talkingtothetallman

[talkingtothetallman]

The Jury Definitely Isn't Out

If there is one thing that seems to met with a universal dread, it has to be jury duty. It seems like everyone tries to weasel out of it, even those who have never had the experience of being one the 12 picked to decide the fate of the defendant: guilty, or not guilty? And until this past week, I too had never had that experience. But I sure have now, and I can confidently say that I thoroughly enjoyed this civic duty.

I got to the courthouse just before 8am on Thursday. The early sunshine was already warming the up the air from the chilly April night, and the weather promised a high in the low 70s. As I walked up towards the locked front doors, a swarm of people were already there waiting, all likely for the same thing. After just a few moments of waiting, some officers opened up the doors, and line quickly formed for each soul to go through a metal detector and get to where we needed to go: the second floor.

Soon I was upstairs and checked in, pink card labeled "28" in hand. That was my name for the time: "Juror 28." I sat down on light-wood bench and began to piece through my crossword puzzle that I brought to pass the time. I knew it was better than using my phone, though admittedly I did look at my phone as well. Soon we were all in a line by juror number. When Juror 27 slid in line in front of me, I realized I recognized her - an old friend I hadn't seen in 15-20 years! We chatted for a few minutes and then fell silent as we took our seats inside the dimly lit courtroom.

The wall was covered in a deep, reddish wood paneling, though the styling had a timeless look to it, unlike the paneling of the 70s. The room was shaped somewhat like a classic skeleton key lock; straight on one end and bulbous on the other end. The judge (who I later learned was named Tad) sat in the back right corner. The room was quiet, somber in a sense. The prosecution proceeded ask us all questions: do you know any Kelso police officers? Do you look at the defendant and assume he's guilty? Are you okay with judging somebody? And I have to say, it's interesting to hear everyone's side of how they feel about topics. "I don't trust cops." "My sister had a case just like this so I'm not unbiased." "I trust cops more than anybody." "I can't presume he's innocent."

All walks of life, truly a jury among your peers. After the prosecution went through their questions, the defense did the same. Slowly but surely I started to weed out in my head who wanted to be there and who didn't. Personally, I was low-key looking forward to getting picked. I wouldn't have been upset if I hadn't, but I secretly wanted to be a juror on the case.

After going back out for 30 minutes or so, we all pooled back into the courtroom to see how the counsel of both sides picked. To my delight, I was picked! Soon all 13 (one was a backup in case of an issue) of us were sitting in our seats awaiting the case to begin. Each of us were handed blank yellow lined notepads with numbers on them, mine looking like a crisp "10." No more 28, now 10.

And the notepad was definitely used! As I listened to each witness slowly respond to the inquiries of both the prosecution and defense, I scribbled away. I didn't want to forget anything, because I didn't know if I'd need it later. It was interesting hearing how both sides try to frame their cases, both during the questioning of the witnesses and in their closing statements. Both appealed to emotions; the prosecution to the alleged offended, and the defense to the alleged offender.

After two short days (really only 3-4 hours across both the days), we the jury sat in our small room that our bailiff Mark led us to. Mark was a cool guy. Bigger man, small scruff of a white goatee, and balding with sun spots all over his head, he wore a nice smile and was extremely friendly to each of us. He gave us our packets, each with the law, and he specifically gave me the original copy since I was the presiding juror. It was my signature going on our verdict.

After an hour or so of deliberations, I grabbed Bailiff Mark and told him we were ready with our verdict. And since there we two charges to go over, it did take some going back and forth with each other. Our main hangup was getting to the bottom of actual intent vs. not knowingly intending (emphasis on what knowing actually means). To some degree, it did feel like were in the classic 1957 film, "12 Angry Men." Fascinating is the differences in how we view life and how it affects our understanding of the case! Eventually though, the verdict was reached; guilty on both charges.

As each of us jurors affirmed our "guilty" charge when asked, I couldn't help but look over at the defendant and feel sorry him. Just because he did something wrong didn't mean I wanted him to suffer; in fact, quite the opposite! I prayed that he would accept Christ and live for him, which truly is the greatest thing.

And as I reflect back on this, I can't help but think about if I was in his shoes. I can see it. I'm sitting at the table, the judge before me and the jury next to him. Except this judge isn't wearing black, instead he is clothed in the most brilliant white. I look at him, dreading what I know will happen and truly what should happen; charged guilty for crimes against the law He he HAS to uphold. I put my head in my hands as each person of the jury affirms their findings about me; guilty beyond a shred of doubt. My heart pounds loudly in my ears as I await my sentencing with the pounding of the gavel. But then, nothing. The judge clears his throat and says, "Jack, it appears somebody has come forward to take your place. You are hereby acquitted of the charges." I swallow a lump in my throat unsure what to do. All I could do was weakly whisper. "Who?"

The judge peered down to me, looking like the all powerful man he certainly was. He smiled at me, tears in his eyes and said, "I did. I paid for your guilt and sin so that you wouldn't be sentenced." I stammer in amazement, my eyes mimicking his tears. I took the back of my hand and wiped them away. "But why? You didn't do anything wrong?

"I know I didn't." He warmly looked at my face and grabbed my shoulders. "And I did it because I love you, infinitely so."

How providential that right now, nearly 2000 years ago, our savior was in the grave, and that tomorrow we can say, "He is risen!" In fact, for all eternity we can say as the angel told Mary Magdelene in Matthew 28:6, "He is not here; he has risen, just as he said."

He is risen!!!!!!!!!!! With tears in my eyes I say again, He is risen!!!! Thank you Jesus for buying my pardon on the old rugged cross so that I can be with you.

"Fly to Jesus Fly to Jesus Fly to Jesus and live" - Chris Rice

[talkingtothetallman]

A lot of positives (with a few negatives along the way)

Well by golly, I did it! 365 days (well nearly... I'll get there later) of photos on my Sony a7iii, each day attempting to create an image that has some semblance of professionalism and artistry, in a twofold effort to create some beautiful pictures and give myself a reason to use my camera!

To say it was a big task to accomplish is both completely true, but also somehow and oxymoronically, false! I guess it's like what people say a dream job is... it's work, but in a fun and rewarding way.

