thatdesklamp - Tumblr blog

[thatdesklamp]

Hello, and (for the moment) ‘see you in a while’ from old desklamp.

(Quick edit now I’ve written this all out: Oh, lordie—I’ve just realised that this sounds like I’m announcing I’m giving up on IW. I’m not! I promise. This is all about how I’m trying to facilitate my writing process. IW is not being dropped: let’s get that out of the way first, lmao.)

Hello all! I’ve been doing some self-reflecting, and I’ve come up with this: I’ve struggled with writing ‘Intrinsic Warmth’ for a long time now.

Alll too often I’ve been sat with my laptop for hours having only managed to squeeze out one or two paragraphs that I don’t even like all that much anyway. I haven’t felt satisfied by writing for a long time, and so I just haven’t written anything. It’s been months since I’ve written something worth reading for IW, and I’ve been having a think as to why.

I think it comes down to two things; I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure in writing IW, and I’ve become too fixated on the instant gratification of feedback from you guys.

First: the pressure. IW has gotten bigger than I ever considered it would be, especially recently (as in, in the jjk season 2 era). The support and feedback continues to blow me away, and I’m staggered every time I stop to actually consider the magnitude of the response that IW has gotten. It’s genuinely crazy.

All that is to say: I wasn’t prepared for this!! I don’t mean that in any resentful way at all, I want to be clear. Moreso that it’s easy to feel a bit overwhelmed by it all. I know that, relative to other huge ao3 fics, IW isn’t even that huge. But I also recognise that in the ‘Gojo x reader scene’, it’s pretty up there, even if we’re just looking through a ‘filter by most kudos’-ed fic angle. There’s a been big response, and I’m just one person, lmao. But come on, I absolutely love it, and I’m so grateful that people have enjoyed the stuff I’m writing—but as more and more people have been picking it up I’ve felt a definite pressure put upon me. It’s a pressure to write well, and to write more, and to write good things more often. This isn’t to do with anything anyone’s said, don’t worry, but more as an expected consequence of IW picking up traction.

I feel more and more like a ‘popular author’, and feel like I’m doing you guys a disservice with my infrequent updates. I truly do appreciate the reassurance of ‘you can update whenever you want!’, genuinely, but I’m also an ao3 reader myself! I empathise with and understand the frustration that must be felt when I go months between updates. Writing has never come at the expense of my personal, academic or social life (hence why I’ve never tried to tie myself down with an update schedule: I’d never be able to keep to it), and I’d never want it to. I want to keep writing as it’s always been: one of my hobbies. But as IW increases in popularity, it feels like it almost *should* take priority over other things, and this has left me feeling pretty overwhelmed.

My second reason: I’ve also become a tad too dependent on feedback. When IW was in its fledgling stages, I didn’t show it to anyone at all, and was ‘writing for myself’ in the barest sense of the phrase. Only one of my irl friends has read any of it, and when I was first uploading it, when I had about 5ish comments per chapter, any feedback I was getting would always be secondary to my own. I was writing for myself, because I enjoyed writing and I enjoyed what I was writing about, and it just so happened that there were a few people who felt the same as me.

It’s very different now! And I much prefer it now—it’s every writer’s dream to have had such an overwhelmingly positive response to their writing. And now it gets to the point where I can check my emails, or look at my tumblr notifications, and there’ll always be new for me. And whilst I absolutely love this, it’s pretty addictive, checking again and again, seeing what people are saying. This positive response from others is more instantly gratifying than the slow, steady, personal enjoyment I get from writing.

It sounds silly, I know, but I’ve been writing this hunger games fic (completely spontaneous, likely never to be published), and no-one’s read it but me, and it’s reminded me how much I really do like writing. I’ve loved the process of writing it, because the only person whose opinion I’m listening to is my own.

I don’t want to discourage people from reaching out to me, leaving comments, even talking about IW, anything like that. That’s not what I mean. But this is me recognising that I should probably take a step back from the non-writing side of writing: being active on tumblr, constantly checking asks, making posts, etc. Know that whilst I may not immediately respond to you, once I get back in the swing of things over here, I will do. I just need to sort out my personal priorities a bit, I think.

Saying this, I know I haven’t been all that active recently (this has honestly been intentional: I’ve been trying to wean myself off it, lmao) but for the immediate future, I’m making that more definite: I’m going to try to revert my focus to writing. I’m going to stay off tumblr for a bit, until I’ve gotten back into the swing of writing and don’t find myself so focused on the feedback side of it all. Hopefully this’ll spark up some more genuine passion in me! Please know that if you’ve written an ao3 comment, I have read it. I don’t know when I will respond to them, but I definitely will, I just want to keep my focus on the personal side of writing for the moment.

Thank you to everyone! Again, this is just me going off the grid for a while: not a big fuckoff goodbye or anything. If this is unreasonably theatrical, blame my drama GCSE. Going off to do some writing now. See you guys!

