the most. i was told this once and i respect a person who said that. and despite that i can still feel something and i’m trying to get over this.

[takeawaysven-blog]

when you’ve to protect the youngest from the oldest hyung

[takeawaysven-blog]

taekook x “ON”ver.

[takeawaysven-blog]

swinging around together

[takeawaysven-blog]

Simple aesthetic Jungkook lockscreens ✨

© to rightful owners

[takeawaysven-blog]

New favourite thing.. This is so cute 🙊

[takeawaysven-blog]

я осознал, что это человек, с которым мне более всего комфортно.

и его нет рядом.

я долбаеб

[takeawaysven-blog]

когда твой учебный год не заканчивается даже летом, то есть предстоит писать работу, а потом защищаться, ходить на кучу курсов и еще и найти деньги на это, и тебе говорят что ты работаешь мало... у меня просто опускаются руки. 

[takeawaysven-blog]

итак, меня хватило на один, два, три... 5 месяцев

а я готов был поклясться, что не стану по тебе скучать

[takeawaysven-blog]

мне так нравилось видеть тебя уверенным и полным идей. ты был куда-то устремлен, пусть даже это вело в никуда... не знаю как еще это сформулировать

и не сразу, но я был вдохновлен, в каком-то смысле ты источник моего роста. конечно, может быть я больше надумал или(?) но я тоже хотел к чему-то стремиться. мне казалось, что ты несешься с такой скоростью и мне никогда даже не приблизиться. 

я никогда не осознавал как много ты можешь делать, если человек тебе важен в силу каких-либо причин. но оказывается это также может оборачиваться против тебя.

а я стал таким черствым. перестал во что бы то не было верить. и если раньше то все было напускное, какой-то нелепый пафос, то сейчас я на самом деле действую исходя из этого. и иногда это пугает. я перестал видеть подлинное и чтобы не ошибиться сам превращаюсь в нечто мраморное. понимаешь? когда ты сознательно на это идешь и тебе кажется это абсолютно нормальным, каким-то постулатом. и я больше ничего ни не вижу. 

а хотел бы

сплин - линия жизни

[takeawaysven-blog]

у меня такое ощущение будто в этом мире мне доступны лишь материальные блага

[takeawaysven-blog]

BEY AND BRUNO MAKING THIS THEIR SHOW!!!!!

[takeawaysven-blog]

[takeawaysven-blog]

кровь сдают с 8 до 9. мои уроки начинаются в 10. мммприкольно. так, я оказался в шк за час до начала моих уроков. 

эта девушка такая болтливая. и думаю, если бы я провел с ней больше времени, я бы окосел. но мне было минут 20 РЕАЛЬНО НОРМАЛЬНО  слушать обычный треп. у меня такое не часто. она болтала не о чем все 40 минут. возможно, есть люди, которые так себя веут с малознакомыми людьми, или они действительно всегда и везде говорят так много. она сидит передо мной такая естественно милая и рассказывает о том, что вызвало у нее эмоции и запомнилось. ничего интересного: абсолютно бытовые вещи, которые знакомы всем. но я действительно наслаждался моментом, что вот я сижу с ней и больше никого нет, она чувствует себя свободно, а я получаю то, что мне необходимо. когда я загоняюсь или устаю настолько, что готов идти смотреть Дашку по никелодеону, мне бы подошло и нечто подобное. я бы ��росто положил голову кому-то на колени или бы сел напротив и слушал бы о таких простых вещах. она выглядела такой ласковой и простой, ничего не пытаясь сделать из себя, притягивает своей естественностью и искренностью и  я чувствую себя спокойно и легко. как будто все так просто, как будто в конце мы все равно придем спокойствию и радости мелочам. 

конечно, когда прошло в таком духе 20-25 минут, мне стало надоедать. мне захотелось, чтобы она заговорила о чем-то более существенном и чем-то менее простом, но чтобы говорила по-прежнему она. я сталкивался с такими девушками, ну мб, раза 4 всего. и это моя слабость в каком-то смысле. многие скажут, что надоедливые, скучные, и я, пожалуй, соглашусь. но если бы кто-то сочетал в себе в меру серьезности и легкости, и это бы было моим, я был бы счастлив

[takeawaysven-blog]

настроение: Фрэнк Айеро 

[takeawaysven-blog]

У меня еще есть время, я знаю. Но есть остается все меньше, ведь если принимать решение и разворачиваться в сторону цели, то все это нужно делать уже сейчас. Ну. Скоро. Я считаю, что человек должен быть к чему-то привязан - к семье, друзьям, к работе. Да к чему угодно. У меня ничего нет. И я не знаю с чего я взял что мне нужно не просто поменять город, а поменять страну... но мне бы хотелось создать что-то свое там, дальше. Я что-то не понимаю, не вижу. Мне бы хотелось за что-то держаться. И мне хочется кричать или слушать что-то настолько громко, чтобы оно перекрывала хотя бы мысль о том, что так будет и дальше. Это совсем не то. Все должно быть иначе