tdl09

[tdl09]

I Can't.

I can't do it. No, this isn't my resignation from life. Its just life itself. I'm stressed, I'm buried in homework and chores and life. Life is a bitch. On top of that, every minute I spend at home is answering her questions. She asks them constantly, incessantly. I know it isn't her fault, but that doesn't help my feelings. I know she can't control her dementia and anxiety, but that doesn't make me feel better, doesn't fix my stress. It's been like this for around 3 weeks now. Why don't I talk it out with my parents? Well, dad's sole response is to be patient, to be understanding. But what good is words and virtues? I'm 15, my brain hasn't even fully developed yet! For arguments sake, let's say I've had 5-6 years of learning patience and so on. That pales in comparison to my dad's 32 or so years of being patient. Yet I'm supposed to just suck it up and deal with it.

To circle back to the topic of questions, I wake up at 5:10 every morning. At around 5:20-25, I stumble out of my room and into the living room for a cup of coffee. From then on, my grandma will come out of her room every 5 to 10 minutes, stare at me, and ask if it's time to get up yet. We do this from 5:20 till I leave for school at 6:10-15. Then, I go to school and deal with shit there. There's always work to be done. And of course, I'm busy as a dog after school, so hw is hard.

School gets out at 2, and I head home. Usually I get home at 3 or so, depending on what activities I have. From the minute I walk into the house, it's the same old shit. More questions, more repeating. Something that's started today is lack of sight-memory. What I mean is that if she doesn't see you, she essentially forgets where you are no matter how many times you explain it. Grandma's gotten to the point that I can't even leave her sight without her wandering around to find me. If I'm in the bedroom working, she'll come in to check that I didn't leave her. And she'll do this wherever I am. Outside trying to de-stress and get away? She'll come outside and check to make sure I'm here. The worst part? Our cat is a household cat, and we have a screened-in porch. Every so often, grandma will stand out on the stairs and accidentally let the cat out. This cat never goes into the yard, so it takes at least 10 minutes to catch him.

You may have noticed I don't mention ma. She's still alive and active in my life, but she's just as tired as me and more. She's had to deal with this for as long as I and more. Plus, I'm just not comfortable talking with either ma or pa. Obviously, because I'm writing this out.

I'm not sure who'll read this, but goodbye.

That's all for now.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

[tdl09]

Yesterday was tiring. I got up at 5 and went to my church at 6 to help serve. I help set up everything in the morning, then I greet people half an hour before service, and I collect offering. Went home, worked on organizing my desk area. Finished up my final project for my Intro to Pysch Dual Enrollment class. Damn I was tired.

[tdl09]

Trying to be better about posting, honest. Yesterday, after school, me and the debate team drove up to Sarasota for a debate tournament today. We stopped at a pizza place, got pizza, and ate it in a park. Went on to our hotel and swam in the pool. Went to bed. Today was thr state championship.

The way Legislative Debate, my preferred event, works is that we have preliminary, then if you move on you go to semifinals. From there you go to finals. I didn't make it past prelims sadly. It is what it is. Awards were at 6 and went till 8. We left at like 9 and swung by McDonalds. Still not home.

Took some decent pics, I think. I was in a tree for the boring part of awards.

[tdl09]

Today I had school as usual, but after school I had practice for the Agricultural Mechanics FFA Team. I worked on welding T-welds with 7018 electrodes at 1/8 and 3/32. Worked steer with a desensitization stick and generally calmed him. Had virtual German Class.

[tdl09]

Welcome to my page. I'll be posting boring shit, just a recap of my day and my life.

Dats my new steer⬇️