tearfulhope - Tumblr blog

[tearfulhope]

so, bill is being moved back to @woewept because i am completely incapable of running three blogs at once 🙈 she’s gonna be moved to a primary character over there though!

[tearfulhope]

i will never, ever, be over how brave bill is from the very beginning. in ‘the pilot’, when she realises there’s a stranger in her bathroom, she doesn’t just run out and call for help. (which let’s face it, most people would do. i certainly would.) she investigates herself, defends herself; even when she sees wet footprints leading to the closed shower curtain, a clear sign someone is in there, she still doesn’t run out. she’s obviously scared, as her voice is shaking, but doesn’t have it in her to simply turn around and get out of the house. it’s not the kind of person she is. it’s only when she sees the eye in the drain, something she can’t explain does she realise she needs to get to safety. but a mere intruder in her house? nah. she can handle it! aliens are, at that moment, way out of her league. bill has such control over herself, knows her limits, and knows when they’ve been exceeded. she is so in touch with her abilities and mind that she knows when to proceed forth, and when to back off. doctor who generally did a great job at portraying her from the beginning, because all this is explored tenfold in her time living under the monks, but even more so, her conversion. you know straight away the kind of person bill is, and when you find out just how strong she is emotionally, it’s not all that surprising. because she’s been showing it from her first appearance.

[tearfulhope]

don’t mind me, just constantly thinking about bill potts becoming co-pilot with heather. about how bill realises her second chance at life needs to mean something, that she needs to make a difference like the doctor does. so she uses her newfound infinite knowledge to track down cyber ships and factories all across the universe, saving people from the fate she suffered. about how even though her body was ripped apart and thrown away, the cybermen weren’t able to touch her brain— she was considered lucky by conversion standards, and bid to herself that no one would have to go through what she did. to go through even worse than she did. while she and heather do eventually settle down somewhere (as mentioned in the novelisation of twice upon a time), i think she spends years doing this, so very determined to save as many people as she can from conversion.

[tearfulhope]

promise you won't get me killed. veracity trickled in, bit by bit, confronting truths trapped in a metal exterior. it's not a stable bridge she's crossed to meet this world of clockwork and wires, and knew it was to crumble before the chance of returning whence she came. bill potts had never been a fool; strikingly aware they weren't going to revel in a swift escape, no tardis to whisk them to safety, no doctor with infinite knowledge of a thousand galaxies. now, just surviving every hour, waiting to see the upcoming move, rather than pacing ten steps ahead of the monsters as they usually did. be brave, bill. you were brave before the doctor, you can be brave after him.

hatred fizzled deep in her bloodstream, captivating and smothering. you're right. it should have been you keeping me safe. i waited. oh god, i waited, and now look at me! half-eaten and raw, three deliberate breaths are carefully inhaled, released after five beats of a non-existent heart. (she still sensed it thrumming, and as far as this moment went, it was enough for her to continue forth.) she'd seen what unrestrained anger accomplished, thus forced control to take charge, each step cautiously planned. she nearly recoiled at his contact, like she couldn't be touched in fear of breaking. like she's a gun belonging in a museum instead of battle. a piece once useful, but today sits as a reminder of bygone glory; a museum of lost causes and derelict duties. yet as soon as his hand retreated, all she wished to do was reach out for it again, hold it close and force him to never release her. too many complicated feelings for someone who apparently had them ripped apart and put through the blender.

'a long time coming, yeah.' she whispered, head tilted; despite everything endured, rough and violent exploits cannot shatter the gentle. did their time really need to come so quickly? we’ve still got some time. don’t waste it, never waste it with him. 'for now, can't we just... i don't know...' she mirrored his eyeline, watching as the sun rose across the scenery that in any other circumstances, she would've gawked at. tell me a joke? almost fell from her lips based solely on habit, every fibre of her being yearned for common wisecracks and quips. orange clouds wavered overhead, and in its blinding light, she shifted downwards, sitting upon the old rocking chair at the screen door, creaking porch tiles practically screaming under added weight. hands fall inside her lap, and her chin rises slightly, basking in the warm glow of the early morning's rays. buckled knees and a weary chest, she finally found suitable words.

'tell me a story, will you? nothin' cheesy though.' for the fraction of a second, it felt normal. until a quick flash of reality set in, and her shadow was beginning to shape on the floor in front of her. she looked away, fixing her gaze onto him, pushing down the sheer resentment. it was hard to hate him, when she loved him so very much. 'what was our next stop gonna be?' her voice cracked around the final word, but was conscious to the fact that it reached his ears in a perfectly linear, unemotional tone. she didn't want to know, of course she didn't, but the things she wanted to say weren't ready to form sensical phrases. better to think about what was meant to be for a few minutes, opposed to eternal horror catching up.