[thatdesklamp]

hey gang I feel super bad for slacking so much on updates but at the same time I rewatched the hunger games prequel and had a manic burst of inspiration and have written like 15k words (and counting) of a fucking finnick odair fic, jesus christ this has been the first time in months that I’ve been properly motivated to write anything so I’m just trying to ride this wave and see where it takes me LMAO prayers and hopes y’all

[thatdesklamp]

Hi! Im loving intrinsic warmth! One of my most favorite gojo fics because I just love a good slow burn! I have one question. Is there going to be any mention of the event from Dec. 24th 2017? I would love to see your take on gojos experience or thoughts in that scene as well as maybe hebi's, but I know the chapters only take place on Sept. 7th so any mention of it would be in the final chapter almost 9 months after.

Yes, there defo is! I’m hesitant to say too much because spoilers bla bla bla but yeah, 100%. I’m gagging to properly explore it, icl, since I get to indulge myself with a more vulnerable side to Gojo in IW. But yeah, it’ll make a biiig appearance. Perhaps more than you’d originally think!

[thatdesklamp]

Out of pure interest, do you write for fun and just as a hobby, or do you want to become an actual writer as a job one day?

Completely the former!

I’m currently doing a science-y degree and am definitely going to be continuing in that field as a career. I’ve always loved books/writing and loved my English Lit A-Level, but I’m not too keen on pursuing it any further than that (..money), and so I’m keeping this really as a hobby.

That being said, if you’re a high-flying publishing agent looking for a B-tech Ali Hazelwood, completely disregard what I’ve just said, I absolutely want to do it as a career, let me know how much you’re giving me as an advance. Cheers.

[thatdesklamp]

omg since intrinsic warmth is based off of one day, hoping gojo and hebi go through the same DISGUSTINGLY LONG pinning as dex and emma :>> and also i kinda hope hebi ends up with the same fate as emma to make the male counterpart realize how short of a time they were able to express their romantic love openly 🥹🥹🥹🥹

I feel I’ve thrown my hat in with the 170k+ words of pining right T_T hopefully that has sated you lmao

Also I understand the draw of a tragic ending but unfortunately that will not be happening with IW! Happy sappy endings only here folks

[thatdesklamp]

the fact that we’ve gotten through the worst of it and its only up from here makes me feel so relieved like i fr cant wait for the upcoming chapter… also i dont wanna rush you (please take your time IW is a masterpiece) but do you have an idea of when the next chapter will be released

Quick update from me!

Hallo—I’ve got a few asks like this (asking ab the next chapter) and I’m not sure yet!! Sorry T_T When stuff gets hectic irl it means I have to actually focus on my real-life tasks and the stuff that isn’t immediate tends to fall by the wayside!

Also, as a quick note—this ask is lovely, and so many other people’s have been! I do appreciate the very hyper-polite way people have been asking about updates, lmao. I get it, I’ve been on the other side where I just want to reach through the screen and shake the author and just go UPDATE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, lol.

But a gentle reminder to some that I write fanfic as a hobby! I don’t have an update schedule because I don’t enjoy forcing myself to write—whilst I’m buzzing that IW has so many people who like it and are eager for more content, I do ultimately write for myself and for my own enjoyment. I’ve had some asks that have been pretty blunt, semi-demanding a new update, or just point-blank stating how long it’s been since a new update and that I should be getting a new one up soon. Nothing crazy, and it’s really just unpleasant at its worst. But still, I’d prefer not to get them if possible lmao! Look—there is absolutely no way that I’m ever leaving IW unfinished, I can assure you, but I make no promises (and never have) about *when* that is.

Again, I understand the frustration—I read ao3 fics too!! I’ve been there!! I’m sorry that I’m not getting this out speedier!! But I don’t enjoy getting messages like those, and they definitely don’t make me write any faster, lol.

Tl;dr, not sure on the next update, waiting for things to get less hectic on my end. I appreciate the support and will try to get something out for you guys, but I cannot say when. Cheers all!

[thatdesklamp]

Intrinsic Warmth: if you wait long enough you will bag that situationship

[thatdesklamp]

Update!! Looked over IW and I have actually canonised an October birthday; in 2008, the beach episode, when she’s talking to the guy in the café, Hebi says she’s “nineteen next October”. Scorpio/Libra girlie confirmed!!!

random question but since gojo is canonically a sagittarius does this mean hebi is a scorpio? because i REFUSE to believe hebi is a libra

I'm not a star sign girlie--someone help me out. Why is she not a libra? What is a libra like?

I can't remember if I've included it in IW--from what you're saying I think I must have at some point--but I've always gone with thinking Hebi's birthday is in October, without actually thinking about which date within October. This means that she's a few months older than Gojo (his bday's 7th of December), but that they're both the same age in September, for simplicity, yk?

