tayalisn

[tayalisn]

Fuck yeah. When are we getting together for your birthday bash?

woman you need to sleep sometimes. i know you have a lot on that brain but you have to sleeeeep!! well my birthday is soon and i need to see you

[tayalisn]

Should I just trademark it? Possessed cat noise next to my name would be an honor. Let's fucking go. No you wouldn't. You're used to action films. Weren't you in Turtles? Those ninja turtles taught you some shit, Isabela. Don't even lie to me. The closest I've ever been to bad assery -- was probably my Bad Blood music video. I got to play with knives! Call me Taylorpatch kid. Chaotic... then sweet. I feel like I'm permanently stained in glitter from the Eras tour and I couldn't be happier. I'm like Edward fucking Cullen, baby. Yes, him! Wait... is this a spoiler? Staaaaph, I'm covering my ears! Glitter bombs... then we ease them into the witchy hexes.

no because you’re literally reading my mind — possessed cat noise is exactly the perfect name. someone get merriam-webster on the phone, it needs to be official. honestly? you're right. they probably wouldn’t trust us with real machetes and that’s fair. i would 100% be bambi on ice too — just slipping, spinning, accidentally taking out a light rig and three extras while yelling "i’m sorry" in slow motion. also, your mouth is allowed to be a little chaotic — that’s where the magic lives. the chaotic + the sweet? that's the best combo. that's main character energy, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. and yes, standing in the corner plotting world domination gives such reputation-core energy. snake rings, dark lipstick, secret plans, a little bit of vengeance, a lot of glitter. god, yes, we exclude protector of the dolls and joel’s brother, you mean gabriel luna? — they're honorary members of our villain origin story. everybody else? fair game. do we start with glitter bombs or full blown witchy hexes?

[tayalisn]

Good because he already is. There are no take backs. As your friend and also nosey bitch, how are things going with Hailey? Are you guys co-parenting okay? I forgot how much you fucking rambled and even I'm overwhelmed at this point. You would be a great addition to Selena and I's 3AM sleepover talks. We'd probably have to chloroform you to get a word in edgewise. Violence against men! Yay! I mean, like... if we even wanna go there. We probably don't. Taking us back to this century please. Taylor in the middle. Thank you. Folklore is probably one of my most beautifully written albums along with Evermore, so it's always nice when it gets some love. Benjamin is an actual human baby, I'm convinced. No other cat wants to be carried around all day like a fucking baby like this guy does. Maybe him and Jack can have playdates? He's practically human anyway. I agree. My mental health is so much better without certain people™ in it. Skoot skoot, motherfucker. Instead of skeet... get it? All the stickers are going to be me related, so... have fun with those. And the cookie may or may not be half eaten. Depends on if I'm hungry enough... it may be gone. Sorry. Seriously though, you should try my cinnamon chai's with eggnog frosting during the holidays. Not to toot my own skaboot, but they are always a favorite at holiday parties.

i accept jack as my emotional support human and also my tiny ceo. blanket energy is so last season. we’re elevating now — straight to sonnet-writing, bestie-basket-building, cat-squad-leading cinematic energy. that’s the only lane i drive in now. and yes. this collab is officially written in the stars. how could it not be when we’re basically out here writing each other 16th-century letters by carrier pigeon at this point? dear lady swift, i pen this by candlelight... also — not to expose myself even further — but yeah, folklore supremacy forever. evermore is obviously beautiful and should be respected like fine wine, but folklore? that album hit like an emotional sledgehammer wrapped in a poetry book. it’s the soundtrack to staring out windows during thunderstorms. full stop. i am the folklore blanket you left draped over a chair at a cabin in the woods. you thinking i need to get checked out for cereal/mulan soundtrack syndrome has me wheezing. listen, if belting out "let's get down to business!" over a soggy bowl of cinnamon toast crunch is wrong, i don’t wanna be right. broski is fully committed to the bit. there’s no saving me. and don’t even start — swaddling benjamin? zero weirdness. in fact, i feel like there should be a whole line of luxury cat swaddles. market that. i'd buy them for you and pretend it was my idea. also, yes, amen to breaking the internet for an actual reason instead of balancing a glass of overpriced bubbly on someone's perfectly sculpted glutes. pardon the petty, but i’m petty adjacent right now too. it's the moon or whatever. we'll blame astrology. and not to be that guy but… yeah. life without certain people™ hanging around is just... better. you don't realize how much noise they bring into your headspace until they’re gone. now it’s just me, my kid, some very dramatic spotify playlists. also, laughing because of course 90% of the bestie basket is for jack. as it should be. i’ll happily accept the leftover 10% — a couple stickers, a mini bottle of hand sanitizer, maybe a half-eaten cookie. no complaints. jack deserves the world. i’ll just be honored to get a participation trophy.

