thatmixedguyadam

[thatmixedguyadam]

An adoptee’s story

I wanna share a story with the world. My story, as an adoptee.

My name is Adam Cory Ballard. I grew up in Ruth, a very small town in southwest Mississippi. Growing up in my house, it was just me and my mom. You’re probably thinking, “No dad? No siblings”? No dad, but I did have siblings. They were just grown and already had families and houses by the time I came along. My brothers, Toby and Heath, were 21 and 23, both were married and Toby had a 2 year old daughter. My sister, Dana, was 25, married and had two daughters ages 6 and 7. My mom? She’s 45 when she adopts me. For this story she’ll be Mom A. Get it? A for adoptive.? You’ll get it in a minute. So to summarize, I’m the adoptee of a single mom whose kids are grown and is already a grandmother three times over. Oh, almost forgot to mention, I’m half black and half white adopted into an all white family. Makes for an interesting story don’t you think?

Anyways, when people hear my family’s ages there’s always a reaction like, “well you were a surprise weren’t you?” I just kind of chuckle on the inside. After they find out I’m adopted I get the usual adoptee question, “do you know your real parents?” Lemme break it down for you a little bit.

I know my Dad. His name is Ben. I know where he lives (not even 30 minutes away in Mccomb, MS), we’re friends on Facebook, I even have his number. Could call him up anytime. When I was a baby and as I grew up over a few years, he would come visit me. Birthdays, holidays and some days in between. As I got older, the visits got farther apart, but I would go visit him some. I remember one time he took me to get my haircut at an actual barber shop (my mom usually cut my hair). He worked on vehicles so when I started driving and I ever needed some work done on my car, I would see if he could help me out. Of course he always did. I even know some of my family on his side. I’ve ran into relatives that worked at Walmart, my cousin was starting school at Mississippi State so I met his family, I’ll get added on Facebook by one of my aunts, uncles, cousins or even one of my sisters and every single time, it blows my mind. It’s like when you hear stories of people meeting their long lost uncle or something, but my dad’s family isn’t lost. Most of them live in the town closest to Ruth. I don’t know why I don’t go visit him and that side of my family more. It’s complicated to even think about why I don’t, but I know I should.

My biological Mom is a different story entirely. For this story she’ll be Mom B. B for biological. Get it now? Ha haaa. Anyways, I never knew who she was growing up. Had no clue who she might be and never asked either. As I got older I would think about it from time to time. I mean, in my head she could’ve been anyone, someone famous even. Of course there were the thoughts of her being somewhere that I would never find her. For all I knew, she could’ve already been dead. I did want to know, but I didn’t at the same time. Well, I didn’t ask until March of 2014. When Mom A told me who Mom B was, it threw me for a loop. Let me explain.

Now I can’t go into details about where because I respect Mom B’s privacy, but for about 3 years I was within shouting distance of her almost everyday. I was even face to face with her once. Mom A sent me to Mom B with a picture of them both back in the day playing softball or something. The whole time she knows who I am, but I have no idea who she REALLY is. Here I am thinking this is just one of Mom A’s old friends, but turns out the person I was talking to was my own biological mother! The woman I had thought and fantasized about!

Now I know what you’re thinking, “have you met her since you found out who she was?!” Yes, once. We met in Brookhaven, MS where we sat in her car and talked for around 45 minutes. Come to find out, she lived in a town about 10-15 minutes away from McComb which meant she lived less than an hour away from Ruth. Also found out I have an older brother. It’s funny because we went to Southwest Mississippi Community College and Mississippi State University together. Crazy huh? One of the last things she asked me was, “do you hate me?” There’s no way I could hate her though. I mean, think about this from my perspective everyone. Mom B could’ve not said anything to anyone about me. I could’ve been born and left at the hospital, dropped off at an orphanage, fire station or police station or place in foster care. People, I could’ve been aborted. Mom B loved me enough to make sure I had someone who was going to love me unconditionally, and boy she did succeed. So as much as people may think I should be upset with her in some way, shape or form, I’m not. Not in the least.

Since then, I haven’t heard from or tried to contact her. It’s not because I don’t want to, don’t get me wrong. I’d love to get to know Mom B. Her mannerisms, her vernacular, hobbies, favorite foods, etc. I guess it’s like, I don’t want her to have to do anything she doesn’t want to, but if she ever wants to reach out to me, I’ll welcome her with open arms and an open heart.

Another question that always comes with this story, “do you know why you were given up for adoption?” Yes. When Mom B found out she was pregnant, she didn’t want her family to know. Why, you might ask? Well, let’s just say her parents weren’t exactly down with the swirl if you catch my drift. Since Mom A and B were friends and Mom A is the kind hearted woman she is, she agreed to adopt me once I was born. As far as I know, no one in Mom B’s family, even knows I exist.

So, on August 4th, 1991, I was born in Jackson, MS. That night, I was brought down to the small, backwoods town of Ruth, to my new family and my new home. Trying to describe how much I love and cherish my family is like trying to count how many tears it would take to fill an ocean. I mean, we’re just like any other family. We bicker, we poke fun at one another and give each other a hard time, but I love each and every one of them with all of my heart. Since day one they’ve accepted me and not treated me any different than if Mom A had me herself. That’s all any adoptee wants really. To have a family that will love them as one of their own. I was fortunate and blessed enough to be brought into this one and I’m thankful for it every single day.

Some of you may be wondering why I wanted to share my story with you. I want others to put themselves in an adoptee’s shoes. Can you fathom not being with your biological family? Can you imagine seeing a man around you growing up then come to find out, he’s your own father? Can you conceptualize the idea of being born to a woman in secret with the rest of her family not knowing anything about you? It can be even more complicated than that sometimes. Makes you think doesn’t it?

Another reason I wanted to share my story is maybe it will encourage other adoptees to tell their story. Maybe if other adoptees tell their story, they too will feel more, understood. Us adoptees will always be different. Looked at like we are aliens with our families. We as adoptees bring something very different to the table. A perspective that most people will never be able to truly understand. Listening to their stories is one way of trying to do just that.

Thank you for reading my story. I want to leave you with this. Something adoptees and children waiting to be adopted can all agree with. No child deserves to go through this life without someone to love them.

Much love everyone.