tenaciouswobblertacocop

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

happy birthday to me id under the cut

I threw a birthday party for myself,

I think it went well,

I invited the mites lining my casket,

I invited the maggots ghosting my rotting skin,

I invited the moths hiding in my jacket,

They prayed for me,

My mother called when I couldn't pick up,

She cried that night

I threw a birthday party for myself,

It was still forty years away,

I baked a cake made of my bones and

decaying flesh,

They prayed for me that night,

My mother called when I couldn't pick up,

She cried that night

I threw a birthday party for myself,

I couldn't attend the day itself,

The air I filled my lungs with overflowed,

The blood my heart beats with rushed

through my veins,

They prayed for me,

for me today,

for me tomorrow,

for all of me,

My mother picked me up,

She held me when I cried that night

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

leave me alone. let me soak in the first few days of june. let the birds wake me up as they sing a song and let the rays of sun slowly creep in through my blinds. let me rest. let me simmer in my thoughts. the months are passing us by fast. it is june and i want to savour it.

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

Happy Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday wishes My friend most dear May your birthday Be the first day Of a wonderful year While small in stature You shine like a star And I pray you always remember How loved you truly are

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

☼ When day becomes night ☾ ❁ promise me to cover yourself with flower blanket ❁

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

happy valentine’s day!

Tia Williams, Seven Days in June | Mikko Harvey, “For M” | Niall Horan, “You Could Start A Cult” | @mjalti | Catullus, 48 | Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story | @kanyasstuff | @chloeinletters | Plutarch, Moralia | @/vwictims on X

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

I LIKE TO CALL THE EARTH MY MOTHER; ON THE WORLD AS A NEIGHBORHOOD

june gehringer // taysa jorge // anaïs nin // paul guest // taysa jorge // jennette mccurdy // julie buntin

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

on love and longing

emily palermo, what i could never confess without some bravado / motion city soundtrack, when you're around / richard siken, you are jeff / juansen dizon, i am the architect of my own destruction / ve schwab, the invisible life of addie larue / hera lindsay bird, pamper me to hell and back / ryebreadgf, 300122 / hozier, work song / tullipsink, desperation sits heavy on my tongue / margaret atwood, speeches for dr frankenstein

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

Sylvia Plath, aged 20

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

September-December, 1902 Aleksandr Blok (1880-1921), Selected Poems

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL BUT I COULD BE

Chen Chen Poplar Street // pinterest // 괴물 Beyond Evil (2021) dir. Shim Nayeon // Janet Fitch // Taylor Swift seven // @girltwinkabigail // 괴물 Beyond Evil (2021) dir. Shim Nayeon // Mitski Class of 2013 // Taylor Swift You're On Your Own, Kid // Margaret Atwood Selected Poems: 1965-1975 (via @freshberries) // 괴물 Beyond Evil (2021) dir. Shim Nayeon // Salman Rushdie East, West // Emily Palermo // 괴물 Beyond Evil (2021) dir. Shim Nayeon // Desireé Dallagiacomo Sink

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

THE WORST PART OF LOVE / IS THAT I REMEMBER IT

Lana Del Rey Summertime Sadness // 后来的我们 Us and Them (2018) dir. Rene Liu // Taylor Swift I Almost Do // BTS - Spring Day // Richard Siken "Crush," Planet of Love // 后来的我们 Us and Them (2018) dir. Rene Liu // Silas Denver Melvin On the Romance of Cannibalism // 后来的我们 Us and Them (2018) dir. Rene Liu // Ocean Vuong On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous // Noah Kahan Stick Season // Joey Comeau // 后来的我们 Us and Them (2018) dir. Rene Liu // Clementine von Radics In a Dream You Saw a Way to Survive // June Gehringer I get so jealous of euthanized dogs

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

IF YOU GO, I'M GOING TOO 'CAUSE IT WAS ALWAYS YOU // LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

Hanya Yanagihara A Little Life // Stranger Things (2016-) dir. Matt Duffer & Ross Duffer // Anne Carson Euripides // Lorde A World Alone // Ryan O'Connell // The Hunger Games (2012) dir. Gary Ross // Ross Gay Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude // The Neighbourhood You Get Me So High // 劇場版 呪術廻戦 Jujutsu Kaisen 0 dir. Sunghoo Park // Lorde Ribs // ATEEZ Friend (Thank U) // Billie Eilish BIRDS OF A FEATHER // 今際の国のアリス Alice in Borderland (2020-) dir. Shinsuke Sato // Conan Gray Best Friend // spira me You Changed Me For The Better // ZEROBASEONE for DICON // unknown

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

"IF ONLY SOME PEOPLE CAN HAVE IT, THAT'S NOT HAPPINESS. THAT'S JUST NONSENSE. HAPPINESS IS SOMETHING ANYONE CAN HAVE."

pinterest // 怪物 Monster (2023) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // Hozier Shrike // Samson Regina Spektor // 怪物 Monster (2023) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // @tordenvejr // pinterst // 怪物 Monster (2023) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // Louise Glück The Triumph of Achilles // Natalie Wee Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines // pinterest // 怪物 Monster (2023) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // Phoebe Bridgers Punisher // pinterest // Sarah Ruhl Eurydice // 怪物 Monster (2023) dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda // pinterest

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

Look at how far we've come (Happy 25th birthday to me!)

