tedoculus

[tedoculus]

Have you guys heard of cats. They're great.

[tedoculus]

customer service is cooking my brain, man

[tedoculus]

i'm literally cuddlebait. i'm internationally recognized as a snuggle risk. they've got me on the registry of snoozers with two charges of soft and reasonable suspicions of smells good

[tedoculus]

explain your gender in 10 words or less without using boring words like “male”, “female”, “nonbinary”, “masculine”, “feminine” or “androgynous”.

go!

[tedoculus]

u kno this site is full of nerds because even people’s sexual fantasies are like ok i’m a 19th century surgeon and you’re my patient. i start to repair your hernia but that’s not the only thing i get my tools on…(since this is before the popularization of handwashing as a surgical practice, you contract an infection and die)

[tedoculus]

Aliens arent gonna visit us til we get all the fucking dirt off our planet its gross

[tedoculus]

the animal instinct in me, to eat a lot then curl up and do nothing for hours

[tedoculus]

on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as ‘masturbatory’ because even though it’s an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it’s impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance

[tedoculus]

Under sea ecosystems are bullshit.

Like imagine you're a little rabbit and you go to nibble on a tree sapling but as soon as you go to take a bite it takes off like a fucking helicopter and disappears over the horizon.

Then, before you can process what just happened, the entire patch of grass you were standing on turns out to be a fox who had turned itself inside out and you die.

[tedoculus]

1 second of every star trek tos episode enjoy

[tedoculus]

baseball in essence is a game about you trying to throw your friend a ball but some asshole wont stop trying to knock your ball as far as fuck away as possible because he's a bad person

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[tedoculus]

I love gummy worms like yes this fake insect is like a special grub a treat for me #myworm

[tedoculus]

i don't think it's normal of me to look at a photo of a VGA cable plugged into an iphone and think "shit that's hot"

[tedoculus]