But yes!! Lol what are star signs like then I can make a decision lmao

[thatdesklamp]

I'm seeing all your posts about Hebi being a few months older than Gojo and I love that for them lowkeeeey lol imagine her teasing gojo and calling him a kid/childish, etc. despite basically being the same age and he calls her a his sugar momma or a cougar like lmao that'd be too funny to me I can totally see this happening when they get together 🤣

LMAOOO

I mean, she does call him childish quite a lot, in the I’ll-insult-you-but-also-ily kind of way. The thought of him calling her a cougar is extremely funny—there was definitely a shift in the dynamic, from when they were younger (very ‘I’m older than you so I know better, stop being annoying’) to when they get older (‘a couple months is nothing, shut up, we’re the same age’).

Especially at milestones—like, when her birthday has been and his hasn’t. Did anyone else think it was a huge thing to go ‘double digits’ on your 10th birthday? That was definitely a thing for them.

[thatdesklamp]

noo scorpios r sooo emotional and stressed out frazzled ppl (husband/mom/sisters are scorpios) however October libras tend to be okay, level headed enough, kinda flighty, unique ppl. IMO!! Zodiac to me is not necessarily that impt just something fun to do. I am Libra in two of my big 3 👁️👄👁️

also saw that ask earlier about hebi dying at the end and while it would be juicy it would just be fucked up just like regular JJK which I’m like … distancing myself from because it’s exhausting watching this mess unfold for seemingly no reason. IW is my JJK canon I even got my husband to read it so I have someone to talk about hebi and gojo with 💜

Love u Maggie hope u feeling better bro 🙌🏼🩵

Oh yeahhh there’s like 20 gazillion types of star signs u can be I remember doing one of those charts a couple yrs ago

Idk between stressed out + frazzled / level-headed + unique idk which describes her more LOL. Perhaps the scene rn isn’t the best but in her prime she is more level headed n chill lmao

And lmg, the whole hebi dying is just a big joke, it’s not serious at all. For ppl reading—I got an ask ages ago asking if she was going to die in Shibuya which I found absolutely HILARIOUS. Like, imagine if I ended IW on this lovely happy note and then said in the author’s notes at the end that it’s canon she gets killed a year after. That would be so bloody insane, it’s just completely ridiculously funny. It’s absolutely not going to happen LMAO, it is purely just… bro. The thought of. Funny asf.

And this is also so so funny. I hope your husband enjoyed my Gojo x reader LMAOOO

[thatdesklamp]

random question but since gojo is canonically a sagittarius does this mean hebi is a scorpio? because i REFUSE to believe hebi is a libra

I'm not a star sign girlie--someone help me out. Why is she not a libra? What is a libra like?

I can't remember if I've included it in IW--from what you're saying I think I must have at some point--but I've always gone with thinking Hebi's birthday is in October, without actually thinking about which date within October. This means that she's a few months older than Gojo (his bday's 7th of December), but that they're both the same age in September, for simplicity, yk?

But yes!! Lol what are star signs like then I can make a decision lmao

[thatdesklamp]

No, because One Day's

"I just thought I finally got rid of you"

"I don't think you can"

Gives me big Hebi and Gojo feels and it makes me scream, sob, puke- 😭😭😭 *violently shaking with fist in mouth*

This is completely correct they’re damn stuck w each other

[thatdesklamp]

honestly i LOVE intrinsic warmth sm U DONT UNDEESTANDDD

kinda hope hebi dies in the end too just for shits and giggles 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Thank you but PARDON

[thatdesklamp]

i saw these on tiktok and it reminded me of intrinsic warmth 😭 i mean let me these aint gojo and hebi

:(

this is true. These v v much them. Still brOOOO that's so freaking sad they're gonna be ok i promise

[thatdesklamp]

BRO I JUST FINISHED READING INSTRINSIC WARMTH AND LET ME TELL U. IT MADE ME SOB. S O B like i think i shed tears before reading a fic but this one was different it made me legit SOB and i need more please tell me you’re gonna publish the next chapter soon 😭

GAH I'M SORRY LMAO

I'm also sorry that I have to say the next chapter is still a good while away--I've been in a post-exam life but still damn dude my free time for writing is pretty minimal.

Yk when you have to be in the writing headspace? And then you have to be awake enough to be able to concentrate on writing? That happens very rarely for me nowadays :') i am either sleepy or working (or going out lmao, I'm a student... which makes me sleepy) and my writing era is difficult to switch into. I've been missing it though and have been drafting stuff up, but as it's all drafts and writing up future stuff, you guys don't see it, which is sucky.

Anyway--I know it's been a while, and that it's going to be a while! My many apologies, dude. I'm working on it <3

[thatdesklamp]

i love hebi and gojo but i can’t visualize them getting married 😭 idk maybe its because we haven’t seen any lovey dovey scenes of them yet where they’re a couple but i do hope the happy ending entails marriage or at least being together forever

... let them cook ok let them cook

spoilers ofc but listen just let them cook (this will be addressed)

[thatdesklamp]

I love IW, it’s my favorite fic EVER, I genuinely think about it everytime before I fall asleep

THANK YOU BAE :')