thatcreativegirll

[thatcreativegirll]

F I N A L

T-minus 3 days…

“Mona, wake up, it’s 3pm stop being so damn lazy!” my mother yelled as she yanked my bedroom door open and came in without invitation. The curtains peeled open revealing the merciless light of the outside world followed by the scorching heat. “No! I’m tired- NO DO NOT TURN IT- MAMA NO LEAVE THE A.C. ON, I’M GOING TO DIE FROM THE HEAT,” I yelled as my mom carelessly grabbed the remote and turned my only source of comfort off. “Well, if you’re so tired why did you stay up until 6 am last night? God these stupid phones will ruin your life, you’re always on the damn thing.” I groaned while slowly sitting up on my bed putting my head in my hands. I throw the covers off my still asleep body and slowly get out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. Welcome to Egypt, where the only thing stronger than the sun, is the sun. In the summer, it feels like you’re living inside fire, the heat is so unbearable and your only savior is the beautiful, the amazing, the revolutionary: air conditioner. Now, now, don’t get too excited, because although the air conditioner gives you comfort and helps you survive till the next day, the damn thing makes you electric bill longer than a tissue paper roll, it’s quite outrageous. I get into the shower and let the icy water coat every inch of my skin – mm how refreshing and quite honestly the best feeling in the world (except when it’s Eid time and you get presents and money from all your relatives). I dry off my body still cherishing the coldness of my skin, then I change and get back out.

T-minus 2 days…

“How on earth can a place be so damn hot? Allah save us – Ah finally there you are. Why are you so lazy, it’s 4 pm might as well sleep for the rest of the day eh,” my mother murmured as she scrambled around the house looking for the air conditioner remote. I rolled my eyes at her and raced to her tackled her, enveloping her small body in a tight hug. My mom and I had a weird relationship, one minute we’re arguing and the next we’re hugging and laughing, we’re like those middle school girlfriends and boyfriends who fight about the stupidest things but make up straight away. “Your aunts are coming over today and we’ll be going out, have you packed your bag yet? We don’t have much time, just 3 days” she told me as she flipped through the channels on the television. I sighed heavily and rubbed my eyes, “Why do you have to keep reminding me about that?” Ah yes, the big move. You see, sometimes your dreams and ambitions take you far, far away and cause you to make more sacrifices than the number of breathes you take in your entire life time. Yeah, I guess that’s a little exaggerated but it is true. “I’m going to take a walk mama; do you want anything?” I said while not looking at her. She rose from her seat and grabbed my hand as if she was holding on for dear life, “Are you crazy? Do you want to get kidnapped or killed? Haven’t you been watching the news?” No mama I’ve been watching other news, I think but I juts nod at her and go to heaven. Oh no wait, I meant the kitchen.

T-minus 1 days…

“WHAT THE HELL?? 500 POUNDS FOR A DRESS? FORGET IT!” my cousin Rana quietly and snarkily exclaimed as she dramatically put the dress back in its place. I giggled as I caught her reaction on camera and saved it. Rana and Roudy were my twin cousins, they were only 1 year younger than I was and so they were basically like my sisters. We would only be seen together like a swarm of bees or something, they sure were the closest people to me. “Let’s just get out of this store, you know it’s really expensive.” I look around me, this was home, they were home, their smiles and voices were home, this mall was home, the scent of our favorite fast food restaurant was home, the thousands of hijabi women around me were home – oh no. my body felt numb and my brain had already muted every other sound but the sound of my own uncertainty bubbling up, just about to overflow… oh no… not again. O dreams what have you done to me? “Earth to Mona!!” Roudy waved her hand at me squinting her eyes a little, “excited for the big move?” I huff and walk past her. Don’t get me wrong, I was excited but the thought of leaving home scared me, the thought of having to make new friends frightened me, the thought of not being successful or not being accepted there horrified me, but the thought of being one of a kind there, haunted me. It wasn’t going to be my first time there, in fact it will be about my 8th time but the other times I was only visiting.

