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they should remake breaking bad but instead of making and dealing meth it’s a suburban white mom who makes soap and the same levels of violence, gore, and drama remain

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cuddling

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where’s that 1900s painting of the centaur mother playing with her child in a grassy field?

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These fuckers can’t be normal for like two second

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my fave writing reminder

honestly, this phrase has been on my mind more times than i can count. i've kidnapped it, taken it as a hostage with no ransom money because i need it to live permanently in my head.

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by johns_plant_adventures

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how it feels to wash your hair and brush your teeth and have clean clothes on

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Being a dad mean sometimes making a fool of yourself for their enjoyment.

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i hope every alterhuman in the world knows that i love them forever. it's going to be okay, creature

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he's reeeally pushing his luck

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i was at a coffee shop in some random town once waiting on my drink. i was the only person there until someone walked in and walked up to the register and they said something crazy like "don't fuck up my order this time, bitch" and i was sooooooo exhausted i stepped forward and i was just like [firm angry mom voice] "no. no. hey. you need to leave right now." and the barista and the customer both turned to me in abject shock and the barista started laughing and the customer looked horrified like they hadn't seen me when they came in and they said "i'm so sorry oh my god I work here. we're friends. i was just messing with them."

and i was like OH! that's a relief.

the barista was still laughing and they said "you were really about to fight for me. i love that." I said was in food service long enough that i'm always ready to fight a customer at any moment. i would have gone for blood. i would've used my teeth.

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Never forget the best Animal Crossing comic I ever made.

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