tessabhrams

[tessabhrams]

KILLING EVE, 2018- Season 3, Episode 6 - “End of Game”

[tessabhrams]

“I fucked up the night of the auction…”

Hot— Suddenly and all at once she was too hot. Every inch of Tess felt bathed in such a wicked, jealous heat she almost couldn’t breathe. 

No. She really couldn’t breathe. 

The little bit of air she'd managed to get in before his answer stuck in her lungs now and refused to release. 

He’d fucked up, meaning — Meaning what, exactly?

Oxygen deprivation sent a rush of blood to her head, pounding through to her ears like an inescapable drumbeat. Visions of his mouth on that woman, his hands on that woman began playing on repeat. 

This was a bad idea. Coming here, thinking she was ready for the details of him and his wife was a bad idea. Perhaps the worst she’d ever had. 

She wasn’t anywhere near ready. Would probably never be ready to confront the fact that, despite all their plans and all their dreams, he’d left her behind and moved on with his life. With Ellie.

If she had an ounce of grace or pride or composure in that moment she would’ve done the smart thing and stood to leave, but as it was she was too busy trying not to pass out. Because that’s what was bound to happen. Either she passed out, right there in the living room of his trailer, or she’d—

“Excuse me?” 

— snap. Apparently, in the name of self-preservation, her brain chose to snap.

In one fluid rush Tess was on her feet, having finally comprehended where he was going with this in the midst of her silent spiral.

“I waited for you, Ryan. You shut me out. You left me. And I still waited for you. For years I waited for you to come back. Even after that day you never showed and said goodbye in a text. Even after I heard from your brother that you got married.”

Now that the figurative lid had popped off there was no stopping the hurt, loss, and betrayal she’d been harboring from spilling at their feet. After nearly two decades of being left repressed and unspoken they all but flew out of Tess on bladed wings.

“You promised me,” her voice cracked. “You promised me your name and then you met her and just gave it away like your word meant nothing. Like we meant nothing. Like I meant nothing!”

Something died in her that day, leaving her just as easily as the barrage of tears did now.

“But like some idiot, I still waited,” Tess sniffed sharply, expelling a sardonic laugh soon after. “I dated the guys my parents picked out for me, never taking any of it too seriously, because deep down I hoped I’d get a call that it was all some misunderstanding. Some huge mistake.” 

Except Waverly happened, and staring down at those two pink lines she had to make a choice. Rather, with one phone call home the choice was made for her.

“I married Chris because to Benjamin having an unwed, single mother for a daughter was unforgivable.” Heaven forbid anything, let alone the blood of his blood, risk his next reelection campaign. “And then before the ink on our certificate was even dry I heard you got a divorce. It took everything in me not to run to you that day, Ryan. But I was already pregnant, already married.”

She might’ve made her own bed on that front but the decisions that led her there weren’t hers alone.

“I might’ve stayed married, too, and just accepted the fact that happiness was never going to be for me because maybe he was never around and maybe he wasn’t you, but at least he wasn’t my dad!”

One way or another the truth always had a way of coming out but this was one she’d planned to take to the grave.

“I didn’t have to worry if he’d come home and greet us with a smile or his fists. I didn’t have to worry if my daughter would grow up knowing she was loved or how to do her makeup only because she had to conceal a bruise before first period chem class. That she’d constantly make herself sick being so afraid of picking the wrong elective or not making the Dean’s list.”

Chest heaving, cheeks on fire, Tess whispered hoarsely, “I would give anything, sacrifice anything, to make sure my baby never learns how to cry without making a sound. I would marry him again a thousand times over if it meant she never has to nod and smile through everyone singing her perfect father praises when she just spent the last night trying to coax her little sister out of the closet after he went on another rampage, then convince her while she's still shaking to get dressed and come down for dinner because if they weren't at the table on time he'd only go into another, except that one even worse."

Waverly would never, ever become her.

“I would have stayed with him for the rest of my life to protect her, but you got hurt. The second I finally went home after being with you at the hospital he took one look at me, Ryan, and he knew.” Her own divorce papers were drawn up and ready on their dining room table the next day. “Chris didn’t love me so he could live with the fact that I didn’t love him, either, but he couldn’t live with the fact that I was still in love with you.”

Apparently, knowing that his wife pictured another man in their marriage bed was too big of a blow to his pride.

“So yeah. Part of me didn't tell you about Wave in my letters because I liked how it felt to think we were still those kids with a shot at forever. And then last month I bid on you and kept bidding on you because it's always been you. Because I'm tired of pretending all of it wasn't supposed to be ours."

"Be mad at me for trying to make the best out of a life without you in it, but don't think I haven't spent every day of the last three and a half years torn between feeling blessed I finally have something good to live for and guilty that I can’t look at my own daughter without being devastated by the fact that she isn’t YOURS.”

While it may not have looked that simple to her, it felt that simple to him. He was no longer in love with Ellie. Some days he even questioned whether or not, he ever was to begin with. Considering his love for Ellie, as twisted and as jagged as it was, could not compare to his love for Tess. The two weren't even in the same hemisphere. One felt explosive, while the other felt all consuming.

Ryan was still as confident as the day he fell in love with Tess, that she could break his heart a million and one times ( just like Ellie had ) and his love for her would never waver, or never wane. She could take a blade and plunge it into his chest over and over again and that still wouldn't cure him of his fate. The fate that established he was destined to love her for the rest of his life. Whether here or in the next one.

So, the fact that she didn't believe him when he said it was simple as that? mystified him.

Have the years since they've been together altered her belief in that - that much?

Judging by her silence and the position of her arms crossed over her stomach as she sat perched on his armrest, it was believed so.

Although even if his perception had been wrong, her assumption following confirmed it.

Even hit with valid questions - Ryan was too stuck on Tess thinking that things weren't over for him and Ellie. While he may not be able to speak for the spiteful devil herself, he can promise with absolute certainty on his end that, things were definitely over for him. Even if he wanted to ( which he didn't ) -- he would never get back with Ellie. For one, he couldn't trust her and for two - that ship, as exciting and sexy as it was when it was still good, had sailed.

There was no going back to the wreckage it left behind. If Ryan could take it all back, he would.

But just as he was about to voice that sentiment out loud and to her face her next inquiry stopped him, sending a blazing hot arrow through the chest.

Just like that an army of emotions ziplined through him--- ranging from anger and hurt, to frustration. Not to mention, a fierce desperation he hasn't felt since he was a teen still eager to get out of the godforsaken town that took the only other woman he loved away from him. His mom.