T-minus 4 hours…

“Take care of you mother and you siblings okay? I want you to get all A’s okay? Make us proud!” my aunt choked up as the tears poured out of her eyes like waterfalls, they landed on my shirt. I couldn’t contain my emotions and burst into tears like a baby in pain, I squeezed her harder and harder as my tears soaked up her blouse. “I-I won’t- I’ll miss yo-” I was interrupted by the announcement of our flight coming through the speakers of Cairo’s busy airport. For a moment my brain hits pause but my eyes continue to scan my surroundings, my mom tears filling up her eyes as she hugged grandma and my aunts. My siblings hugging our cousins promising to stay in touch for the next year until they reunite. Rana and Roudy sobbing as they hugged me and demanded that I promise to call every day. This is it. Here comes change. I hope the success is worth the pain.

 T-minus 10 minutes…

“PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS TO PREPARE FOR LANDING.”

T-minus 1 minute…

“PASSENGERS, WELCOME TO NEW YORK, AMERICA, WE HAVE JUST LANDED PLEASE DO NOT TAKE YOUR SEATBELTS OFF UNTIL THE PLANE COMES TO A COMPLETE STOP.”

T

Wow.

Here we are.

“Is it hot every damn place we go or what hoff,” my mom groaned making me smile a little. The adrenaline was starting to kick in after a 13-hour flight, suddenly, I was more excited than scared, I was curious to see what comes next. We finally made it through the longest line, it literally seemed as though we waited in it for 3 hours. As we finally approached security check in, I gave the officer a polite smile expecting one in return but instead he just furrowed his eyebrows at me and grabbed my passports from my dad. For a moment I froze in my exact spot not really sure what I already did wrong. I take a deep breath and look down waiting for the process to be over. “This isn’t your first time in the united states am I right?” the officer asked without looking up. “Yes sir,” my dad replied with a smile on his face. The officer stops for a moment and then continues, “what brings you to the united states?” My dad replies again, “my daughter is going to college and my wife is also studying while I’m on a tourist visa.” After what seemed like forever, he handed us back our passports and we went to grab our luggage.

 4 hours plus T…

I felt like the center of attention, everyone started at me as I walked, everyone stared at my siblings when they spoke excitedly. Judgmental eyes poked holes through every inch of my body as did the slightest action. I was uneasy, tried and mentally drained, it’s been a long day. I felt kind of empty but kind of not. My eyes desperately looked around looking for someone who looked like me, my eyes and my head were frantically looking for home. I entered the hotel room and threw myself on the bed groaning as all my muscles relaxed. “Can w- Lets- NO- no- SHUT UP LET ME SPEAK!” my younger brother screamed at our brother. I shook my head and smiled, they were really excited about moving away, they looked happy. I left to the bathroom but my mind kept racing, was I overthinking? Overreacting? Maybe. I should try and enjoy myself.

1 day plus T…

“C’mon guys let’s go!” I yelled as my siblings scrambled to get ready, “Hurry, I don’t want to be late for my interview.” They put their shoes on and ran outside to the elevator arguing about which one of them is a better football player- I mean soccer. We finally got into the elevator and to the first floor where we ran to the car my parents rented. Our hunt for houses was officially on, there was only a couple more weeks until I start college and my dad leaves and the pressure to be settled by then was higher than Usain Bolt’s speed. We drove to campus where I had my first job interview, it was also my first time on campus so I was absolutely clueless. My dad parked the car and wished me good luck but my mom insisted on walking me there so I wouldn’t get lost. After getting lost a couple of times, I finally walked in to the location of my interview on time. “Hey, Mona?” I looked up to find the source of the voice, a boy probably my age made his way to me. He was way too tall, he was literally a giant compared to me, he was wearing a hat that had an ‘R’ on it. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue. I smiled at him nodding and he led me to the office where we sat down and there began the interview. “You got the job!” he smiled at me. Humph, thank god, I was so nervous.

