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Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it’s a feather bed.

Terence McKenna

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The Strokes - Someday

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Ying-Yang

Light and dark Good and evil Surely it is not so simple to be one or the other We balance and fluctuate between the two Life isn't meant to involve just one My joy has never been more abundant Then having to survive entropy I embrace my experiences They make me strong It is also a burden Weighing down upon my conscious I believe myself a good man Surely some would disagree My ambitions and values speak volumes But it doesn't make me good outright I make mistakes I falter I'm human Where do we go from there? Forward Look at yourself and what do you see I am a man that has been through hell Multiple times over I've been greed, rage and sin You can't ignore what you were My hate is strong My love is stronger I can be your worst enemy I can be an even greater friend I used to be so selfish Thought everything was someone else's fault Would frequently try to end my life Get angry at people for seemingly no reason I deserved to be alone Selflessness Now that is a true virtue Putting others before yourself I would die for my friends Because too many of them have saved me Morality is such a strange term No one can completely define it There are people I don't agree with Values and morals are opinionated I believe it important to recognize why someone would have a certain mindset The past does define us It is more a question of how I would like to be happy When I am, it is so intense I will be the loudest person laughing at a joke Because to me, happiness can be scarce An old ex of mine used to go out of her way to talk to anyone and cheer them up I knew why she did that She had one of the worst lives I had seen, as a kid She wanted others to be happy so much, because she was not I used to respect her so much for that I was so reserved and contained Only confiding in her We both suffered, but how we handled it Neither was healthy in the long run We could try to take care of each other The problem being, we were supposed to care for ourselves first To be young To embrace darkness, you must understand it Life sucks and then you die Surely, there is more to life then suffering Being realistic is vital though An old couple would know love like no other Being supportive throughout Showing restraint and love in hard times Selflessness Only to lead to death for one Suffering for the other Knowing love like that would be more than enough for some Others take too much for granted Recognizing light and dark There wouldn't be one without the other I don't think either are inherently good or bad Because in the end they are one Cause and effect Values are man made Morality is the same Yet we hold more meaning to it than that Imagine a world without thought Emotions rule Would we still have morals?

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Speak to me unkind For the last time Fall from me to be The end of our symphony Now you wait to find Answers don't come to mind Reminisce of times Broken by old fights Reserve a chastity Suffer this symphony I'll take the time to wait Deserving a new fate I will let you grow For I know we weren't no Ordinary thing Hope you remember me For my intentions, Respectfully Reserve a chastity Suffer this Symphony I'll take the time to wait Deserving a new fate Can't you say we tried I would hold you so tight But the gift of pain Reserves my fate

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“Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps because I am afraid, and he gives me courage.”

The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien

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The Color of Passion

It is strange being allowed to feel again Abyssal seems fitting to where I’ve been Beaten, broken, abused and been the abuser Life isn’t perfect and it never will be I do wonder a lot how I can get up in the morning when such a curse of despair looms

I’ve seen a lot and used to be so bright and happy Reality is a lot more harsh than you would want to expect Even still, I do see the light

All of my old passions and dreams have flooded back to me I’ve reignited from a long slumber and there is work to do My flame, or drive if you will, was weak for a long time I rekindle from time to time, return to my normal self

I constantly battle with my negative self He is everything I wouldnt want to be Toxic is how to describe him I know why I would become this monster There’s always a reason, but there isn’t an excuse I don’t ever want to experience that again

Isolation was my only recourse I will not become that person I dealt with all of my past, my demons But when do you ever heal fully? I’m more scared of my negative self now more than ever And yet, he never comes out to play I can’t hurt myself enough to get this decrepit anomaly out But I can fight it Oh boy, do I have some fucking fight in me

It’s bittersweet overcoming travesty You survive, but for what? To live, but how? Living is the hardest thing to do sometimes

Life is an anomaly in itself The vastness of space, nothingness To create life I will never undervalue life again Because for some, that’s not an option I do believe everything happens for a reason Whether it seems right is irrelevant

My father once told me of pride “Son, I’m a very prideful man.” He told me that once when I was younger Didn’t mean much to me as a kid I had no idea what that entailed and I barely saw him One day when I was confronted by his “pride” He was red in the face telling me to hit him I wonder who walked away Learning by example can be tricky I had been there myself, so I don’t blame my father He knows what he fucked up on with my life I don’t hold anything against him

I wonder myself how I can forgive so much The answer is that I have hurt others I’ve had irrational circumstances as a kid Seeing my mother being abused for years with different men Knowing I couldn’t do anything My mother has been through enough I can’t even imagine someone hurting my mother now I would never accept myself if I was like them Scum And yet, I have hit my mother Once, and I remember it vividly The look in her eyes hurts me like a knife My ex gave me the same look She would hit me every time we fought It did happen, of course That look kills me My mother and her both know I’m a good guy That’s what hurts the most Never again

Power without Wisdom leads to travesty Power with Wisdom is pride Such a small difference that means so much How would you have Power without Courage, the intent to do Courage is reckless, but there would be no Wisdom without trying

My best friend killed himself after Olivia left me I hadn’t talked to him in years and was owning up to all my faults with my ex Of course I would blame myself for not talking to him I know why it’s unreasonable I lost my place, my girl, my great grandmother, and my cat in succession before Zack’s death We used to talk about suicide and his life made mine look like a fucking carnival ride He never discredited my life He always told me how sorry he was for my circumstance

My best friend, Eli, introduced Zack to me and we immediately bonded like we were the ones with history I had never had conversation so deep with someone all night for weeks at a time It made me feel bad for Eli, he had trouble at home with his parents His life wasn’t as bad in reality, but we had no intention of outcasting him That’s why he was our best friend too

Zack showed me a lot of Playstation games and I will always keep those games close to my heart Eli and I were Nintendo I also was a Sega fan boy as a kid Zack respected my game, Zelda He knew why it meant a lot to me A fantasy world where a hero with a magical instrument and sword save the day from evil His favorite was Cloud A inhuman soldier with a giant fucking sword who also saves the day from evil and wields magic Video games mean so much to people who have a reason to escape

We want to be something better and to have meaning in life I believe everyone does have value to themselves It’s more about moral, at that point Which is also opinionated I like to look at anything from every perspective

I feel like I��m becoming Hollow sometimes That is a term from Dark Souls You never die, but you can only lose your mind Such an dreadful fate or is it humane to be rid of thought I do think we are burdened by thought and emotion I would never ignore an emotion Only rationalize it

Anyone can have to grip onto sanity given a certain situation I have never felt more emotion until I’ve had to endure some stupid shit I would never give up any of my experiences, good or bad It makes me fragile at times It also gives me more strength than I’ve ever known being able to survive I still struggle, a lot Depression, anger, remorse My father would call it sin, but he struggles more than I do with a lot of that I will grow and burn stronger than even my expectations I’m not religious I am here for a reason But I am the one to walk it If I falter, then who is to blame

I heard singing of a violent Tireless mystery That one would give his life to Save his enemy

One of my favorite Thrice lines Definitely had to think about that when I heard it How can one forgive when hurt I’m not sure if I know either I’d like to think that it is some kind of goodness in man Even in so much darkness that is reality I would be that type of person up until a point Every one has a breaking off point

I know who I am and will work towards what I want in life I forgive and never forget Only learn and it comes to making it right