thanos-rules

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HEARTBREAKING: band you just discovered doesn't have any other songs that sound like that

[thanos-rules]

Title: Asshole Tax and Wedding Bells

A/N: Marinette thinks they just landed a dream client. Instead, they just adopted a feral Batcat and her billionaire chaos family.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was a legend in the wedding planning world.

She didn’t just organize weddings—she saved them.

When venues burned down? She had backups.

When dresses ripped, tore, or got wine-spilled by drunk aunts with boundary issues? She sewed new ones—by hand, overnight.

When bridezillas turned into full kaijus mid-ceremony, Marinette tranquilized them with perfectly brewed jasmine tea and a thousand-yard stare that made even the most stubborn mother-in-law fold.

And the best part? No one knew how she did it. Just that she did. Every time.

Well. Almost no one knew.

Behind the curtain, hidden in her glitter-covered office was a collection of magical gods disguised as chattering trinkets.

“Don’t book the Villa di Magnifico,” barked Tikki one morning. “The energy is rancid. Someone will fall in the koi pond. Again.”

“Tell the Jones couple not to elope,” buzzed Nooroo, floating lazily. “He’s still texting his ex. Ugh. Mortals.”

“Charge double for the ones who ask for ‘a Boho Fairy Woodland Cosplay Princess wedding but on a $200 budget.’” growled Plagg, who was currently lounging in a vintage teacup. “Pain in my whiskers.”

Thus, with the collective power of the Kwamis’ ancient wisdom and Marinette’s type-A perfectionism, the business soared. Soirée Saveurs had its name whispered between celebrities, politicians, and socialites. Some said she was psychic. Others called her a miracle worker.

One person called her dangerous.

That person? Selina Kyle.

And she meant it as a compliment.

The first time Selina saw Marinette, she was elbow-deep in silk and tears, sewing a wedding dress in the supply closet of a vineyard, lit only by the glow of emergency fairy lights and spite.

The bride’s designer gown had been ruined by a jealous cousin with a red wine “accident.”

Marinette just smiled, tied her hair up, and got to work.

By dawn, the bride walked down the aisle in a gown more beautiful than the original—one that sparkled with hand-sewn beads, magic-infused lace, and a vengeance that could cut glass.

Selina fell in love. Not romantically—she had Bruce for that—but on a primal “I-will-collect-you-like-a-shiny-rock” level.

“You’re planning our wedding,” she declared, dragging Bruce into Marinette’s Parisian office a week later.

Bruce had protested at first. Not because he didn’t trust Selina’s taste—he did. Mostly. But because his kids were feral, Alfred was passive-aggressively stressed, and he was emotionally allergic to planning anything.

Then he met Marinette.

She was young. Too young. Barely mid-twenties and already commanding meetings with New York’s elite like she had them tied in ribbons.

And yet…

He watched as she effortlessly rearranged their wedding timeline, suggested alternate locations based on Selina’s preference for moonlight and Bruce’s tragic inability to survive pollen, and even offered a side service for “handling dramatic relatives with grace and quiet violence.”

Bruce blinked. “You’re… thorough.”

Marinette gave a business-cute smile. “Mr. Wayne, I’ve single-handedly prevented five divorces, seven scandals, and one cult uprising disguised as a bachelorette party. I have to be thorough.”

Selina beamed. “We’re hiring her.”

In the car, moments after leaving Marinette’s office…

Selina slowly turned her head to Bruce. Expression unreadable.

“I’m only going to ask this once,” she said, voice low, nails tapping against the leather armrest. “Did you sleep with the wedding planner?”

Bruce opened his mouth, closed it. Rubbed his temples.

“No,” he said at last. “I slept with her mother.”

Selina stared. The silence was absolute.

“…If we just met your kid and didn’t invite them to the wedding,” she said slowly, “I swear, Bruce, I’m about to make this cost you so much fucking money that you’ll actually feel it.”

Bruce sighed.

“I’ll get the checkbook ready,” he said, resigned. “We’ll add her to the guest list.”

Meanwhile… in Marinette’s office…

The second they walked out, Marinette threw off her heels and moonwalked across her floor.

“Asshole tax~ Asshole tax~” she sang, scribbling numbers in her invoice like an ecstatic goblin. “Gonna add the asshole tax~ Asshole tax~ Gonna fuckin’ tax his ass~”

Tikki floated nearby, munching on a croissant.

“You do know what you just signed up for, right?”

“Yeah,” Marinette grinned. “Free press. Gotham elite. Triple rates.”

“Bruce Wayne’s long-lost daughter, apparently,” Plagg deadpanned.

Marinette froze. “Wait, what?”

Kwamis: 😬😬😬

Later, in Wayne Manor…

“Father,” Damian scowled, flipping through the guest list. “Who is Marinette Dupain-Cheng?”

Bruce: “...Your sister... maybe..” he says calmly as he reads the newspapers.

Tim: spits coffee

Dick: “WE HAVE A SISTER?!”

Jason: “Told you he was hiding bastards.”

Steph: “This is gonna be the best wedding ever.”

Cass: already crocheting a welcome sweater

And somewhere in an apartment…

Marinette picked up her phone to see fifteen missed calls from a Gotham number.

She looked at Tikki. “So, how bad could it be?”

Tikki sighed. “You ever seen a wedding planner get adopted by a billion-dollar vigilante crime family?”

Marinette blinked.

