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I'm happy.

I now am moved past the break up and the drama that was started. I am still heart broken. But shit happens man, it's life. I'm focusing on myself and becoming healthier. I feel good man

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Guilty.

I feel guilty for not telling her things that she does not know about her new boyfriend. She asked me not to tell her, she'll figure it out eventually when the day comes, and when it does, I will NOT be taking her back. She'll learn the hard way about dating a PC goof.

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Fuck

I'm laying here.. unable to go to sleep, I just lay here on the inside of my bed close to the wall where I normally sleep, and I keep looking beside me and it feels so wrong not seeing her there.. I miss her so much.. I miss what we had, I would do anything to take back anything I did wrong to her.. I just lay here and cry from the thought of her not being here next to me, it just breaks me completely, it's good to have space and I'm fighting my hardest not to message her but.. I miss her.. more than anything, I feel empty without her, I wish that some day she would just show up at my house again and just hug me.. it would be better if we'd be able to make things right but that's just a dream.. I just wish it could've been different, I have had minimal sleep in days.. all I want is her comfort.. I don't know how much longer I can do this for..

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I wish I had kept my word to past posts I have made. I promised the girl that I would control my eating habits, go outside more, and make the effort to keep her happy, I've done something completely wrong in all three of those things, and I'm deeply regretting it now, I wish I had smartened the fuck up, because hell, we could've had a future together, been high school sweethearts

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Can't sleep

Can't sleep of the thought of the thought of her.. going out with dad tomorrow, he said it's gonna be an adventurous day and we're just gonna find something to do, I really appreciate the support he's giving me, my mother as well. I just wish I could be giving myself the support, it's hard to focus on myself, especially when all my focus was on the girl I loved most, and now I need to bare the fact she's never going to talk to me again

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Rough

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I miss her like crazy, still love her. I don't think she feels the same way at all, she's probably already moved on, there's nothing I can really do about that, but people move on, and shit happens. Fuck my life.

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It could have been different

Haven't been on here for a while, I've tried to post to other anonymous places but it's not so similar here but I'm hoping to get some support.. I, have really fucked up, I screwed up my entire relationship.. this, perfect most amazing girl I have every met in my life we're together for almost two and a half years.. she meant the absolute world to me, I tried to keep her happy, but little did I know that she wasn't/hasn't been happy for the majority of the relationship.. she came to my house and broke up with me, I just sat there and cried.. for hours.. I was questioning myself on what I did and realized I had done something to make this happen.. of course, me being my idiot self, had the nerve to text her and ask if we were going to remain friends.. she told me I mentally and emotionally abused her, at first I was stunned and confused, I asked her how, and she continued to go on about how, I would lose my temper when we fought, I would break things and throw things.. we had one fight a while ago and I threw my phone into my wall.. I hadn't realized it, and she had never brought it up before.. but I can see how she was scared of me, she thought I was intimidating, and that's not what I wanted, but I had no self control.. she continued to rip me a new asshole over text for about an hour and a half.. she told me a day later that she was with her mother at the time reading out the texts to her and that her mother was laughing.. that broke me, I started crying, trying to talk to her on the phone when I could hardly breathe trying not be so loud so I didn't wake everyone up.. I started to get angry later in the conversation and I got upset and said that her opinion is bullshit and then she cut me off and made fun of me for my weight and that I don't do anything.. I don't blame her, I weigh 350 pounds and I'm only 17.. I don't do anything.. my video game habits affected our relationship big time, she would just sit in my bed for hours while I played with my buddies online who were nowhere near as important as her, I just completely ignored her most of the time, and that is a huge fuck up on my part, I wish I wasn't so fucking stupid and hooked to the god damn game.. but after a couple of days of arguing with each other and not having any civil conversation whatsoever, I get a message from a guy she's been hanging out with, telling me he's gonna kick my door in and then kick my head in, he knows where I live because she told him, she was with him at the time he was saying these things.. he made fun of my weight, my asthma, and told me that I'm ugly.. I don't know what he was trying to prove, he's not going to do anything because he'll be in jail if he did anything like that, I have baby sisters in this house and he has a two year old daughter of his own, he should have piped down, he could have approached me in a completely different way but he just had to threaten me and make fun of me because he was probably trying to impress my ex.. but anyways, earlier today she came to grab her stuff, I couldn't tell how she was feeling, but I swear I saw a smile on her face when she was leaving.. we haven't spoke since.. but before that my buddy had messaged her because I showed him the texts she had sent me the day we broke up, he was pissed, and she was shit posting about me on twitter.. all the things she's done really shows the maturity level she's got. She's taking everything way too far and she's over exaggerating everything.. but after my friend texted her it was just a shit show, after receiving and sending a few texts she told me to call her, so I did, we talked/argued for about an hour and a half, possibly one of the worst phone calls I've had with her.. after the phone call I texted my friend about it right away, I was panicking and I'm a fast typer when I'm freaking out.. and this fucking guy had the audacity to make a new phone number and text her saying that he eavesdropped on the phone call, and that he was considered a therapist to some,now that was fucked up, it literally only took 5 minutes after the phone call for her to receive the text, it happened so quickly I didn't even see it. She then later got really nervous and angry about it but at the time I didn't know it was my friend actually texting her, I thought it was a random dude I didn't know, and when she called me back asking me if I received a text or anything like that, I didn't mention I told my friend about the call.. she started calling me insane, manipulative, at times I was and I will never forgive myself for it.. that was two days ago.. so many things have happened, she told me she broke up with me a couple of reasons, some have already been mentioned but one of them is that I have turned out to be just like my father.. he is an awful person at times and I am similar to him.. I'm nowhere near as bad as he is but she saw me as a spitting image of my father.. I didn't want to be like him at all, I wish I never was.. there's a lot more to this story but it's 6am and I've done a fair amount of venting to this website already.. I wish I could have acted right, I really could have but I completely fucked myself for that, things will change, I'm now dieting for once in my life, I've already started doing 30 minute cardio in my room for the past two days when I woke up, it's actually a really good way to lose the fat.. but you can't eat before you do it, it's why it's right when you wake up.. things will change, I'm going to be a better person and take some time to focus on myself and live healthy and motivate myself to do better.. I just wish I had this mindset when I was together with her.. we could have had a future together.. sadly I'm and idiot, and can't do the right thing.. it could have been different, I loved her with all my heart, I still do love her, it's depressing knowing that I lost possibly the best I'll ever have, I'll still be willing to forgive her and maybe she'll forgive me some day, but that's only dreaming.. hopefully I can cope with this, I've learned a lot from her, and she has given me one of the best experiences in my life.. I still love her. Goodnight

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I will do whatever it takes to stay with her.

She wants me to control my eating habits? I will. She wants me to go outside more with her and enjoy the world? I will. All I can really promise her is that I try and if it doesn't seem like enough well than I don't know what she is going to expect of me, try, try, and try again..

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Many should relate..

Don't you hate when you have plans to go out somewhere nice with a few people including your gf or bf and you look forward to it the whole time and then it gets cancelled last minute as soon as you're ready to leave? Fuck man..

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So I delivered to my last house which was 415 and the old guy who lived there came to the door and he got his papers and his magazine, and him and I had a chat about the weather and how each of us are doing and then he offered me a pop :) he gave me a ginger ale☺️people are so nice, it's not hard to be nice

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Koenigsegg Agera R | More

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😏

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I couldn't be any more proud of her..