thaenad

[thaenad]

I'll make a separate post but big happy Juneteenth!!! us black folks are far from freedom as we are still systemically oppressed, but today we celebrate the day where we get a step closer to liberation.

big hearts for black folks out there, especially black trans people who carry the American LGBT movement on their backs yet don't receive much flowers. ily

[thaenad]

[thaenad]

feedism in the victorian era mustve gone insane

[thaenad]

i have asked this before on a different page and i CANNOT get an answer but can someone pls explain how porn addiction isn’t real??

like we had someone during sex ed in school bring it up as a topic and explain that (primarily a penis haver) you can train your brain to only be able to get hard/cum to porn and not be able to with a real person… and like sex addiction is real? but porn addiction is not? r there people just using “porn addiction” as a reason to ban porn all together and demonize it? like is that why?

i’m sorry if this comes across ignorant in any way. i am genuinely asking and open minded about this. if u take the time to answer thank you!! 🙏🏻

hi anon,

so it's actually helpful, and interesting, that you mention sex addiction, because that's also on pretty shaky ground as an actual thing that can be meaningfully diagnosed. which isn't to say that no one in the world exhibits maladaptive sexual behaviors, of course, but whether those behaviors can be accurately characterized as addictions is actively debated. in many cases what's casually described as "sex addiction" (which includes the use of pornography) would more accurately be classified as compulsive sexual behavior disorder, or CSBD, which has much more in common with obsessive compulsive disorder than addiction. to my knowledge, CSBD is rarely treated as a primary diagnoses, but rather part of a larger pattern of compulsive behavioral issues.

put this way: in many cases, saying that someone is a "sex addict" is sort of like saying someone with OCD is "addicted to washing their hands," in that it's misrepresenting a symptom as the primary issue and misunderstanding the cause of the behavior to boot.

now, talking about CSBD gives us a great segue into something that I think is really important when discussing the validity of porn addiction, which I'll lead into with this quote:

In their study, Grubbs, et al., analyzed data from about 15 different studies by varied researchers (and reviewed many more), comprising nearly 7,000 different participants. Studies were conducted in-person and online, in the United States and Europe. The team found that, first, religiousness was a strong, clear predictor of moral incongruence regarding porn use. This is important, as it indicates that we can and should use a person’s religiousness as an indicator of the likelihood of moral conflict over porn use. Not all people who are morally opposed to porn are religious, but it appears that religiosity captures the majority of people who feel this way. Given that the WHO and ICD-11 recommend an exclusion of moral conflict over sex from the diagnosis of Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder, this finding suggests that when diagnosing CSBD, a person’s religiousness is a critically important factor.

put more simply: high levels of religious guilt contribute to so much self-reported "porn addiction" that it can make it hard to figure out who's experiencing actual, verifiable compulsive behavioral issues.

this quote comes from an article called "Science Stopped Believing In Porn Addiction. You Should, Too," in which the author argues that porn addiction is essentially an outmoded understanding of problematic consumption of pornography that's failing to take into account other factors, in this case the moral incongruence or sense of conflict that many people feel about viewing pornography that causes them to feel shameful, dirty, or "out of control" when the use it. it can be read here:

porn addiction is problematic as a classification for other reasons as well; Dr. Devon price elaborates very neatly on many of them here:

again, I don't point out any of this to argue that no one ever has a relationship to sex or pornography that's detrimental to them and their ability to function, only that branding that as addiction is a.) inaccurate b.) unhelpful and c.) deeply loaded in a culture that so often stigmatizes addiction as a matter of weakness and poor character rather than recognizing it for what it actually is. many people grow up in a cultural context that profoundly stigmatizes sexuality, which makes a lot of people worry that they're aberrant and dangerous for doing anything that brings them sexual pleasure. trust me, my own inbox is a testament to that; I spend an enormous amount of time reassuring people that they're allowed to partake in utterly benign sexual behavior.

your example of people training themselves to only get off with porn is actually a great example here. the simple truth is that it's possible for people to train themselves into all kinds of sexual behaviors whether porn is involved or not, because if you only get off one way then your brain and body will simply learn to associate that particular type of stimuli with sexual pleasure and have a more difficult time with anything else.

people with clits who have spent a lot of time getting off by putting a vibrator smack on their clitoris benefit hugely from taking breaks and varying their masturbation style, especially since human partners are rarely able to provide the same type of stimuli as a toy. folks who are accustomed to only getting off in one position, whether it's on their back or humping a pillow or whatever else, can struggle with orgasming in other other position. people who have spent years masturbating before having partnered sex for the first time often find that it's a difficult adjustment—and I can attest to that one personally, because I had trouble for YEARS finishing with partners and almost always had to touch myself to make it happen. you can't even accuse porn of being responsible for that, because I've never particularly enjoyed watching porn and can probably count on one hand the number of times I've used it to get off.