Panic instantly seized up in his chest before he could ever get the words out. Lying to her wasn't an option. It wasn't even something he knew how to do. Considering he lacked the practice. He supposed he never really had to learn, because he never really wanted to. Tess was always understanding, always accepting. She never judged, never made fun of, never looked down on him for any of the choices he made. But, this time it felt different.

Just the thought of answering wrong and losing her for good was a consequence Ryan couldn't stomach, let alone digest. Because without her, there was no him.

Even while broken up and even while miles apart - Ryan could only persist knowing she was out there somewhere - hopefully doing something she loved. Like, painting topless in front of her window while nothing but sunlight and a silk sheet draped around her waist, keeping her warm and comforted. The same way his hands would have if they were there.

Those nights he spent in the bunker, as the skies grew dark and the stench of blood grew thicker, that's what Ryan pictured. Tess bathing in front of her easel, a paintbrush in hand, eyes as blue as the ocean skirting from one border of the canvas to another as colors materialized behind her every stroke. And when the masterpiece was all finished he'd sneak up behind her, slide his hands around her pregnant stomach and press a delightful kiss to her shoulder, right before he whispered the words I love you, beautiful girl into her ear.

He pictured her so many times like that and in so many different scenarios, it was hard to tell which memories were real apart from which ones he dreamt up.

"I fucked up the night of the auction," he whispered finally, putting an end to the dreadful silence. "And to tell you the truth Tess, I've fucked up many more times before that." His hands fell to his sides while a metaphorical noose tightened around his neck.

It wasn't a direct answer, no. But, it was the truth all the same.

And yet, it didn't matter. At least it shouldn't.

He wanted - no he needed her to at least believe that.

"I'm not ---" the tightness in his chest multiplied tenfold as he struggled to extract the right words. "I'm not the same guy I was when I left you all those years ago." The guy that was beholden to his grief and couldn't seem to get rid of it. "And it doesn't matter to me why she's here or what she wants. All that matters to me, is what you want." If it's a rundown of what happened between him and Ellie the night of the auction, then fine. So be it. He'll give her that.

But, if it's something else.... if it's him..... all she has to do is say so and he's hers. "You were just as willing to fork over five grand for me as she was. Before you bid it all on my brother." She wasn't the only one with questions that needed desperate answers. "I should've told you we were still married, yes. Just like you should have told me about Waverly when you came to visit me in the ICU. Or maybe any time in your letters before that." As much as Ryan wanted to be mad about it, and he was to some extent, he felt guilty for that too. Because he could never truly reject or despise something that was half Tess. "Part of me wonders if she didn't come waddling into that diner the day I saw you again, if you ever would have. I think you think I sit out here and dwell over her..." Meaning, Ellie. "But to be honest, I dwell over the thought of you and some other guy and this whole other life you've created that I'm not a part of. That was supposed to be mine with you."

Something visceral, which he recognized as jealousy churned his stomach. "Did I kiss her? Yeah. Was that a mistake? Also, yeah. But, did I give her a part of me that was only reserved for you? No, I didnt." / @tessabhrams

[tessabhrams]

Spotting the tied up bundles a few shelves over Tess paused only long enough to shoot her little brother a look. "As the one typically called in to talk her off another ledge, don't you think I should make that decision?"

Then again, maybe not.

She had her own house intentially situated on the exact opposite end of Avonlea Terrace. She didn't have to stick around and drown in the scent of herbs that likely weren't meant to be burned.

"But sure, fine." With a weary sigh she flicked her hand as if to brush off the thoughts, none too bothered one way or the other.

Even if she should've been.

The longer Benjamin stayed gone the worse Delila unraveled. Why she even wanted him found was a bigger mystery than his disappearance, but their mother almost paid an ungodly price (even for a family of their means) to have him tracked down.

Considering he'd been the one to halt her before money could exchange hands, though, she'd let Wyatt clue Lee in on that latest slip in sanity.

"You know you can always come stay with me and Wave if the house gets to be too much... right?"

Lee didn’t mind the scent of lavender. Even now, with his mother burning the stuff like it had magical properties, lavender by itself was lovely, soothing. It was the bitter, acrid, edge, it got when burnt — that was what Lee was heartily sick of. If he had his druthers, they wouldn’t be resupplying Delilah. Unfortunately, he hadn’t felt like he could fight Tess on it when it was clear, she wasn’t a fan of the practice any more than he was. Besides, having lunch afterwards would be worth the rest. Probably, anyway.

“I think,” Lee said carefully, “—even if they don’t, they’d certainly do something for us. For the right price. But I also think, we’ve gotta start weaning her off this stuff.” For his sanity, and probably for his siblings’, too. He didn’t plan on enabling another month after this one — and granted, it wasn’t like Delilah had taken up drugs, or something. The point remained, though. “So no, do not ask.” | @tessabhrams

[tessabhrams]

“Maybe,” was all Tess answered with. It was a pretty thought - the idea that in another version of the nights events Ryan would’ve bent over backwards to win her date - but the line between truth and fantasy began to blur around the same time ‘Mrs. Ellie Parrish’ came out of the statuesque brunette at his side. 

Nearly thirty minutes later she still felt like a fool. Was she the only one who’d held onto visions of them in their head? The only one who hadn’t been able to let go no matter how much time and distance spanned between them? 

Apparently, since he was still married. Had lied about it to her face, too. 

She’d never known Ryan to be a liar - especially not to her - but the proof of it was somewhere here in Covington now, probably latched to his arm. 

The train of thought made her wince again, but she deftly hid the pained expression behind a sip. “Yeah. You know my family well enough to probably guess what I mean by that.”

Delilah was fragile and needy, Wyatt distant and no doubt already planning to flee town soon as he was able. Lee was often quiet in a way that left her worrying, and Georgie— She didn’t even want to think about the fallout headed her direction after this little Drew shaped twist to the evening.

"I'm back for good, though," lithe shoulders bobbed with a shrug, "so I might as well get used to it."

To the complications of her family life, the constant whispers and recognition on the street, the game of charades she'd been playing since she was old enough to be put on a campaign stage, seeing Ryan every other day...

Tess blinked at his name, both in her head and out loud, wondering if she'd said the wrong thing.

"Well, it's not so much that he told me as it was I ran into him while he was sorting through the bills." Was Jacob's predicament meant to be a secret between brothers? "I— I'd offered to help make some calls and clean up around the house so any repairs could get started."

Drew may not come out and say it--but even he knew that Ryan and Tess still clearly had feelings for one another and honestly he didn’t get why things were so strange between them—at least until tonight.

As soon as Ellie had arrived on the scene, Drew was honestly surprised as hell because from what he knew—that chapter had been over for awhile but here she was, in Covington and bidding on his brother? 

