talira-ffxiv

[talira-ffxiv]

Day 1

I suppose now is as good a time as any to properly start keeping a log.

My name is Tali’ra. And for a number of reasons, I’ve decided to take initiative to travel to Othard for the purpose of a learning and research expedition.

With that professional sounding statement out of the way, I’d like write here and now that this journal will be done entirely for the purpose of my own personal experience and observations. While I will be writing down detailed notes of my findings, I would like to make sure my own personal mental and emotional well being be properly expressed in some manner. For the most part, I will be keeping everything like I write now, however in the event someone DOES manage to read this journal, I will be using a short hand system of writing. In part due to the protection of others in regards to sensitive information but... for my own self as well.

I’m well aware of the fact that I still have an intense level of hesitancy in how much I’m willing to speak with others. Even now I still feel fear in the thought of returning to my tribe, as much as I would like to see my mother and my sisters.

And months later, the night at the Castrum still haunt me. I’ve been hesitant to utalize much of my skills in arcanima, in fear of losing a sense of control... or rather, letting fear get the better of sensibility.

I understand my line of work doesn’t allow me the luxury of a pacifist nature, but... there’s a fine line between pacifying beasts or banishing void compared to forcing the life out of someone... and hearing the scream that comes with it.

...

With that in mind, I’ve thrown myself more into the study started by the Scholars of Nym. Their tactical mind for both offense and defense has given me a better sense of balance as well as better finding how to use arcanima to aid those whove been afflicted by harm... still, it’s more a distraction than anything else at this point, and I need to find something to put my mind more at ease.

The only thing I feel any really regret or sadness in is in leaving A’vett behind. Though he says he’s okay with it and understands, I know it’s disappointing. Especially considering.

Well.

With all that said, this journal is for myself. For me to be open with my own thoughts and feelings as I travel and do my work, and in some regard, I hope this will make me a better person. Or at the very least, start to become a better person.