textsfromlore

[textsfromlore]

(917):

Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman

[textsfromlore]

(214):

Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

[textsfromlore]

(214):

I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.

[textsfromlore]

(347):

You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you

(718):

yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.

[textsfromlore]

(306):

So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say “child shows some signs of mental retardation”.

[textsfromlore]

(931):

just woke up in my neighbors garage.

(931):

scratch that. I’m like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

[textsfromlore]

(603):

Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

[textsfromlore]

(330):

First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

[textsfromlore]

(203):

You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at

[textsfromlore]

(440):

The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

[textsfromlore]

(516):

the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY

[textsfromlore]

guess who just found all the submissions they made to the blog 3 years ago

THIS GIRL

[textsfromlore]

(716):

We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.

(907):

well done

[textsfromlore]

(626):

Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...

[textsfromlore]

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(970):

I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

[textsfromlore]

(781):

my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special