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[tess-media-and-society]

Blog Post #3: LGBTQI & BIPOC Representation In Media

Interview with Neil McCormick from Mysterious Skin (2004).

There is a somewhat common idea/misconception that queer people become gay as a result of living through traumatic experiences similar to yours. Do you think that the abuse you faced as a child had any effect on the development of your sexual identity?

From the first day I met my coach, I was attracted to him. Obviously I was only eight years old, and the attraction that I had for him was something a lot more innocent than what he would eventually end up turning it into. Still, I was always more interested in boys than girls, even prior to the abuse. Being abused affected me in the sense that it introduced me to sexual behavior when I was WAYYYY too young to know about it. Now I’m a lot older and I can see that I didn’t really understand what was happening whatsoever. My coach did his best to make me think that everything that he was doing was some act of love, and I continued to perceive the abuse as being that for a good while. I genuinely believed for a long time that we had some kind of special connection that made it okay. So I think generally, the abuse made me more aware of sexual topics from an early age. But I’m sure I would’ve turned out gay regardless. I’m happy that in the present queerness is more accepted and isn’t seen as a negative side effect of abuse. I think being abused had a very profound impact in shaping who I am, but I’ve never wanted my sexuality to be seen as some kind of sexual disturbance.

It’s definitely true that LGBTQ people were less welcomed and accepted in the past. Where did you find support dealing with your trauma and your sexuality in a time and place where LGBTQ people were less accepted?

I grew up in a small town in Kansas where people were less welcoming to the idea of LGBTQ people, so what would have already been a small community in a sea of straight people was even more miniscule. Unfortunately the majority of the other LGBTQ people I had interacted with in Hutchinson were the people who I slept with while I was working as a prostitute, and obviously they weren’t really people I would go to for ‘support’. I did have a few friends. Wendy was a childhood friend of mine, and the only person I had ever trusted enough to tell about my history being abused. I could talk to her about the abuse, about my experiences prostituting, about my sexuality- anything.  Even though she obviously wasn’t really able to relate to the queer issues I faced, it was important for me to have someone to go to about different issues I struggled with without being judged. She did her best to help me in whatever ways she could, I ended up moving to New York City with her, and she even found me a job. Wendy is proof that ONE supportive person can be the difference between someone like me learning to cope in healthier ways or falling deeper into their destructive tendencies. Eric was another friend of mine, another queer person, who I spent a lot of time with once Wendy left. I was able to confide in him more than a lot of other people, since he could relate to being queer. He eventually reintroduced me to a kid, Brian, who I used to play baseball with and who was also sexually abused by our coach. He sought me out because he had no clear memory of the abuse and was trying to sort of piece it back together. When I told him the details about what happened, he completely broke down, he was devastated. Up until that point I was still seeing the abuse as an act of love, and I still sort of looked back upon it fondly. Once I saw how badly Brian was hurting from finally finding out the truth my perspective finally shifted, and I just wished we could undo everything that happened. Brian sort of served as a wake up call for me. Seeing him that destroyed by what happened forced me to see the abuse for what it was.

What drove you to start working as a prostitute when you were a teenager? 

I think there were a lot of factors that brought me to that line of work, and I don’t know that I entirely understand all of them. Obviously, a source of income was one of them, albeit probably one of the more minor ones. I think the fact that I was abused kind of made me more desensitized to unhealthy sex- and I guess because of that, I was less hesitant to work in that field than most people would be. I suppose since I got used to predatory sexual behavior when I was a child, and especially since I was made to believe that it was an act of love, in a way I was sort of chasing the same feeling I got when I was being abused. Even once I moved to the city and I had a more traditional/stable job, I continued to turn to prostitution to search for that feeling. I was generally a pretty self-destructive person at that point, so I didn’t even really care about the risks that came along with it- whether they were risks of STIs/STDs or risks of violence from clients. This is something that is really hard to explain. I don’t think I was completely aware of everything that led me down that path when I was presently going down it. 

Attitudes towards a lot of the struggles you faced in your youth have shifted dramatically over time. LGBTQ people are more accepted by society, the issue of sexual abuse is more talked about, and sex work is also generally more accepted. How different do you think your life would have been if you were a teenager in 2023?