❝ 𝙸 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝙺𝙴𝙴𝙿 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚂𝙰𝙵𝙴. 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈'𝚁𝙴 𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙰𝙵𝚁𝙰𝙸𝙳 𝙾𝙵 𝙼𝙴. ❞ FROM BILL POTTS, @woewept

𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄. a flutter of long lashes; a flex of the musculature in his neck as he tries to swallow back whatever it is which threatens to rise from within & slither out from his mouth. ( 𝚖𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚘𝚋. 𝚖𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚊 𝚐𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖. ) it sticks to his throat on the way down, and nearly gags him / but he forces away with sheer will. IF IT HAD BEEN GIVEN THE CHANCE TO BEGIN, HE WASN'T CONFIDENT IT WOULD EVER STOP. so a half-blink of the eyes is all he gives .. but the pain is sharp, and immaculately precise. just there, beneath his ribcage [ ... ] and again under his collarbone. it splits him open from neck to navel and lays bare both his hearts: but even that was not enough. ❛ ────i don't think so, bill. not this time. and anyway, it should have been me keeping you safe, remember? ❜ he tilts his chin, but even from all his height, he has to peer UPWARD in order to face her now. he does. if he could, he'd burn that face into his mind with a hot iron just as it is now. ❛ i had a duty of care, and i failed [ ... ] magnanimously, i failed. i'm sorry. so sorry. ❜ the hands dangling at his sides have tightened into white-knuckled fists without him realizing, & as his gaze falls, they catch upon them on the way down and hold steady there. he feels the pressure of blunt nails digging into his palms.

when he finally gathers the gumption to unfurl them, small crescents are there left; red and raw to the whisper of the breeze that passes them by, none the wiser to turmoil. to grief. to shame.

a single hand comes forward, and the doctor hesitates for but a moment's half-breath before moving to press elongated fingertips against the casing around bill potts' clockwork heart. he can feel it ticking away [ ... ] ( 𝚊 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜. ) the hand falls away, and he busies himself restlessly with tugging at his cuffs. soothing along the fabric of his lapels, before deciding otherwise altogether and resolving to shoving his fists into his pockets. he turns on the toes of his boots to gawk the landscape appreciatively; perhaps that will do for not to calm his fear. ❛ .. what do you reckon? time to face the music, i think. it's been a long time coming. ❜

[tearfulhope]