1 week plus T…

Today is the first day of classes, I’m excited but I’m also twice as nervous. My dad leaves in a couple of days but the owner of the house we requested to rent juggling our emotions and increasing the price for us with no promise of approving our request, so we still live in the hotel and everything is really hectic. We couldn’t even get a car, we rented one and my mom’s really panicking about that but oh well, everything will be sorted I think. “Have a good day!” my dad smiles at me when he drops me off. I smile at him and make my way to the building, it was huge, students and teachers came out and went it holding their books and bags, some others were sitting outside on the benches typing away on their laptop. I was alone, I felt alienated, I was so different in every way but my eyes and brain constantly scanned my surrounding try to spot someone who looks like me, someone that reminds me of home. I made my way inside the building and started looking for my class all over but I couldn’t find it. After what seemed like forever, I found the classroom and sighed in relief as I opened the door- wait, what? The classroom was empty. How could this happen? I am in the right building on the right campus at the right time what could I have possibly done wrong? I asked someone who seemed like a professor for help and they gave me a number and told me to call ask and so I did. I whipped out my schedule and called the number and told them that my class was empty, giving them the details of the class. “That class is on Monday, it is not today.” Shit. I called my mom sobbing barely able to speak as I told her that I accidently looked at Monday’s schedule rather than Tuesday and that I missed the first class. What a horrible first day right?

2 weeks plus T…

My dad left, we still call him every second of the day because we can’t believe he went back home. It’s like we are going throw withdrawal with extreme withdrawal symptoms. I felt like I lost another part of me, another part of home and I felt lost. I used public transportation for the first time in my life here, since we weren’t able to get a car. I wake up 4 hours before class just to get there on time, which to be honest I don’t really mind. On my way back, if I’m lucky enough to have my class end before 5, I take the bus that stops 10 minutes away from my house; but most days I had classes after 5 so I took the other bus which stops 30 minutes away from my house and I have to walk the rest of the way in the eerie dark of the night, alone. College was getting better however, I know were my classes are and I’m enjoying most of them but I’m still alone. I leave my house early in the morning and come back at night and in efforts to kill my spending I do not get food so I spend the whole day without eating until I get to my house. My house, it’s not home yet.

1 month plus T…

I found the Muslim community! I found home, that was the most exciting day. I made my first friend and she’s amazing, we have class together and we get along great my body is consumed with the overwhelming feeling of joy and excitement.

4 months plus T…

She left me down. She saw nothing but my differences. What did I ever do? I want to go home.

7 months plus T…

I have another friend, she is caring and thoughtful. She values me for my difference and cares about me. She’s an amazing human being, I’m so lucky to have her. This is now my home, after months upon months of pain, I finally got over the shock, I value my hijab more and love my differences. There are sometimes where I feel lost and empty but life can’t be all laughs and smiles.

I am happy.

I am succeeding.

This is home.

[thatcreativegirll]

S T R E A M   O F   C O N S C I O U S N E S S

Where does hatred comes from? Are people born with it? Do they learn it? Hatred comes in different shapes like revenge, envy etc. but where does it originate? A big part of me believes that hatred is a learned behavior, it is passed on from generation to generation coming across as a norm to the people learning it. I mean, children learn primarily from their parents, whatever their parents do is completely normal and is the right thing that should be done. If I put myself in the shoes of any child, seeing my parents display hatred will be what I think I should be doing. I will start copying them because at this stage in my life – as a child – they are the mind that thinks for me. As a child, I don’t have the capability to understand what is good and what is bad on my own. But what and who defines good and bad things? Are there a specific list of good and bad things that everyone on this planet knows and agrees on? Or are good and bad things more dependent on the individual? I think good and bad things are definitely a product of culture and one’s upbringing therefore it depends on the individual. That’s why children who copy their parents and display hatred are not aware that it is a ‘bad thing’. Now the difference comes when these children grow – some of them continue their parents’ way and some deflect from it. What I really don’t understand is what determines if these kids change or stay the same growing up? Some of them diverge so sharply from what they grew up with and their parents turn from close allies to strangers. Some of them stay firmly with their parent’s teachings. Is it their experience in life? The different situations that engulf them? Or is it a difference in education? But what confuses me is sometimes that educated are uneducated in terms of what is good and what is bad, they lack morals. Whatever it is, this could be the key to creating a healthy society lacking people fueled with hatred.

[thatcreativegirll]

H E R E   W E   G O   A G A I N

Here we go again

Another day and a little less pain

The shadow hiding behind the trees

Helps me be happy, helps me be free

 Here we go again

My beloved shadow has disappeared

But why dear shadow, why did you go?

I promised I wouldn’t do what you don’t like no more!

 You left me alone and now there is more pain.

I will never go through this, never again.

Oh, look another shadow, hello dear friend!

Let’s play together until the end!

 The cycle continues, here we go again.

Another day and a little less pain.

Don’t leave me dear shadow.