to your final question about whether people are just claiming the existence of porn addiction as a reason to ban it—absolutely yes, many are. if you dig a little beneath the surface you'll find very quickly that many of the most vocal and well-funded anti-porn groups are run by deeply conservative religious groups and other far right wingnuts who stand to benefit tremendously if they can a.) ban porn and then b.) define "porn" as "anything that includes any kind of depiction of sexuality that I personally think is yucky." you see this deployed frequently with challenges to books in schools and libraries and subsequent book banning, which frequently target books about sex education, books featuring information about sexual abuse, and LGBTQ+ books of all stripes as "pornographic."

tl;dr I'm certainly not arguing that nobody on earth has a bad relationship with porn, but I do think the words we use to talk about that are important and porn addiction is a largely unhelpful way to do so.

[thaenad]

this year I rly wanna wear a feedism pin to pride!!

[thaenad]

i hate it when people say feedism has all these problems that literally every other kink also has they’re just singling out feedism bc they think it’s the yucky fat people kink

[thaenad]

Feedism Attachment Survey Results

Last year I did a survey on Tumblr and Feabie about feedism and attachment styles. I got really, really in my head about it and never posted it, and then as I re-read some of it today, I realized it was something I was really proud of.

While there's still some work to be done to tighten it up, ultimately I think there's some interesting ideas in here worth sharing for now.

Thanks to everyone who helped out with this, and in particular to @thereshegrows, who gave me a lot of encouragement on this along the way. Also, perennial shout-out to @fatliberation who's work is always an inspiration in this field.

[thaenad]

I'm currently kind of sort of really struggling to buy groceries so if anyone is interested in a b&w sketch comm, you can get one now! I'll be forever thankful, and even just a reblog helps :')

DM me for more details if you're interested!

I typically work better with reference images but a well detailed description of what you want also works. The style would be similar to the two sketches above, with minimal shading and black line work.

[thaenad]

If you're really into helping cute and extremely disabled women recover from surgery, consider donating to my throne!

I'm going in for yet another surgery next week, and just put a few things on my wishlist to help make things a little easier for me <3

[thaenad]

Help me get Justice for murdered indigenous gay man Johnathan Joss and his transmasc husband Tristan. Take action with me.

I try not to make posts like this here because I understand y'all don't follow me for political reasons. So once again this is an isolated post but a very important one.

I just got off the phone with the mayor of San Antonio by the way you can call her because she is the boss of the chief of police who's saying that this wasn't a hate crime : 2102077107

Call her and tell her that you demand that the chief of police be fucking fired. Tell her to do her job tell her to get involved. Tell her that this man is neglectful of his civil duties as a chief of police.

Call her and tell her to fire him. Call her and tell her to do her fucking job and fucking fire him. And tell her you're coming for her job next and going over her head to her boss if she doesn't take action.

Angry enough like I am?

If you want to call the chief of police and insult him and call him a bitch ass white boy like I just did, and let him know how outraged you are for his lack of competence with his work, here is his number have fun : +12102077360

I also advise that you call the actual police station of San Antonio and let them know you're outrage as well as I have done.

Being peaceful gets you killed in this world and Jonathan has shown that. I see no stories or any articles of this man causing anybody any problems. Get angry and get violent because the peaceful queers and indigenous are the ones that fucking die. And we need to protect who we have left.

[thaenad]

“I saw a smile cross Freddie’s face when he was singing it, but we never talked about it. We didn’t with our songs… I still wonder how Freddie felt about it. I don’t know if he knew that I wrote things to make it fun for him, too.”

-Brian May, on Fat Bottomed Girls

[thaenad]

Drunken Silenus by José de Ribera, 1626

[thaenad]

quick are you mythologizing sex again? are you making it seem like a special category of human behavior rather than just a thing people do? are you forgetting that it can be silly or fun or simply pedestrian? are you forgetting that it requires conversation and negotiation just like every other human activity that involves other people?

[thaenad]

USERNAME LORE GIVE IT TO ME NOW YOU ALL

[thaenad]

Their name is Kevin Seguin!

Whoever made that flag design for feedism that resembles the neapolitan ice cream needs a medal or something because thats lowkey fucking genius

[thaenad]

HAPPY PRIDE TO MY QUEER FAT BADDIES!!!1!!!!!! FREDDIE LOVES YOU 💖🌈🍑💕🏳️‍🌈💖

[thaenad]

kink safety tip:

you do not want a no limits sub. you do not want to be a no limits sub. this is how you and your partner(s) get very very hurt.