So while he felt completely taken aback by the turn of events, he could only imagine that whatever Tess was feeling was magnified by 100. “I mean—he’d have bid on you, that’s for sure.” Would his brother have won though? Maybe, maybe not. Drew certainly would’ve egged him on if he had been bidding on Tess though.

Her words about not being those same kids anymore had him glancing up at her as his fingers tightened around the glass he was holding. He understood it, but that didn’t mean he liked it. Especially since somewhere he’d still held onto hope of Tess being Ryan’s happily ever after. After everything his brother had endured in life, and even Tess for that matter—they both deserved the happiness Drew believed they’d find with each other. 

“Yeah?” He understood that for the most part about being back in Covington, even if he had a lot of questions regarding the circumstances. But he didn’t want to ask about it when he didn’t know the details. It was amusing really that despite being close to almost all the Abhrams siblings in one way or the other, he still had no idea what was going on and while it irked him, he couldn’t fault them for it. 

“It’s been mostly alright,” he told her casually, taking a sip from his glass now before giving her another smile. “It’s been nice being home, but sometimes I crave the excitement of a bigger city, not to mention the anonymity of just…not having every person you meet on the street knowing your name.” But then she spoke about the house and about his father which begged the question—what part did she know about? Was it about him paying off the entire mortgage and essentially securing their childhood home? Or was it just the part about the notices? 

“Uh—yeah, what did Ryan tell you?” After all—they both knew that was the only way she’d know about the house and so really there was no point in beating around the bush. | @tessabhrams

[tessabhrams]

With a somewhat startled blink (her thoughts had been miles away from the tile samples in her own hands, despite all outward appearances) Tess looked left. 

Glass— Jenna was asking for an opinion on the different tones of stained glass. Right. She could do that. If there was one thing Tess was good at it was steering others toward decisions they were otherwise unable or unwilling to make. 

“Well, I guess that depends.” At that point she’d conceded defeat with her own home improvement predicament so she placed the two undoubtedly similar pieces of tile back where they belonged. A small albeit warm smile curled along her mouth when, at last, she offered her full attention. 

She wasn’t an interior decorator by any stretch of the imagination, but colors, form, art in general— It harkened back to a time in her life when she actually, foolishly, believed there could be anything more than the demands and expectations put upon her. 

That seventeen year old girl had been naive in her hopeless dreaming… yet she never quite died. Somewhere, deep down, the desperate artist in Tess still kicked and screamed with one tiny remaining kernel of fight.

Wherever it was now, subdued and silenced for so many years, it perked up at the task. It stretched and unfurled with what she could only describe as excitement. 

“What’s it for? A specific room?” Her answer would likely be different for a bathroom compared to, say, an entrance. “And do you already have a design in mind?” 

STATUS: Open

LOCATION: The Walk Shopping Strip

Renovating a home on a budget was a gift that kept on giving. Sometimes it gave you the greatest reward when the shelf you built turned out even better than expected, sometimes it gave you a crying session in the cracked bathtub. Like a box of chocolates, you never knew what you'd get but at least Jenna made some discoveries. She was a surprisingly clean painter, installing new light fixtures wasn't as hard if you simply followed the wiring, and giving things she bought at Nook Antiques a fresh coat of paint really did the trick. But some things couldn't be bargained with and one thing Jenna always wanted was a stained glass arch above her kitchen window. Having it installed wasn't a cost she was willing to inspect just yet but looking at the materials was definitely something she could wrap her mind around - and start saving up for.

Marrying a construction worker meant she spent half her life planning their future home and how her late husband would make all her dreams come true. The picket fence, the porch, the swing in the backyard for the kids, and colorful glass adorning her kitchen. It was all there on paper, they just never had the time. Between Taye's work hours, Jen's clinic, and the prices in Chicago, they were still stuck in their flat when Nico was born. And then came Lena. And then Taye died and so did their dream. However, moving to Covington was like an inspiration to try to make at least some of it come true. The fence was old and with holes but it was there. The swing turned into a tire that creaked when it swung from the old mossy tree in the backyard. The porch wasn't feasible but her colorful window? That could still be done. So she stood in the store, picking up different stained glass samples and blowing away a strand of hair away from her face. With a sigh, she turned to the person near her. "What do you think works best together? Light green for the center and dark green for the details or maybe brown for the details instead?" She picked up another sample. "Or maybe orange?" Offering them an unsure smile, she nudged another sample toward them. "Blue?"

[tessabhrams]

location: nook antiques

status: closed for @saraiayutthaya

"What do you think about this piece?" Head canted to the side, Tess surveyed the carved oak console table apparently from France, 19th century, according to it's description and price tag. "Is it pretty, or is it just old and expensive?"

Shopping for overpriced antique furniture was genuinely the least of her concerns right now, but that was sort of the point.

She needed to get out of the house, out of her head, and just be a normal person who didn't have a missing father or a married ex she was still in love.

So long as this new, imaginary version of herself still retained control of current hers bank account of course.

"There's this little nook between the front hall and the kitchen that needs... something," she continued, as if the two older ladies not-so-subtly hiding one booth over weren't just whispering about her auction night disaster of an experience.

[tessabhrams]

location: her home office

status: closed for @wyattxabhrams

"So what was your read on this Cas character?"

To some it might've seemed ridiculous to have this conversation her home office, as if it were an official meeting and not two siblings catching up, but to Tess it made perfect sense.

Not just because it allowed her to keep an eye on Waverly thanks to the video monitor off to the side of her desk, or because its where she kept any pertinent information on their so-called dad's disappearance, but because it meant avoiding any chance of running into Eliana Parrish around town.

You know. Ryan's wife.

Tess couldn't even begin to explain how fun it'd been to learn of that little fact the night of the auction but she probably didn't need to. Wyatt could guess for himself considering she'd spent almost every day since holed up in her house.

That swing toward semi-reclusiveness was half to blame for how far behind she was on all things 'hunt for Benjamin' now.

"Seriously. What do we know about this guy?" Without looking up she jotted something down on a notepad that had nothing to do with their father and everything to do with her actual job.

"Do we really think he can do what the local police couldn't?"

[tessabhrams]

location: herbal dreams apothecary

status: closed for @leeabhrams

If Tess never had to smell the scent of lavendar again it'd be too soon, yet there she was, scanning the various shelving units and displays for more twine tied bundles of the stuff.

Apparently Delilah had already burned her way through the obscene about of flowering herb Wyatt bought her last month. Apparently it was her turn to buy more.

She still didn't understand how this was preferable to popping their mother a Xanax and calling it a day. A little pill held far less risk of the fire department being called in.