Don’t leave me dear friend.

[thatcreativegirll]

S N A P S H O T

The sound of bells rings inside her ear blowing back life into her body. Her eyelids peel open revealing her clear crystal blue eyes, she had eyes like an ocean, mesmerizing at a glance but dangerous and terrifying if you look behind the beauty. Her body regains movement and she rubs the sleep out of her eyes as she lifts her torso off the ground. She studied her surrounding trying to process where she was and how she got here but everything was blurry, her mind seemed to be asleep still. The air was thick and poisonous, it tasted like nicotine smoke and a monstrous amount of anxiety and hopelessness floated in the air. Sand was scattered around up to the furthest her eyes can go, with no sign of life anywhere. She felt overwhelmed with the emptiness that filled her up, in fact, she could not feel a thing. Out of the blue, the sand starting swirling around itself like coffee being stirred, but rougher, louder – like a tornado. It kind of looked funny, until opaque black smoke trickled from the eye of the so-called tornado. Despite the terrifying scene and the overwhelming amount of fear that almost poured out of her innocent eyes, she stayed there, motionless as the tornado creeped closer and closer. her body was stiff, she couldn’t get herself to move while her hair flew to the opposite direction as if it was trying to escape the scene. In the blink of an eye that tornado extended its jet-black hands and grasped a clump of her hair swung her around like a merry-go-round and threw her back to the ground. Then it clicked, that wasn’t just any tornado, it was her tornado of thought, haunting her and there she laid, stripped off fake happiness and fake smiles, raw and empty as she struggled to defeat her own reality. Was she even trying? 

[thatcreativegirll]

#M E T O O

The MeToo movement, a vital movement that addresses an issue that happens so frequently around us, exposing sexual predators dressed as angels in the public’s eye. The movement might not be going exactly where I want it to but it is still making a huge change. I mostly disagree with the New York Times article. The writer asks what about women who are predators? The MeToo movement is supposed to be against sexual assault in general whether a man or a woman is the predator. The fact that majority of the victims who spoke out are women does not mean that the movement is only about women and doesn’t make it a witch hunt. The writer assumes that standing up to assault is quite easy when she says, “They have routinely said, “I’m not interested” or “Get your hands off me right now.” And they’ve taken the risk that comes with it.” I strongly disagree with that, now being in that situation is much more different than writing an article about it. If it was that easy why didn’t everyone do that? Why are victims putting themselves in the dangers of victim blaming? But even if saying that was a piece of cake, what if that predator was persistent? See, when writing an article, you do not keep such situations in mind and in my opinion, that sentence is straight out rude to any sexual assault survivor. Expressing sexual interest might be non-consensual but going on with the sexual acts MUST be consensual otherwise that would not be “expressing attraction” or “flirting” it is basically using someone else - without their consent - to fulfil sexual needs and fantasies. Going back to “the childhood game of “Mother, May I”” is not embarrassing and is very much needed so as not to traumatize one of the participants in the sexual activity. Being careful and considerate is not a bad thing as illustrated in the article. Sexual assault and rape are a crime just like murder and the criminals who chose to commit these acts need to get the punishment they deserve. I understand that the MeToo movement only consists of victims coming out with their stories and personally I want there to be more than just story-telling, I want the criminals to go on trial and be punished but the movement still addresses an issue that in 2018 still is considered taboo.

;

[thatcreativegirll]

P O P   C U L T U R E

One of the celebrities I admire is Zendaya! Zendaya takes every chance she gets to speak up about racism and discrimination. She uses her platform promote equality and justice and is an activist for women’s rights. She actively raises awareness about significant issues happening in our society like sexual assault, domestic violence, equality etc. She has used her clothing line to defy the stereotype of what a women’s “perfect” body should look like. unlike a lot of artists out there, Zendaya uses her platform to educate others and spread awareness.

[thatcreativegirll]

S E L F   I D E N T I T Y

Identity.

A sea of mysteries.

But really, what is identity? Many would scream at the top of their lungs, “identity is the origin of a person, like where you were born or where you grew up.” But those handful of people sitting at the back of the room would whisper, “its everything about you," myself included. Who am I? I am a young woman, I am Egyptian, I am Muslim, I am a feminist, I am not a stereotype, I do not believe in stereotypes, I condemn racism, I condemn violence, I condemn hate and discrimination, I believe in equality, I believe in justice, I AM ALL OF THAT! THAT IS MY IDENTITY! Me, my origin, my opinions and beliefs, my experiences, all those things make me who I am. A rose is not a complete rose if it only has one petal, a book is not complete if it only has one page, a house will not stand on just one brick.

