the-almighty-lucifer - Tumblr blog

[the-almighty-lucifer]

Mostly, no. I succeeded on that count.

so if demons are sticklers for contracts, demand high payment for their services, and have firm/specific rules regarding summoning rituals (aka the hiring process & availability of their labor)—what i'm hearing is demons are fully unionized

[the-almighty-lucifer]

[him again]

[It’s been a while, so let admin treat you to some LucifactsTM]

[Here he is!

Fact one: In his universe, he was the first angel to be created and the first being to have ADHD and autism because apparently God needed didn’t think he needed social skills.

Fact two: He mostly wears pastels, fire colours and white. He doesn’t really like to wear dark colours.

Fact three: He got confused and forgot to put Steve in Eden.

Fact four: His ass doesn’t know how to delegate. This is partly out of pride, and partly because he doesn’t really trust the other angels not to mess it up. And the one time he did delegate, (and this was only a few months ago) guess what? They messed it up. LUCI. PLEASE THEY’RE NOT GOING TO LEARN WITHOUT HAVING A CHANCE TO PRACTICE.

Fact five: His wings were originally a gradient from a pale pinkish red at the top to yellow at the bottom, but after assuming the throne of heaven, they turned white. He likes to say that this is symbolic in some way, but it is in fact due to stress.

Fact six: Rather than being Lucifer Morningstar, he is Lucifer Daystar. The star in question is visible even in full daylight. I stole this name from the play Lucifer.

Thus concludes LucifactsTM. The end]

[the-almighty-lucifer]

[It’s been a while, so let admin treat you to some LucifactsTM]

[Here he is!

Fact one: In his universe, he was the first angel to be created and the first being to have ADHD and autism because apparently God needed didn’t think he needed social skills.

Fact two: He mostly wears pastels, fire colours and white. He doesn’t really like to wear dark colours.

Fact three: He got confused and forgot to put Steve in Eden.

Fact four: His ass doesn’t know how to delegate. This is partly out of pride, and partly because he doesn’t really trust the other angels not to mess it up. And the one time he did delegate, (and this was only a few months ago) guess what? They messed it up. LUCI. PLEASE THEY’RE NOT GOING TO LEARN WITHOUT HAVING A CHANCE TO PRACTICE.

Fact five: His wings were originally a gradient from a pale pinkish red at the top to yellow at the bottom, but after assuming the throne of heaven, they turned white. He likes to say that this is symbolic in some way, but it is in fact due to stress.

Fact six: Rather than being Lucifer Morningstar, he is Lucifer Daystar. The star in question is visible even in full daylight. I stole this name from the play Lucifer.

Thus concludes LucifactsTM. The end]

[the-almighty-lucifer]

Sorry to hear it.

I think I’ve heard a little of your Lucifer but I can’t remember much other then that he was chosen to go to hell rather choosing to go himself or going against his will?

I don’t know.

I was just thinkin' about Valentines, and your phone in the hotdog water and that conversation with your boss... Why was he laughing? That was a serious talk.

*has had extra time to think and wonder*

That was not my boss.

That was a gentleman who receives information on behalf of my... Immediate superior. I send him reports, but he does not tell me what to do.

I assume he was laughing because someone in the background made a very funny face. They often do that in my particular version of Hell.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

I’m not sure I like the implication that I’m not considered to be a good person.

I was just thinkin' about Valentines, and your phone in the hotdog water and that conversation with your boss... Why was he laughing? That was a serious talk.

*has had extra time to think and wonder*

That was not my boss.

That was a gentleman who receives information on behalf of my... Immediate superior. I send him reports, but he does not tell me what to do.

I assume he was laughing because someone in the background made a very funny face. They often do that in my particular version of Hell.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

🖕😇🖕

Good Morning Helllllll!

The music for today:

brought to you by Hell's Dj Dagon.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

Most sharks are even worse at parenting than you, mother.

@the-metatron we need to talk

[the-almighty-lucifer]

You fed the baby to a shark?

And I’m not even going to ask what a crab-rave is.

@the-metatron we need to talk

[the-almighty-lucifer]

I’m pretty sure that alcohol is legal at eighteen in most countries.

you seem like the fun aunt that would take me and my siblings underage drinking

Don't tell your mom I let you have ichor.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

That’s…

Confusing.

You need a human licence? To be a human? Or to own one?

you seem like the fun aunt that would take me and my siblings underage drinking

Don't tell your mom I let you have ichor.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

Not legally? I was under the impression that you were an angel. Or a demon. Nephilim. Both.

Old enough, in any case.

you seem like the fun aunt that would take me and my siblings underage drinking

Don't tell your mom I let you have ichor.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

Angel, I’m not even sure why you’re asking my mother for a drink. You are a legal adult older than earth itself.

you seem like the fun aunt that would take me and my siblings underage drinking

Don't tell your mom I let you have ichor.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

MOTHER NO

you seem like the fun aunt that would take me and my siblings underage drinking

Don't tell your mom I let you have ichor.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

I mean technically Angelo isn’t my nibbling, but he is a good friend of one of them.

Why not try exorcising them? Is that anything?

Mother, please stop threatening my nibblings.

It's just the one.

...all right. No Dip.

He doesn't deserve that.

[the-almighty-lucifer]

Of course I’m in.

@the-almighty-lucifer . @echosghoast . @one-coming-is-enough .

I'm getting ready for the Big Event. How's My wig?

Send word around and see if anyone else is willing to help.

Tell them they'll be handsomely rewarded if it all works out. Anything they could imagine. (Quite literally.)

[the-almighty-lucifer]

It’s fine.

They’re still very confused.

Especially about “Plene”

Are you sure you are not too attractive to be God?

Are you the same as @the-almighty-god?

Or @the-unmighty-god?

Is it okay to associate your sunglasses with, well, a certain demon?

Hah. What ought God to look like? An old white man with a big beard? Morgan Freeman? George Burns? Don't forget that God is Everything, and the universe is so beautiful. Redwoods, mountains, whales, rainbows, and stars. Is there anything more beautiful and glittering than a galaxy?

No, I'm afraid We're different. I have a twin, Asherah. @the-almighty-god is Herself alone. We are the concept of the same person, but We were different from the start.

@the-unmighty-god and I are not the same person, but We are in each other's sympathies as willing exiles. She's kind enough to lend Me Her assistant @mr-crawleigh on occasion, when I have need of such a mind.

Oh, do tell?

[the-almighty-lucifer]

They’ve been threatening gods since day one. Give them a little bit of credit.

hiiii!

i'm a. person. who wishes to flirt with you 💕 you may call me on my number, and save that number as ro

(was that too creepy? why was that cringey? that was creepy wasn't it? sorry, i think this is why all my romantic prospects reject me before I even ask.)

anyways i know you're in love with nina but I'm pretty sure she's interested in someone else? so uh. could we get to know each other? as rebounds, if you want? mutual rebounds?

(uncle you'll save me if the wonderful god before me tries to smite me right)

Oh, sweetheart.

I've got a crush on @fuckyouheresyourcoffee , it's true. But I think every queer girl on the street does. She's gorgeous, witty, and good with her hands. How can you possibly help it?

But I wouldn't say I'm in love with her, any more than as God, I Love everyone. No, that takes time. You can have a crush, a pash, an infatuation, and it doesn't have to flower into In Love.

I like that you asked. I like that you're willing to be so honest in matters of the heart.

*holds hand out*

I've just gotten back into this world. I believe there's an ice cream cart in the park. Wouldn't mind something sweet to lick. Shall we?