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[tcx-mania]

My boyfriend: what’s wrong babe?

Me: I’m having a really off day and feeling depressed a little. Thalias home sick and I had to leave her with my mom and work is stressing me out beyond belief lately. And everyone wants me time and I miss them but I’m exhausted. On top of it, I have been having these dreadful feelings of wanting to change my track and I’m always always always thinking about what my big move will be and how I can change the world or do something more fulfilling and I’m sick of having my inspiration crushed every day when I feel like I have so much inside and yet I know none of it matters because we’re all just little ants in the universe. I just want to be with my loved ones and live a deliberate life and sometimes it feels so far away. And I think what’s the most painful for me is that I try to really think about what that means and what it is exactly I want and my thoughts get all jagged and fuzzy and unclear and I can’t think straight. I need time to think and create a solution, but I’m not even sure if I could come up with one. Some days I want to be a teacher and other days I want to write a book and some days I want to open a business and other days I want to be a librarian and it just goes on and on. I’m overwhelmed by how much there is to learn and yet I want to learn it all but I can’t even retain it because I can’t take notes when I’m driving when I have the time and brainpower. I think I’m just fatigued from being sick and shark week coming and everything else.

Me (what I actually say): I’m just feeling off. I don’t want to burden you with my overwhelming thoughts. I’ll be okay <3

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Grateful AF

I just needed to take this moment to be thankful. Thankful for all that I have.

My body which aches and tells me that I'm alive and reminding me that my health is important. It bears me the ability to move and partake in activities that I enjoy and allow me to make a difference in this world with ease. My teeth which are imperfectly there and holding strong reminding me that I must take care of them. My hair which is strong and healthy and beautiful making me feel feminine and powerful. My eyes and senses which allow me to be in touch with and interact with the world in a way that is irreplaceable.

My brain which can take in new information and my mind that has the desire to learn and grow. A mind that is accepting of challenges and has the ability to see things in ways that others can't. That tries to find the good in all and give the benefit of the doubt.

My spirit which can remain positive even during trials and tribulations and has a desire for fun, experience, and learning, and has the ability to reflect and forgive myself when I fall short of my own expectations and others'.

My job which is challenging to my knowledge, intellect, learning, skills reminding me that I am a little fish in a big pond that can make a difference with the right amount of ambition and discipline. Where I'm surrounded by a culture of people and coworkers who love nature and fun and kindness and try their best inspiring me to be a higher level. And a boss that I hold dearly in my heart and look up to and respect.

My home which needs cleaning and maintenance remind me that I have warmth and safety and that good things come with a price. A place that connects me to my family and gives me the space I need to express myself and feel at home.

Clean water in "abundance" that I can so easily take for granted for cleaning, showering, and drinking. Clean air that I can breathe in-- free of a mask. Containing the air and molecules breathed in my my ancestors and all those before me. Ordinary and extraordinary all the same.

The Internet and smartphones which provide access to unlimited information and software that can spread knowledge of nearly anything you could ask for. Reminding me of the blessing I have for speed of communication and education at my fingertips if I'm willing to look carefully.

My car which allows me to not only get from place to place, but brings me there in a way that I can pass safely. It's loud sounds reminding me that I am in a car and traveling with speed and that driving is fun. Giving me an accessible way to feel the wind on my face and enjoy peace and time to myself. Where I can meditate and think and find solace.

My country that I live in which has blessed me with the freedom of expression and a place I can feel accepted and grants the opportunity to work hard and contribute to society and earn money that I can spend however I want and have food to eat and feed my loved ones. A government that isn't perfect and teaches us that there is always more room for growth and progress and revolution, but allows us the space to try to make a difference.

A world that has strange and wonderful unimaginable beauty. A place where different creatures with unique strengths and weakness that remind me that being different is a necessary part of life and a spectacle at that. Where mother nature is in charge and will thrive above all. Where one can realize the divinity of interconnectedness and love. Where all experiences that us as humans take place. A world that I am grateful to be a part of and reminds me that my life is short and must be lived. That anything good in this world comes with working hard, giving love, and having strength in self and others.

