teardropsandclouds - Tumblr blog

[teardropsandclouds]

"i swear on my life" bitch you're suicidal swear on something else

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one of my favorite sensations is when you can feel the ocean nearby without seeing it

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let’s be clear, intimacy isn’t just sex. it’s them mental check in’s, date nights, conversations, forms of affirmations, the small simple shit.

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Future me will be proud of what I’m doing now and that’s all that matters

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You are not a commodity or a product. You are a person.

Your trauma does not make you “damaged goods.”

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I never hated being a girl.

I lived it, in this body that you so bluntly stated was not mine. Only a shell of the thing that was born wrong, a freak to be pitied and gawked at through the tinted glass. You paid a nickel to see me at my worst, cut in line and flashed a smile at the kid behind the booth; your misguided empathy made her laugh and you thought you were in on the joke.

But this flesh is mine, this soul is mine, and this enclosure was mine, too. It never occurred to you that I could leave, that I could go out back and scrape my knees climbing the knotted oak branches. I stained my palms picking blackberries from the bush and cheered as I splashed them clean in the creek.

You think I resent the girls who braided my hair with daisies, and garnished our potions with mud and honeysuckle? The girls who played house with me till the shadows grew long, who let me be a father, a son, a brother; never once believing the grown-ups when they'd say that "no, you can't take the makeup off, you'll have to get used to it sooner or later" and "aren't you a little too old to be playing dress up, you're practically a woman now" and "that kick to the teeth means he likes you, why on earth did you think you could hit back?"

Does it scare you when I say that no, I don't wish I was born male, because to be a girl was to be free from those make-believe standards you cling so desperately to? To be a girl meant to be joyous, to ride our bikes down the street and fall asleep laughing on someone's bedroom floor, a sugar crash with a soft landing.

Maybe I was never destined for womanhood, but my girlhood was sacred. I wrap that child up in a warm blanket and hug her tight to my chest, swearing to protect her until we take our last breath.

[teardropsandclouds]

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F. Scott Fitzgerald, from a letter to Zelda Fitzgerald

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I'll never get tired of loving the view of sunsets, sky and moon.

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— Mariam A. Thompson

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Dear diary...

I'm... Tired.

So tired of everything...

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Do you ever feel like you were not meant to be here on this planet? That you don't belong here? That you should be at another place?

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What really sucks is when you know you should be doing something but physically/mentally cannot bring yourself to do it no matter how important doing that thing is.

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I'm fighting my brain and my body at the moment, and I am so, so tired.

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