taylorhq

[taylorhq]

taylor: i did too and she basically ripped me a new one. taylor: she is entitled to be upset and angry and all of those negative emotions, i just hate that they're directed at me... or well... us. taylor: i will try my best to be careful with him, kenny. i mean that. but it really feels like he's turned over a new leaf. taylor: can we please meet up and drink until i forget about barbara and her army of haters?

kendall: barb has never been big on secrecy. i reached out to her recently to talk things through, but the ball is in her court. kendall: i can, at the very least, admit that i fucked up on my end. she's entitled to her being upset and honestly i don't think i'd ever want to be in her shoes for this one.. kendall: i wish you the best of luck, girl. just be careful is all i'll say. 🤷‍♀️ kind of telling he's falling back and letting you and i take the heat for a mistake he was equally apart of.

[taylorhq]

taylor: nobody was supposed to see that, so can we just pretend you didn't? taylor: i'm not okay, so yes to the evening of laughing at fashion fails. taylor: as long as you promise to not try to get me talking about everything going on.

── 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓 ➤ 𝐓𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐎𝐑

alexa: don't think i didn't catch a glimpse of you walking by looking upset alexa: i tried to catch you but i literally nearly fell in to a fountain on the way. it wasn't there when i first arrived. i'm sure someone placed it there to fuck me over. alexa: anyways.. tell me darling — are you okay ?? you need an evening of laughing at the worlds most catastrophic fashion failures ?? [ @taylorhq ]

[taylorhq]

private: she didn't take it well, but i guess i should've expected that. so i'm coming to your room now and we're cuddling until i forget that this day ever happened. no wait... until this whole week is forgotten. i miss my house and my own bed and not being surrounded by people who despise me.

private: hey, you know i'm always here for you, babe. go and talk with her if you need to, just know that i'll be right here waiting when you're back.

[taylorhq]

it wasn't like she could change anything about what had gone down, so taylor was slowly realizing she needed to just roll with the punches. simultaneously she was wondering whether or not she'd even change anything if given the chance. the only thing that stuck out in her mind was telling barbara herself, instead of the news being broken by someone else. the rest she wasn't so sure about, because all of the shit brought her to jacob. jacob who had been nothing but sweet and attentive to her needs, and who seemed to be a changed man. how could this be the same guy who had put barbara through a world of hurt? the same guy who'd fucked his way through a string of models? she couldn't help but wonder what had changed. was it him in general or was it jacob in regards to her? taylor pushes the thoughts far from her mind, choosing instead to attempt to be in the moment, rather than to think of the woman she'd considered her best friend for years, knowing that if she did she wouldn't get a wink of sleep tonight.

taylor continues to spin the ring on her finger out of nervous habit, listening to jacob speak and hearing the sincerity in his voice. "no, it's… it's on both of us," she says in a gentle tone of voice and with a slight shake of her head. the nerves are clear in her voice, and it causes her to raise her head and look him in the eye. "i'm slowly understanding that it doesn't really matter what's expected of us," her words come out on a breath and she shrugs slightly, a tiny hint of a smile playing on the side of her lips. "we just need to do what's right for us," her words come out a little shaky and she hopes he doesn't notice the nerves apparent in her voice, shaking hands and the heavy thrumming of her heartbeat. "i believe you," taylor sighs contentedly and squeezes his hand back, her smile growing a little. "so… " she starts and looks up and down the hallway, before facing him again. "can we go make sure all my stuff is here, and then hang out?" there's a pleading tone to her voice as she lowers her shoulders and moves her free hand to her stiff neck. "i need a full day of r&r after those drinks on the flight," a small giggle accompanies her words, and she looks up at jacob, her hand going from her neck to his cheek and then running her fingers down to his chest, subconsciously laying her hand over his heart.

the one thing jacob does regret is putting taylor in this position and sinking her reputation alongside of his when at the heart of things, she truly didn't deserve all the hate against her. you can't help who you fall for, right? at least jacob hadn't planned on feeling this way for someone who also happened to be barbara's close friend. the thought of suppressing his emotions for a person who was no longer in his life didn't seem fair (especially since that same person was presently all loved up with another guy). though he wouldn't presume to understand female friendships, jacob still found it ridiculous that barb was this infuriated by the idea of him and taylor together. sure, they were exes and had a tumultuous relationship, but that was all in the past now. they'd both moved on and if he and taylor wanted to be together, it wasn't any of barb's business - at least that was how he viewed it from his end. if anything, she should be rooting for the happiness of her friend. okay, maybe that was taking a little bit far given how he and barb left things on an extremely sour note - but he still felt that she was blowing this whole thing out of proportion. most of all, he hated seeing how upset taylor was, knowing he was at the root cause of it.