My living parents and brothers and sisters who are all unique and important to me-- each of them holding a piece of my heart. I wish them health, love, discipline, strength, wisdom, adaptability, peace, and happiness. They have shaped me both indirectly and directly into the person I am today. My extended family that I'm so proud to be related to and show me different sides of life.

Friends that accept me and act as a mirror to the person I am. Who are honest and helpful. Who share my different passions and laugh with me. Who want me to succeed and open my mind up to new ideas. Who I can count on when I really need the hand.

My daughter who teaches me so much every single day and walks each step in life as her own person. She embodies kindness, compassion, charity, love, brilliance, creativity, femininity, strength, patience, and fun. She empowers me to be an amazing role model and challenge myself and the characteristics I may have inherited so I can exercise virtues and heighten my emotional intelligence and encompass patience and find ways to cope with my feelings so that someday she can learn it through me and realize her true potential, encapsulate the essence of love, express herself authentically, and help others to do the same.

My boyfriend who loves me for who I am and makes me feel beautiful and wanted. His sweet touches that brush my hair or my back and holds me in a way that no other has ever done. With consideration and thoughtfulness providing me security in ways I never imagined feeling. And finally feeling heard and cared for by someone who wants me to grow and succeed. He grants me the independence and freedom that I need to become the person I was meant to become. A man who teaches me what it means to be a good partner.

There are so many things in this world I am thankful for and I couldn't possibly name them all, but for each of them I am blessed. Cheers to gratitude and happiness.

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Thoughts

Thought I would add a couple of the poems that I’ve written in more recent years. For the most part, my journaling has been spread across multiple notebooks with no formulated or organized method.

I’m hoping maybe someday I’ll have everything compiled over the years.

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You (2021)

Insanity commences.

Thoughts consume my mind--

Overcome and indomitable.

Looking for a sign

that I haven't imagined this

'Cause I'm cloudy, unconscious.

Drowning, but I'm safe

Breathing deeply, I'm aware

In-between lucid states.

Beyond bounds of concepts I'd known, I'm ethereal.

Unchartered, man-made, yet familiar and natural.

Stars that twinkle and colors unimaginable.

Trying to cling to anything tangible.

There's hues of red, I'm feeling warm.

A diffusion of you within my soul.

Do I let go? Do I succumb?

Intertwining my being; becoming one.

If I love, I therefore must am, I think.

Drifting away, still undeniably safe.

Could this be reality?

Am I grounded and centered?

The only answer is yes. It's you forever.

A beautiful construction my eyes open to,

Never changing because it's only you.

June 2021

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Written for me by a Wolf 🐺

Just want you to know I care alot I felt like I got shot by cupids arrow your touch feels nice it defrosts my heart that is covered in ice whenever you're around my life has been special you added some spice hope you don't take this the wrong way but hey rather be honest than have us manifest what the other is thinking with the idea bulb blinking your vibe is the sweetest thing I've seen in along while it makes my heart start clinking our connection something different it sometimes has me dumb founded and incoherent when I tell you how I feel I mean it with every pulse pop when I lay next to you I have a happy tear drop sometimes im nervous so I sweat from the top I feel like its too good to be true I remind myself not to be so blue so I decided to take your clue as your ocean eyes gives off a beautiful hue I enjoy the bliss and quality time from you I appreciate and evaluate how I spend my time you make me happier than a graduate so at this rate I want your ecstasy when we are passionate full filling eachothers fantasy being in your presence is like a sweet treat something tastey gluing to eachothers mental all pastey holding your hand is my favorite every moment we have had has been lit as our bodies and souls bind closer a bit im glad I showed you how to be treated its how a woman like you should have her proper fit ♥ I hope this puts a smile on your face this morning I mean every word full of grace I wanna take my time at a pace on what we re going for bcuz its not a race hoping that someday we can be tied together like a shoe lace good morning my dear. just know ill always be here till you tell me to disappear so till then ill enjoy every moment with you having no fear