[tayalisn]

Yay, I feel special! I won't and one hundred percent -- no pressure. I know masterpieces take time. Megan called me a fellow stallion at the Grammy's and I just about fell out of my imaginary chair. I could never be that bad. With the way she moves? Never.

you get a pass for being one of those people so i'll give you the scoop. i have actually. don't ask me where we're at in the process because that'll be a mess of an answer but at least i've been to the studio and messed around a bit. no one can tell me shit now after you saying that. but please, it's legit the least i could be doing and plus it'll be a legendary duet so i'll be benefitting from it, too. feeling's mutual.

[tayalisn]

With the way you're talking now, I don't think you'd ever get thrown into that category. God bless. That is seriously so important and I'm happy you provide those. I always see so many memes with men trying to figure out what the numbers mean on the packages and I laugh every time. At least they are trying, right? Especially with Playtex sport... they're all like... are you going into sport mode today? Or are you more of a secret agent vibe with the Kotex security tampons? Oh, how fancy. I don't think I've ever smelled it, but I know it must be delicious. It's okay. At least I'm making money off of them, right? Savage. You are speaking to the choir, sir. Seriously. Why thank you so much! I mess up like every single person on this planet, but I at least try to be a decent human being.

there are, unfortunately. i just hope i never get tossed into that category. i have always had a profound respect for women. i already have those. it took me a while to understand the difference in the numbers on the packaging, but now i'm a tampon buying pro. this is very elite of me, but i really like the dior sauvage body gel. it was the only scent that would last during long shoot nights, and i didn't smell like a garbage can after work. sounds like that not so great track record is a bunch of morons who fumbled you, and that sounds like a them problem. the world only wants to focus on you because you are a woman and there is this stigma that women are immediately at fault when a relationship doesn't work, and i'm not okay with that. you seem like a wonderful human being with a great head on her shoulders, most men just can't handle a woman who knows how to handle herself. it's actually really nice. i used it a couple of times myself and almost fell asleep in the shower.

[tayalisn]

The fact that you trust me with your heart is so cute and special to me. I promise not to drop it or break it. It's my special lil heart. Girl, you need to stop working and enjoy yourself every once in awhile. I know I sound like a hypocrite... but... do it. Maybe at least once? But, no pressure. Maybe take a vacation instead? Exactly. Having your own private concert is better anyways. You don't have to worry about singing off key or dancing like a fool.

i love a good gaga headline, and megan never disappoints, but taylor allison swift owns my heart. of course i gotta keep a look out for my favorite musical genius. for the longest time i've always been working so i've never had the chance to go, and after a while the urge to do it just kind of died. i can't have fomo about something i no longer care about. right? and i can sing as loud and obnoxiously as i want and no one can judge me.

[tayalisn]

As much as it pains me to hear you being disappointed in me, I need you to know one thing. You're Michael B. Jordan, you don't need an invitation, dude. You walk in and the crowd goes wild. I was hoping you'd show up and whisk me away, honestly. 'Cept your presence in the crowd definitely would've made me nervous... in the best way. Besides, I didn't know you were a Swiftie... color me shocked and intrigued. Very... intrigued. You even had an outfit planned and everything? Hey, listen, it's not too late. You can always show up to my place in your Lover pastel suit and your sexy Reputation leather jacket. Just... don't be surprised when they end up on the floor in my very private rendition of Vigilante Shit. Oops?

i just gotta get something off my chest. i’ve been carryin’ this around for a minute now, and it’s eatin’ me up inside. how in the name of jesus did you not invite me to the eras tour? me. michael b. jordan. creed himself. killmonger! i fought wakanda and still made time for friendship. i’m out here, rehearsing imaginary choreography in the mirror, singin’ “all too well (10 minute version)” like i lived it… and yet? my phone? silent. not a single “hey, mike, come vibe with me under the lights.” i had outfits planned, taylor. a lover-era pastel suit, a reputation-era leather jacket… i even had friendship bracelets made. “MBJ <3 TS” — platinum beads. you broke my heart, swift. @tayalisn

[tayalisn]

That actually sounds amazing. Dancing around with all of our little forest friends and mixing potions. Can I be a witch and you can be a forest nymph? I've always wanted to be one. A good witch though... sometimes. I like to spite my enemies every once in awhile. I don't, but, I'll do some research and get back to you. Thank you. I hate how I'm so hard on myself, but it is what it is. At least I've learned some boundaries when it comes to myself and my career. I'm not as uptight as I used to be. They do. My little feline army. The girls have been mad at me since I started tour and now I'm just gaining their love back. His hair is incredible, honestly. I'm amazed by the defying gravity moment hairstyle and I was also surprised to learn that Billie came to one of my shows. It was an honor.