“...Do they tip well?”

I was half asleep when writing this, so sorry for the mistakes

[thanos-rules]

THIS IS NOT REAL. If you get this comment, they’re just trying to get you to delete your fic.

1) I would have gotten some kind of email from Ao3 if this was true

2) this comment is formatted to be perfect to tack onto any fic they choose

3) ALSO why on earth would Ao3 get rid of entire fandoms off the site? Even if they WERE inactive? Who knows if others will be ‘late’ to the fandom and want some fic to read. Who knows if someone wants to come back to their 6 year old account only to find most of their fics deleted.

I’m lucky to be a reasonable adult who has seen tricks like these who also had a very kind person comment their own doubts.

Please let your Ao3 friends know <3

[thanos-rules]

hey uh new type of ao3 spam comment just dropped. (I know it's spam because the fic they left this comment on . doesn't have chapters. lmfao). Report this kinda comment as spam and don't take it personally it is literally recycled bullshit

[thanos-rules]

SERVICE DOG PSA

So today I tripped. Fell flat on my face, it was awful but ultimately harmless. My service dog, however, is trained to go get an adult if I have a seizure, and he assumed this was a seizure (were training him to do more to care for me, but we didn’t learn I had epilepsy until a year after we got him)

I went after him after I had dusten off my jeans and my ego, and I found him trying to get the attention of a very annoyed woman. She was swatting him away and telling him to go away. So I feel like I need to make this heads up

If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help

Don’t get scared, don’t get annoyed, follow the dog! If it had been an emergency situation, I could have vomited and choked, I could have hit my head, I could have had so many things happen to me. We’re going to update his training so if the first person doesn’t cooperate, he moves on, but seriously guys. If what’s-his-face could understand that lassie wanted him to go to the well, you can figure out that a dog in a vest proclaiming it a service dog wants you to follow him

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if anyone is wondering why the ml fandom isn't as active as it used to be and why your favorite creators arent posting as much art and fanfic, it's literally because of the negative, nitpicky pieces of shit who cant shut up about how much they hate ml, the writing, the characters, season 5, whatever the fuck, coming onto every single ml post and flooding the tag with salt and half-baked criticisms. nobody can post anything—not even a simple text post—without at least one person coming onto that post and spouting some annoying bullshit. you are literally driving the fanartists out of this fandom

[thanos-rules]

refseek.com

www.worldcat.org/

link.springer.com

http://bioline.org.br/

repec.org

science.gov

pdfdrive.com

[thanos-rules]

Miraculous One-Shots - DipStick45 - Miraculous Ladybug [Archive of Our Own]

https://archiveofourown.org/series/3331396

[thanos-rules]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40286409/chapters/100910640

[thanos-rules]

Miraculous : Tales of Lady Monarch and Chat Noir (REDUX) - Chapter 1 - Critical_Damage - Miraculous Ladybug [Archive of Our Own]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268558/chapters/71873796#main

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/59636896/chapters/152100196

[thanos-rules]

Introducing: Mousinette - Chapter 1 - StarWarsMum - Miraculous Ladybug [Archive of Our Own]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58529116/chapters/149108527

[thanos-rules]

[thanos-rules]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46986070/chapters/118366066

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You know, that Mythbusters post legitimately changed my life. Before seeing it, I had exponentially more guilt and stress about not being able to sleep, which of course, further exacerbated my inability to sleep.

Now, every time I wake up about three am, knowing I have to get up at 6.45, instead of stressing and panicking about how my day is going to be sleep deprived and miserable, I just tell myself 'Time to activate Mythbusters Protocol' and lie there with my eyes closed safe in the knowledge that I am measurably reducing later feelings of exhaustion.

And when this happens, about 70% of the time the reduction of guilt and stress means I actually do fall back asleep, so all in all instead of getting only three or four hours sleep, I get five to six and a half.

Which y'know, major improvement in health and energy.

[thanos-rules]

Emergency!! Read now and be safe!

I think every computer user needs to read this because holy fucking shit this is fucking horrible.

So Windows has a new feature incoming called Recall where your computer will first, monitor everything you do with screenshots every couple of seconds and "process that" with an AI.

Hey, errrr, fuck no? This isn't merely because AI is really energy intensive to the point that it causes environmental damage. This is because it's basically surveilling what you are doing on your fucking desktop.

This AI is not going to be on your desktop, like all AI, it's going to be done on another server, "in the cloud" to be precise, so all those data and screenshot? They're going to go off to Microsoft. Microsoft are going to be monitoring what you do on your own computer.

Now of course Microsoft are going to be all "oooh, it's okay, we'll keep your data safe". They won't. Let me just remind you that evidence given over from Facebook has been used to prosecute a mother and daughter for an "illegal abortion", Microsoft will likely do the same.

And before someone goes "durrr, nuthin' to fear, nuthin to hide", let me remind you that you can be doing completely legal and righteous acts and still have the police on your arse. Are you an activist? Don't even need to be a hackivist, you can just be very vocal about something concerning and have the fucking police on your arse. They did this with environmental protesters in the UK. The culture war against transgender people looks likely to be heading in a direction wherein people looking for information on transgender people or help transitioning will be tracked down too. You have plenty to hide from the government, including your opinions and ideas.

Again, look into backing up your shit and switching to Linux Mint or Ubuntu to get away from Microsoft doing this shit.

[thanos-rules]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64071148/chapters/164382664