12/19/21

_______________________________________________________

Bby why are you so perfect to the tee you have me stage fright like im at a spelling bee every time I can't wait till I see you again hee hee you're touch is addicting your heart and mind is a magical place and mysterious never have I seen something so encrypting I get lost in your eyes every time and I forget everyting stressful I can't get enough I keep begging like a seagull im hooked I want rehabilitation but I can't bcuz every moment with you feels like a vacation bby just let me try to caress and love you for a long duration im trying to be here for the good and bad long or short im ready to give true dedication let me show you what love really is and together we ll fly into the new years as a pair of turtle dove we fly away into our fantasy high above I wanna be drunk off your ecstasy I wanna be your dirty nasty little freak when im at my peak yes im a dirty whore but I only provide it to you im YOUR whore I just want more im sorry im just an unholy child at the core let me show you how it feels this type of love is known as folklore call it mythology ill be the weather man between ya thighs with the best meteorology I want to learn everything about you in the field of psychology im trying everyway possible like im the teacher and you're my prodigy keep letting me in I have no shame nor do I offer an apology let me take you out to see the world in everyway fuck applebee I want to make memories to cherish getting drunk off eachother like we re Irish sip ya tea of cum that reaches the bottom of ya bum eating ya like sweet candy making raunchy love like we re from the slum you have such a great brilliant mind you're far from dumb I enjoy how you are to me I feel sexy every time you lick n stick ya lips to mine attached like a tick just let me take a pick and ill be on point like ranger Rick I want to show you how it feels to feel this and im not trying to be slick im being genuine as possible in everyway when we speak never will I be a dick I want to lay down snuggle you're my sunshine that shines off the crown that gave me an upside down frown I want our families to merge at one point all way roun my goal is to eventually get married and stunt on these hoes together thru the town I want to be your last in other words and I'd say we'd have more than a blast I try to do this slow bcuz I don't want to go fast I wanna learn everything and be there for your past ill make your stress disappear when I go and cast my protection will never leave like my feelings they stay stuck like fruit peeling I accept who you are there's no dealing im going to bed 😊😘 you mean alot to me...

12/27/2021

[tcx-mania]

Cardi B Parody (2019)

I replied to him quickly 'cause I can't help it

Dress me down in these vans, girl, I'm not ratchet

Simple, simple, I look fine and my checks alright

No wonder, wonder, why I manage to sleep at night

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I think us nice females are a gift from God (gift from God)

I think you vicious bitches need to get declawed (get declawed)

Now, I'm a bro, I won't make everything complex

Morals so good, I will not ever disrespect

I might rub your back 'cause I felt it

Rub your neck 'cause you tense like it

Always cooking your most favorite dishes

I will cheerlead ya and stand by it

I cannot stop this groove, ay, this patience is wild, man

I got nothing to prove

If you aren't a nice girl, move, ay

To be present, I will present presents dails

I like men that pay attention to details

Your exes said they were honest, hard to tell ( I can tell)

My honesty makes our relationship excel

I replied to him quickly 'cause I can't help it

Dress me down in these vans, girl, I'm not ratchet

Simple, simple, I look fine and my checks alright

No wonder, wonder, why I manage to sleep at night

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

Look, broke hoes do what they can (can)

Good girls do what they told (told)

Bad bitches do what they want (they want)

That's why ya mans is so cold

I'm an angel in a vest, I'm a seraph in the bed

Only time that I'm a bully, when I make fun of your jest

You girls are ruthless, but I won't stoop to it

I'm so positive, it's my prerogative

Wash your car, 'cause you ain't got time for it

Taylor rockin' it, and you can't top it

Kind all the time, ain't no limit

I say what I want, but there's never spite in it

Only nice words come out my mouth, and only gentlemen go in it

Leave my texts on sent, leave his balls not blue

Turn my phone up loud in case one of his call comes through

Here's a word to my ladies

Make sure your always number one

If he can see your true heart, he will make you cum

I replied to him quickly 'cause I can't help it

Dress me down in these vans, girl, I'm not ratchet

Simple, simple, I look fine and my checks alright

No wonder, wonder, why I manage to sleep at night

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

I do, what is right, I do, I do

December 2019

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Untitled (2017)

Baby, come lay down with me.