I would like to think it wouldn’t have taken me so long to speak about being abused if I was born later and grew up in a time period closer to now. For a long time Wendy was the only person who I was ever willing to talk to about it, and even when I did talk about it my perception about what happened was kind of off. I think in the present day people are more willing to address issues surrounding sexual abuse and exploitation in all forms. If I had been properly educated on what's an ‘okay VS not okay’ touch, maybe I wouldn’t have perceived the abuse as a good thing for so long, or I would have come to terms with it a lot sooner. Maybe I would’ve sought out help from someone while it was happening. It’s hard to say. 

If I had been working as a prostitute in a time period like 2023 I probably would have been a lot better off. I think sex education has GREATLY improved over the years, so those seeking out services like that would likely be a lot more careful. There was a blatant disregard for preventing the spread of diseases when I was working in Hutchinson, and even once I got to the city some people were still not concerned with it. Who knows- maybe I wouldn’t have caught crabs if I was a prostitute in 2023 rather than back then. On top of that I think sex workers are more respected than they were back when I was working as one. Recently there has been some efforts to sort of de-stigmatize sex work. I think it's definitely a good thing that sex workers are finally starting to be seen as humans, some people even try to find empowerment in it. Still I think it’s important to consider the risks that come along with this profession. I had things transmitted to me and was physically/sexually assaulted while working, and even though things have gotten slightly better for sex workers, they are still more prone to horrible things like these in that specific line of work.

In terms of my sexuality I’m not sure all that much would have been different for me personally. Don’t get me wrong, things are a lot better for gay people than they were 20 years ago, but at the same time, I was never really very closeted or ashamed of who I was. Maybe there would have been a larger LGBTQ community in Hutchinson and I would have had a bigger support group, I’m not sure. 

Do you feel optimistic about the future of LGBTQ people, their rights, and the way they are viewed by the general public?

I think so. It goes without saying that the lives of LGBTQ people have greatly improved over the last few decades. The fact that interviews like this, talking openly about these issues, don’t seem so inconceivable anymore goes to show how much has been accomplished. I know obviously not everything is perfect now, and that no matter what there will still probably be bigoted people in the world. But I think if everyone was taught to be more open to different kinds of people and to be more accepting of certain things within themselves, the bigoted people and small issues would be sort of drowned out. 

[tess-media-and-society]

Blog Post #2: African-American Heroes In Cinema (Django Unchained)

The character Django (the ‘D’ is silent, by the way), from Django Unchained, went through a hell of a lot of character development throughout the course of the film. The story opens with Django being ‘bought’ by Dr. Schultz. Schultz is a German bounty hunter searching for the Brittle Brothers, he needs Django’s help identifying them in order to kill them (thankfully he doesn't agree with slavery). Prior to any of this, Django and his wife were caught trying to escape from the plantation the brothers were overseers at. Once they were caught Django’s wife was severely whipped and the two were sold to two different plantations to separate and punish them. After everything they did to Django and his dearly beloved wife, Django was less than hesitant to help Schultz. In return for his help, Schultz promised Django his freedom and a bit of money. I figured that the movie’s main driving force would be the search for the brothers but Django and Schultz find them QUICK. 

Obviously in this story, it’s very clear that the villains are the white slave owners, and the heroes are Django and anyone willing to help him (basically just Schultz). It’s black and white, literally and figuratively. One thing that I find so interesting about Django as a main character is that despite obviously being the ‘hero’ of the story, he occasionally slips into a morally gray area. But it’s important to note that this change is a gradual one that came about in response to his unique circumstances. At the beginning of his bounty hunting career, Django cared about the character and crimes of the people he would kill. When he deems someone to be a bad person, to be deserving of that fate, he REVELS in giving it to them. He draws it out to be as long and painful as possible, and the Brittle Brothers were a great example of this. He had no problem hurting and killing them because in this case, it was personal. However, once Django became a bounty hunter, he was initially reluctant to kill Smitty Bacall because he wasn’t aware of his faults from an individual standpoint. He still saw Bacall as being a person with a life and family of his own, and we could see Django kind of battling with his morals when it came to this particular instance. Once Schultz informed Django of Bacall’s little stagecoach robbery and murder habit, his sense of ambivalence wore off. Whatever sense of squeamishness Django had at the beginning of the story continuously weans along with his patience and is GONE at the end. Django is unique from a lot of other main characters in film in the sense that he’s not a perfect, little, angel from a moral standpoint. Even if these people up for bounty did commit horrendous crimes, Django takes at least some pleasure in executing them. In most instances where a character was up for a bounty, they were wanted dead OR ALIVE. At the same time, Django’s prior experience with basically the entirety of the white race (excluding Schultz) may warrant this disregard for life. I guess either way that's not for any white viewer of this film to decide.

