that-awesome-girl-u-added - Tumblr blog

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Jiminie pabo

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I want to die.

Everyday I feel less and less alive.

Everything has lost its sense.

No joy. No anger. Nothing but emptiness.

I want to bring a knife to my skin

in the hopes that maybe I'll feel again.

I now have nothing more to give

I have no reasons left to live.

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Slurs are not oppressive because they are offensive, they are oppressive  because slurs by nature of being slurs draw upon certain power dynamics  to remind their target of his/her/their vulnerability in a certain relation to power and as an extension of that, to threaten violence and exploitation of that vulnerability.

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TW: Suicide

I feel nothing. And everything. Everything hurts. I'm honestly not even sure I really am alive at some points. I mean I'm living by definition. But I'm not alive. I'm a shell. A slab of meat waiting to be slaughtered. I resolved to just wait it out, but the wait doesn't feel as long now. The urge to die is outweighing the fear of what's after death. Or maybe I don't want to so much that I will. Like when you're on a high ledge and freak out over falling so much that you have to fight yourself from giving into the fall and throwing yourself off. If that makes any since. I guess my other worry is what if I change my mind? Halfway through, I want to chicken out but it's too late? Then what?

I'm going to kill myself if things continue this way. I'm not sure if I want to fight it.

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Back at my old college there was a student lounge place I affectionately had dubbed “the weirdo lounge” because all the weirdos congregated there. You know those nerds who sit there and all they do is talk about anime, like those reddit pages, wear fedoras and shit? That kinda weirdos. So anyway the tragedy is that the Weirdo Lounge had THE BEST one person couch. It had a little laptop table attached and it was so damn comfy. Plus, it was always somewhat dark in there because of how the windows was positioned. So I’d go there to nap during my break periods. So one day I was napping when someone threw an empty plastic bottle at me and I snapped awake. A white nerdy girl from a few couches down said “I’m so sorry that was intended for my puppy to fetch!” and I’m like “DOGS?!” and I snap awake, that’s when I looked towards my foot and saw a whiteman. Sitting there. Like a dog. With his tongue out. and then he fucking barked. I was so infuriated but I handed him the bottle and he put that shit on the floor and then picked it up with his mouth. And then on all fours, ran over to the white girl and dropped it in her lap. I was so fucking upset.

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i’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now

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i think the problem i'm coming up against a lot here with other white people is that we tend to think of racism as a fixed point - u either are or are not racist. but it's so much more complex than that! firstly, we exist in racist societies with varying degrees of white supremacy depending on where u live and what culture u were raised in. then there's personal identity; for the most part, white people don't want to identify as racist. and while this is all going on, we participate - willfully or not - racist systems of governance and culture that produce ideas, tropes, caricatures, and narratives that crop up in media. so when someone says 'hey, that thing u just wrote is racist', white people interpret that as 'hey, u are racist', which. really isn't the point. what matters here is recognising where u exist on this spectrum of racist behaviour and whether or not ur working towards undoing the lessons u've been taught

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Meant to post this on this account.

Hot Take: Valhallan x Major Glory

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like please. please can we all agree now that this is fascism. like. we KNEW we K N E W it was fascism but no one wanted to admit that outside of the far left so like. are we ready now, as a complete society, to admit this is fucking fascism. is this fucking enough yet. jesus fucking christ

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BLM protesters, peaceful, wearing masks and isn’t storming the US Capitol: beaten and tear gassed

Trump supporter extremists, violent, not wearing masks and storming the US Capitol: is asked to remain peaceful

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“we all know why” just say it’s because they’re white. say it out loud with your whole entire chest. trump supporters aren’t being stopped from storming government buildings because THEY! ARE! ALL! WHITE! that’s it. just say it.

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So Namjoon, right?

Everybody's Ideal Guy. Basically Prince Charming. The Stoic Bad*ss that's also Soft and Sweet and a Dork that We've All Been Wishing Into Existence Since Our First PG-13 Movie.

(This next part is mostly a joke based on a conversation with my friends, but seriously Namjoon, how the heck are you so 😊💜??)

There's like a 1 in a trillion chance that he's actually real or that he isn't like some god tier level human that exists by some supernatural occurrence so here are a few of our theories:

1. He's from outer space.

Simple enough. We don't know enough about aliens or parallel universes to deny this theory so it works.

2. He's a time traveler from the future.

Surely a Time Traveler can gather more than enough knowledge on how to be amazing.

3. Have you guys heard of Uncanny Valley?

Yeah so that. He's one of the other "humans" that we were initially so afraid of but have now adapted to blend in with homo sapiens entirely (blame tumblr for this one)

4. He's a mass hallucination.

I don't know how or why. Maybe this is the matrix or something. Just accept the possible truth.

5. He's a manifestation of years of people wishing him into existence.

Remember that Stoic Bad*ss thing I mentioned earlier? Well people always say believing is achieving. What if we all just believed hard enough? Like 1 wish on its own isn't enough to manifest a whole human, but millions of wishes over time??

6. He is literally a god-tier being.

Not a god. A god-tier being. I know I know. He doesn't believe in god. BUT if I were a god tier being, I probably wouldn't believe in god either. I mean I'm agnostic anyway, so really it wouldn't be a huge leap.

7. I'm actually in a coma and none of this is actually happening anyway.

Sucky coma dream though if I never get a chance to actually meet Namjoon

Anyway, this has been my TedTalk. It's 1 am and I shouldn't even be up anyway. This is purely the ramblings of a creative, so please take no offense to anything said! JS, out!

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