Let's close our eyes and go to sleep,

But not before we smoke this weed.

And kiss me, babe, make love with me.

You should know I don't wanna plea.

Just, please, don't get the best of me.

Girl, are you lonely? Do you wanna stay? Let me make your fucking day.

Show you more than two plus two. Make x-cubed, just me and you.

Triple x, it's more than sex; raise your power, going for hours.

Let me get all in your mind, just relax, it's not a crime.

Hold me close, how do you love? Oh damn, I think I see your flaw.

That quick? Oh shit, that shit so quick. I want you bad cause you so thick.

I say the traits you first find cute are why you ever kick the boot.

I'll be real honest; it's only fair. Wouldn't try to break your heart, wouldn't dare.

Tried to see if you'd be my match, it's clear to me you're not a catch

Like my first love, but that last love is where it's at. Can't waste no time on boujie brats.

I'll play this game I know too well

I'll say it again, it's my anthem now:

Baby, come lay down with me.

Let's close our eyes and go to sleep,

But not before we smoke this weed.

And kiss me, babe, make love with me.

Remember that I don't want to plea.

Just please try not to get to me.

When you lick that blunt, when you roll, baby, roll again.

I can't look away, girl-on-girl, yuri, Mary Jane.

Want to take you home to mother. Feel that you'll just be another

Girl that I thought I’d keep, but you're bad news bears down deep.

I pray that all these ashes left on the coffee table

Prove that you're a mess. God, make me able.

Two befitting pieces of a puzzle that click but all in all do not fit.

You're great, don't leave. you down? You're a friend I wanna show off around town. (Wanna keep you around).

Not careful of your feelings, can't help it, but I try to have the best intentions about it.

Just know that I'm doing you a favor, I'm giving you a chance to find that flavor you savor.

I've played this game, I know it too well.

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

Baby, come lay down with me.

Let's close our eyes and go to sleep,

But not before we smoke this weed.

And kiss me, babe, make love with me.

Remember that I don't want to plea

Oh shit, you got the best of me.

February 2017

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Loving You Ignites My Spark (2020)

Body is tranquil; my soul, enchanted.

My mind is thankful; I won't take for granted

All that will be you, and was, and are.

Here and close, there, far.

Through the morning and night, at dusk and dawn,

You rule my thoughts nearly all day long.

Loving you is a breath of summer's breeze,

while looking up at the sun shining down through the trees.

It is the serenity I experience and cannot explain.

It's the sound of rain drops on a window pane.

Like sheer power from a warm embrace like a wave crashing down,

Yet tender and comforting, and I trust I won't drown.

Loving you is all I've wanted-- beyond fantasy.

My reason for being in this complex reality.

Loving you is natural; it's easy to see,

Yet there's all this ecstasy you instill in me.

There has never been at all, any matter to date

That I believe in with certainty and without debate

Aside from one that I cannot refute

and it is that loving you is my truest pursuit.

January 2020

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I had to read this three times to realize it didn’t say “the power of YEET”

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“He told me I deserved the world but he never once tried to give it to me.”

—

something I should have realised a long time ago 

(via written-on-polaroids)

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X-Files Episodes Organized by Philosophical Topic