But work is a four-letter word they say, so it's important to state that there were days aplenty that I did NOT want to take a photo, not because I no longer enjoyed photography or something, but because I didn't feel inspired. I think that's where I struggled the most this year... feeling truly inspired to go out and take a beautiful photo every day. The world that surrounds you daily can seem to be void of personality and charm, all the beauty that was once seemingly at every corner now gone with the normalcy of reality. Couple all that with a small world while on paternity leave during the winter months and it starts to become monotonous. Going back to work in mid-February was good for seeing different landscapes, but it still wasn't ideal for photography with the rainy climate of the Pacific Northwest in the winter.

Which is why I bought a small camera case for my lunchbox to take with me on route! Truly a game-changing moment! No longer did I have to wait until I got home to take a picture for the day or try to use my phone to get something of lesser quality. After all, if I wanted to come away with a lot of keepers this year, I was going to need to all the help I could get! And henceforth, the quest continued!

But with all that background now out of the way, let's talk about some of the things I learned.

I shoot vertical... a lot! I did the math, and I chose to shoot vertical around 25% more than landscape orientation. Pretty wild! My main speculation for this is because so much of the content we ravenously consume on our phones is centered around vertical images and video, due to how we hold them. I think it's a subconscious "rewiring" of the brain that makes portrait orientation photos/videos seem more normal or even preferred. But to defend it for a second, sometimes that just looks best for the subject! No shame in admitting it here ;)

2. My defacto subject when I don't know what shoot is... flowers. It seems like at least once or twice a week I wouldn't find anything interesting to capture, so I'd default to taking a picture of a flower. Not a bad thing because flowers are certainly beautiful, but since I've never fancied myself a flower guy it's a interesting observation that has yielded some good shots of those little colorful petals!

3. Slowing down for me is tough. My entire working career I've been with UPS, a company and industry known for working quickly. Add to that that I've always had a tendency to do things fast (speed cubing, sport stacking, talking fast, etc.) and the result is a lack of slowing down, even if for a minute or two, to take a photo. I probably missed some good shots this past year because I was in too much of a hurry to stop and smell the roses. I definitely want to be better about that this year!

4. Vintage lenses are fun! If you remember my last post, I talked about the fun and magic that come with vintage glass from yesteryear. It was fun to delve into researching them this year and getting to produce some stunning images with them! Not to mention, it's probably for the best that I brush up on my manual focusing skills! One of the best things about vintage lenses is that they are relatively affordable and can still hold up stupendously well despite some of them being over half a century old. But I'm taking a break from buying them for the next few months; it's definitely a great way to spend a lot of money without realizing it!

5. Didn't do a ton of astrophotography this year, but really want to in 2025! Part of what I wanted to do this year is shoot some more Milky Way photos this year, but alas I never made the time for it. It's definitely a commitment in the planning and shooting and editing departments, but it's also incredibly rewarding to look at the final shot! But even though I didn't capture any stunning Milky Way photos, I was able to get some of the aurora borealis! Thanks to my honeybee for dragging out the kids to go with me on a work night!

6. Tried some new things this year, namely shooting on 35mm film for the first time! Crazy how it sounds, but it's actually very rewarding not being instantly shown what you just photographed. My first was a some Kodak Portra 400, but I got some Fuji 400 for Christmas that I'm excited to shoot with and see the results! Definitely a neat experience that I was glad to take part in! What's old is new again, as the saying goes!

7. One thing that this challenge also contained was discipline. It's hard to commit to something, especially when you don't feel like doing it every day. But I'm pleased to say that I did use my Sony every day this past year, with the exception of the few days that I used my phone (which I did account for at the beginning the year) and one random day. It was 10:30 at night, the lights were off in the bedroom and all of sudden I realized, "I didn't take a picture today!" But since we were already in bed, I didn't get up and take a pic... consider it a cheat day ;)

I guess that about wraps it up! If you expected this blog post to go in-depth into incredulous stories that belong around the smoky campfire, filled with unbelievable twists and turns that cause you to sit there with your mouth gaping open like a toddler... yeah I got nothing for you. To my recollection there aren't any stories to tell, and that's okay; life isn't always the premise of a major motion picture that you see on the silver screen. Not every day has that, because often times it's truly a grind of normalcy and routine. I guess that's what I truly learned out of this whole deal: life isn't always exciting or flashy, and that's perfectly okay. It's good to slow down, take a deep breath and fill your lungs with the air that surrounds you, because it's another moment the Lord has let you live! How often do we forget each day, each hour, each minute... that those are truly gifts of God! I blogged several months ago about reflecting on the little things; that's kinda the crux of the matter. Reflecting on the small blessings in life and thanking the Lord for them. One way I want to better in 2025 is to complain less. Being in a mindset of thankfulness is the way to do that.

2025 is a big year for me in a lot of ways... turning 25, hitting top scale as a driver, five year anniversary. Lots of milestones and so much to be thankful for! This year, may the Lord help me to be thankful for all the moments no matter what the situation, to put the past in the rearview, and to be sold out for Him in all that I do!

Oh, and take some pretty dope pics.. yeah that would be pretty sweet too.

[talkingtothetallman]

Swirls, adapters, film, and other stuff

Hi-ho! It's been awhile. Life has been busy to say the least! Christmas is here in the cold whirlwind that is December, and with it the icy windshields, low-hanging frigid mist, and the blasting of both the car heater and Christmas songs. But enough about what's been happening in life, let's talk about my newest hobby.

Vintage Lenses. Oh yeah, the good stuff.

Years ago in July of 2019, I purchased a Canon FD 50mm f/1.8 from a swap meet for $10-15. I looked up what it would take to use on my Sony a7iii, and turns out it was a little metal adapter that cost about the same. Pretty simple!

So that's where it started! I didn't really pursue anything else beyond it since, after all, they didn't have autofocus and weren't as convenient (or sharp) as modern glass. Just a fun little exploration into using old tech on the new stuff!

But a few months later, I watched a video about an infamous Russian lens, the Helios 44-2. Based on the Carl Zeiss Biotar lens design that they stole from the Germans during WWII, the Russians began pumping out their own version of the Biotar, the Helios 44 series, with the most recognizable one of the line being the aforementioned 44-2. Its signature? Producing a swirly effect to the bokeh (out of focus part of the image). And so being curious, I picked one up for under $50. And that swirl effect... yeah, it's pretty cool!