"Do you think they offer some kind of delivery or subscription service so that we don't have to keep doing this month to month?" Her eyes drifted over to Lee, having 'volunteered' her younger brother to come along with a promise of lunch when they were finished.

The fact that she even felt like she needed an excuse to spend time together— Well, it was probably a strong indication their family had far more problems than Benjamin's disappearance alone.

[tessabhrams]

Once upon a time Tess could predict what would’ve happened if she were on that stage, not Ryan, with total confidence. Now? 

Her lips rolled over her teeth. She couldn’t even meet Drew’s gaze when, a second or two later, she admitted, “I honestly have no clue what would’ve happened if the roles were reversed tonight.” 

And she hated it.

From the first moment she heard of Ryan’s new marriage all those years ago it felt like a gaping pit had opened up and swallowed the heart right out of her chest. Giving someone else his last name, what she'd always seen as her last name— It was so resolute. So final.

She swore she'd accepted any rekindling of their former romance was never going to happen after that, but had she? Had she really?

Clearly not, otherwise she wouldn't be sitting there now feeling like this.

Tess didn't point out the obvious, though. Elaborating that she had nothing but uncertainty where they hypothetical was concered given he had a wife in the picture only invited more conversation about the situation.

And she didn't want to talk about Ryan, her own losing bids, or Mrs. Ellie Parrish.

"We're not those same kids anymore, Drew." It was the only explanation she could give. Better to just leave it there and continue pretending the outright disaster of an evening hadn't happened.

"But being back is... mostly what I expected."

Meaning: her mother needed to be handled as if she were a porcelain doll, her siblings felt halfway like strangers, and Benjamin (fucking Benjamin) was screwing all of them over while he was off doing whatever the hell he'd been up to these last several months.

Or... you know... dead.

There was a large possibility her 'father' was dead. She hadn't let herself think too hard about that yet because thinking about it meant contemplating what it said about her as a person that she almost wished he was.

Not that she was particularly murderous most days, but there was no denying it'd certainly simplify their lives from here on out.

Still, no matter how badly she probably needed to unpack all of her baggage surrounding the possibly late, not-so-great Benjamin Abhrams she wasn't going to embark on that journey now.

"What about you? How have things been back here all these years?" There was a pause, as if she was hesitant to add: "I, uh, I heard about the house and your dad." | @drewparrish

Drew was glad that his little anecdote about the conversation between himself and Aiyla seemed to help Tess feel more comfortable in carrying on a normal enough conversation with him. He chuckled at her words though before nodding, “believe me…after tonight, I bet you that a lot of people wish they’d been on the bidding side of things rather than being up for bid. I mean for me, it was fun—the idea of not exactly knowing how your evening was going to end and between you and me,” he paused to give her a smile, “I’m glad that you saved me from ending up in an otherwise weird situation.” 

Given how awkward Drew had felt even watching the entire bidding war between Tess and Ellie—he couldn’t imagine how the woman across from him felt. In another universe, he’d have imagined her dropping $5K on his big brother the moment the auction started…and a part of him wondered why she didn’t just do that tonight but he kept his mouth shut.

No sense in making her feel worse now. “Yeah I get that, I just wondering what would’ve happened had the situation been reversed.” He didn’t need to explain what he meant, they both knew that had Ryan been the one bidding, he’d have dropped the $5K on Tess immediately, worrying about where the money would come from later on. 

A smile was on his face as she spoke about Waverly, he figured that was a good choice of topic given how he’d seen some pictures of the little one when he’d been with Georgie and she truly seemed like a ball of sunshine. “Aw that’s cute. I bet you she was excited for you,” he mused before nodding at her words, “I’d love to come meet her…you tell me when and where and we’ll make it happen.”

But a big part of him suddenly felt like a traitor. He knew how Ryan could potentially react and yet he couldn’t let that stop him from living his life. He knew in his heart that he wasn’t doing anything wrong. 

Taking a sip from the drink in front of him, Drew happened a glance around the room before turning his attention back to his date for the evening. He might have been looking for someone familiar but as of now he couldn’t see them and so he let his mind focus back on the person in front of him.

“How’s it been for you? Being back in Covington? With everything?” He had of course noticed the absence of the Abhrams patriarch and while he hadn’t asked anyone outright about what was going on—he figured this was a vague enough question. 

The funny thing was—back in the day, Drew had never been one to weigh out his words, ensure they were correct and not at all pushy. But now—so much had changed, so much had shifted that it felt like he had to speak in measured tones, never overstepping those invisible boundaries that were present in front of him. | @tessabhrams

[tessabhrams]

Tess wanted to believe him. God— She wanted to believe Ryan so much that need to take him at his word became it's own living, breathing thing in her chest, aching so bad it rivaled her heartbeat.

And maybe once upon a time in their earlier history she would've. The problem now was that she remembered the look on Ellie's face when she approached after the bidding. The look she gave him, the look she gave her...

Throwing down five grand for a few hours of his time was statement enough, but it was that look— Tess shook her head, the full flesh of her bottom lip trapped underneath her teeth. "I'm not saying you're lying, Ry, but it's hard for me to believe it's as simple as that."

Because she knew what it looked like to love Ryan Parrish. She saw it in her own reflection every day.

She'd never claim to know his 'wife' enough to speculate on the true depth of her feelings but nothing about her that night screamed 'finished business'. From the top of her glossy head to the tip of her painted toes she'd been every inch a woman staking her claim.

Her rightful claim, much as Tess hated to admit it.

With a low sigh she wandered deeper into the room, perching on the armrest of his couch. It felt wrong to close herself off to him, but that's exactly what she did when both arms folded across her stomach, as if the act alone could keep her together in the face of this.

Whatever this was.

"A legal technicality is one thing, but showing up here? Handing over that much money for a date? Nothing about that sounds like things are over for both of you. If it's just a matter of paperwork why not go through the lawyers again?"

Why show up here, why move here, herself?

Perhaps there was an alternative she couldn't see when her emotions were so tangled but it spelled out a rather obvious conclusion: "She came here for you."

But did she do so on her own? Or had she been given some reason to think it'd be welcomed? And where Tess was concerned... what did it mean?

She felt like the other woman in this equation and hated it. Hated that she had no reason to slot herself into that role even more.

They'd never talked about 'them' in the time she'd been home; there hadn't been a chance. Now, it felt like there might never be. Since the day he hammered a nail in the coffin of their relationship neither time nor fate seemed to be on their side.

Another breath loosed itself free from Tess' nose and she pinched at its thin bridge to stave off a migraine. "Is she staying?" Less long term, but what suddenly felt even more important the second realization dawned: "Did you kiss her?"