I'm gonna put some of my thoughts under the cut here, so if you wanna hear me reflect or get personal for a second feel free to scroll past. (CW: mentions of suicide, and other dark topics)

I'm writing this the day or so before queuing this so by the time you read it it will be my birthday but I'm writing this on like. Wednesday

And...well? I guess I'm turning 25? I know it's technically a big milestone because it's like 25% through your life or whatever, but it feels....kinda weird? Like, "oh, I guess I'm turning 25."

I don't quite know how to explain how I'm feeling. It's not necessarily bad? I know we live in a world that puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on age and getting older, but i don't really care about that kinda stuff like getting grey hairs or wrinkles. But this is a new feeling.

It's more like....the feeling of realization once you reflect a bit. A lot of stuff has happened over the past few years, but once you actually turn and look back all of the events you lived through, you kinda realize how much you've grown. Going step by step, day by day, and only realizing once you turn around that you've climbed an entire mountain.

Back when I was 12 years old, I attempted to kill myself.

At the time, the future felt like a dark fog with nothing ahead in sight. I was living in dangerous abusive conditions with my father, severely depressed, and actively spiralling with my own identity, let alone my place in the world. The future was nonexistent.

Now...when I reflect back on that period of my life, it feels like worlds away now.

(Also don't worry if you're reading this and feel concern for me, I haven't felt any suicidal feelings in practically a decade now. I'm sure as hard things may seem sometimes, I genuinely am miles away from that headspace and do not intend to hurt myself in any way.)

It's kinda weird knowing back when I was younger (which isn't that long ago, to be fair) that I already felt like my life was over. Like I just wasn't gonna get into university, I was gonna drop out, I'm gonna have to navigate the entire trajectory of my life in that deep fog.....

.....and now realizing where I am? It's weird. Like I didn't plan for any of this. I should be dead. I'm just winging this entire thing.

But.... it's also realizing that I'm gonna be fine.

To be perfectly honest, this year has been kinda rough for me. While I don't talk about my personal life too much on here I was pretty miserable the first 4 months due to getting screwed over during the start of my Masters, plus not seeing my irl friends for a while hasn't been ideal either. (I also feel kinda shitty complaining about these things in general, as I'm well aware these kinds of opportunities are things not everyone is able to get, and I know there's friends and others that have it worse off than me, so I just kinda keep that shit to myself)

But I've also come a long way haven't I? I've managed to graduate in the middle of a pandemic, managed to land a job helping the covid pandemic in my province, got my drivers licence, made memories with the ones I love and meeting new people, slowly becoming more independent and now doing climate change research for my Masters degree? It's...something.

It's kinda the feeling of your world being very small, like a tiny space where the fog obscures anything outside your view, and slowly it fading away and your world getting bigger. Like sure I can't 100% see the future, but it's important to reflect on knowing what that world was like before.

I wish I had something poetic here or a message or life lesson to articulate my thoughts. But that doesn't really work here. (I'm also being careful to focus on positive aspects of my life here, as it wouldn't really be great to focus on the more negative aspects, like that time I almost died again (this time not on purpose, I promise) in a car crash in 2020 or a really bad breakup I had with a group of friends. But I suppose that's just life, isn't it? You really get a wide variety of experiences, good or bad)

I can't really say my life is 100% improved at this point either, things still aren't perfect as I'm still living with my mom, a closeted queer, and I'm sure there's a lot that I still need to learn and considering, the uh, well (vaguely gestures at all the current events going on right now) stuff....going on........there's still a lot of work to be done.

Dandelions in the spring. A shining moon on a dark night. The first seedling after a forest fire. Fading scars. Light from a birthday candle held in your hands, carrying wishes in the wind long after they burn out.

Hope, I guess.

Anyway if you read this far here's my official adult™ tips from my experience:

If you wear jewellery that tarnishes quickly line a bowl with tinfoil shiny side up, place jewellery in the bowl with equal parts baking soda and salt, and pour boiling water over everything and leave for 5 minutes

Invest in a cushion that supports your tailbone. You have no idea how many office chairs have shit ergonomic design.

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

I went to sleep last night so I could see you

- Fredrick Seidel

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

I went to sleep last night so I could see you

- Fredrick Seidel

[tenaciouswobblertacocop]

𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝔂𝓸𝓾

𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓵𝓴𝓮𝓭 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓲𝓷 𝓞𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓤𝓹𝓸𝓷 𝓐 𝓓𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓂

𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝔂𝓸𝓾

𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓲𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓮𝔂𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓼𝓸 𝓯𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓻 𝓪 𝓰𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓶

⋆.˚🌹༘˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡°❀.ೃ࿔*:･