But still again, I didn't really pursue anything else beyond it. They were cool, no doubt about it, just not something that totally piqued my interest.

Flash forward nearly five years later, and it's safe to say that my interest has be piqued! I now have acquired eight lenses to my collection, and yes I most am certainly shopping of more, how nice you to ask!

Okay, so I know it’s not a lot at the moment. But that’s okay, because at the end of the day, they are just buckets of fun. Cliché as it may sound if you are a photographer like me, but having a more tactile experience while doing photography is really cool and rewarding. It isn't better, and it isn't somehow an elitist claim per say, but it’s still indeed pretty rad and adds an extra element to your photography, causing (or enabling, depending on how you want to look at it) you to slow down and take more time to make your images.

Speaking of taking more time, let's talk about good ol' 35mm film. For awhile now, I've had a hankering to at least try shooting a roll of film. It isn't a thing that a lot of my generation has experience with as digicams, point-and-shoots, and now smartphones, have been the photography experience for 95% of people my age. Nonetheless, film photography had this sense of mystery behind it, keeping your photos tucked away from you, often times for weeks, without you knowing how perfect that shot actually looks.... or more likely how you actually messed up and will be kicking yourself over it for the next few weeks! So naturally, when I had the opportunity to purchase a Minolta SRT-201 and a few lenses for $30 from a local on OfferUp, I went out and bought my first roll of film; some Kodak Portra 400, regarded by film enthusiasts as one of the great film stocks for about every kind of photography.

The next few weeks consisted of me filling up that roll and sending it off to Gelatin Labs in New Jersey to get developed and scanned into TIFFs for any further editing on my part. Not gonna lie, I was nervous for how they were going to turn out, especially since I was exposing the film based on a light meter app from iPhone (the one on the camera isn't functioning at the moment; would like to get it fixed). But they turned out beautiful! Aaaaaaand now I want to shoot more film lol

But yeah, this year has been a journey in terms of my photography career/passion! A lot of highlights (no pun intended) that I'm excited to reflect on as the weeks wind down in this year. My photo-a-day-lets-me-use-my-camera-okay?! challenge is going strong, and I've only missed a few days total this year. I'm looking forward to pouring over those photos, sharing them with you, and taking what learned this year into next year!

[talkingtothetallman]

"It's the little things"

I'm sitting here on our small, paint-stripped deck. The sun has begun its descent towards the horizon line that only those towards the sandy coast can see. Today was a warm 72º, a continual surprise as October pushes closer to going over the hump that is halfway. It's nice to sit here and listen to the noises. It's just birds happily chirping in the distance, a slight breeze slowly rocking back and forth the needles and cones in the big fir tree planted deep in the backyard, the far off clanging of the railroad crossing indicating the presence of a roaring locomotive that bears down on the crossing mere moments later. I sigh now and can only say, "It's the little things."

Here pretty quick the plan is the grab the barbecue from the seemingly always cluttered garage and plop it on our porch table, and for one last time before the crummy weather hits, throw some patties on the grill and let the mouth-watering smell permeate the air. It makes me hungry just thinking about it. Again, it's the little things.

I'm on vacation this week for the first time in a few months. I'm excited to take my hot wife of nearly four years on a day trip to the beach and spend some quality time together at the enchanting ocean. Just me and her, our small world at our fingertips to enjoy! Maybe I'll get some nice photos of the ocean towns or pretty sights we see, heck maybe our food we inevitably eat. Again, it's the little things.

I guess I'm at peace now at this very moment. I'm so thankful for the life the Lord Jesus has blessed me with. He truly had given me so much to be thankful for! And yet how often I'm not. It's something I need to be better about, and I pray that I can always be thankful for what God is doing in my life, be it big or small. Thank you Jesus, for being my Lord and saving me, a wretched and ugly sinner! I am completely unworthy in every aspect, and yet I am sealed by your blood. And that's not a little thing... nooooo way! That's a big thing :)

[talkingtothetallman]

What is my heart set on most?

"To me, the question is 'What is my heart set on the most?' If my heart is set on God and His true teachings, then calvinism will automatically appear false and I won’t fall for it. If I’m focused purely on arguing calvinism, then I’m not growing spiritually, open to false teachings."

I stopped in my tracks. Golly if this isn't pertinent to right now.

Lord, my Father in heaven. Forgive me for making an idol of researching and trying to understand Calvinism. I should be more focused on learning about You... by reading the Word faithfully as you've called me to. "I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you." "Open my eyes that I may see the wonderful things of your law." Both those quotations from Psalm 119 are powerful! God, soften my heart to make me willing to obey as David prayed in Psalm 51. Remove the idols from my heart, and replace them with a desire to put my walk with You ahead of theology questions. They are important questions, no doubt. But more important is me giving up my questions to You and saying, "Lord, I trust You." Open my eyes to Your sweet sweet Word, that I may live, that I may live like I've been set free... because I have!

Help me in my repentance. Work in my heart to change my ways and point my eyes to up to You, doing everything with a heart of love.

In Your name oh Righteous Father, amen.

Above quote from user Michael B on soteriology101.com

[talkingtothetallman]

Our Definition

A friend sent this to my accountability group message. Maybe it inspire you too:

"As Christians, we are defined by our victories over sin. We aren't defined by our failures and our relapses. In fact, we cannot be. This is not some sort of "feel good message" or motivational idea. This is an essential part of the gospel. If we are still defined and identified by our failures and our sin, then we are still slaves to our sin. And then no matter what else we do in our lives, we have sinned, so that's who we are. So therefore there is nothing we can do about our sin because we are defined by the worst we have done.

The problem is that there is some truth to this. Without Christ this is all true. There is no hope.

But praise be to God that we have a redeemer, one who justifies us. The one who took our place on the cross and our punishment fully, 100%. Because of Jesus's sacrifice, we are defined by the work of the cross. We are children of God, washed clean by blood of the sacrifice lamb.