Metaphysics

Fatalism: Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose (3.4), Monday (6.14)  Interactionism: Shadows (1.5), Fire (1.11), Excelsis Dei (2.11) Determinism, compatibalism, and/or human freedom: Aubrey (2.12) , Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose (3.4), Syzygy (3.13), Wetwired (3.23), Talitha Cumi (3.24), Synchrony (4.19) Disembodied existence: Shadows (1.5), Beyond the Sea (1.12), End Game (2.17), Elegy (4.22) Personal agency/autonomy: Ice (1.8), Pusher (3.17), Hell Money (3.19), Kitsunegari (5.8), Empedocles (8.17) Personal identity: Lazarus (1.15), Born Again (1.21), End Game (2.17), The List (3.05), Apocrypha (3.16), Herrenvolk (4.1), The Field Where I Died (4.5), Dreamland (6.4), Dreamland II (6.5) Psychological continuity: End Game (2.17), Herrenvolk (4.1), The Field Where I Died (4.5) Reincarnation: Lazarus (1.14), Born Again (1.21), The List (3.5), The Field Where I Died (4.5) Time travel (see David Lewis): Synchrony (4.19) Parallel universes: 4-D (9.4)

Epistemology

Belief [This is a major theme in the entire series, but it is especially prevalent in these episodes] (see James, Clifford): Beyond the Sea (1.12), E.B.E. (1.16), Colony (2.16), Quagmire (3.22), S.R. 819 (6.9) Cartesian skepticism: How the Ghosts Stole Christmas (6.6), Field Trip (6.21), Via Negativa (8.7) General epistemology: Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose (3.4), Jose Chung’s From Outer Space (3.20), Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man (4.7), Demons (4.23), Bad Blood (5.12) Pragmatism: The Erlenmeyer Flask (1.23), Little Green Men (2.1), all things (7.17) Fideism: all things (7.17)   

Ethics

Animal ethics: Red Museum (2.10), Fearful Symmetry (2.18) Biomedical ethics: Eve (1.10), Colony (2.16) Divine command theory ethics: Revelations (3.11) Environmental ethics: Darkness Falls (1.19), Quagmire (3.22) Ethical subjectivism: Home (4.3) Ethics of scientific research: Demons (4.23) Kantian ethics: Home (4.3), Small Potatoes (4.20) “Lifeboat” ethics: Død Kalm (2.19) Moral relativism: Excelsis Dei (2.11), Fresh Bones (2.15), Hell Money (3.19), Teso Dos Bichos (3.18), Kaddish (4.12) Moral responsibility: Irresistible (2.13) Virtue ethics: Apocrypha (3.16), Avatar (3.21), Zero-Sum (4.21) Moral education: Home (4.3)

Philosophy of mind

Artificial intelligence: Ghost in the Machine (1.6), Kill Switch (5.11)

Philosophy of religion

Faith and reason: Revelations (3.11), All Souls (5.17) Religious ambiguity: Essence (8.20), Improbable (9.13)

Philosophy of science

Abductive inference (see Peirce): Pilot (1.1) Axiological & normative issues in scientific research: Ice (1.7), Young at Heart (1.15), Soft Light (2.23)  Folk theories and scientific explanations: Teliko (4.4) The “Unexplanable”: Without (8.2), Invocation (8.5), Dæmonicus (9.3) Paradigm shifts (see Kuhn): The Erlenmeyer Flask (1.23)

Political philosophy

Government’s proper role in society: Blood (2.3), Musings of a Cigarette Man (4.7), The Pine Bluff Variant (5.18) Freedom of Religion: Roadrunners (8.4)

Existentialism

Beyond the Sea (1.12), Jose Chung’s From Outer Space (3.20), Talitha Cumi (3.24)

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Reblog and follow please!

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Some Possibly Helpful Awakening Survival Tips

* keep your mind open! * learn about energy points in the body, both physical and etheric, like the chakras * if meditation is difficult, start with visualization or guided meditation * love is the purest form of energy in the universe * as such, research vibration and frequency * yes, crystals can help * no, you are not going crazy * sometimes you can hear through things other than just your ears * you are not alone * YOU ARE NOT ALONE * nature heals * if you feel a longing for the stars, there is probably a very good reason why * not everything is as it seems, and not everything you see is real * knowledge is power * there are still a lot of people who aren’t where you are in terms of reality and consciousness; have patience, this is changing * get accustomed to the idea that we are far from alone in the universe * pay attention to repeating numbers and look up what they mean * it’s not a coincidence, it’s synchronicity ✌️ 💜 🌟

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