the-daily-ancients

[the-daily-ancients]

Interview with Pandora

Today I sit with Pandora, and ask her about the events that occurred earlier this year.

Pandora is, according to her, the first mortal woman to be created by the gods. Her creation is one of great tragedy and trickery. In her own words, “I was made as a cruel joke, to get back at Prometheus and his ill witted brother, Epimetheus. Despite all this, I really did love him, he was sweet and kind, and I believe he really did love me too.” 

Pandora was created by the great Zeus, forged by Hephaestus and clothed by the wise Athena. 

“I don’t blame Hephaestus for this, or Athena, they were just doing what they had to,” Pandora replied when I asked if she had any ill feelings towards her creators, declining to comment about Zeus. "I definitely blame that blasted Titan Prometheus, though. He never wanted Epi and I to get married, always thought it was a bad idea. Maybe if he hadn't been so negative, this wouldn't of happened." As a wedding gift, Pandora was given a jar and explicitly asked not to open it. "Anyone would be curious, wouldn't you? Of course I opened it! What's the point of receiving a gift and not being able to open it?!" This would of course prove to be a fatal mistake on Pandora's part. "Well, as soon as I opened that damn jar, I was swarmed with dark hideous shadows! They all went out the window, and I remember hearing horrible screams from the men outside." It's clear that Pandora had no idea this would happen. When asked if she had anything else to tell about the event, Pandora went on to say that after it was all over, she was left with a sense of calm. "it's like suddenly, despite all the terror and chaos occurring, i was filed with a sense of calm for the future. Almost like...hope." I'm told that after all these events, Pandora has now remarried and has a daughter. I truly hope things go well for Pandora, as i'm sure our readers agree.

[the-daily-ancients]

The Weird History of the Prometheus Family

We all know the mess of Prometheus and his life, but not many know of his family. 

We start this with Iaptus, Prometheus’ father. He was one of the elder titans that helped Kronus attack and ambush their own father, Ouranos. This, however, did not end like the titans thought it would. In fact, Zeus threw the brothers into Tartarus.

Iaptus, before this, would have four sons. Atlas, Prometheus, Epimitheus, and Menoitos.

Atlas is famous for several things in this world, and one of which is the world itself, which he holds up on his shoulders. The reason for his holding the world is as a punishment after the war against Zeus. He is also famous for introducing the art of Astronomy to mortals, what a star! One more thing that Atlas is famous for, or at least known for, is meeting the hero Herakles! Talk about riding coattails, right? 

Prometheus, as we all know (See our last article!) gave fire to mankind, thereby tricking Zeus, and ended up being chained to a mountain. He is destined to have his immortal liver eaten each dawn by a vulture. Yikes! 

Our next story is one quite sad, dear readers. Epimitheus has always been described as “dim witted” and is known well as the god of afterthought and excuses. Even in our own creation, his attributes have affected us, as because of his laziness, he left us helpless. Luckily, Prometheus gave us fire, allowing mankind to evolve further! Unfortunately, Zeus punished both Prometheus and Epimitheus for this, with the creation of Pandora who would go on to make a fatal mistake (see our next article!). 

Not much is known about the last brother in this strange and weird family. His name is of course Menoitios, and according to his brothers he is the god of rash decisions and violent rage. Sounds fun at parties. One might even call him a violent and insolent man. One thing we do know is that he was cast down by Zeus. This is the history of the Prometheus family, readers. I hope you all come out of this wiser, more thankful, and glad that you are not part of an immortal family such as this one. Go hug your mothers, and tell your brothers to stop being lazy.

[the-daily-ancients]

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Note: Divine intervention not included. Side effects may include: tragedy, trickery, sadness.

[the-daily-ancients]

Fire? Try Fired!

Sources across the known world have reported accounts of a mysterious new element cropping up: fire.

Eyewitness accounts have been few and far between, with many people choosing to take this opportunity to acquaint themselves with things such as “cooking” and “science”.

However, using my smarts and various sources, I have been able to track down the Titan supposedly responsible. In fact, I’ve been lucky enough to score an interview with the Titan Prometheus himself. Here is a transcript of the interview as I sat down with him at the mountain. ME: So, Prometheus, first tell me a little about yourself, and how you found yourself here. PROMETHEUS: Well, I come from a family of many. My mother, Clymene and my father, Iaptus, and my siblings. Atlas, Menotious, and Epimetheus, my twin brother. 

ME: Wow, big family!  PROMETHEUS: Quite. ME: So can you tell us how this all started? I mean, it looks quite painful.

PROMETHEUS: It really isn’t my fault. It all started with a harmless trick. Zeus wanted me to divide up offerings, and I did.

ME: I sense theres more to this

PROMETHEUS: I may have played a harmless trick on him ME: Sounds intriguing, go on. PROMETHEUS: Well, usually Zeus gets the best part of the ox, obviously. I thought maybe it would be funny to divide the portions unevenly, make Zeus’s simply bones and fat. I really thought he wouldn’t notice. 

ME: And did he? PROMETHEUS: Yes, he did. But that’s not the reason I’m up here. My second mistake was defying Zeus’s will. I saw that mortals such as yourself were without fire and sciences, and I decided I would gift these things to you. Zeus saw this, and well, look at me now. He made Pandora to trick my brother, and tied me up here. ME: Sounds harsh PROMETHEUS: You have no idea how these things work, mortal ME: Well, thank you for sitting for this interview, Prometheus. PROMETHEUS: It's not like I've got anything else to do. So there you have it, folks! Us mortals now have fire, but our dear helper must suffer for this gift. Turn to the next page to learn more about Prometheus' family and their own sorrows.