If we are defined by our faith in Jesus, then we should not dwell on our past mistakes and sin, because that's not what makes who we are. To not do so is to not believe in the finished work of Jesus. To beat ourselves up because of our past mistakes is like saying "I don't care what you did on the cross Jesus, I don't want to accept that you took my place, and instead I'm going to dwell on my flesh." This denies the power of the gospel, and is a very dangerous lie that sometimes we might entertain or even temporarily fall for. I say this knowing that I have fallen for this lie before. And I grieve over the fact that I sometimes still struggle with this. I don't want to diminish Jesus in my life. I want to serve him and thank him and glorify him. So Lord please let me live with a focus in you, and not me. Help me also remember that it is because of your work through the cross, not through anything that I have done, that I am saved. Help me therefore live by your power, not of my own strength, but trusting in you for everything. And help me live with true joy and hope, knowing I am identified by the victory of Jesus over sin, a victory that is now mine.

If we are defined by our faith in Jesus, then we should not dwell on our past mistakes and sin, because that's not what makes who we are. To not do so is to not believe in the finished work of Jesus. To beat ourselves up because of our past mistakes is like saying "I don't care what you did on the cross Jesus, I don't want to accept that you took my place, and instead I'm going to dwell on my flesh." This denies the power of the gospel, and is a very dangerous lie that sometimes we might entertain or even temporarily fall for. I say this knowing that I have fallen for this lie before. And I grieve over the fact that I sometimes still struggle with this. I don't want to diminish Jesus in my life. I want to serve him and thank him and glorify him. So Lord please let me live with a focus in you, and not me. Help me also remember that it is because of your work through the cross, not through anything that I have done, that I am saved. Help me therefore live by your power, not of my own strength, but trusting in you for everything. And help me live with true joy and hope, knowing I am identified by the victory of Jesus over sin, a victory that is now mine."

[talkingtothetallman]

It comes full circle

One of the surprising blessings of becoming older is that you see people face up against the exact same things you faced, things so frustrating and awful at the time but now in hindsight you see how God used them to make you grow. That's part of the blessing; the hindsight.

The other blessing is actually being there to support and guide the dear ones who are currently standing before the things that you yourself did years ago... and guess what? They're feeling the same way as you did. And it sucks for them, it truly does. But it's also an opportunity for you to share your life experience and how the Lord helped you in that trying time.

I've been an accountability partner with my friend (who I'll keep anonymous) for a few years now, and it's certainly a symbiotic relationship. We hold each other up in prayer, share what God has been doing in our lives, call each other each week, you know... doing Galations 6:2 kind of stuff - "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." It's been a tremendous blessing getting to know him. I'm thankful to the Lord for bringing us together and allowing him to accept Christ and to come to our church!

Earlier this week, I called him on the drive home from work to catch up after a difficult weekend for him... actually, a kinda difficult preceding few weeks. The details I'll leave out, but the gist of it has to do with him not dating a girl anymore. And yeah, it painful. It hurts, it's frustrating, and it's also an opportunity to lean into Christ Jesus more. This was the counsel I gave him. And in hindsight, it's kinda sorta the mountain I had to scale over five years ago.

Golly, it was a hard mountain to climb. But as I turn my back now and look at those peaks in the distance, down below in the heavy mist where I used to be, I can breathe a sigh of thankfulness to God for carrying me through those trials. One of the ways God carried me through was giving me time and energy and desire to write. So many times I would open my old Asus laptop and find a spot to sit there and type out my heart. It was a means of comfort, peace, and a way to point my heart away from the doubt and emptiness, and rather reset my focus on my Lord and Savior.

I still read those old blog posts from time to time. In fact, as my eyes glide across the words I penned so many years ago, I can bring myself back to the ways I felt. How truly crazy! The loneliness, the bitterness, the sadness, it's all there. And yet now I look at those and smile, knowing that 19-year-old Jack didn't know how much his Heavenly Father was going to bless him with in just five short years! Thank you God, praise be to You! But I didn't know what I didn't know, and as they say: hindsight is 20/20.

So I told my brother to find something that he can do to find peace. He's a gifted musician so I pointed him there first, and also told him to maybe try writing like I did. And I also sent him a few of my writings from the olden days, in hopes that maybe he'd glean some small nugget of encouragement. That would be so cool to me, to write something that was meant to encourage me, but ended up with a twofold purpose of encouraging someone else!

I guess that's how I felt about Adam Young's blog posts. Many of them were so encouraging to me, so I actually sent one to my friend. In fact, I even quoted to him part of what I would consider probably one of the most encouraging things I read during that period of singleness:

"She is out there. My Cinderella. She is real. She exists. I pray for her constantly. May God satisfy the desires of her heart, draw her close, consume her. May He claim her passions, her identity, her refuge, her hopes, her strengths and weaknesses, every fiber of her being. May she treasure and cherish her Savior more than anything of this world and cling to His will with every ounce of her stamina. By all that she is, does, and strives to be, may He draw near to her and she to Him."

Adam Young

Golly, what sweet and lovely words! In fact, I just sent it off to my accountability group text to encourage them too!

Lord, thank you for blessing me with a wife who loves you and is perfect for me. Thank you for allowing me to reflect on the path that led me here, that I can remember the many parts of it, both good and bad, and yet still give You the glory. Help me to take no part in the the story, but rather give You all the glory!

So yes, things can and often do come full circle. But to borrow lyrics from a Tim McGraw song, "When you get where you're going, turn right back around and help the next one in line. Always stay humble and kind."

[talkingtothetallman]

Dear future Jack

Hey, Jack. It's me, Jack... from sometime in the future. What time that is all depends on when you read this. Not important now.

What is important... in fact what is MOST important... is this: you're doing great my man. I know life can be plain sucky, believe me I know. But remember that Jesus Christ is in control. Remember that you need to surrender all areas of your life to Him. It's a daunting task to be sure, but one that is worth every striving breath. Don't forget that. Plunge even deeper into Jesus. Trust me, if you think you're trusting enough, you're probably not. Jesus reigns, so live like it!

That's the really really super duper very much important stuff to remember, hence why is was first. But if you are needing more, here are some extra pointers I figured I'd throw your way:

Love your wife. Give her all the rubs and scratchies she wants and needs. Listen to her and try to not always fix her problems. Accept her for who she is and always tell her that you love her (as if you don't do it enough already). Keep reminding her how utterly sexy and beautiful and amazing she is, because isn't she so (the answer is yes you dingbat)? As Del Griffith said, "Like your work, love your wife."