Even asking showed her cards in a way she never intended, but the words were out. She couldn't take them back. All she could do was swallow and fight off a new wave of dread while she waited to hear Ryan's answer. | @ryanparrish

Try as one might to forget the look of betrayal that flooded her eyes and twisted her heart that night at the auction, Ryan couldn't. Both were indelibly etched into the recesses of his mind long after they departed and Tess went home with a Parrish. Just not the one she originally intended to max out on.

If Ryan didn't have as much faith and trust in Drew as he did, he probably would've raged over the outcome that awarded him Tess and not Ryan himself.

But, aside from Drew keeping the Waverly secret - a secret, there was no rhyme or reason to suspect him of anything dastardly. In fact, of all the other contestants Tess could've bid on, Ryan was grateful it was Drew. He could relax knowing she didn't spend her night with someone who could've easily taken advantage of her in a vulnerable headspace.

At the same time, he felt guilty.

Knowing of the auction rules and knowing what transpired between him and Ellie after they left the venue together.

In Ryan's mind, it was closure. The ending of a final chapter that would never see the light of day. Whatever relationship, or marriage that still existed between him and Ellie legally, would not persist much longer.

That's what he wanted to tell her the last time she showed up at his doorstep, although he'd never gotten the chance.

It's what he still desperately aimed to tell her now.

Although her thorned assessment upon him answering the door, stopped him where he stood. For a second, he almost laughed at her bitter remark had it not sharpened the pang of his heart into a blade slotted neatly between his ribs. "She's not my wife." His hackles rise at the very insinuation.

Legally? yes. Romantically? no.

Either way, Ryan gestures for her to come inside so they can continue their "talk" in private and there's less room for her to flee once the door closes behind her.

There's so much to unpack, it's difficult pinpointing where to start. "Technically, we're separated." Not that, that distinction makes it any better.

"I was telling you the truth when I said we weren't together anymore. Or what, I genuinely thought was the truth. I didn't know until New Years that we were still legally married. I filed for divorce six years ago after I learned she had an affair while I was in Kandahar. The most we spoke since I deployed was through our lawyers. And when she showed up here, I explicitly told her I wanted nothing to do with her. I planned to get it sorted out but then, something came up with my dad and the house and I ran into you...."

He should've told her then, yet he didn't.

"I think your news pretty much trumped mine." Hard for him to focus on his marriage woes when she threw him a literal toddler-shaped wrench. "I planned to sit you down and tell you once the dust settled from that but, I didn't get the chance before she showed up like a scorpion at the auction and threw it in our faces out of spite." / @tessabhrams

[tessabhrams]

location: brunch and barrel

status: closed for @georgie-abhrams

Proposing they meet up for brunch, in public, rather than either of their places was probably a cowards move.

Ask Tess if she cared.

There were thirty odd years of experience under her belt when it came to Georgie's moods. She wasn't about to put herself alone in the same room with her little sister when this was still the direction any interaction between them would go.

Some might argue the passive aggressive retorts were a step up from total silent treatment, but— "Are you planning to stay this mad at me forever?"

She didn't point out that there were plenty of other things she could be doing if Georgie wasn't even going to look her in the eye. Tepid as their relationship was (over the years and currently) she firmly kept this time set aside for sisterly bonding dates. She hadn't missed a day yet, even at the worst of times; this little misunderstanding didn't even reach the list on a scale of defcon five to one.

"You realize I only bid on him because you looked like you'd shave my head in my sleep if I didn't, right?" Her next pause met more silence. "I was only doing what I thought you wanted me to, Geeg."

[tessabhrams]

"Better you on the other end of that conversation than me."

Seriously. Tess did everything in her power to give Waverly the space and freedom to let her own little freak flag fly; she couldn't fathom trying to explain why mommy didn't have the same opportunity to go a bit unhinged purely for 'the fun of it'. Why, even when it felt like she'd go off the deep end if she had to keep smiling for one more god damn second, she diligently kept up the charade.

"I'm trying to keep her blinded to what it's always meant to be an Abhrams for as long as I possibly can." Tess wished her own mother would've had the fortitude to do the same for them as children. Then again, what did she really expect? From age nine she'd basically been the third parents in their household. Hell, she'd basically been Delilah Abhram's parent, too.

"As for the dog, if anyone asks his name is Hamlet." Although she wasn't sure which was worse— admitting their new dog was named after a three year olds most recent culinary phase, or coming off as a pretentious princess, like most people assumed, because she couldn't name the pup something normal like Rusty or Rover.

Tess decided to let that internal dilemma be a problem for another day.

Glass clinking against glass, she matched Callie's cheers and then downed her tequila with a less than ladylike gulp. "How's everything going aside from Harper's incessant curiosity? Things going okay at work?"

Motherhood -- what a glorious and absolutely wild experience it was. If she had been honest, she didn't particularly see herself becoming a mother until the stick turned pink, and suddenly she was faced with those choices every woman had a right to; in her opinion. Despite not quite being ready or wanting a child at the time, the moment she heard Harper's heartbeat and saw her little white outlined body on the screen, she knew she was going to go for it. And what an experience it has been since, but it also reminded her what a glorious thing a child's mind was. How creative, and loving, and open it was. It was truly a sad thing to think about how the world usually destroyed that.

"No, but seriously. And you say it so much, it doesn't even have meaning anymore." Callie shook her head, "I've ever asked her if she wants mommy to go insane, and she just says that being crazy is fun; and asks me to join her."

Callie had been prepared for an answer to her question, via the options she had gave. So when Tess explained that, no, ham was the name of the dog; Callie lost it. Laughter filling the room just as the unfortunate soul named after a so-so sandwich came skipping it. "Awww," Callie cooed, as she kneeled down, and rubbed the pups head. She glance up at Tess, "I'm so glad I was able to convince Harper on the name Stormy for our cat, because I don't think I could've handled a pet named after a food. Hell, if I'm honest, she probably would've been Spongebob if Harper had full say."

Callie stood up, her eyes going wide at the mention of a meat suit, "Oh-- oh that would be horrifying. Funny, sure, but horrifying." She shook her head, "Listen, we gotta toast to these children and their imagination."

[tessabhrams]

Tess couldn't tell if Drew was merely soothing her fears with a little white lie or telling the truth, but the story about Aiyla rang true enough, so...

"That's precisely why you'll never catch me on the reverse side of this entire thing." As in the one up on stage versus the bank account doing the bidding. "So much of my time is spent making conversation with people I'd really rather not speak to. Or with people who want something from me and would use is as the perfect opportunity to make sure they got to make their request in a way I couldn't escape."

