taxlecrivain - Tumblr blog

[taxlecrivain]

Was inspired by these screenshots that someone collected (I don't hang out on twitter (hell i don't hang out on tumblr either))—

akghh first of all @gooseworx i'm here if you wanted to be friends 🐥🐥

and here are things I could say if I needed to wrangle a fanbase:

Guys, I love humanity regardless, and none of you have my blessing to hurt people under the guise of 'defending' me. I LOVE PEOPLE even if they'd hate me. You attack someone 'on my behalf'? I'll befriend that poor victim just to spite you.

I'm above mortal pettiness. Malice towards me doesn't stop the Earth from spinning, and neither does admiration. If you get into "Us vs Them" fights over petty things, you're going against everything I've learned and how much I've grown. I will disown you as having anything to do with me and my work.

Not that I'm even entitled to you actually caring, but at least I'm stating that I myself wouldn't support an aggressive stan who superficially supports me. Why 'superficially'? Because at that point, you're just interpreting malice towards me as insulting your ego. I'm not a person to you, I'm an object you've integrated as part of your identity. In your head, insulting 'me' is insulting you. When in reality I, the actual person, don't even realize or care that XYZ is happening to begin with.

You want to be angry or contemptous towards someone? That's just your insecurities, being expressed as your defense mechanisms! I don't shame you for having those—I've been insecure before. But now, being free of them gives me such awareness about why us mortals can have such terrible interactions with each other! And I'll try my darndest to get you aware that you're your own demise—if you let those defense mechanisms zombify you!

You ALL deserve to find peace, you deserve all the self-love, and you deserve freedom from petty distractions that take you away from having substance—from having an emotional ground to stand on! (i.e. acceptance, confidence, peace…)

If I don't dehumanize people who would literally want me dead, then you can do the bare minimum of speaking to them kindly—in an inviting way that disarms them.

I don't have insecurities, so don't bother having them on my behalf 😭

Yes, your "Us vs Them" fights are your distractions. They keeping you unthinking, instead just reacting based on instant emotional gratification. They're illusions! just like some kind of war propaganda to dehumanize your literal neighbor. These lies disgust me whether they're coming from others, or from within. Stand for the freedom to love unconditionally, especially if it means fighting your own prejudices! As someone who used to be pretty despicable; as someone who could have chosen to not grow as a person; as someone who could have kept having stan behavior—believe me, when I say I'm free and at peace when I choose unconditional love (which is inseparable from true intelligence/awareness). Bai 💚🐟

Anyone feel free to be inspired too 💖

[taxlecrivain]

Why rant on this blog?

Yep, I still think it's art and I simp for myself and love reading my words

Scientific evidence that cursing reduces pain (i've internalized that so hard you have no idea)

I wouldn't dream of treating you the way I scream into the void. The apparent venom from my rants is just for self-maintenance, and must not be taken as having social substance. Does it make me two-faced? Nnno, because 1) uhh. i'm probably clueless about who you are to begin with, 2) I can wholeheartedly love you anyway bro, its not hard, 3) i tell you shit to your face because i'm not insecure. there's no secrets. No two-facedness when there's only one face.

[taxlecrivain]

"why do we only have fearmongering preachers"

"because the kind souls among us aren't… preachers"

[taxlecrivain]

tax, have a good day! you get tired a lot so grab that rest like it owes you money :d

[taxlecrivain]

Harmless SH until I fal asleep

[taxlecrivain]

Me: [asking for 'morbid' friends]

r/suicidewatch: [exists]

Me:

Found 'em! When I say the OPs there validate the fuck out of me— (still sorry for them)

[taxlecrivain]

Glad that the wiki on r/suicidewatch validates my disgust for hopebaiting! ("I promise it will get better")

Legit had me leaving happier than 10 mins ago

Also came there for myself // left there feeling extremely protective of all the OPs

[taxlecrivain]

Lmaooooooooooo

—

[taxlecrivain]

HIS ASS IS NOT HUMAN-MADE. BRO IS AI-GENERATED

[taxlecrivain]

One thing that makes me feel absolutely mind-raped is just:

I absolutely cherish and treasure when anyone's consent gets respected, right? As someone who feels absolutely deprived of seeing this happening so genuinely and lovingly.

I would kill myself before I would ever intentionally violate someone. And the opposite is also true—I will pour out gallons and gallons of my love, to communicate to someone that they're safe to do anything around me. Tell me to back off, tell me to slow down, anything.

So why in the everloving fuck, when I do EXACTLY fucking that, are there some absolute non-human, non-communicating, non-cognizant THINGS, that do not ADORE this as much as I do? I am practically speaking into their fucking faces, "You CAN tell me to back off," and… IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING TO A FUCKING COFFIN? A HOLE IN THE GROUND? HELLO???

I INVITE YOU TO REJECT ME, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT??????? I'M TALKING TO A CORPSE???????????

I EXPLODE WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THE TINIEST "If you want" TO ME. I HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK AND DIE. /blissful

I CAN'T NOT IMAGINE [YOU IGNORING MY RESPECT] IMPLYING THAT THERE'S SOMETHING EXTREMELY FUCKED UP WITH YOU—

[taxlecrivain]

The other day while spiraling, sick to my stomach, I was wandering around on discord and entered a voice chat, everyone bothered to greet me so damn cheerfully and made me even sicker

(/not meant to insult them but just to emphasize)

[taxlecrivain]

Observing myself like I'm in 3rd person view and giving this little guy the "Awwh noo he's been through pure misery, but look at him when he's given a chance,,,, he literally wants to make ten jokes at the same time, he's so excited to talk about anything to anyone" treatment

I literally want to make ten jokes at the same time. But why do I care.

[taxlecrivain]

—

also I was a grown adult that time .

[taxlecrivain]

I got confused because I think I'm ugly with long hair (/affectionate)

[taxlecrivain]

Even if someone is 'stupid' to the point of abusiveness, I would rather die than abuse them in turn,

because I've been stupid to the point of abusiveness, while aggressively hoping to become a better person.

I was blind, but all it would've taken was ONE educational conversation with a victim, to get me thinking and appreciating.

Now my entire existence thinks about murdering the cycles of abuse at any and every stage. The stage of ignorance, the stage of fear, the stage of unthinking reaction. I have the humility and I revere everyone's individualities, so I don't give a shit about demonizing them, their instincts, their life experiences they couldn't control. No one asks to be ignorant, insecure, or to have defensive instincts.

[taxlecrivain]

Nope, definitely not feeling better, death mention death mention death mention

[taxlecrivain]

I'm not living for family, friends, cats or myself. I don't have goals to achieve. I don't fucking care and I don't fucking care about grieving for my death.