Give your kids your precious spare time. If they want to play outside, just suck it up and drop what you're doing, no matter how important it is to you, and go with them. Talk to them about life, about manhood and what it is to love Jesus. Don't be afraid of the important topics... chances are they are just as scared about it as you are. Tell them you love them so much, and remind them who loves them more! Teach, lead, and shepherd them, just as Jesus would. They are worth more than anything that the Lord has blessed you with. They are a truly precious gift!

Use that camera! But also, it's okay if you don't always use it. It's a hobby and that means it can be done whenever. As stated above, take time for your kids, but also take a little time to use your camera in a peaceful setting so you can create the beautiful photographs you love. It's okay to try and make a little time to flex your creative muscles. But don't feel like you have to grab your camera out of your bag! There will be seasons of inspiration and that's totally fine. Not every photo has to be your best, so focus on honing and improving your craft to become a better photographer. And don't stop having fun with it!

Slow down at work! Your body is incredibly important and it's okay if you work a little longer hours in order to protect your body for the long term. Believe me, I understand how hard it is to slow down. Dude, sometimes it's okay not to be competitive, especially when it comes to beating yourself. Don't be lazy, but don't kill yourself either. Work hard, but also work smart.

Keep fighting the good fight. Last one, I promise. Don't give up in the fight for holiness. When you fall down, pull yourself back up again and get ready for battle again. Don't give an inch to the enemy, or he will take you a mile. Keep your thoughts focused on Jesus, not the fleeting worldly pleasures that so easily can tug you away from the Lord, the One who bought you. Stay in the Word, meditating on it and seeking to remember it in the hardest of situations. Don't let your guard down. Be a warrior for Christ!

You got this my guy. The Lord has already accomplished incredible things in your life, so continue to trust in His faithfulness. I leave you with 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Later skater. Keep it classic. - Future Jack

[talkingtothetallman]

Living for Jesus

Gotta admit, some days are easier than others when it comes to the Faith.

Some days the praises to the Almighty flow as easily as the clean water from the kitchen sink. And yet others feel as though the faucet doesn't work; all you can think is negative, gross, immoral thoughts.

I feel this tension in my life, because with all my heart I want to be free. Freedom is truly a beautiful and glorious thing. The lightness of chains broken, the sweet taste of victory in Christ Jesus. I just want THAT every single day! The other side pulls me down though. It attempts (and often succeeds) to lure me into the world of immorality, promising a form of satisfaction that it truly cannot give. It's a lie from the get-go; always has and always will be. Isn't it kinda insane how we fall for the same trick every time? How foolish we are!

I think the biggest lie ever told is this: "You are good person! You aren't as bad as the others!" It's a lie that speaks into our pride. Our human condition loves to feel good, to feel as though we are the best. I personally struggle with that so much. I wrestle with this pride in my heart that seeks to be the best, and not in a humble sort way. It's not a sort of self-improvement that desires to be a better person for the sake of Christ. Rather it's a form of pride that not only wants to be better than others, but thinks they're better than others. It's a cruel and heartless way to live, and I hate it. I'm trying to give it to Christ, repenting of it. But golly if it ain't hard.

I think of the old hymn "Living for Jesus." Listen to the truth in the first stanza:

"Living for Jesus, a life that is true, Striving to please Him in all that I do; Yielding allegiance, glad-hearted and free, This is the pathway of blessing for me."

That first word in the second line. That verb says it all. What am I striving for? Who am I striving for? That thought convicts my hard heart. Lord God of heaven, grant me victory in this area of my life!

Where it comes down to is this: who is my allegiance to? Who am I submitting my life to? God, it's You! It's only You... just help me to give up everything that pulls me far away from You! Lord, I submit my foolish and prideful and hard heart to You; have mercy on me, a poor sinner! Create in me a clean heart, O God; renew a right spirit within me. Furthermore, Lord, help me to rest only on Your grace alone, not on my works in any form. Thank You for Your blood, for purchasing me on the cross of Calvary! I love you, Lord. I submit to you today.

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.'" - Lamentations 3:22-24

[talkingtothetallman]

My Favorite Things

Hi, how are ya? Long time, no type, am I right? Been really busy with so many things in my life, but one thing that keeps coming back to me is this: "What are my favorite things?" Well today, I'm gonna sit down and write them out!

I love a perfectly warm, sunny day. The breeze is cool to the touch and as slight as a whisper. The sun peeks through the leafy green trees as they provide shade to such a warm ball. Temperature about 72 degrees. Perfection.

I love sitting on the little maroon bench above the rocky shore on Mayfield Lake. Hearing the water sharply, and yet in some way gently, lap against the banks below, the wind quietly blowing, and the bench rocking back and forth, yes it is peaceful. Peaceful indeed.

I love seeing a project I've worked so hard on come to fruition. A wedding video that is gorgeous cinema. A photo meticulously planned and patiently executed. A house project where you finally put the tools down and set back, sweaty and tired. But it's done, right? You put your heart and soul into it, and now you can smile with joy knowing that you did your very best you could. Rewarding.

I love hearing the details in the instrumentation of good music. Hearing little synths, background vocals harmonizing with the lead, seeing the bass rumble the rearview mirror in my car. It's beautiful. It's enjoying the creation that someone else put their time and energy into, hoping that someone would enjoy it as much as they did. Uplifting.

I love my wife. Beautiful she is, that is true. Her giggle is sweet. Her green eyes sparkle and there are time when she looks at me in those eyes and I can't help but remember that she is mine, all mine in fact. She's the mother of my children, the other half of my heart, the one who I come home to every night. And I wouldn't trade her for anyone. True love.

I love knowing and remembering that Jesus paid it all for me. For me. A wretched sinner. I easily forget why my Savior had to die; because He loved me. I love being at peace with my Lord, having complete and total faith in Him and Him only; not in what I can do, but what He has already done. Powerful.

By God's grace, I can remember the blessings He has given me! My prayer is that I can remember them even when I'm sad. Thank you Jesus for what you've given me, for helping to remember the small blessings in my life. My favorite things.

[talkingtothetallman]

Quiet Thoughts From a Quiet Place

The bunk I’m laying in is quiet.

It’s bedtime and I’m used to the dull white noise permeating the dark silence as I settle in for a good night’s sleep. But here in the trailer, the noise is very absent, noticeably so. I miss it. Not gonna lie, it’s kinda weird not hearing it.