That felt like the case now more than ever, even if most people in town had no idea her father had been missing and not just on an extended trip for the last six months.

Sipping her drink, Tess quietly declared, "I don't like leaving control in anyone else's hands." Not that she'd ultimately been able to sway the night's outcome in her favor. Being outbid for Ryan's date— That was a turn of events she never saw coming.

Then again, as far as she knew his wife hadn't been his wife for years.

If her lie to Drew about everything being perfectly fine turned her stomach, it was Ryan's lie about Mrs. Ellie Parrish that threatened to put her six feet in the ground.

Her weak smile pinched into a grimace, potentially giving the wrong impression when it came so shortly before she shared, "Wave is doing great. She's having so much fun unpacking her new room, and took about a hundred blurry pictures of me before I left for the night."

By the time she went home again she'd have to figure out a way to fake enthusiasm for what her little girl swore would be a blast and, in reality, was a disaster. "One of these days you'll have to come by. She's heard so much about you all these years." Especially from Georgia's mouth. "I'm sure she'd love to say hi."

There was a lot he needed to unpack where tonight was concerned because what the hell was Ellie doing here? Hadn’t she and Ryan gotten divorced? And not only was she here—but she won his brother’s bid? It was becoming clearer to him that while he might have thought Ryan told him things—it wasn't the truth anymore and he was a stranger to his brother’s life. 

But he was already feeling this way so he couldn’t even imagine what Tess was going through because he’d seen her face when the gavel had been hit at Ellie’s high bid of $5K on Ryan. And it was another reason why he wanted to make sure she was okay—but if she was determined to lie to him, he’d let her.

“If you’re sure,” he told her softly with a small smile, letting her know that no matter what was happening, he was in her corner.

When Tess decided to change the topic to him and his expectations of the evening, he let her. If that was what she needed to do in order to distract herself, he’d do it.

“Ahh you’re fine,” he waved her concern away before shrugging. “I didn’t really have any expectations from the night. I mean—Aiyla had asked me before what would be better, ending up with someone who could be considered a friend or a stranger? And in this situation—I’m glad it’s someone I know.” He gestured towards her because it was better to be seated with someone he knew, than be forced to make small talk with a complete stranger. Because that could very easily go wrong.

She didn’t need to say it but he knew what Tess was saying, that after Ryan’s bid was already won—he was a good second choice along with Blair and that was fine by him. “I was mostly just surprised I went for a top bid, so thank you Tess.” He told her this with a grin before deciding that while they both probably had other things on their mind—it was important to distract themselves the best that they could. 

“So how’s Waverly doing? Tell me she got excited at seeing you get all dressed up.” He may not have had a chance to spend time with Tess’ daughter but that didn’t mean he didn’t love hearing stories about her from Georgie whenever she had something to share. | @tessabhrams

[tessabhrams]

location: his house

status: closed for @ryanparrish

The situation felt a little too close to how she'd shown up at Ryan's door all those weeks ago, the only difference being that time her stomach knotted with what suspiciously felt like hope. This time, as she slid from the driver's seat the only thing Tess could call the beast in her belly was dread.

Unfortunately, she couldn't just get back in the car and continue avoiding this conversation any longer. It'd been long enough since the night of the auction, upset stomach be damned.

Still, her approach wasn't immediate. No. Tess eyed the door to his trailer with a healthy dose of trepidation for a solid minute before her feet finally got with the program.

Loosing a sigh from her lips she palmed her keys, then rapped a few closed fist knocks to get his attention. Assuming he was even home.

Was he home?

She probably should've called first. Except any amount of warning to her arrival would've only given Ryan time to formulate an excuse. An explanation as to how, exactly, he was still married when he'd point blank swore the opposite years ago.

Call her hypocritical (she'd kept her own secrets out of their letters) but the revelation of his absolutely still real marriage vows felt different from not disclosing Waverly sooner. Keeping news of her daughter away from his ears was still a shade dishonest, but it hadn't been a bold faced lie.

Just thinking about their parallel predicaments reignited a searing heat in her blood.

Married. Still married.

Tess barely managed to swallow the sound of her self-directed scoff when, at last, the door swung wide... and there he was. Ryan Parrish. The man she once assumed she'd spend her entire life with and now couldn't help but study like a stranger.

It killed her— Noting that difference between past and present. Between moving home and learning his carefully kept, blissfully wedded truth.

This wasn't how their story was supposed to go.

"I think it's time we talked." To Tess' credit she bravely jutted her chin, but her heart gave an unsteady gallop when she followed with the barbed quip, "Unless your wife is home?"

[tessabhrams]

Without further prompting, Tess bypassed the bottles of wine completely and procured a bottle of tequila from its hiding place— a tucked away spot behind bags of veggie chips Waverly couldn't be paid to touch.

One would think it's high elevation in the upper cabinets would've been enough to keep her daughter's wandering hands from finding it, but she'd learned early on that nothing (literally nothing) could stop a determined child from achieving their mischivous goals.

Snorting softly at the explanation - she knew exactly what Callie meant by that - Tess put the bottle on the island and set about cutting limes. "I never thought I'd be a 'because I said so' mom until Wavery learned the word why."

She loved her daughter's innate curiosity and did what she could to foster it, but being the majority parent wore a woman down. Certainly now, post divorce, but even back when she and Chris still lived within the same house.

"Ham as in the dog." She groused seconds later, drink now in hand. As if he'd heard his name their golden retriever, Hammy Sammich (a name all Waverly's doing), padded in from the living room, his fur still slightly perriwinkle in a few patches near his paws.

"But I'm sure if she had enough unrestricted access to the fridge she'd be making some kind of Lady Gaga-esque meat dress for her dolls." | @calliemontgomery

There was something truly special in that of a mom friend, she didn't have a lot, but the few she did have were absolute lifesavers. She held them close and dear to her heart, and why wouldn't she? If anyone knew just how hard this single mom shit was, it was the mom friend. Even if she wasn't single, shit was still hard.

When Tess pulled out the tray of cookies, Callie's brow reached a whole new level of high. It wasn't until Tess cut her off, before she could even say anything, clearly already knowing what she was thinking. She pressed her lips together, as they spread into a tight smile. Fair enough.

Not that she was harping either way, but if they were freshly baked, Tess was gonna have to give her some tips. There simply was not enough time in the day.

Without a second look at her mother, now excited to be in the company of her friend, and a plate of goodies; Waverly and Harper rushed out of the kitchen. Almost as if they waited a long enough, someone would come to the senses about all that sugar. On a normal night, maybe. Tonight? Callie couldn't be bothered. Just as long as she was busy doing something other then working her nerves.