Forest crowns might have just tipped me in your favor of all this living off the wild stuff. We'd be some pretty little wood nymphs, dancing around as we pick berries from bushes. Hopefully you would know which ones are edible for humans otherwise we might be in trouble. Don't feel bad! You deserve some rest and relaxation after all the work you've been putting in lately. Have to give your fur children all the attention in the world. They need your love and devotion more than anyone else. Green Day was also amazing and my crush on Billie Joe Armstrong became a living, breathing thing all over again.

[tayalisn]

Would it really be a surprise if it was working? You're Adria Arjona, girl. We love a queen who matches energy. Right? I agree. Or the lil gold robot guy... he's a queen. We love him. Really? I don't know if I'm edgy enough. I was only edgy for like... an era and see how long that lasted. Wildly inappropriate meaning some boobage and buttage? Cause I can do the boobage... not so much the buttage department. The Tortured Buttage Department... my newest album. You do? I better get it right then.

me? trying to make you blush? never... unless it's working, then maybe just a little. combust away, babe, i’ll be right there combusting with you, matching chaotic energy like it's a team sport. and honestly, if someone doesn’t love carrie fisher, that’s a red flag the size of a small country. you absolutely could rock combat boots, don't lie to me, but i’ll accept the compliment because it’s you. wildly inappropriate is officially the dress code and i expect nothing less from us. as for the voice note... listen, you think you’re ready, but i take breakfast ingredient seduction very seriously. proceed with caution.

[tayalisn]

TAYLOR SWIFT at the 81st Golden Globe Awards (Jan 07, 2024)

[tayalisn]

Sounds pretty wild? You know who you're talking to, right? I lost my mind years ago. We know this. Right? I love to hear about your life, what you cooked, or even the dogs at 3 AM. It's a treat. Duh. You're allowed a front row seat in the studio, babygirl. I have faith there will be some good names. I don't know. Am I cool enough to play Coachella? I feel like I have to be more like Charli or Lorde -- they know how to get the party started.

I could never???? 2 am when I'm half asleep sounds pretty wild to be texting someone about the coolest camping set up that I found. Although, it is our friendship and it's not uncommon at 3 am to send things back and forth. Bless. Do I get to hear it early too? Pfft, a big fan of me? I think I'm your biggest fan, obviously. You know what? I'm down. Hopefully next year has some good names to it. I'd say one of these years it'd be you. But Coachella would never be ready for that.

[tayalisn]

Don't act like you wouldn't say the same thing... Please. You're the biggest man child I know, Joseph. Aw, you want me to be nice to you? Earn it, loverboy. Lies! The algorithm does lie and maybe I searched you once... that was it. And now Tiktok thinks I have some weird Joe Jonas obsession. Could never be me. Well, you know what, there's always time to become a Swiftie. Earn your newfound title. Wanna be Mr. Perfectly Swiftie Fine?

'suck it', really? are you 12? and i know you're known for the chaotic songs but there's some love in yours, too, so maybe channel that side a little more. and by a little more, i mean with me specifically. no, no - the algorithm never lies sooooo i know what you've been up to. no, you shut up. you wish i was. i wasn't anywhere near the cabinet in the swift fan club rankings. that's all wishful thinking and i'm getting the strong vibe that you wish it was true and wish it was the case now.

[tayalisn]

See... I'm like a grandma and in bed by 9 PM every night. I like to party, clearly. I wish I could tell you that I do, but I don't. I end up foraging through the kitchen often until I find a bag of shredded cheese and annihilate it. Or... I just start writing. The best thing is when I'm finally asleep, the cats act like maniacs at 3 AM and wake me back up again. The 3 AM zoomies are a very real thing. Have you ever tried reducing screen time before bed? People say that helps... obviously people who aren't addicted to Tiktok. Could never be me.

some nights are better than others but insomia is something that still gets me more often than not: the plan will be to be a proper adult and pass out by eleven at least and then i'll blink and it's 3am and i'm watching tiktoks on turtle hatching. do you have any tried and true methods that always help whenever you can't sleep or do you just suffer through the hours until dawn hits and hope that you can make it through the morning? @hazestarters

[tayalisn]