I miss my bride too. Sure, I’ll see her tomorrow. Yeah, I saw her a few hours ago. But I still miss her. I miss her snuggles and her love. I suppose a night of distance doesn’t hurt; on the contrary, absence makes the heart grow fonder. My heart is very fond of you, my Abby!

I love you. See you soon darling. Thanks for being my amazing wife, who is so very sweet. I thank the Lord for you!

[talkingtothetallman]

20 Seconds of Courage

"When we had come to Jerusalem, the brothers received us gladly. On the following day Paul went in with us to James, and all the elders were present. After greeting them, he related one by one the things that God had done among the Gentiles through his ministry. And when they heard it, they glorified God." - Acts 21:17-20a

I read these verses this verses before work this morning. All my life I've been told how important it is to always be in the Word, because it is through it that we learn how God wants us to live. Not only that, but it is a beautiful showcase of how the Lord has proven His faithfulness to His people.

I think one of the most sanctifying things the Lord Jesus does through His Word is conviction. You know the feeling. The prick of guilt that wells up in your heart. A sense of filthiness covers your heart and your realize... "man, Lord I'm sorry. Forgive me, I need to change."

That's the case with the above verses. And to clarify, these verses are just the foundation of my conviction; they don't tell the entire story.

The thing that caught my eye was how fluidly and almost casually Paul, James, and the elders, glorified the Lord together and counted the ways God had worked in the ministry. I read that and thought, "Huh, you know I only kinda struggle to be open about God's blessings to believers I'm good friends with, but dang doing it with people I barely know? Man that shows how strong their faith was."

True, Christians have the common bond of Christ. Heck, it's even in the name Christian. But something about being completely open with a stranger about your faith is borderline daunting. I know I'm not the only one who feel this way. But as I was pondering this on my route, the thought crossed my mind: "If I saw a guy in a 22 hat who was clearly a Joey Logano fan, I'd be all about talking to him about all things Logano... but would I be like that about Jesus to a person who clearly was a Christian?"

The situation: a stranger, one with a bright yellow and red 22 hat, and the other with a t-shirt that says, "Jesus. Died, risen, returning" with a cross on the background. Who would I talk to? I'm ashamed of what my answer might be. Why is that? I thought of a few reasons:

1: I don't believe in Jesus.

2: The Lord's power hasn't been made manifest in my life.

3: I don't care.

4: I'm scared. Utterly filled with the fear of man.

I know for a fact that it's not the first two. And yet the second two, they seem to be a good blend of how I feel. For one, the senseless fear of man that Satan so dearly loves fills me with dread, one that says maybe I'll look dumb, or maybe I'll offend that person somehow, or even maybe disagree with them on some theological issues and things will get weird. But the third one is really where the conviction happens. I don't always feel like I care enough about how the Lord has changed my life to proclaim the name of Jesus. But why is that?

I guess my heart is just that hard. And good golly I hate that. I hate that I minimize my sin to the point that I forget how much it really cost to pay for it. Shame on me! How badly I want to be a soul on fire, not caring for one moment what a customer on route thinks of me, what a coworker might say, or what a fellow Christian might think. Sure, there are things to say for specific times, but why am I not shouting from the roof-tops, "Jesus saved me, and He can save you too! He's done so many wonderful things in my life and He can in yours!" Even now as I type this, I almost cringe thinking about how filled with fear I am.

But my heart is filled with a hardness that can only be dissolved by prayer and stepping out in trust. I think that's the big thing; trusting in the Lord's guidance. You know, there's movie quote that just popped into my mind that seems applicable:

“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” 

That's it. Is it Christian? No. But it true? I would say so. Isn't 20 seconds enough time to proclaim Jesus? It's convicting, isn't it? Do you do that? I sure don't, and I wish I did. Now does that mean that you need to fill every 20 second gap with the Gospel? No, of course not. But are you ready to share the Gospel with someone? Are you ready to give God the glory in all situations? Lord, I'm trying! Thank you for your grace when I fail!

"Heavenly Father, help us, especially me, to be faithful to You as You have been to your people. Grant us softened hearts that fully desire and intend to share Your love, mercy, and salvation with a world who needs it. Open our eyes that we may see how You are working in our lives, and bless us with boldness to proclaim that with the world. Amen."

[talkingtothetallman]

Oh the noises that make life go

There's this interesting feeling that happens when I'm in a new place. A place that, though familiar in some capacity, has one important distinction:

I've never slept there.

Sounds kinda weird, right? Let me explain.

One characteristic of new places that become immediately noticeable are the noises that accompany that space. Maybe it's the soft wind blowing through the tall field grass. Maybe it's the raindrops on a rusted tin roof. Or maybe it's a simple wall clock steadily ticking the seconds by as you read your book in the waiting room of the dentist.

Whatever the case may be, noises are a foundation for the scene you're in; without them, things feel eerie. Too many and you feel cluttered, anxious. As they say, it's the simple things in life. Those simple noises can bring comfort in what could be a stressful situation.

I'm staying in the hospital tonight with Abby. As I lay my head down on the chair-turned-bed, the noises of the hospital will fill my head. I'll hear the constant hum of the HVAC system circulating through the room. The dull footsteps of nurses walking to and from rooms on the fifth floor, helping others in need. Maybe I'll heard some noise from the street below, sirens in the distance from a fire truck responding to a call. All these noises harmonize into a sound scape that makes the world feel... right. Without them, life would seem to be missing something.

Anyways, enough talk. Time for bed now. Happy listening!

[talkingtothetallman]

What the Fob?

Okay.

I know this title is incredibly misleading, cavalier to a degree. Please know that it is only a pun. Know that I use it in full humor and jest, not in any way that is intended to be offensive; it is said in pure irony. So, why "What the Fob?" Well, allow me to introduce the theme of my day: The key fob.

Nifty little things really. Just press a button - unlock. Press another - lock. Yet another - open the trunk. The list can go on depending on the car, but regardless, it is certainly a convenience to have!

That is, unless it doesn't work. That's where our story starts today dear friends.