Callie's eyes fell to the wine bottles, and without a second thought said, "Tequila, please."

The stronger choice of drink wasn't really about her daughter, as much as it was about her job, and the stress. Either way, the heavier the better. "She didn't necessarily do anything today." Callie admitted, "My make up was left untouched, and my walls unpainted." That alone was a good day in her book. "But I have heard 'mommy' and 'why' about five thousand times since we woke this morning." It was crazy how a word could lose meaning, until you hear it on repeat. "I'm afraid it's going to be stuck on replay in my head now."

Callie moved out a stool, and plopped down, resting her elbows on the surface of the island, "Ham, huh? Like lunch meat, or a whole actual ham?"

[tessabhrams]

Okay? No, she was absolutely not okay.

But while Drew might understand, while he might not hold it against her or think twice about ending their 'date' before it even began, she knew nobody else would lend her the same grace.

Eyebrows would raise, whispers would speculate, and she'd end up with more of a migraine than the one she already had.

"Yeah, of course." Tess snifffed, selfconsciously dabbing her cheeks and chin lest any tears remained, and then steeled her spine. "I'm good."

Her stomach went queasy at the lie. Drew was family, even if she never claimed his older brother's last name. Even the slightest dishonesty didn't sit well with her.

And yet admitting the truth wasn't an option. If she talked about it, if she even thought about it, she'd completely break down.

Which is why she didn't ask about Ryan and his wife. Why she didn't demand answers out of Drew she wasn't entitled to. Tess could pretend it was because she had enough honor not to put him in that akward of a position, but really it was for her own sake.

She wanted to know everything about them - about the marriage she'd been told didn't even exist anymore - but wouldn't survive the answers.

"I'm sure I'm not who you'd hoped to end up with tonight," she mused with a soft, empty laugh. "I'm sorry if I got in the way of what could've been a fun night for you with someone... legitimate."

Although not quite sorry enough, because she suspected what that might've meant for Georgie, and her sister was why she bid on Drew in the first place.

"I wanted to donate to the cause, though, and after—" after losing Ryan— "Well, there's nobody esle I would've wanted to spend a few hours with besides you or Blair." | @drewparrish

If Drew was being honest with himself, he hadn’t really expected this evening to turn out the way it did. He had signed up because a couple of his fellow associates had pretty much dared him to and while he’d have been fine with a low bid—that wasn’t the case. But the person who bid on him had surprised him. 

Tess Abhrams. A woman who he’d known pretty much for his entire life. His brother’s ex, his ex’s sister…it was just strange.

Still he had taken his seat at a vacant table, glancing around for her, wondering where she’d gone off to and thinking about calling her and letting her know that he was fine if they skipped out on this date altogether. 

But then she’d shown up and while he was smiling at her, instantly that smile fell when he saw the look on her face. Sure he had a lot of questions for her but more than anything, he was wondering if she was okay or not.

“You don’t have to apologize Tess,” and she really didn’t—not with someone like him. It felt almost surreal to see her in this state and honestly he was quite worried about her and that made him all the more anxious because they both knew this was not a date in the conventional sense and while he did have questions—the first one would be about her.

“I do…are you okay? Because I don’t—“ he trailed off, a frown on his forehead as he formulated the correct words to say. “We don’t have to sit here right now, we can leave if you’re not feeling great.” 

Caring about Tess had been natural since he was a young boy. And when she and Ryan got together, it became almost easier to imagine her as family and so for the longest time, that was who she was to him. And when they were no longer together, Drew had made sure it didn’t impact their relationship at all and made it a point to reach out periodically to see how she was doing and stay in touch. 

It was precisely why he felt a sense of protectiveness over her and even now wanted to make sure that she was alright even if in words he couldn’t always articulate it correctly. | @tessabhrams

[tessabhrams]

The day he told her she should go, that she should leave town and forget about him, forget about them, to live out her dreams. The moment her heart stopped, never quite figuring out how to work properly again, when she heard news of his wedding. Definitely that time her knees hit a the bedroom floor while she clutched her phone in a shaking grip, barely able to comprehend the nurse on the other line as she delivered word of his accident— There were only a rare, handful of times when it came to Ryan Parrish that Tess didn’t know what to do. 

This was one of them. 

His words were right, hovering just at the edge of offering genuine reassurance, but his smile? His smile was all wrong. It wasn’t his smile. It wasn’t her smile— the one she’d slowly fallen in love with over the course of her entire life and still dreamed of late at night when the nights were long and lonely. 

No matter how many times he swore it was fine, that this was fine, she couldn’t bring herself to believe him. Maybe he wasn’t mad, she’d give him that, but neither of them were walking about from this now without significant fracturing. They couldn’t.

And she didn’t know what the fuck to do. 

The way Waverly’s arrival blindsided him back in the diner was one thing, but the rest? The fact that her mere existence was a total deviation and hard left from all those dreams they used to have? That wasn’t something she could fix.

Not that she wanted to, necessarily. Waverly Mae Abhrams was her entire world. The sole light shining out of the darkness that’d become life post Ryan, the only spark of hope to keep her going when she was so goddamn sick of the charades she just wanted to give in, give up. She was kind and curious. Loud, outspoken, and a little bit quirky. She was everything to Tess, but— 

“Then why does it feel like I do?” Apologize, that is. 

He needn’t try to answer, though. Chances are Ryan wouldn’t be able to figure it out any more than she could. Or maybe, like her, he just wouldn’t want to think too hard or look too closely at the proof of what they’d lost. Of the living, breathing evidence that none of those hopes and dreams ever came to pass. 

Did he look at Wave and see a little girl that, under other circumstances, could’ve been his? Did he even care that she wasn’t? That while he was off living his life without her, she’d been moving on without him, and now so much stood between who they were and who they used to be?

Did he still ache for her? Roll over and reach for her at two in the morning? Pour a second accidental cup of coffee? Did he cling to every polaroid, every faded t-shirt, every ticket stub and crease softened letter because he was terrified that was it? All he’d ever have left?

Or was that just her? Was she the only one who never quite learned how to let go, and this need to explain and make him understand was actually just Tess making a fool of herself? Was he only upset over being left in the dark, and whatever desolate, haunted look she thought she saw in his eyes was just… imagined. A product of her own protective instincts to spare her the pain of being the only one who hadn’t fully forgotten them.

Tess blinked through the tears still rimming her eyes and then forced out a thin laugh, nodding along because what else could she do? “She’s better.” Leagues better than she could ever hope to be. If there was one thing she was determined to accomplish when it came to raising her daughter it was that— making sure she never had a reason to dim who she was for the sake of being who everyone else expected her to be.