It’s safe to say he takes full advantage of his bounty hunter position to exact revenge on the white slave owners who oppressed slaves. Revenge is a massive central theme and motivation for Django. But obviously, Django’s main motive throughout the film is to rescue his lost wife, Broomhilda (...who has THE worst name I have ever heard in my 19 years of life. That name rolls off your tongue like a square wheel…), from slavery on a plantation. After a successful streak of bounty hunting Django and Schultz track down Broomhilda in Calvin Candie’s plantation, “CANDYLAND”. Even with the cutesy name, Calvin Candie is kind of a super unlikeable dude, to put it lightly. One of his most favorite pastimes was forcing his slaves to wrestle TO THE DEATH in ‘Mandingo fights’, just for funsies. Django and Schultz decide to use this to their advantage to get to Broomhilda. They plan to go undercover and pretend to be interested in buying a slave to use in fights (for a ridiculous price, about $376,000 in modern US currency) to appear likable to Candie. Django would play the role of a ‘mandingo expert’ who would advise Schultz in his purchase. Once they were more well acquainted with Candie they would ask to buy Broomhilda for a smaller sum, and then never show up to finalize the bigger sale. This plan works exceptionally well at first.

As Django and Schultz spend more time around Candie, Django’s behavior is really interesting. He struggles to hold back when Candie’s little goons feel the need to taunt him. He’ll respond by either insulting them, correcting them verbally, or sometimes physically confronting them (like the scene where he pushes that guy off the horse haha). He’s strongly radiating anger and resentment towards everyone even while he’s undercover. In some ways, this may put him in danger, but it really conveys the sense of dedication Django has in his mission to save his wife. The most significant detail of Django’s undercover behavior to me is the short scene where he interacts with some of the slaves traveling with the group to Candie’s house. He talks down to them as if he were one of the plantation overseers. It makes him appear likable to Candie but also shows some of Django’s sacrifice of his ideals. He’s really dedicated to making this plan work, even if he has to demean some members of his own race to do so. Again this shows his morally ambiguous nature. Even when Schultz calls him out for screaming abuse at the slaves, he maintains that he needs to “get dirty” to accomplish his goals. I didn’t initially understand why Django did this, but I think it's REALLY significant to his character in context. 

On the way to the house, Candie had another slave killed by being brutally mauled to death by dogs- by the way (what a nice fella he is). They finally reach Candie’s house and meet Candie’s sister (who Candie just really likes to kiss on the mouth for some reason I guess) and Stephen, one of Candie’s house slaves. Immediately Stephen and Django don’t get along because, despite being black himself, Stephen just can’t fathom the idea that Django is a free man. Schultz asks that Broomhilda be sent to his room at some point under the excuse that he is interested in her because she speaks German. He is informed that she's being tortured in the ‘hot box’ for trying to run away. This REALLY upsets Django and he toys with the idea of shooting Candie and his accomplices. Later, Broomhilda is brought to Schultz’s room where she reunites with Django briefly before fainting.

Everyone is discussing the decoy sale at dinner when Stephen picks up on the fact that Broomhilda and Django know each other. He pulls Candie into the library where he basically outs Django and Schultz’s plan. Candie sends his bodyguard after Django and Schultz and forces them to buy Broomhilda for the same amount of money they said they would buy a fighting slave for. He threatens to kill Broomhila if they don’t comply. They sign the sale papers but Candie insists that Schultz shake his hand to finalize the deal. He’s, like, VERY insistent on this handshake. He’s petty and just really wanted one last ‘screw you’ to Schultz and Django before parting ways. Schultz reaches out to shake his hand but instead shoots him. WOW, THIS WAS SATISFYING. I’m very squeamish about this sort of thing, usually. But Candie was written to be SO irredeemable, watching the stupid look on his face while he fell back felt like injecting morphine or something. 