Our UPS trucks have a key fob designed with body longevity in mind. The idea is that rather than turning a key in the ignition switch two or three hundred times in a day (and thus putting wear and tear on your wrist), our trucks have a key fob that hangs from our belt strap that, with a push of a button, does a few things - one tap arms the truck's start switch, one press-and-hold opens the bulkhead door to go inside via the cab, and two clicks unlocks the back roll-up door. Pretty nifty. Makes it a heck of a lot easier to have to deal with jingly keys all day; just the press of a button!

I got to the building this morning knowing we'd all have big dispatches due to staffing issues (a whole other can of worms), but my planned day was honestly terrible, the worst in the center. I was going to areas that I wasn't supposed to, I was up on stops and miles, and was semi bulky. I knew I'd be fine, I told Perry that. I went into my truck to work on sorting my first 20 stops or so and help my loader get all tidied up so that he could go home sooner and I could get on road to start my day. Well, everything was all put away and went to pull my truck out of my parking spot. I grabbed my little key ring containing my spare ignition key, bulkhead door key, and key fob, clipped it to my belt loop, and clicked the button to arm the start switch.

Nothing. No red and green lights. Hmm... I tried again. Still nothing.

Assuming the battery was dead, I went to the little back box located above the jump-seat to grab my spare fob and tried it; nothing. Drat! I hopped down the steps and went to find one of my bosses. Jake sprung up to help and surveyed the situation. Upon trying it for himself he said, "Go do your walk-around and I'll find a new battery." So, using the ignition key, I drove my package car to the yard and did my pre-trip. Once done, I went to find Jake. We swapped out the battery, but still nothing. After fiddling with both the fobs for 20 minutes, he passes the keys to me and says, "Looks like you're going old-school today."

And thus my day began. Heaviest day in the building, leaving late, and using a slower method that I wasn't used to. Fan-tastic. A few stops go by, and I decide out of pure curiosity to try the fob again.

It worked. The freaking thing worked.

For like one delivery. Then it stopped. Oh, but then it starting working again. And this time it kept working for a solid 50 stops or so, aaaaaaand then it stopped again. It was the darnedest thing. It was so inconsistent in when it would function correctly. But finally, it ceased entirely. I cut my losses and continued my day, working towards my pickup string. Praise the Lord I was able to open the back of my truck for my pickups, because my dear old buddy Ben had plenty for me today and it would have been awful to try to take the 60-odd packages through the front of my truck.

But I digress, I dropped my air at the building and had 41 stops to go, a solid 20 more than usual. One of the kickers of my day that I said earlier was having extra miles. Those came from having eight stops in an area that I never have, and especially not in a big truck like mine if I can help it. It's doable, sure. But it's more difficult in a bigger truck. So when I spotted a smaller truck at the building to do those stops in, I figured it would kill two birds with one stone; it would make the deliveries easier, and I wouldn't have to deal with those annoying key fobs. Win-win, right? Well, guess which one of those wins became a loss.

You got it. Alex, I'll take key fob issues for $1600.

Neither of THOSE key fobs worked! Goodness me, what a nightmare. Of course, I found this out after I transferred all my other stops to the smaller truck, so I just rolled with it and used the keys instead. Fast forward a couple hours later and I'm punched out and heading to my car. I grab my keys out of my lunchbox and press unlock. Nothing. I try again. Nothing.

Hey, come on now. I see your smile. I see that wry and painful smile spreading across your face. I know you know where this is going. Just sit tight, it gets better.

I chuckled to myself, and noticed the irony of the day. I grabbed my car key and put it into the door lock... to find that apparently my ignition key is NOT the right key for the locks on my car. "I just talked to the mechanic about my situation today, I'll go ask him for a new battery for my fob. That's the problem." Brandon the mechanic so kindly changed my fob battery and I set out triumphantly to my car to go home.

Except that apparently wasn't the issue either. I was hose-bagged, a knock-out punch that was called Jack's Day. All I could do was muster a sheepish grin filled with irony and defeat. Today was just that kind of day. To the glory of God, with the help of one of my bosses, Carter, we finally got a gap in my window and were able to push the door lock open... only after 30 minutes or so. So now my car sits in the driveway, unlocked, ready for the taking. Wouldn't be shocked if I woke up to it gone (Lord, please don't let that happen!).

Golly if today wasn't trying! But the Lord is good, and hey, days like these build your perseverance right?

And besides, I get to tell a really good story to boot :)

Thank you Lord for the bad days, because without it them I wouldn’t know the good ones!

[talkingtothetallman]

Lead Me In The Way Everlasting

This week has taught me to expect the unexpected. And it's funny, my boss told me to relay that very topic to the workgroup today. Irony is always a funny thing, and this time is no exception.

I don't want to get into the specifics of names and places, but the past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions. Attacks on my personal character, the fear of not being liked, the loss of trust, the nagging questions you want answers to. Not all of it is easy to swallow, to comprehend, or believe. But God knows, and I can rest in that.

The verse that has been latched into my mind is Psalm 139:23-24:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

It’s that last part that is my prayer. How deeply I want to abide in Christ is every area of my life. Anything less than that is failure in my eyes. Is that too high of a standard? I don't think so. We're called to be ambassadors of Jesus Christ, representing what only He can offer - eternal life by grace alone, by faith alone, in Christ's name alone. My job as His disciple is to bring others to Him, but that's something I fail far too often at. That's why I push myself so hard; I want to fail less.

But I have to caution myself that I don't rely on what I do for salvation. And that can be a struggle! As someone who takes pride in their accomplishments, this idea of laying aside the "trophies" of life and surrendering is most difficult. It's something I honestly need to lay at the feet of Jesus more often. That's part of my prayer, that God would convict me and show me the ways in which I disobey Him. I dug into the etymology of the Hebrew word for "grievous", and some other ways it's used in Scripture are pain, sorrow, idol. Using those additional words help provide clarity to the verse. Just figured I'd share that in the context of this blog post for you :)

But that leaves me with that last phrase and the title of this post; "lead me in the way everlasting."

I love this phrase dearly. There is a temptation to focus too much on the physical around us, rather than focusing on the kingdom of heaven. Looking into the Biblical usage of the word, it is used to indicate a long duration, perpetual, and evermore. It's a crucial word, because every pursuit in our lives must be glorifying to the Lord. I'm convicted of failing at that as well. It's a tricky dance to master, and let's just be honest; none of us fully will. Which is why we must continually pray, "Lord Jesus, lead me in the way everlasting."