andor sentence starters

❝ i don’t like seeing you nervous. ❞ ❝ the risk of doing nothing becomes the greatest risk of all. ❞ ❝ i’m gonna do us a favor and not mention this happened. ❞ ❝ you’re gonna get us both in trouble. ❞ ❝ i’m not moving. you want it, you take it and i walk away. ❞ ❝ if it’s not important, why not tell me? ❞ ❝ don’t tell anybody you saw me. don’t tell anybody you know where i am. ❞ ❝ you don’t look so good. ❞ ❝ you need to get as far away from here as you can. ❞ ❝ you’re like me. we were born in a hole. all we know is climbing over somebody else to get out. ❞ ❝ it’s all about you, isn’t it? it’s always all about you. ❞ ❝ ah, you’ve remembered how to mock me. ❞ ❝ that’s as close to an apology as you’re gonna get. ❞ ❝ maybe we should quit while we’re ahead. ❞ ❝ welcome. and just in time for dinner. ❞ ❝ there’s no way out alive. of that you must be sure. ❞ ❝ my anger, my ego, my unwillingness to yield, my eagerness to fight…they’ve set me on a path from which there is no escape. ❞ ❝ i’m struggling to understand why my faith doesn’t calm me. i believe in something. why am i so unsettled? ❞ ❝ you don’t have to worry about me anymore. ❞ ❝ i thought you left without me. ❞ ❝ you have a different path, and i’m not judging you. ❞ ❝ it’s better you don’t know. ❞ ❝ you’re avoiding the question. ❞ ❝ hey. you know something i don’t? ❞ ❝ i told you, i’m doing everything i can. ❞ ❝ you might as well wear a sign that says, “i promise to disappoint you.” ❞ ❝ you’re bleeding on my floor. ❞ ❝ you knew where this was going. you’ve always known. ❞ ❝ i need to hear you tell me you can follow the plan. ❞ ❝ pull yourself together, all right? ❞ ❝ this time…you can’t stay, and i can’t go. ❞ ❝ i burn my decency for someone else’s future. i burn my life to make a sunrise that i know i’ll never see. ❞ ❝ i said i know you. i know all about you. ❞ ❝ why don’t we do something fun tomorrow night? ❞ ❝ i knew i could count on you. ❞ ❝ i am going to ask you a question. i expect an honest answer. ❞ ❝ i yearned to be a savior against injustice without contemplating the cost and by the time i looked down, there was no longer any ground beneath my feet. ❞ ❝ that’s cold. even for you. ❞ ❝ you’ll stay with me. i need all the heroes i can get. ❞ ❝ i’m thinking clearly and you’re not. ❞ ❝ is that your defence? you’ve been ‘careful’? ❞ ❝ any civilized being knows an open invitation is no invitation at all. ❞ ❝ rule number one: never carry anything you don’t control. ❞ ❝ what’s the hurry? got some place to be? ❞ ❝ you come all this way to scold me? ❞ ❝ i’d never lie to you. ❞ ❝ you’re not here to save anybody but yourself. ❞ ❝ what, not happy to see me? ❞ ❝ i’ve never loved anyone the way i love you. ❞ ❝ i won’t have peace. i’ll be worried about you all the time. ❞ ❝ turning back will be impossible. ❞ ❝ there’s no room for doubt on the path to success. ❞ ❝ two guys jumped me. it went too far. ❞ ❝ you fall here, you fall alone. ❞ ❝ i’m just saying out loud what you already known. ❞ ❝ you love me because i show you what you need to see. ❞ ❝ it’s just me against everybody else. ❞ ❝ you don’t want to hear what happened? ❞ ❝ hey. i won’t forget this. ❞ ❝ you think it’s hopeless, do you? freedom? independence? justice? ❞ ❝ no one’s more at risk than i am. ❞ ❝ you wanted to leave? this is what it comes to. ❞ ❝ what are you staring at? ❞ ❝ we’ll die with nothing if we don’t put aside our petty differences. ❞ ❝ you’ll make an effort tonight if it kills you. ❞ ❝ i write when i can’t sleep. ❞ ❝ you haven’t been listening to me, have you? ❞ ❝ us? i don’t know you. ❞ ❝ i’m not gonna put my people at risk for someone else. ❞ ❝ your father’s looking for you. ❞ ❝ why would i go anywhere with you? ❞ ❝ i’m glad you’re here. no matter what the reason. ❞ ❝ that’s what a reckoning sounds like. you want it to stop, but it just keeps coming. ❞ ❝ come on. we need to get out of here. come on. ❞ ❝ being a leader isn’t just something you can turn on and off. ❞ ❝ it’s been a day of surprises for all of us. ❞ ❝ you lived because you ran. ❞ ❝ i imagine that no matter what you tell me or tell yourself, you’ll ultimately die fighting these bastards. ❞ ❝ you think i haven’t thought this through? i’d be the first one to fall. ❞ ❝ wouldn’t you rather give it all at once to something real than carve off useless pieces till there’s nothing left? ❞ ❝ you’re wasting energy. you know i’m right. ❞ ❝ i just want what’s mine. ❞ ❝ must everything be boring and sad? ❞ ❝ you have a problem, you come to me. ❞ ❝ i’m starting to think we’re in over our heads. ❞ ❝ everyone has their own rebellion. ❞ ❝ can one ever be too aggressive in preserving order? ❞ ❝ the day before is always hard. too much time to worry. ❞ ❝ don’t touch me. ❞ ❝ i wake up every day to an equation i wrote fifteen years ago from which there’s only one conclusion, I’m damned for what i do. ❞ ❝ i’m just trying to clear my name. ❞ ❝ working with other people is never easy. ❞ ❝ just being in your presence…i’ve realized that life is worth living. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in right now? ❞ ❝ i knew you were lying. i knew it. ❞ ❝ losing hope? your mind? keep it to yourself. ❞ ❝ must everything be boring and sad? ❞ ❝ the axe forgets, but the tree remembers. ❞ ❝ perhaps my deranged belief that there was something better fated for me in the future was a dream worth clinging to. ❞ ❝ i’m not here for career advice. ❞ ❝ there’s a difference between fear and losing your nerve. ❞ ❝ you’re slouching. is that how you present yourself to the world? ❞ ❝ perhaps you should have a rest. ❞ ❝ i didn’t deserve what happened. ❞ ❝ you should go. i didn’t realize how late it was. ❞ ❝ i’d forgotten how sensitive you can be. ❞ ❝ you’re lucky to be alive right now. ❞ ❝ so, that’s it? that’s why you’re here? revenge? ❞ ❝ you can wear a ball gown if you’d like. ❞ ❝ this is the last place you should be. ❞ ❝ so much going wrong, so much to say, and all of it happening so quickly. ❞ ❝ it’s easier to hide behind forty atrocities than a single incident. ❞ ❝ what were you gonna do if i wasn’t here? ❞ ❝ i’ve been worried you might do something like this. ❞ ❝ don’t you dare talk to me like that. ❞ ❝ the very worst thing you can do right now is bore me. ❞ ❝ if you’re not willing to risk your conscience, then surrender and be done with it. ❞ ❝ we’ve come a long way from where we started. ❞ ❝ i show you the stone in my hand, you miss the knife at your throat. ❞ ❝ people blame you for what happened. ❞ ❝ i think about you constantly. ❞ ❝ i dreamt you came back. ❞ ❝ you pull in the net and the easy thing, the quick thing, is to assume that everything you’ve dragged to shore is a fish. ❞ ❝ i should…i should say thank you. ❞ ❝ i’ve given up all chance at inner peace. i’ve made my mind a sunless space. i share my dreams with ghosts. ❞ ❝ don’t die until you put up a fight. ❞ ❝ you came here to kill me, didn’t you? ❞ ❝ i’ve been shamed enough for one night. ❞ ❝ if you wanna say something, you should say it now. ❞ ❝ i would rather die trying to take them down than giving them what they want. ❞ ❝ is that meant to scare me? ❞ ❝ i’ve been turning away from the truth i wanted not to face. ❞ ❝ you’re bleeding. ❞

