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Relationship statuses and how much I doubt it if you add "happily" in front of it:

Happily single: I have no reason to question that, nobody else gets to decide how you feel, and I'm happy for you.

Happily dating: Kind of weird that you'd feel the need to clarify. You know you don't have to date someone who doesn't make you happy, right?

Happily engaged: Same as previous, but more so. You know you should not be getting married to someone who doesn't make you happy, right? I'm not leaving before I know that you know.

Happily married: Could go either way tbh, but most likely you are. If someone's not actually happy with their marriage, it shows, no matter what they say.

Happily divorced: Yeah this one I have no reason to doubt. Nobody says they're happy about being divorced unless they really are happy about it.

Happily widowed: I wouldn't doubt that you are but girl did you kill him.

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Did a school visit today and asked a group of 8th graders if they could define the term "contemporary art" for me [for context, I work at a contemporary art museum], and one of them said "Is it art that's made with contempt?"

And unfortunately that's the funniest thing a student has ever said to me in 10 years of teaching

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I understand the value of artistic liberties but what exactly is Yugio's haircut supposed to be. I've wondered this since childhood

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“we need to teach media literacy in schools” guys was i really the only person paying attention in english class bffr

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🩺

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born to hank green forced to john green

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the average person with bad taste can be into some extremely banal garbage but when you get close enough to someone with otherwise good taste that they start a recommendation by going off on a preamble about how they don't necessarily recommend it you know you're seconds away from hearing about some real torturously wretched dogshit

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Hosio Hirotta

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Sam made that joke about not being like Mr Beast and it's actually made me weirdly appreciate the LinkedIn advertisements even more?

Mr Beast pretends he's doing charity, but he's actually just turning charity into content that he makes money off of. People do benefit, I don't want to pretend that they don't, but he's not doing them a favor. He's essentially turning them into his workers. This isn't terribly uncommon, but Mr Beast adds some real dishonesty to it.

And Sam just put a spotlight on it being content to make money off of. He's doing something incredibly kind for Jake! But he also made it clear that it's work. Jake is doing the episode, same as any other time he's done an episode, and he read ad copy for a sponsor, same as anyone else being paid to promote a company would do. They didn't show up at his house with a giant check and pretend they weren't going to make money off the episode while they quietly demanded he perform for them. It was aggressively honest and incredibly generous, and I really appreciate that.

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I have no recollection of where I learned this, but when you've got two herds of cows and need to combine them - like you already had your own cows and then buy another whole herd from a market or something, idk how that works - you can't just put them on the same pasture and let them sort it out by themselves all at once. At first you put them in one by one.

You start with the lead cow of the smaller herd, there's always one cow that's the most dominant one in the group, and you put her in the bigger herd. If she was tough enough to establish herself as the head and commander of the first herd, she'll be tough enough to stand up for herself and establish herself in the new herd. And once she has settled in and found her own place in the new herd, you bring in the first one's best friend. It would be a bit too much of a stretch to call this one the "second in command" of the smaller herd, but cows tend to have buddies and this is the one who's the lead cow's closest friend that she hangs out with.

And since the cow that had first been introduced to the big herd has already established herself and found her own place in their ranks, she's definitely making sure that nobody fucks with her homegirl, that's her bestie and none of the original cows better have a problem with her. And after they have accepted the second cow, you keep introducing them in one by one and then two or three at a time, going down the smaller herd's ranks, until the lowest cows that none of the other ones really like are let in as the last ones.

Anyway I don't have any particular point with this, I'm just explaining this because I have no memory of where I would have heard or read this, or did I just fucking hallucinate it. But it sounded sensible enough and I don't know enough about cows to dispute it, so I've never felt the need to question that.

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Anna Garcia: King for a Day

Katie Marovitch: D20 on a Bus

Persephone Valentine: Sexy Car Wash

Paul Robalino: Peel Robalino

Grant O'Brien: Cracked

Johnny Stanton: Human Puppy Bowl

Lily Du & Izzy Roland (& Becca Scott): Breast Milk Taste Test

Erika Ishii: Side Shave Real Estate

Izzy Roland: Even More Buttholes

Vic Michaelis: Brennan's American Girl Doll Shoes

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Okay so you know that Kinda Fucked Up Person™ feeling when like. Someone is nice to you at the exact right resonant frequency to make all the hairs on the back of your neck stand up

And it’s not even that they’re creepy or inappropriate but being around them gives you… like. That “someone is walking on your grave” type feeling?

What IS that, and is there a word for it? Because “pathological heebie-jeebies” isn’t getting me anywhere

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You guys my coach had a new baby and he is over the moon but he's the scariest guy I know so I'm getting messages like "🩷🩷🩷 She's so big 🩷🩷 Her delts are incredible 🩷🩷 looks just like her mommy 🩷" and it's from a guy who once kicked me in the head three times in a row and said I needed to duck more

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The only way to play the game is to work the crowd 🎤

Get ready for Crowd Control - a new series hosted by Jacquis Neal

The 6 episode season premieres September 8th - only on @dropoutdottv

Pics 1 - 2 📷 Jill Petracek, Pics 3 - 6 📷 Kate Elliott