the-almighty-mattman - Tumblr blog

[the-almighty-mattman]

[the-almighty-mattman]

I work as a video producer for an online continuing education company. One of our clients is an oral surgeon who hired us to produce about 12 hours of video and build his course on our management system. Each course has a quiz attached to it, which the students must pass in order to certify.

The oral surgeon, a fairly senile man in his 70’s who has been extremely nit-picky with my edits over the past 12 months, sent me all the quiz questions for the course. Unfortunately, he did not indicate which answers were correct.

Me: Thanks for the quiz questions, but these documents don’t indicate correct answers anywhere that I can see. Could you send me the quizzes again with the correct answers highlighted?

Client: I really shouldn’t have to tell you the answers. This is basic stuff. You filmed all of my lectures, it’s all in there.

Me: I’m sorry but it would save you a lot of money to just highlight the correct answers rather than have me spend an extra dozen hours scouring through your lecture videos for the answers.

Client: The fact that you have personally sat through $8,000 worth of my educational lecture material and learned nothing is idiotic. Any beginning dental student would know this stuff without even studying. 

Unfortunately, my boss is even more of an idiot than my client, and I was asked to oblige the client’s demand.

[the-almighty-mattman]

[the-almighty-mattman]

aye can i get uh………ingredients on my burger

[the-almighty-mattman]

[the-almighty-mattman]

Having ‘grapefruit’ and ‘grape’ be totally different is as insane as if ‘tuna’ and ‘tuna fish’ were completely different sea creatures.

[the-almighty-mattman]

If an alien race that is a million times more advanced than us enslaved our race and turned us into pets, would we eventually evolve to be super cute?

[the-almighty-mattman]

Norway compared to Eastern United States.

[the-almighty-mattman]

The human body would make an amazing camera. Our necks are great stabilizers. Shutter speed is always perfect. Eyeballs have incredible dynamic range and really fast autofocus… Just needs better memory.

[the-almighty-mattman]

Pizza delivery is like the ambulance. If they’re late their delivery ends up cold.

[the-almighty-mattman]

Kindergarten translates to ‘child garden’ and is literally a place where you put your kid waiting for it to grow.

[the-almighty-mattman]

welcome to the hotel california

such a lovely place

such a lovely face

[the-almighty-mattman]

(via cjQy5yL.jpg (540×960))

[the-almighty-mattman]

[the-almighty-mattman]

blizzard world comic :P

[the-almighty-mattman]

@setheverman

[the-almighty-mattman]

people today with access to more raw information than any other period: the earth is flat

german artilleryman in 1916, who barely washes his own ass: I need to account for the curvature and rotation of the earth when plotting my firing plans