thatwouldnotbeweiss-blog

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Gabe only hesitated for a split beat before he nodded and wrapped his other strong arm around her shoulder, keeping the one comfortably against her hair. “Of course.” He whispered before gazing straight ahead and letting the moments just...pass.

“Could we just do this?” she asked him forehead upon his chest, voice small and quiet, for it had been far too long since she had been hugged without what felt like obligation and yet she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, she didn’t want to expect too much.  “Please?”

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“I’m sure he’d like that. Probably. He seems to like a lot of stuff.” He muttered and continued to keep her held against him until she truly wanted to slip away. He wouldn’t pressure her in to talking but if she wanted to then he’d listen for as long as it took. “Do you want to sit down? A drink?”

She sniffled despite the fight which raged against the storm, his words breaking the wall she had tried so hard to construct since laying eyes upon her ex—working so hard to show the world that she would be okay—to show her family that nothing was wrong for they wouldn’t understand. She couldn’t handle that. “I should send him something nice,” she tried to tease.

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kays-garden:

“Now that sounds like the Gabriel I know. Or at least the one I’ve gotten to know the last how many years?”

“A whole bunch.”

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“Nope, not seen her. Literally got back in to Bayside last night.”

“It’s fine. I’m just going to go ahead and go… Have you seen Charlotte around at all? The blonde officer?”

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“Sorry. I guess I lost the concept of how to make a...what are they called...joke.”

“…You offered to help. I said I was fine.”

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Gabe nodded at her before grasping one of the boxes and lifting it, placing it carefully in the back seat. “Not got the cop muscles to pull this off?”

“You can just put it in my back seat. Thank you.”

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His hand against the back of her head was the only contact he made with her hands. He couldn’t figure out where he wanted to place the other one. He couldn’t quite remember how to hold her. Hugging her as a teenager had seemed very different. “Because...my son let me see again what it’s like to be a good person. To feel something for someone you care a lot about. It’s just what you do...”

She hadn’t been expecting it and yet her body fell into his, clinging to him like oxygen to drowning woman as tears pricked to the backs of her eyes, she hadn’t been expecting him to move. To be so kind. To do what she wanted. She had expected him to change—she had expected him to be a constant—she hadn’t been expecting much, “Why?” she asked into his chest.

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“Good. Because not many people get it. Where do you want the stuff?”

“I’m sorry, thank you. I appreciate the help.”

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“Insulted the main guy’s moustache.”

“And what would the Russian hit mob want with Gabriel Weiss? 

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“The fact you’re talking about it so much is making me regret offering.” 

“Help is nice but this is so out of character for you. I mean… I bring you lunch and you throw it in the trash. And usually if the words help and you are in a sentence coming out of your mouth you’re being sarcastic.”

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Gabriel stopped talking completely. Each one seemed to make his chest feel a little colder. He’d never meant to make her follow but as children it had been so natural. He’d always wait for her though when he’d climbed rocks too high or dashed along the beach too fast. Always. She just needed someone who would listen. Someone who cared. He could do both of those things. He should have listened to more people along the way for his own gain and now Iris needed him. She needed someone to be there. “You do deserve it...” He whispered before closing the distance between them and cupping the back of her head, pulling her against his chest. “I want to listen.”

She listened to him, his words hitting close to home in some instances while in others he seemed to be missing the mark. Seemed to be saying things made little sense yet all the while explained more about herself then she would have cared to believe, “I was talking about me!” she shot back eyes finding his and then the floor as her tongue took on a life of its own, spilling the words she had been keeping to herself, “I know you wouldn’t have wanted to be followed—know that more than others it would seem and yet here I am. Following like the little puppy I’ve always been!” She shook her head then as the past collided painfully with the present, as their shared past—their friendship came tumbling to her feet, “And here I am terrified because I’m doing it again—because it’s me pushing you away rather than the other way around when all I really need is someone to talk to! Someone to ask! One who won’t push in their unwanted advice on a life they aren’t living all because they are terrified of me being alone—angry because all I’ve needed the last few weeks is the friend you used to be. The one you now are telling me I deserved!” She heaved a heavy breath as her emotion consumed her from within, the eyes of the hurricane as it began to destroy her. “And it’s all for nothing because I’m doing it to myself! Me and no one else!” Iris knew she must be speaking nonsense, that she most likely wasn’t making sense and yet she couldn’t make herself stop. She just couldn’t.

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“Russian hit mob.”

“I do believe my eyes and ears are deceiving me. Who are you and what did you do with Gabe?”

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“So you don’t want help?”

“…Who are you and what have you done with Gabriel Weiss?”

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Gabriel paused, his hand grasped tightly around the handle that led out of the building. “Because we’re human!” He responded bluntly. “Because we’re taught that if we can’t solve a situation then we shoudl lie or run. Any way to remove ourselves from it.” He set his teeth and squeezed hard before his hand went slack and he dropped it to her side. “I didn’t expect you to follow. I don’t expect anything from you. Okay well maybe right now I expect you to give me a reason why you’re being like this...” He paused and then ran a hand across his bearded jaw. “Or don’t. Because we don’t have to truly justify our actions.”

Something about him leaving broke something within, like the wave along the rocky shore, “Yes leave,” she mumbled to herself feet moving without thought yet unable to force her into the living room. “Why do people do that?” she called to him eyes searching the space between them as her hands balled into fists at her side, her anger at herself and fear for the future rearing its ugly head, “Why do we think it’s okay just to walk away?! To expect others to follow and then we are surprised when the don’t—and terrified when they do?”

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Gabriel kept looking straight ahead when she disappeared in to the kitchen. If she couldn’t even stay to add anything to his pointless and frankly exhausting conversation then there was nothing he could do about it. It just appeared that being nice worked about as well as being a prick did. “Tell Abigail I said hello when she wakes up...” He called gruffly and then started toward the door. 

Iris shook her head, more so against her own confusion for the emotions she had kept to herself were bleeding into the present conversation. The past and the present—one man verses the other and so she moved from the room and headed towards the kitchen where she would busy her hands with those groceries. It wasn’t fair to him the way she was acting— she knew that.

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“I don’t know what you wanted. I didn’t know you wanted anything but I did that for me as well. Because you deserved it after everything.” He said simply, his eyebrows furrowing. He didn’t understand her. They could be friends again. It would be different from when they were children but it’d still be them and he liked spending time with Abigail. She had to teach him more sign. 

“Your guilt?” Despite herself Iris laughed, an emotional and broken sound as a hand rose to cover her lips, she laughed although she didn’t feel like doing so. She laughed rather than crying for she had done enough.  “Do you really think what I wanted is an apology?” she asked him looking from his form to the door and back again, her gaze daring him to leave. Her heart screaming at him to stay.

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“Because I’m sorry. Simply sorry for treating you the way I did. Because I can feel the guilt growing daily about it.” He admitted honestly as he pushed his hands deep in to his pockets. “That’s it. I know it’s not much but from me it probably seems ridiculous.” He breathed in deeply then pointed toward the door. “Well you’ve got the grocery bags safely inside so I’ll leave you be.”

“Where are you going with this?” she asked the true sense of her tiredness, of the worry and hurt, of the cloud of emotion which had been hovering for days now fully descended upon her. Showing through her gaze as she leveled him with it, grip around herself tightening as she tried to understand why he was saying these things. Trying to prevent herself from hoping. “What is it that you want?”