"i know you weren't kidding and i'm prepared to do anything to make this situation better. none of this is your fault... at least most of it isn't and i feel like a complete asshole for dragging you into my mess." he runs an anxious hand through his hair, a sigh falling from his lips as he searches for the right words to show her how serious he is about this. about her. he wouldn't be doing this with anyone else. hell, there hasn't been another woman on his mind but taylor since they met. "that was a thoughtless decision, i never should've asked her in the first place and i promise you that won't happen again. i just thought that bringing a date to cannes with expected of me and since you turned me down, i went with an alternative option. i swear there's nothing going on between me and her or anyone else, for that matter. you have me, taylor." he emphasizes the last statement as he turns to face her, gently taking her hand and squeezing it so she can feel how much he means what he's saying. "i just want you. i want to take you out on that date and more dates after that. i haven't stopped thinking about you for the last week and i just want this to work out."

[taylorhq]

this ain't for the best my reputation's never been worse, so you must like me for me / @taylorhq

[taylorhq]

The Edge of Love (2008) dir. John Maybury

[taylorhq]

private: you're one hundred percent entitled to feel all this anger towards me, and i will leave you alone for as long as you want me to, which clearly is forever and always. i should've been upfront and honest, and i know that. things transpired in the worst possible way and i own up to what i did and i'll have to live with all of this for the rest of my life; both the dishonesty and deceit, but also pushing away the best friend i've ever had. wanting to go out with jacob was never planned and we haven't even been on a date yet, but that doesn't change how things are and how they've played out. i'll back away and i won't reach out from here on out, but please know that i wish you all the happiness in life, even during my one way trip to hell.

private: no! taylor, i can't stress this enough but you need to leave me the hell alone for as long as i'm still breathing and even then, even after my passing, i would still encourage you to stay far away from me in the afterlife. though i'm fairly sure that you'd get a one way ticket to hell. the fact that you didn't tell me nor had the decency to be upfront about your situation makes me so resentful like you have no idea! do not act as if you know me or knew what was best for me. you were stripped of that privilege the second you thought to yourself that going out with jacob was your best option. but you know, the two of you deserve each other. dumb and dumber, right? fuck out of here with your fucking feelings towards him. it's so icky, i can't… at least kendall just fucked him to get over someone else, but you?? no, you had to be a sneaky bitch and catch feelings when you know what he did to me! i would never, and i can't emphasize this enough, never show any kind of loyalty towards someone who deliberately hurt you! no, you know what, you're a chickenshit, a twofaced backstabbing shrew and you need to back the hell away from me. right now!

[taylorhq]

private: i don't even know where to start, but i'd like to start with saying i'm sorry. i know that doesn't make things better or make any of this okay, but i need you to know that my biggest regret in life will always be not telling you about what was going on, as it happened. i'm not sure it would've made things any better, but at least you wouldn't have had to find out through a chain of people, when you deserved hearing it straight from me. the reason i haven't reached out to you until now, was because i needed to give you time to process. not because i'm too much of a wuss to have this conversation, but because had i come to you right after you were told about all this, we we more than likely wouldn't have made any headway in the conversation. i never meant for things with jacob to develop, but they did and that being despite all you went through with him. i know i'm a shit person, and i know i make shit decisions and i'll own up to that, but you need to know how sorry i am. i completely understand that us not being friends anymore is what has to happen from here, since there's no trust there any longer, but please know i'll always cherish having had you in my life and all our memories, despite having tarnished them with lies and deceit. / @barbellasp

[taylorhq]

private: i know we're still figuring things out and stuff, but you're one of extremely few people who like me right now, so i'm going to need a big ass hug from you at the end of the day. i'm going to have a talk with barbara to talk about things, so i just wanted to prepare you, i guess. / @jacobnat

[taylorhq]

private: i'm sorry, ni. you don't have to defend me to anyone. i know i'm not exactly anyone's favorite person right now, including yours, so it's fine. i didn't reach out because i wanted her to have time to process, not because i'm hiding away. i know she's a person who internalizes, so i just wanted her to be able to air out her thoughts with someone before i'd go to her for a much needed conversation. but you're right... i've realized she's not going to come at me on a rampage 'cause it's unlike her, so i'll go to her today. .

private: you make it fuckin' hard defending you, taylor. why haven't you reached out to barbara? i'm here speaking on your behalf, to stop all the shit that's been coming your way like a fucking assault rifle, but also because i thought you had at least tried to redeem yourself. you need to get your arse out of hiding and face the storm like an adult. / @taylorhq

[taylorhq]

oh, sweetie. i'm sorry. i can check with joe, but i doubt he'll mind you crashing with us. and if he does, we can go sleep in the cabanas by the pool together.

do you think anyone would take pity on me and let me sleep on their couch? my whole situation is so awkward and i just wanted to enjoy this trip. it certainly put a wrench in my plans. @taylorhq

[taylorhq]

taylor: i'm just feeling sad and guilty, i guess. taylor: she hasn't confronted me either, so i'm giving her time to process. taylor: i don't think it's because it's jacob, although it certainly doesn't help. i'm pretty sure more than anything it's because we kept it from her. taylor: i like him enough that i risked everything. i just need to figure out what the hell that means.

kendall: i feel guilty too but.. kendall: what are we supposed to do? she wont even confront us about it. kendall: jacob isn't all bad. i don't think it should be an issue especially bc she's so happy with shawn. kendall: no, you're not dumb. you have feelings like a normal human being. you like him, you should go for it.