[tearfulhope]

i’m not scottish i’m just cross 😠

this you? 🤨

[tearfulhope]

Q. WHERE SHOULD YOU BE KISSED? A. ON THE CHEEK.

you are made of light. your cheeks hurt from grinning, sun-kissed and lifting in a bubbling laugh. you should be kissed there. and often. a reminder that you are a joy to be around, and that your smiling face is a gift.

tagged by: @l1sten (ily bestie) tagging: whoever would like to do it!

[tearfulhope]

BILL POTTS Doctor Who / Season Ten / Episode 06 / Extremis 

[tearfulhope]

#TEARFULHOPE. a private, mutually exclusive portrayal of bill potts from bbc's doctor who. written by frankie, a twenty three year old lesbian who uses she / her pronouns. with inspiration taken from series ten, big finish audios featuring bill potts & classic doctor who (specifically the hartnell-baker era). this blog is very low activity / maintenance & will predominantly run on a queue. i tend to keep my mutual count under thirty & softblock every two-three weeks in order to keep a quiet dash. heavily affiliated with @l1sten.

featuring a study in: where there's tears there's hope, trying to be enigmatic, a clockwork heart, mind built like a castle, remembering your mother's voice, smiling when everyone else frowns, from metal to water & forging destiny in the stars.

001. welcome to tearfulhope, an independent, private and mutually exclusive portrayal of bill potts from bbc's doctor who. i claim no ownership of this character nor any of her affiliations. this blog will be very sporadic activity, with my muse and energy depicting the time in which i’m active. i ask that you do not follow me if you’re under eighteen, and that you give me a few days to check out your blog should you follow first.

002. i am mutually exclusive and if i follow you, it means i genuinely want to interact. i wish to maintain actual connections on this blog, rather than just be a follow count on someones dash. if i follow first, and you have no interest in writing with me, please hardblock so i don’t accidentally follow you again. if we are mutuals for a month, and there has been no interaction i will softblock.

003. this blog will feature triggering themes and they will always be tagged. cw / example. please ask if you need anything specifically noted.

004. i adore crossovers and oc's! memes are the best way to interact – they never expire and are assumed to be starters unless stated otherwise. i also love plotting and certainly can go a little overboard if i get super excited about an idea. i only ask if that we plot, please do not leave me to do all the work. it is super tiring, and if you give me yes/no responses, i will most likely block you.

005. my default / preferred verse is set after the doctor falls, where bill is reincarnated as sentient oil, alongside heather, and they travel the stars together. in this time bill takes down as many cyber ships and factories as possible. i am open to writing her during any time, but this is where i'll default to unless otherwise discussed.

006. in regards to face claims, i think it's pretty clear who we should and should not be using these days, so i'm not going to make a list of them. i only ask that if you use hayley atwell, do not follow me, as i personally had a horrible experience with her and do not want to see her face anywhere. fandom dni: billy hargrove, james moriarty, gossip girl muses, genderbent muses, harry potter muses, or 13 reasons why muses. if you have them on a multi, that's fine, i just won't interact with them.

007. hello hello! thank you for taking the time out to read this! i'm frankie, and i'm super excited to be bringing bill to her own blog. doctor who has been my comfort show since i was about five years old, and rekindling my love for bill potts has been a hella lotta fun. this account is very low maintenance, so i will not be making a carrd or docs or anything of that sort. any information important to my portrayal will be posted on the dash with appropriate links for my mutuals to find them. i can also be found on @shadowedvales and @woewept.