testcopiesradiostatic

[testcopiesradiostatic]

what it takes to make a human

is it the way they walk. who they know? the lives they've led? the movies they watched, the experiences theyve had the books theyve wrote the lies they told the hearts they broke the promises they kept the ones they didnt

we dont exist outside a vacuum. we are contextual beings. so contextual we cant even fathom the idea of being truly original. truly different. with that we value novelty. end all be all give our infinite connections context subtext connotation, we strive for everything but that connection. the newness, the discovery, the chaos of not knowing

the summer i first played risk of rain 2 i can never recreate. the game itself is great and i love it to bits. its not a top game for me now but the first few hundred hours were single use pure uncharted territory ripe for discovery. left 4 dead 2 custom maps give me that feeling now. it mixes nostalgia for my tf2 source engine days with the mystery of navigating a new map while fighting off the usual resource management handled zombie horde

i wish i could make l4d2 maps. really make them. not go through the process of learning but really just make them. but alas i am human i mist go through the same process as others and learn

so am i not human if i can pick things up near instantaneously? is a prodigy still a human? or are they more than human? are there degrees to humanity?

patrick bateman - human. he has the remorse and the pit of human condition well and brewing within him. he plays the role of a human just as well as anyone else. hes just a little more obsessive and conceted than the rest of us

patrick bateman - inhuman. to kill so easily and for such little reason, to have such little disregard for human life, morals, ethics. it doesnt install in us confidence of any human trait in him. is his desperate plea to his lawyer really eniugh to absolve him of his inhumane nature?

how much of patrick bateman can we attribute to his inborn nature vs the environment/country he grew up in? i mean he killed animals from a young age. rape his maid at 14. his dad was too busy being rich. who knows if his mother much showed up.

ive had a friend try to kill himself at 12. if he can make those decisions by that age because if his environment, then 14 is too late to decide. too young and they can barely enact their will. too old and we grt too sullied with social influences. we are constantly socialized at every waking moment to live as the rich want us to. wait till they require a chip wired into your brain just to access your "completely fool proof sealed tight bank details". that'll be hacked in a week. its always features over functionality and security

[testcopiesradiostatic]

ive always struggled trying to be human

id see some way in which someone was different and capable and id tried to copy them. thats what humans do though right?

as a kid i couldnt whistle, so i practiced. in my teens i was singing for a casual choir get together with a verse that necessitated whistled. people complimented my whistling after. i survived

i could snap. so i practiced. i could spit, so i practiced. i didnt swear, so i adopted it until i couldnt speak without a curse word passing my lips.

i dont drink i dont smoke i dont gamble i dont hook up. but ive tried most of them just to say ive tried it. those i can get by saying i dont do them. maybe those are past my threshold of survivability and can be argued for taste.

my walk, my intonations, my jokes. the social aspect to life has always been hard. i didnt really get it. but i have to copy to survive. i fit the context. im not myself. i play roles. dont we all?

i dont want to play a role anymore. i just want to live for myself. but ive spent so long playing someone else i dont know how to act otherwise. i feel moments of joy, pain, suffering, excitement, melanholy, content. i am human in a way. i have all the elements that make up a human, i made sure of that. but the whole didn't get that memo

[testcopiesradiostatic]

despite being a game from 2009, it has the mechanics and replayability to survive decades. to see it as a violent video game and dismiss the art and care people put into the game is simplifying it too much. just because someone is a fun loving hippie who loves nature and is generous does make every action of theirs good. its the halo effect. just because american psycho is a movie showcasing violence, does not make it any less valuable as a piece of art. violence is just another tool to making art. sure its been overused and too often a cheap way to further a patriarchical view point, but thats to blame of other factors, not inherently who is using the violence in the fictional media

back to the game, Left 4 Dead 2 has guns and complex blood spray patterns, zombie dismemberment, and all kinds of things that fall under the category of gore and violence. But it is a well crafted game that shouldn't be dismissed because it has these elements. Additionally, violence in video games and media do not make people violent. but we're not here to argue that.

see, no ones really batting an eye at l4d2. no one but one person in my life. and even then, they don't really care about this, they're not making some big stand. they just don't like violence. nothing crazy. they also want art to have a call to action. art should be accessible. for if its not accessible then how can they understand it? how can they enjoy it?

well just learn more about the art. learn what its referencing. find what came before it. see how people responded. it feels too short sighted to not engage with art just because it isn't accessible. should people forget shakespeare because his works are too archaic for modern language?

sure, if that kind of art isn't your cup of tea, we can just go with that. but to dismiss something because of violence? agh i just feel like theyre missing out.

the game needs strategy, mastery through repetition and experience. maybe its bad that im learning ways to kill humanoid enemies even if theyre zombies? isnt it better to express this violence through fictional media rather than in reality? isnt that the point?

i cant really find the evidence im looking for because search engines are saturated with saying violent video games cause real world violence. but how does that make sense when we as a collective human conscious watch violent movies, horror, true crime documentaries. participating in the fictional violence yourself cant really be the marker that differenciates violent movies and tv coverage from video games.

does playing stardew valley make me a more peaceful person? i could argue not because of the frustrations of the amount of tasks and information needed to process to perfect your performance in that game. id say its more how the person themself acts based on the input they get from the outside world.

but then what about adults who beat their own kids? isnt it more likely that if someone was beat as a child, that theyd beat their own children in turn? cant they realize their upbringing and change? its the desire to change that differenciates them.

its impossible to really find such general trends as how the advent of the internet affected crime statistics over decades. still, theres suggestion that crime has gone down ever since the 90s in america. theres infinite number of reasons. but if video games causing violence was true, wouldnt we see more crime? isnt it just that we hear it more before of the globalization brought on by the internet?

its just recency bias. its always bias. an anecdote taken to back a trend. a trend or staistic incorrectly applied to an individual. most black men arent thieves. most men dont actually commit violent crimes. most women dont cheat. most college dropouts that make money do so because they created or found a job that was more worth their time than college. dropping out of college doesnt make you a billionaire. its not a cause. its a sympton of something else. so many incorrectly attributed cases of statistics.

and its tiring to pick apart which case supports of denies these trends. or supposed trends because so much of our modern collective conscious is fed to us by our internet usage. people in power can decide what we think that week. a show can become popular if enough buzz and talk is generated. so create enough buzz without the blatent ads, then you get people feeling like theyre missing out and then theyll watch your show. we're manipulated and so much of our lives is out of our control

maybe this is just the conspiracy theory i use to lick my wounds with

but you cant just not tune in. everyone else is tuned into the internet. "hey did you see whats happening in the middle east?" "diddy's trials are going on right now" "dude that group of rich people in the submarine?" "hey have you seen squid games yet?" "catch the game last night?" "ayo hop on overwatch" "we playing helldivers rn" "anyone wanna run some games right now"

but everyone was busy

so what do you do? you put your head down and continue in your unimportant life. you wont have the same highs and lows that the movies you watch show you. maybe youll have a moment. but your life is filled with mundanity. bills, laundry, commutes, reschduling friends, trying to look like youre working, frustrated nothing gets done, blaming yourself for your faults then doing nothing about it, dishes, emails, rejection letters, what will i eat, how much money left in my bank account, send tweet in hopes of likes and reposts, pining for the approval of strangers rather than the people in my life who actually matter

god why am i like this. i cant blame anyone. i just have to live with myself