At this point, Schultz is killed. He was a likable character and his death was sad, but at the same time, I feel it was necessary for the plot. Schultz dying was important for Django’s character, as it allowed him to be THE ‘hero’ of the story, and stopped this film from falling into the ‘white savior’ trope. If Schultz had survived until the end, I think Django’s bravery would be overlooked and Schultz would be overly praised. The story would basically be ‘super awesome white dude saves some guy who was a slave and helps him get his wife back’, rather than ‘an insanely brave and heroic ex-slave risks his life and sacrifices many of his original values to save his dear wife’. There's a shootout where all the ‘morals’ and conditions Django initially had about killing go out the window. Obviously, this is for good reason, since it was basically just ‘kill or die’, and everyone in Candie's house has proven that they deserve it. Either way, I think it’s worth mentioning that killing became easier for Django over the course of the film, for good reason. For the viewer, the initial assassinations of Smitty Bacall and the Brittle brothers were treated with much more gravity than what we see now. Person after person gets shot and killed in this massive slaughter-fest and we don’t really bat an eye at it anymore. Eventually, Django runs out of bullets and is once again captured. 

Django is being sent to work in a mine, which according to Stephen is a fate much worse than being castrated. He’s on his way to the mine when he is able to trick the three men he was being guarded by. He tells them they can win a massive bounty at the house by using the bounty paper in his pocket. The men he was with trust him enough to give him a gun, and he immediately shoots and kills them with no hesitation. He is then able to ride back to the Candie house for Broomhilda. Technically these men hadn’t done anything illegal (though obviously keeping the slaves captive was terrible), so all the conditions I mentioned earlier that Django grappled with at the start of his bounty career are GONE. Everything that's happened in his life and through his journey to Broomhilda has sort of desensitized and jaded him. The changes Django goes through don’t feel massive when they happen so gradually, but they are noteworthy nonetheless. 

Now we finally reach the end of the film. Django reunites with Broomhilda and kills the remaining white slave owners returning from Candie’s funeral. Again, their deaths are certainly warranted but still treated with a different sense of casualness than some of the earlier deaths in the film. Django lets the remaining slaves go WITH THE EXCEPTION OF STEPHEN. Another really satisfying moment. Django draws out his death much like he drew out the Brittle Brother’s deaths. The other casualties were par for the course, but Stephen’s death was, again, personal. Django and Broomhilda are finally able to have their happy ending, they are free and together, and there's no one left to separate them. :)

Django shows an unmatched sense of dedication and motivation to save Broomhilda in this film. He carried a ‘do what you have to’ attitude that sometimes got him into trouble and forced him to give up principles. He’s incredibly unique in the sense that he is portrayed as being somewhat flawed. He’s the hero- but he’s not a perfect hero. One thing I’ve noticed generally is that the African American characters depicted in many films sometimes have the common trait of self-sacrifice. Django and MANY of these characters risk their lives for their loved ones with little to no reluctance. Flawed or not- Django is one undeniably heroic character. 

[tess-media-and-society]

Blog Post #1: Introductory Post

My name is Tess! I’m mostly Irish, my Dad is actually an immigrant from Ireland, specifically Kildare. My mom was born in the United States, she was raised around the Middletown area before moving to NYC and eventually coming back. Tess is an Irish name. There is no deep meaning behind my name, my mom wanted a name that was short and unique (it was less common when I was born but is gaining popularity now >:( ). I actually really like my name, but if I had to change it to a fictional character, I would probably choose Jane Lane from “Daria”. I don’t have any great reason for this, I would just want to keep my name short and I relate to her a little as a character. 

On my first day of High School, I went into it with massively unrealistic expectations. The image of High School that was portrayed in all the media I had consumed at that point painted a picture of High School that made it seem like the absolute most important time of everyone's life. I had really romanticized it so I was shocked to find out it was nothing like I expected. I was immediately pretty lonely because I took honors classes throughout High School, which separated me from most of my friends. On top of that, the ‘friends’ I did see were actually kind of bullies to me in hindsight. My first year of High School was really lonely and pretty depressing, but every year after that was a massive improvement on the last, especially my senior year. :) 

On the last day of High School I forced my brother to drive me and two of my friends to McDonalds for breakfast (I bought him a bunch of hashbrowns so we would be even). After that we walked from town to school and went to all our classes. I really came into my own in my last year, I made a ton of new friends and made some of my absolute favorite memories, so I was sad to see it end in a way. After school I met up with my best friend and we just sort of reminisced on everything from the year. We still had our senior prom and graduation ceremony to look forward to at that point.