[taylorhq]

throughout the entire drive, she barely says a word to jacob other than thanking him for picking her up, too stuck in her own head to talk. seeing him again stirs something within her and she needs to sort out those emotions along with her hangover, before she can say more. her eyes are locked out the passenger side window during the drive, hidden behind sunglasses, while her mind travels a million miles a minute. her head is a mix of a headache and thoughts about the fact that barbara hasn't reached out, despite knowing about the entire situation with jacob. she knows her best friend well enough to know she's more than likely processing the entire thing, but not having heard from her and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting.

she takes jacob's hand when stepping out of the car but lets go of it again under the pretense of adjusting the strap of her purse and pushing her sunglasses up into her hair; in reality she isn't ready to hold his hand, knowing they need to have a conversation about where they stand and what they're doing before any type of pda. while they head towards her room, her head pounds in tandem with every step, but as she listens to his words she suddenly stops in her tracks and places a hand on his arm, effectively hindering him from continuing his long strides. "jacob… i want to see where this… this… thing between us goes," she starts and looks up at him through long lashes. "but i wasn't kidding about the groveling," she says with a small smile, that quickly fades as she continues. "i need to know that you're serious about all this, because i'm not jumping in head first if you're only dipping your toe in to test the waters," taylor's words are spoken in a soft, slightly trembling voice and she averts her gaze. "your words are one thing, but your actions are another. you asking gigi to walk the red carpet with you, was an action that completely contradicted your words. even if you only had friendship in mind," she continues, nervously spinning a ring around her finger. this wasn't where she'd expected to have this conversation — in a hotel hallway in cannes, but there they were, "so please… show me that you're serious about this, while we're here, and when we get back we can go on that date we talked about."

although he should care more about what other people thought of him, the simple fact was that jacob could truly give less of a fuck about the drama surrounding him. he had slept with kendall on a whim - not a wise choice, for obvious reasons, but it was shaping up to be a one-time thing especially now that taylor was in the picture. and the truth was, jacob was incredibly drawn to taylor in spite of the consequences that dating barbara's friend didn't bode well for either of them. logic told him not to pursue this and yet here he was, picking taylor up from the airport and driving them back to the villa they were staying in. he knew he was walking on eggshells around her ever since it got out that he and gigi planned on being each other's dates to cannes, but he wasn't quite sure where he stood now that he'd called it off.

as he hands the car keys to the valet and helps taylor out of the passenger side of his car, jacob pauses for a moment just to look at her. she's so effortlessly gorgeous and he's had to force himself not to stare too long lest he gets drowned in the cerulean blue of her eyes. it takes every ounce of self-control not to take her hand in his as they walk up to her hotel room. "i'm sorry, by the way. for causing you so much grief yesterday about gigi and everything. but i want to make this up to you. i only have eyes for you, taylor. i mean that." / @taylorhq

[taylorhq]

private: yeah, i honestly thought all he wanted was a hookup. but he made it perfectly clear that he wanted more than just a hookup, so i'm kind of just rolling with the punches at this point. if you want to pretend you had no idea, go for it. it's not like i'm the most popular person in cannes right now, so i get not wanting to be associated with me. i'm apparently public enemy number one to like half the people here. like you support my decisions, i support yours. that was tremendous acting, sweetie. i'm in cannes now, rooming with joe and i doubt he'd mind two gorgeous girls in our hotel room getting their drink on. so are you swinging by?

private: i'm doing nothing but supporting your wrongs, my love. a date? oh, gosh. this seems to be a lot more than just a casual hookup. i'll be there when this inevitably goes up in flames, but can i hide out now and act as though i had no idea? -- what? taylor and jacob hooked up?! -- how was that? believable enough? at this rate, you'll have to wait until cannes to get our drink on.

[taylorhq]

taylor marie hill attends the 2023 cannes film festival

[taylorhq]

taylor: we'll definitely be the social pariahs of cannes film festival, that's for sure. we gotta stick together. taylor: i feel /so/ guilty, ken. taylor: like... for some messed up reason i'm starting to like jacob even though i shouldn't and it shouldn't be an issue since barb's dating shawn and is all kinds of happy. taylor: but i still feel this nagging sense of guilt in the pit of my stomach. taylor: and i have a feeling only alcohol will make it go away. taylor: am i really as dumb as people say?

📲 𝒔𝒎𝒔. → taytay

kendall: seems like we've been banished off the face of the earth, at least we've still got each other 😂 kendall: apparently it is the end of the world and jacob elordi is barb's end all be all. like aren't you happy with shawn? why do u care what ur ex is doing??

[taylorhq]

📱𝗶𝗠𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲 » fuckboi elordi

taylor: i'm trying really hard to not think about your reputation and just think of you and me as people. i want to trust you so bad. taylor: and there's something here... you and me. taylor: it's just a constant battle between head and heart. past and present. it's exhausting.

📱┊𝐬𝐦𝐬 → taylor 👸🏻

jacob: my attention isn't going to fucking shift jacob: i haven't liked anyone this much in a long time jacob: can you forget my reputation and just trust me? let me show you how much i want this to work jacob: of course i'll pick you up