While this week has brought it's challenges, it's also reminded me to ask, "Lord, show me the ways in my heart that I need to change, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

Can I get an amen?!

[talkingtothetallman]

Next Thing You Know

I suppose there are times that words just escape you. You scramble through your vocabulary trying to assign a word to your feelings, yet it just doesn't feel quite right. Sure, words can describe how you feel, at least academically speaking, but not quite on a heart level.

That's how I feel now. And I should clarify, it is in no way a bad feeling. On the contrary, I think it can be rather healthy.

Baby number two is on the way, and what can I say? I'm excited as all get out, and sweating bullets like nobody's business. I wish there was a word for that, because that's how I feel. A quick Google search doesn't yield much results, so I guess I'm outta luck. But regardless, that's how I feel; outwardly excited, and yet inwardly anxious. It's like that feeling while watching your team edge closer and closer to winning, but they're not done closing out the deal yet. As that clock ticks down, or as the laps click off one by one, closer and closer to the end, the nerves set in. You know the chances are good that everything will work out, but the pessimist inside says pulls you down and pushes every negative outcome at you. "What if a caution happens, what if there is a fumble, what if a tire goes down?" Each possibility grates on your nerves, until finally, checkered flag. Time expires. Winner winner chicken dinner. You sigh with relief and celebrate the victory. It is a glorious day.

That's kinda how I feel about our new little bundle of joy. I'm excited to be the dad of this little child, and yet terrified of the process to get there. Last time had it's ups and down, and I'm scared of what can happen this time. I'm an over thinker by nature, and most all the time it is to my total detriment. Abby has had a fever very early in the baby's conception - will it affect their growth in a negative way? We weren't planning on having another baby just yet - is Abby's body ready yet? We just bought this house with the intention of waiting a bit longer - are we suited for another being in this house?

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?... But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:27, 33-34

These are the verses I've been trying to fill my head with. I recognize that worrying about the next nine months will add no value to my life; on the contrary, it will just cause more anxiety. My prayer is that I will submit myself to the Father, that I would learn through this experience to trust in His ways even more than I ever have before. But good golly is it hard. It is unspeakably hard sometimes. But in the middle of those verses is hope. Hope in the name of God Almighty.

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness! What am I doing to put His kingdom first? And what am I doing to put His righteousness first? Those are things I need to pray about, and also for. Lord, help me to abide in you, knowing that in the end, all things work together for the good of those who love You and called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28)!

Next thing you know, this baby is gonna come and a new season will start. But for now, I need to trust in the Lord of Lords, and remember that He is always in control. And He truly always is in control. Father, grant me peace, patience, faithfulness, and guide me down paths of righteousness for your name's sake. Amen.

[talkingtothetallman]

Thanks, Sony.

The day was February 2nd, 2019. A Saturday to be precise.

This was the day I had planned to drive down to Portland to a small little photography store, called Pro Photo Supply; a hole in the wall sort of shop, right in the heart of downtown Portland, on the west side on the Willamette River.

Why was I driving down there? To purchase the camera I had saved months for. It was the legendary, mighty, highly acclaimed by nearly every YouTuber I watched, Sony Alpha 7 Mark III.

Or as the kids say, the Sony a7iii.

Packing a punch with a full frame 24 megapixel sensor, the camera featured 4K video with leading class autofocus, in body image stabilization, battery life that lasted as long as traditional DSLRs, and a price that shredded the competition: a simple $2000 for the body alone. An absolute bargain.

Now to the uneducated, that might seem like a pretty penny for a camera. Oh but hold on now, for a photographer, that price with the smorgasbord of specs to boot is like pocket change; virtually unheard of. Which of course is why is gained the seemingly endless accolades of every photographer on YouTube. So of course, me being a mere APS-C Canon DSLR user, wanted in on the action. After months of saving up and doing all the research to ensure THIS was the camera I wanted (and believe me, competition can be fierce!), the week finally came that I went to credit union, withdrew the money I needed, and on that Saturday drove down with some friends from church to purchase the camera.

I had called ahead to put it on hold so that I would actually ensure I would own the camera that day, barring that nothing would hinder me from getting there. The day was cold, moody with the rain and the fog that is typical of a Pacific Northwest winter. Dodging the mess of traffic that always inhabits downtown Portland, we swung into the the tight parking lot and strutted into the building like we owned the joint.

Okay, maybe not exactly like that. But needless to say, I was so excited to walk into the store with an envelope full of money to exchange for this glorious piece of hardware. Months of daydreaming and researching and talking about it only hyped the day up for me more, and today was finally that day. A half hour later, we walked out of the store with a camera and some other goodies alongside. We decided to drive up to Pittock Acres Park and take some photos.

My, four years can go by quite quickly.

I've always said that my Sony a7iii is the best $2000 I've ever spent. It is in all honesty a nearly perfect camera. It has aged incredibly well in the five years since it came out. Never once has it truly failed me. It's a reliable, compact, amazing camera that has been a source of joy for four years. I've shot a handful weddings on it, photographed family photos and senior portraits, made some incredible B-roll with its beautiful 120fps video, and I've photographed some breathtaking landscapes.

While this sounds like a sort of memoir that ends with "And now I'm moving on from this camera", it is by no means that at all. Nope. This is merely a thankfulness post that I've had the privilege of owning a truly remarkable camera. I will eventually upgrade to a newer Sony camera (probably the a7V when it gets released in a couple years), but now isn't that time.

Photography has been a season in my life of sorts. Back when I bought that camera, photography was a huge part of my life. I was always bringing my camera everywhere so that I would never miss a shot. Over the years, life has become much busier. Finding time to sometimes obsessively photograph things has been put on the back burner of life, with much more important and wonderful things coming to the front. And you know what, that's okay. But I also want to take the time to photograph more things and to experience the wonderful feeling of taking a photograph you are truly proud of. It's all a balance of life, one that requires me to put first the things that are most important. Thank you Lord for those things I get to put first!

The Sony a7iii might not be the best technical camera anymore, but for me, it will always be one of the best cameras of all time... because it allowed me to grow into the photographer and filmmaker I am. It transformed my ability to create beautiful art.

And you know, that's the best kind of camera; the one that doesn't hold you back from creating what you love. Thanks, Sony.