tangynuh

[tangynuh]

June 18, 2022

Subject: First Heartbreak

They say you get your first heartbreak the first time you fall in love. For me it's not the case. You broke my heart when you cheated on my mom. As a little girl I witnessed how cruel love can be. Mom coming out of the bedroom with a bruise on her shoulder, looking at me helpless. I mean what can I do? I was just a child. You never even apologized for the thing that you did. Worst is you bringing home a child as if nothing happened. You expect us to just accept it, worst is to get along it? At an early age I learned how to hold grudge because of you. I hate you for not being present. It's not about the amount time we spent together but the quality of bonding we could've shared. Is it really too much to ask for some affection and attention? Now, how could I ever fall in love knowing that there is a possibility that men are like you. I built my walls up so high, because I am afraid to end up with a man like you.

Lots of hate,

Yna

[tangynuh]

June 9, 2022

Subject: Off to the next chapter

You know something's changing if you view life in a different way. As a young girl, my only motto in life is 'YOLO'. You only live once as they say, so as a teenage girl, I think I literally used that quote in every decisions I make. Not caring about the consequences, just doing whatever the hell I want. I remember secretly drinking with my friends in our house at my bedroom every week and my mom would always ask my friends if they're drunk every time they go downstairs to go home, but of course they would deny it. The countless times I puked my heart out every after drinking sessions. All the laughter, all the fun, and even the bad memories. All of these things are part of who I am and who I've become. All the fun stuffs aside, you realize you're growing old when you can slowly let go of things that you thought you would never let go (friends, habits). Growing up is learning how to move out of your comfort zone. Exploring new things with new set of people in a new environment. Slowly looking back to the times when we always talk shit about others (though we still sometimes do), but now our conversations are more of what the future holds. It's like a full circle moment, realizing that we were once a junior high school full of ambition and now we are one step closer to achieving that goal. And I am so grateful to experience these things with the best people. To my high school friends, thank you for making my jhs life memorable. It is not always full of happiness but I cherish each memory I have with all of you (may it be good or bad). Cheers to finishing jhs!

Lovelots,

Yna

[tangynuh]

June 8, 2022

Subject: Bottled Feelings

I don't know if it's just me or does every youngest child in the family don't know how to speak up and let out their emotions. It's frustrating because I grew up in a household where you cannot talk back because it would be disrespectful so all you can do is shut up and bottle up your emotions. So now that I am older, I literally cry when having an argument because I don't know what to say or how to express my emotions and put it into words. It sucks, not being able to at least communicate or try to explain what you're feeling.

Lovelots,

Yna