the-damnable-circus

[the-damnable-circus]

our system leader got called in for this sysmate we found out was sexually assaulting his sys-daughter.

so she sits there for a couple minutes going back and forth on whether or not to cut his head off, with the same casualness of someone debating between two choices on a menu and frankly i love that for her

[the-damnable-circus]

"Persecutors have a right to exist and should be respected, using violence against them is not the answer-"

Yeahyeahyeah. Genuinely agree.

Until.

One of them crosses a line with one of my kids,

Then? They get one warning.

No, not a warning — a promise.

That should they ever mess with one of my babies again, I'll fucking blow their skull off.

[the-damnable-circus]

Ig this place is gonna also be a weird-ass journal of the creepy or insane shit that happens in our headspace

[the-damnable-circus]

Connor tried to kill me, the Host.

Then I watched a man get shot in the head.

I'm too tired to process my feelings on this shit.

[the-damnable-circus]

Hi, this is an open letter to Connor

Also known as the man that raped and slapped me around for months.

Let's see, you're 19, you have an apartment in the sleezy part of town, you play at being a gangster but you're just pissy and have mommy issues.

I am 16, I was your girlfriend. I lived with you. You had a lot of fun slapping me around, didn't ya? But then I grew a pair and realized I was better than you. Stronger. Smarter. In the external world, people can't just learn how to affect reality and manipulate the very ground we walk on. But we're not in Kansas anymore.

I don't have to threaten you as boldly and exaggeratively as my mom does. Boy does she wanna hurt you in a hundred thousand ways. If only you had known the kid you groomed was a split of the Host's kid, and would be adopted by her too.

#bitch got me by the fuckin balls

Baby, I know you're a big fan of pejoratives against women, but the least you could do is credit me directly. I could rip your dick off, and I might.

I'm not cruel, or violent usually, my insistence that Mom not hunt you for sport is the only thing keeping you alive, because I'm not by nature vengeful, but you came into front and messed with the people I love. You thumbed through front's memories to look at my little sister in a compromising situation. So it became time to remind you that I didn't escape you.

I spared you.

That choice can be remade.

I'm not doing my job.

I'm not even protecting the system

I have no oxymoronic notions of supposedly helping people by hurting them

I am having fun

I'm causing a ruckus

I'm making people's panties get in a twist

When you're bored and in hell, you find a way to make a damn good time.

[the-damnable-circus]

I'm not doing my job.

I'm not even protecting the system

I have no oxymoronic notions of supposedly helping people by hurting them

I am having fun

I'm causing a ruckus

I'm making people's panties get in a twist

When you're bored and in hell, you find a way to make a damn good time.

[the-damnable-circus]

I believe for some it is a matter of control. The idea that someone could theoretically take over "your" body and do things fundamentally opposed to your values is a terrifying prospect. To say that everyone within a system is bound by some common morals (while sure it may be true for Really Specific System #4556), is copium imo.

Our system holds people who want to kill, who have raped other headmates, who torment people for fun.

The host, and every single "higher-up" in here detests such ideas and behavior. And in the beginning, the host had trouble letting go of the misguided idea that everyone in here at the end of the day was a reflection of her. So when she met for the first time a headmate who had sexually assaulted a minor, the nagging voice in the back of her head said "does that mean you are capable of that too?"

It was just internalized ableism. Yeah sure whatever systems are systems are systems and xyz feel abc about def and ghi, but fuck the stereotype that all systems fit into certain boxes and that all of us are "parts" of a broken whole like fuck outta here with that nonsense. Damn pathologization of my existence like I give a rat's ass what some dusty psych thinks of my personhood. But yeah her head was in the vein of what OP was talking about because what she was told systemhood is shaped her early conceptions of our system and getting her to unlearn that was one annoying ass journey.

the whole like.. "persecutors can only do what the whole system can/want to" line of reasoning is so funny to me bc taken literally it is a water is wet situation (a persecutor clearly cannot want what No One in the system wants because they themself are in the system, so sure technically they are only capable of... "what the system is capable of"), but as advice its entirely worthless bc its like. well ok i guess i Truly want to kill myself then?? are you telling me to accept that? Like, i get it, and i assume you mean for me to now go get help or something, but its just like. Haha yeah ok man let me just restructure my identity into??? someone who wants to kill people??? real quick in order to accept your argument

like if one of us likes league of legends and someone else hates league of legends, which one of us is Right? like do i need to accept that deep down, we really do like league of legends, or vice versa. like if you look at it like that you realize its a stupid fucking question LOL

[the-damnable-circus]

This is a side blog devoted to discussing the darker, undesirable, the pluralfreak.

We will do our best to always tag relevant TW's, but given the nature of this blog and our being a ✨️traumagenic✨️ system, consider yourself forewarned that there may be discussion of the following:

Child Abuse (including CSA)

Sexual Assault

Death/Murder/Homocidal Ideation

Substance Abuse

Suicide and its Ideation

Depression

Self-Harm

Physical Assault/Maiming/Torture (never anything graphic or gory, js the subject might come up)