My favorite memory from High School (though it’s not really a single moment) was bringing stuff in for my friends all year in my last year. I got super into baking during quarantine, so when I finally got back to school I started bringing in all kinds of baked goods for my friends! It gave me a reason to look forward to going to school, and also actually helped me meet a lot of new people! :) I wish I had more people to bake for these days. Sometimes I'd also bring them candy or little dollar store toys, just for fun .

Overall, I actually really ended up enjoying High School, but I also had a lot of embarrassing moments. My least favorite moment was when I decided to go to a school event with a guy from my friend group (like a date, unfortunately). He arrived almost a full hour late, and within fifteen minutes of being there, left me to go get high and run around holding hands with some other girl. Obviously, that was embarrassing and hurtful enough, but the part that really sucked was that it basically sent a tsunami of anger through our friend group and got everyone mad at eachother. I kind of wonder if any of the people from that group still hold some resentment towards me for causing that big of an upset.

Even with some pretty terrible moments like that, if I could do it all over again I probably wouldn’t change anything. I feel like all of the ‘bad’ things that happened kind of served as lessons or character development for me and the people around me. In my last year, I savored every moment and lived in the present. I think if my first year hadn't been so awful or I hadn't ever gone through anything bad during the course of my school years, I wouldn't have appreciated how great the end of it was while it was there.

Now that I'm out of High School, my major is liberal arts. I chose this as a sort of placeholder while I figured out what I wanted to do definitively. I will get my associates degree after this semester :) After I graduate from SUNY Orange, I'm planning on getting some kind of teaching degree. I'd like to teach either English or science at a Middle or High School level. I had a really scary English teacher when I was in eighth grade. She threatened to take me out of the honors class because I missed a homework assignment one time. I don't mean this in the sense that I'm holding a grudge, and this might be kind of stupid, but I still think about it every single day. I feel like people underestimate the effect that teachers can have on our lives, and if I can be a good memory to somebody, that's what I'm after. 

Obviously, there are ways I keep myself entertained outside of school, too. I have never played a sport in my life. What I have played is Animal Crossing. It's been my favorite game since I was a little kid, and in my 3DS town I literally have over a thousand hours accumulated over a few years.

⬆️ My super cool room on my current Animal Crossing island ⬆️

My favorite hobby of all is baking! I had a lot of practice in my last year of High School. I even invented some recipes, like my famous Cinna-Things (cinnamon + thing, named by my best friend). The first time I brought them into school, one of my friends literally took six of them, and then he texted me halfway through the school day asking for more. I came up with something magical when I came up with Cinna-Things

I started baking because one of my friends, had a really bad day one day, so the next day I surprised her with cupcakes made from a really old box of cake mix (The mix was from 2008. It was an ancient artifact. It was the cake mix of Neanderthals. I don’t know why we still had it in the pantry). I just immediately knew doing stuff like that made me feel good, so I kept at it in my next school year. 

I don't watch a lot of TV or movies anymore. One show I'm really fond of is “Clone High” Which aired on MTV during the early 2000s. It's supposed to get a reboot soon. The reason why I really like it is because one of my favorite music artists (Abandoned Pools) is featured on it. I love the soundtrack, but I don't think it's for everybody. I just love bad, angsty, melodramatic, pretentious 2000s emo music. My favorite show is “Daria”. I saw a clip of it on TikTok one day and then basically watched the whole show in a night. I think I like it because it's so different from everything else I've ever seen. Overall, I generally really like animated shows. My least favorite show is “That ‘70s Show”. I don't really have a good reason for this, I just think Danny Masterson really creeps me out and I can’t get past it.

I don't really do a whole lot of creative stuff anymore, but I'm pretty proud of my last two little projects. During May, two of my really close friends had birthdays. For my friend, Saul, I painted a skateboard with a cool little design. Unfortunately we kind of grew apart, but I was SOOOO proud to give this to him. 

⬆️The skateboard ⬆️

My best friend, Deanna, had a birthday like a week after that and I made her a scrapbook with some of our favorite memories. There's a couple snide remarks to people she fell out with on some pages. 

⬆️ (The cover of the scrapbook, Phish and Gobby are our nicknames for each other- I cannot explain) ⬆️

⬆️ (One of the pages, documenting the extremely important time me and my friends went to Buffalo Wild Wings. CRAZY, I know.) ⬆️

If I found out I was going to die tomorrow, for my last meal I would want a re-creation of this Buffalo Wild Wings lunch. I remember the food itself being pretty mediocre, but the fun my friends and I had made it so memorable.