Emotional support... who? Can't you just be normal and have a blanket or something... or a baby? Jack can be your emotional support human. Writing me sonnets? Alright, now we must collab. It's in the cards. Especially since you know I'm writing sonnets all damn day long. Folklore candle sets, huh? Is this you declaring your favorite era? I must say, I'm impressed. Most people's favorite era is Evermore and I feel like Folklore has always been at the bottom, so... my Folklore heart is full. You can't even pour a bowl of cereal without hearing that Mulan song? From bestie to bestie... I think you need to get checked out, bro. Broski is full thrust in and he's belting out, "LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS TO DEFEAT THE HUNS!" Help... help is needed. Benjamin really is. My little baby boy. My only boy. I need to learn how to swaddle Benjamin. Can you teach me? You're just swaddling Jack and I'm over here swaddling my cat. I'm weird. I'm a weird person. Listen, I'm glad. Not to sound like a hater, but, I'm glad something as powerful as our collab could break the internet... and not a picture of someone balancing champagne on their ass. Sorry... feeling petty. I'm over it now. I'm glad you finally came to your senses about him, though. Don't you feel so much better without him in your presence? Oh! Like you always say, cinematic and layered. I love it. I love the vibes. Someone take a video camera and film you in black and white. Let's make this a movie. You're really curious about this bestie basket, huh? Well, knowing me, only the finest of goods. Ninety percent for Jack... and about ten percent for you. And no whining. It's his world now. He gets all the gifts.

okay, hold up, let me grab my emotional support helmet because you’re coming in hot and i’m loving every second of it. layered and cinematic was just the start — keep this up and i’m gonna be out here writing you sonnets and tying them to the bestie basket you’re about to ship over. i’ll take mine with some folklore candle scents and maybe a custom cat battle armor set, thanks. honestly, bad blood part 2 with a literal army of feral, beautiful cats sounds like the revenge anthem the world didn’t know it needed. meredith would be the general, olivia the strategist, and benjamin would just be out there distracting the enemies with his pure vibes. also, no, you are not crazy for bursting into "let's get down to business to defeat the huns!" — because same. that song lives rent-free in my head at all times. i cannot even pour a bowl of cereal without hearing it. it’s the battle cry of our generation. benjamin truly is too pure. like if golden retrievers were somehow reincarnated into perfect, squishy little cats? that’s him. and yeah… i still can’t fully believe it. one minute you're worrying about tour outfits and studio sessions, the next you’re googling "how to swaddle a baby without them looking at you like you owe them rent." boss baby is 1000% real and he's got the tiniest, most powerful grip on my soul. are you kidding me? we wouldn’t just break the internet — we’d annihilate it. the swiftie and belieber crossfire would cause seismic activity. news outlets would be calling it "the great pop quake of 2025." the cat army would be our PR team. don’t worry — he who must not be named is permanently on mute. your razor scooter threat lives rent-free in my heart. someone may or may not have blasted "the tortured poets department" on a suspicious amount of late-night drives while pretending they were in an indie film about lost love and self-discovery. no shame. now tell me, what’s going in this bestie basket?

[tayalisn]

I love that you know exactly the sound I'm talking about. We can call it... the possessed cat noise... because that's honestly what it sounds like. A prop machete? A prop? They wouldn't trust me with a real one? Valid as fuck. I'd be swinging that thang around like nobodies business. Watch out! Bambi on ice coming through! It can be kind of stupid though. All the nice things, make up for the stupid things, I guess. Standing in the corner is totally my vibe right now. Just watching... observing... taking it all in. Plotting against world domination? Let's fucking do it. That's the kind of Reputation vibes I need right now. Maybe plotting against men, excluding protector of the dolls and the gentleman that plays Joel's brother because I love him? What do you think?

the mad cat noise visual is way too real, i’m wheezing. honestly though? that's the kind of chaotic energy that would absolutely thrive on our set, so no apologies needed. they wouldn’t send you away — they’d hand you a prop machete and say, "you're one of us now." and listen — never call your mouth stupid again, ok? your mouth is a national treasure. a gift to this earth. It speaks only truths, especially about pedro's fashion statements and thunderbolt premieres. if standing in the corner is your vibe right now, i’ll stand right there with you. we can be creepy together. silent, but judging... and maybe plotting. (plotting what? who knows. something chaotic and heartfelt probably.)

[tayalisn]

Say the word, babe, and I'll be there faster than you can say my name. I feel like "Where the Crawdads Sing" was one of the coolest and meaningful movies I've ever wrote music for. Amazing, A+++ movie. I cried... like a fucking baby.

fully requesting you to come and sing the song for another one of my movies because honestly? i miss having an excuse to gush about you in press interviews. would you ever do another movie song? @tayalisn

[tayalisn]

Vigilante Shit, most definitely. Not so much therapeutic... but definitely a statement kind of song if you will. Always makes me feel so powerful and vindicated after I perform it.

I was not expecting it to be a hard question yet I totally understand the answer along with the reasonings behind it. Any other songs you felt like a free therapy session was had during you getting to sing it?