“You should see her belt out Guns N’ Roses. She completely puts me to shame.” And it was that small olive branch, that tiny hint at the truth, that prompted Tess to continue. “She doesn’t think you hate her, Ryan. She might not have ever met you, but she knows you. Knows who you are.” Through stories. Through Tess’ own recollection of her childhood and happier memories. “You name was never a secret, not once.”

She took a deep breath, an attempt to compose herself if it was even possible in that moment, then brushed a trail of moisture off her cheek. “And I never meant for her to be some big secret kept from you. I just— Everytime I thought about telling you, I thought about how it would feel to learn you were a father now from a piece of paper, or from someone else. And I couldn’t— I didn’t want—” Another sniffle interrupted her progress at getting it all out. “I felt like I needed to do it in person, because anything else, just tossing it out there without being able to sit with you and explain, felt like a slap to the face.”

Not that the reality of how it panned out was much better. 

She tore her gaze away after that, looking back over her shoulder toward Lucille’s while her thumb fussed with the delicate signet ring on the last finger of her left hand. The only ring on her left hand. 

“I need to go home and get Waverly bathed and ready for dinner at my parents house tonight, but…” It could wait. For a little while longer it could wait. “I have time.” She’d always have time for him. “Can we— Can we go somewhere,” anywhere, “and talk? Please?” | @ryanparrish

Despite how it may have looked from the outside looking in, he wasn’t ignoring her pleas to stop or slow down, on purpose. He simply could not hear her through the tornado whizzing around his head and turning his brain to mush.

How—- and when could she have had a child?? Better yet, who else knew? How many times had he seen Georgia in passing the last three years? — plenty! And not once did she hint at the fact that Tess was a mother or she was an Aunt.

Did Drew know too?? As many times as he meddled in Ryan’s life and not ONCE did he mention the fact that Tess had started a family of her own.

Sure, to be fair — maybe they’d both had their reasons. Maybe Tess had sworn them all to secrecy until she was ready to break the news herself. Or maybe, just maybe, they didn’t want to be on the receiving end of that gut wrenching bomb. Either way……

All Ryan could do to keep himself from losing total control was to put as much distance between himself and the diner as possible.

In the years since he’s been away, or since the wars he fought and battled in had hardened him — Ryan’s anger steadily resembled a rolling wave, slow and insidious to start before it inevitably swallowed everything in its wake.

He got as far as a block away before, by some miracle or divine persistence, she caught up to him, forcing an immediate halt in his footsteps lest he run her right over.

Even with her standing less than a foot in front of him, he could feel the familiar vibration of heat emanating from her body. A body that he once knew so well, and he promised to spend his whole life worshipping. Which just so happened now to belong to someone else. Someone who wasn’t him.

A strange twist wrung at his heart and left it out to dry as he began to picture her with another man. This other man’s hands on her body, this other man’s lips on her skin, and this other man’s baby in her belly.

Pretty soon the fists he had curled at his sides turned bone-knuckle white from how hard he’d been clenching them.

“I get it.” When he finally spoke, his tone was as smooth sailing and as placid as the summer lake they used to swim in. “Okay?” For someone who is so very much not okay, he’s desperate to convince her otherwise. It’s why he conjures the twitch of his lips and schools his own mouth into a reassuring half smile. Unfortunately though, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. So to distract her from them, he blinks a few times.

He doesn’t know how many minutes or seconds come to pass in that moment. He’s trying so hard to keep it together that his entire body aches from the effort alone. And he’s pretty sure his muscles are going to hate him for it later.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Tess.” It’s true. He may hate to admit that but, she shouldn’t have to apologize for simply living her life. For moving on…. when it’s what he wanted her to do, right? He told her as much before he left this town in his rear view, and her right along with it. Sure, he didn’t mean it. But there was no turning back the clocks now.

And besides….. Maybe, in some cruel and fucked up twist of fate, he only had himself to blame. After all, had he not pushed her in that direction — maybe they would’ve already had the life they always dreamed of together.

The life she now clearly had with someone else. For the first time since she entered that diner, and sat down across from him, did Ryan allow himself to meet her gaze. To stare so openly into ocean blues, he was sure he’d get lost.

For a moment, he even let himself drown under the immensity of her stare. The desperation to make things right, to make him understand, was palpable. He could feel it throughout every syllable, and every breath, And as much as he didn’t want to because he didn’t want to accept it — he gave in.

The wall he tried so hard putting up to avoid breaking down, caved in. Like always, he couldn’t bear to see her hurt. He couldn’t bear to see her crumble beneath the weight of stress she so constantly wore on her shoulders like a second skin.

If telling her he forgave her and everything would be alright (even though he didn’t wholeheartedly believe it) means she’ll be okay then, he’ll do it. He’ll suck it up, grin and bear his own pain and grief over losing her, just so she doesn’t have to feel a lick of guilt or remorse about it.

“I’m just shocked is all.” It’s not a lie. But it’s not the whole truth either. “I mean, I kind of wish you would’ve told me sooner. Rather than ambushing me like that.” Not to say it was her fault. She said herself, she hadn’t meant for it to unfold that way. But still. Whether or not it was appropriate over a letter or a phone call, he still would’ve liked to know. Anything would’ve been better than what he just endured.

“She probably thinks I hate her—“ or do children of that age not understand the concept. And how even old is she? She looks to be a toddler but hell if Ryan knew. “And I don’t—“ but also to be clear— “nor do I, you.”

In fact, Ryan’s not sure he’s capable of hating her. Hell, Ellie cheated on him and Ryan could barely stand to be around her. Tess gets married, has a baby with someone else and he still can’t find it in his heart to let her go. How pathetic does that make him?

“For what it’s worth, she’s perfect and every bit you.” Even meeting her for point two seconds, he was confident of that. He didn’t have to spend countless hours with Waverly to love her. Just the fact that she was part Tess makes her already precious in his eyes.

“If you need to know anything, it’s that.” And in that moment, with her still standing within arms reach, Ryan grapples with the urge to reach out and hold her cheeks between his two palms. However, he doesn’t. Instead he lifts a hand and anxiously rubs two fingers over his lips. “You probably need to get back?” It’s not so much him wanting her to go, as it is him fishing for and assessing how much time they have.

Now that the initial shock has started to wear off, Ryan feels an influx of questions building in the back of his mind. He wants to know when, and with who. Where this family of hers now lived. Just so Ryan was aware of who to avoid should be come face to face with her new other half. Because he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t want to pummel her husband just to get rid of him. | @tessabhrams