teltorium-turtle

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Stolen from reddit kjjjj

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I swear to god I feel like we are in the digital age equivalent of the bronze age collapse The passage of information between the old generation and the new is shrinking not only in the workforce but also on the internet(dead internet theory).Low trust in institutions. Possible enviromental collapse creating climate refugees that stresses our already less trusted institutions (sea peoples 2.0 mabey?.). diminishing trade between the nations, etc. I'll still fucking try to live tho. In spite of it all.

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Crimean Tartars on the Sea Shore (1850) by Ivan Aivazovsky

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USA 1993

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SWAN 🦢 ✈️  (Strategic Wyvern Aerial Navigator)

"The “SWANS” are biomechanical lifeforms that after years of mimicry adapted to resemble combat jets. Their wolfram-like skin not only is resistant to the toxic and parasitic dangers of the ‘false ocean’ but is nigh impossible to penetrate. While not a real bird they present many similar features and behavior. It's not all too rare to spot them flying in flocks and engaging in courtship

Swans are known to jam signals and strike airborne carriers since they’re an extremely territorial and violent species. First it will race against the enemy (it should be noted their structure allows them to reach enough speed to break the sound barrier) as a sign that they dominate the air space before they plunge the foe into the ground. Competitiveness amongst the species in a similar fashion has been observed to uncertain ends. In spite of all the gathered studies their intelligence and physical feats are still under research but paired with their enormous size and aggressivity is more than a difficult task. 

They are rapacious hunters from the skies and encounters are advised against. There’s no current methods to defend against the Swans and in consequence it has obstructed facilities, aviation and transportation."

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hello, can you please drink some water

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Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

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Inktober Day 22 - Camp

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hi here’s a cool bird I betcha didn’t know existed, ✨the wallcreeper✨

it literally looks like a monarch butterfly it’s so cute

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Can some one draw the running guy on the pole ? *please?*

headed nowhere, to be never found

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A seasonal throw for my home (Oct. 2024)

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OoOoOoo

You want to live in a 4 story apartment building that's on a tree lined street with a small grocery store on the corner

OoOoOoo

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I went looking for something in the bowels of my Twitter account, didn't find it, but I did find this kickawesome picture I took.

It's a PCB I was reverse engineering, being illuminated with a flashlight on the other side.

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Urusei Yatsura!

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“cmere boy”

*sound of clanging pots and pans getting closer*

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less than a week till SBCF'24, where I will be debuting a new comic!

SACRED BODIES is a story about what different people/s see as taboo, and the socio-cultural lines that delineate propriety and deviancy.

It's a 15+ rating on visuals and covers topics of intimacy, natural urges, shame and how we relate to these things and to each other. Also there's bird monster people, wow.

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rate my chestnut man