A 1 night stand I had in December just texted me to ask me to come to his birthday lmao
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I will NOT forget my klonopin for this work trip
Manifesting avoiding a total panic attack in Tokyo
I won’t sob when I think about my dad being in Tokyo at the same age for his job and how I wish I could share this with him but I can’t
I WILLLLL NOT LOSE MY SHIT! I willlll not cry when I can’t find my way out of shinjuku station
We are so back
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I wonder what it’s like to not live in constant fear of yourself? This weekend I was so close to relapsing and like with the weight of grief and my dads death date approaching I just constantly keep thinking about going on a bender and totally derailing my life
I’m not gonna do it. But I am already falling into the old stages I was last time where I am constantly hitting 65 hour work weeks then going out all weekend. Literally trying to avoid any grief thought with friends or drinking or sex. I know I need to snap out of it and be present and just feel my feelings, but holy shit it’s so painful
I’m hoping after this next month with the one year anniversary in the past I’ll feel a little better. That post Tokyo work trip mental breakdown is gonna hiiiiiit
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