takingeachday-blog

[takingeachday-blog]

[takingeachday-blog]

I didn't come this far to only come this far

Hi, If you are reading my blog its best I start with a little bit about me. I was going to say about my journey and then I stopped myself... Oops there it is. So I’m 33 and have suffered with my mental health for many years. Sometimes the episode has been for years, sometimes months, sometimes it passed and sometimes it came back. I’ve taken medication, I haven’t. I have seen therapists and now I have seen a psychiatrist. And here I am talking about my story. Anyone that has struggled with mental health will know that it is not an easy subject. I work full time as a dental nurse, have a nice home, a cat, Jasper and a fiance my lovely Stuart. From the outside it all looks pretty sunny. I have a good sense of humour in life, laughter with others lights up my soul. But I really struggle every single day, Inside its not pretty. It is dark. There is dark cloud over me and I’m fighting every minute. If you are struggling too then I really send you my love. 

I’d like to tell you about my family. It’s not an easy subject. I have a mum, a step mum and my dad. A non biological sister and brother from my Step mum. My biological father and step mum brought me up. At this moment in time my biological mother wont talk to me she has been a part of my life from the age of 11 but hasn't spoken to me for over 3 years. My father is a narcissist and cares nothing but about himself. The step side of my family are the most stable but yet I feel this deep sadness and distance around them. I know we all read this shite that its not about you ... its there stuff. but it all still hurts. I feel alone and like I don’t have a family to turn to. This is a very large battle of its own. I don’t know for sure but this is where I feel my struggles stem from. I had moved 17 times at the age of sweet sixteen. My school life was difficult. Being the new girl so many times and bullied. No stable friends. No stable home. A step mum and father that searched for happiness. My father I still feel doesn't know how to love and care for another. 

So here I am. Today I have been to the Dr.. I now need Vitamin B12 injections. I am reducing my Venlafaxine dose due to low sodium relating to this drug. Carry on with Iron tablets. Its silly as I write this now and it doesn't  sound so bad  but it feels like it never ends. Another problem. Another ailment. More Drs appointments. More side effects. Less sleep. More Worries. But Ill carry on fighting.