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Yesterday was good . Even working, I still ended up having a good time. I did text someone and called him out, politely of course. I’ll admit that it was my fault because I kept turning him down. I don’t see it going anywhere but a friend told me, how do I know for a fact...good point. I did say past experiences but I know that wasn’t true. So I reached out. Let’s see what happens
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It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I think about it a lot but I’ve held back for some reason. I’ve actually bought a journal and started writing in it but after one entry, i was hesitant to write more. Always been my issue, overthinking...
I’ve recently read a book that contained a lot of things from communication to leadership. The one thing that stuck out that I’ve been trying to do is be proactive and not reactive. The gist is that I can’t control the situation but I can control my reaction to it. Sounds easy but for me it’s not. I’ve had a couple of successful experiences but overall, I still need to work on it.
I recently had an acquaintance tell me he’s sorry that some guy hurt me in the past. I honestly had to think and told him, no it was never a guy. After he left, I started to think about past relationships. I can honestly say, I’ve only come close one time to letting my guard down and in the end, I didn’t. I don’t think I’m capable of it. To fully trust someone and open up. That’s ballsy. I know it’s trust but is it also fear of rejection? Or is that just a safe answer. It’s difficult to put what I’m feeling down since I don’t know what it is. I think it’s safe to say, I’m broken. But the real question is, do I want to get fixed?
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It has been a crazy time lately. Switched jobs, which changed my schedule. Kids car broke down so had to get him another one which was not part of my plan.
Since he is staying home this coming school year have to do some remodeling so he will be comfortable and also have privacy.
Mom has a guy now and so she goes out more. Thankfully. She needs someone to talk to. Less pressure on me.
Jesse and his gf have a weird relationship. I keep my mouth shut about alot of things. I put up with her and try to be nice most of the time. She is too clingy and I finally had to tell him to stop inviting me to hang out with you guys. Went to Charleston together and she literally did not leave his side. Even her kid said her claws are dug deep,smh. She has some things in her home life that I think is completely fucked up. But I keep my mouth shut.
Me, I'm still working two jobs and trying to catch up on bills. Not mine, but the rest of the family. I did leave the house a few times for me time. Im gonna keep trying focus on me and not getting sidetracked.
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For some reason,I keep failing this assessment for this one company. I'm gonna take it as a aign
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At Charleston with bro and his gf and the kids. So far, no rain but I'm happy I brought a sweater. The wind makes it cold. I'm just going with the flow. I passed my test yesterday. Going for part 2 on Friday. Hoping to hear from someone else with a job offer prior.
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It's been a crazy week and then some. Back on the job hunt. I have to stop feeling sorry for people and worry about myself. I've had a few prospects. About to head in for one of them now. My niece and I are out of sorts too. She's playing my brother and I against each other. Told her how i felt and that I'm done with her. Have someone else take u driving and buy you a car because I'm done. Idgaf what u do anymore. That's what I told her. How is it she can be so like her mom when she's been out of the picture for 10 years. I'm just tired of it. Told Mom to stop guilting me. I have one kid and that's it. I'm done worrying about others who don't appreciate the sacrifices I've had to make.
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Idk what is wrong with me. I’m reaching that point. Numbness was a blessing. Why did I give it up?
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So, I ended an almost two year friendship. I got tired of hearing him complain about the same thing over and over again. Then when I offer choices to make he finds excuses. Even others have offered to help him. He just ends up back. So I got fed up when he got arrested because of doing something stupid. He's been begging to be friends again, claiming he's been crying. Sorry, I'm stubborn and told him that. He made his choice. Yes I feel heartless but I'm just pissed off that he jeopardizing his job by making dumb choices. So he has to learn that actions comes with consequences.
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Well...here we go again. Dieting again. But not gonna consider it dieting. Just gonna be aware of what I'm eating and choosing healthy.
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Today was an ok day. Glad the week is over. Had a a good day today. Spent a few hours alone riding around and it was much needed.
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Doc appt today. Not looking forward to it. I know I’ve gained weight. Ialso weened myselfoff of meds. Let’s see how it goes
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These past few weeks have been super freaking stressful. I think I found a way to deal with it but the repercussions are bad. But I’m at the point where idgaf.
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Still having this cough. I’ve decided I’m tired of stressing about things that no one is helping me with. They fail to realize it doesn’t just effect me. So I’m gonna have a idgaf attitude about it and wait and see what they are gonna do.
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Feeling better besides this hacking cough. I’ve been passed out and not waking up in the middle of the night. Guess my body is telling me to sleep, lol
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I got to spend some time with Jesse girl and she wasn’t bad. I think she still needs to learn common curtesy but that’s the only flaw.
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I made it through a whole day of work. I was worn out by the end of it but I did it! I even got work done. Not as much as I usually get done but it’s something.
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Feeling slightly better so gonna head to work. This cough and body ache is ridiculous.
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