Identity is like a sea; it has several depths and the further you go in the scarier, more mysterious it is. In order not to drown you need to learn how to swim at smaller depths before going further. It’s a long process that helps you establish yourself completely. To me, the scariest depth I have been trying to adjust to is being Muslim. Now being Muslim and living in an Arab country certainly wasn’t hard at all, it was a piece of cake because majority of the people surrounding me were Muslims. I didn’t have a care in the world because I knew that the way I dressed and acted was normal there. But life was not made to be a piece of cake - easy and predictable - my dreams kept getting bigger and I decided that I wanted to study a field that was not well established in my country. The day I knew I was going to study in America was the day I focused more on American politics, I began watching social experiments stressing about what was about to come. But what I saw wasn’t positive, I saw threats thrown my way like meteors, deadly and scary pushing me further and further to give up and just be ‘normal’. “We will ban Muslims from entering the united states,” “Muslims are terrorists,” “bomb them all." The ongoing stereotypes of my people being dangerous, disgusting and unwanted, the attacks and discrimination against Muslims seemed to stab me in the heart with a sharp knife telling me to back out just to be safe. I was trying to convince myself that it wasn’t like that and it’ll be a lot different when I go but the day I read about the Muslim girl that was killed because of her hijab, my heart filled with fear and I started reconsidering. And you know what? It didn’t get better after that because a while after that happened, random people started pulling hijabs off of Muslim women’s head. The worst part of it, was through all this, he kept repeating, “BAN THEM ALL!" and then the worst happened, he won. All this time I was not trying to swim, I was letting the waves drown me but I decided that although I had fear in my heart, I needed to get over it. This is a part of my identity that I hold dear to my heart, I wanted to learn how to keep my head high and be proud of it even at times where my difference is considered scary by these people.

I do not have it all figured out yet . I am still learning. I am successful so far, and this piece is the evidence to my success.

[thatcreativegirll]

S O C I A L    M E D I A

Social media has become the main mean of communication in this century. A variety of social media applications have been created, each one created for a purpose slightly different than the others. The most popular social media applications are Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Whatsapp etc. despite being means of communication, each one provides a different channel for communication. For instance, Facebook and twitter are mainly used for communication using text but snapchat and Instagram are used for communication using videos and images. Personally, I use Facebook, Instagram, snapchat and twitter on a daily basis. I mostly use twitter to keep in touch with my friends and express my opinion on certain issues happening all around the world. I also use twitter as a quicker method to stay up to date with the most recent news around the world. On the other hand, I mainly use Facebook to interact and communicate with family. I also use Facebook to keep me busy while waiting for classes to start or just to fill up any free time I have. Similarly, I also use Instagram to fill up my free time when I’m bored. Using ads, Instagram also introduced me to several items that might have been useful at times. However, a downside to Instagram is that it sets unrealistic expectations for young men and women and how they should look. With on the application everyone trying to look and act their best, Instagram – to me- is probably the unhealthiest social media application of the 4 because while it may increase some people’s self-esteem it also drastically reduces others’. Moving onto snapchat, I mainly use snapchat to document things happening in my day, although not necessary, we still do it anyway. Out of these 4, I use Facebook the least. A couple of years ago, these 4 applications were totally different and unique which is what made them stand out; however, with every update they started being very similar to each other until they basically have the same options with the exception of very minor things like the layout of the application. Nevertheless, I use them for different uses. If I had to choose one of the applications to be my favorite, I would most likely choose twitter for the following reasons. Twitter combines the ability of being able to talk to friends and also learning more about a range of topics and hearing about different experiences that different people go through. The layout of the application makes it possible and easier to have arguments and conversations with people you may not know. This can benefit you or the person on the other end. Communication on twitter is possible through pictures, videos, text etc. it combines several channels of communication which I think is a incredibly important so that every person can express their opinions and feelings through the channel of communication they are most comfortable with. Twitter also plays a major role (most of the time) in giving people who disrespect others the punishment they deserve.