tashblog21

[tashblog21]

New Year!

Giving therapy another go. So far I like the person I am speaking to. It has only been two sessions but I enjoy the format. I am glad that I gave this another chance. It can be discouraging when you do not connect with someone right away. That is what they told me, they want to know if they are not the right fit for me. They would rather me let them know and they will help me find someone else rather than get nothing out of the sessions. I really did appreciate that.

That is my hope for this year, to not give up on this. Therapy wasn’t something that was spoken about growing up and even when I knew I needed help, the stigma hovered over me. I am glad that I finally took those steps, but I guess I am more of the type of where if things don’t click right away I tend to be hesitant to try again. Patience is not my strong suit at times unfortunately. Need to work on that for sure.

I am also open to trying different forms of therapy as well. That was part of the reason why I tried the first person, it seemed more holistic but that is not what I got. I should have spoken up more about where I wanted to go with therapy, but I was afraid to speak up. I did not know how therapy worked, only what I saw on TV. I was not comfortable with asking anyone about their experiences. Mostly because, I wasn’t sure if anyone has experienced this and I did not want to cause offense by asking something so personal. 

That is my goal for this year. I am going to advocate for myself more when it comes to therapy. I want to try to find what works for me. Everyone is different and it is a journey to find what works for you. I am not going to give up as easily anymore and I will not be afraid to reach out because support is out there. There is an entire community out there. I always tell people that I am a safe place but when it comes to me, I don’t take my own advice when people tell me the same thing. Here is to a healthier 2023.

[tashblog21]

[tashblog21]

As the year is coming to a close, it has shown that I have a long way to go in regards to mental health. While I have made some strides, there are still things I noticed that send me into a spiral and I don’t quite know how to cope. My mind races and goes to the worst case scenario, causing me to panic and desperate to fix a situation this is over blown in my mind. Leaving me embarrassed by my own thoughts. All I want is closure and a way to move forward but to push would only make the situation worse.

I try to keep myself in check, especially in situations where I am surrounded by those who do not have empathy or understanding. It is like that commercial where the woman is holding up a smiley face to cover up how she is really feeling. For someone who needs reassurance it can be difficult to move forward when others are not willing to provide that and their own reactions causes more stress and lack of closure.

The question is how do you move forward when you need reassurance or closure to move on and the other side is not providing that? That is what my next goal is. It is hard to get out of your own head and you start to plan exit strategies because you don’t know how to handle what is going on. For now I am trying to focus on myself. I can’t control how others work through their emotions or how they handle things. As hard as it can be, that is what I am working on.

I don’t think all hope is loss. No one is perfect. You never know what someone is going through and it is hard to balance what you are dealing with along with the struggle of others. If the energy feels wrong where I am, that is when I spiral. It is hard for mind to reconcile the need for peace against the need to allow people to work through their emotions and thoughts. I can’t control how others think and react but I can do my best to work on my mind.