the-feels-i-try-and-hide - Tumblr blog

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It's my birthday today... Idk how to feel about this day..

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What’s special about this song?

Onew…being Onew

Minho has more than one verse (and sounds beautiful)

Key’s English

Jonghyun’s English and high notes towards the end. 

Taemin…sounds amazing 

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My Mom still amazes me and shocks me sometimes. Yesterday, we were eating at the dinner table, my married older sister with 2 kids was there asking if we saw her youngest daughter's small toy soldiers. I haven't I said but my Mom said that she gave it away to street children. My older sister was surprised and a bit pissed coz that's her kids toys. My Mom said, you're not supposed to let her play with those, those are for boys. I starred in disbelief. I know my Mom's traditionally conservative and she is very Catholic. I understand who raised me, but it's at that point that I realize she still lives by those rules, things that she grew up with but didn't grew out of. I guess I'm gonna be closeted forever. I know how forever can be a very long time but I love my mom, I obey her. I also would love to have a girlfriend, someone who'll be there until we grow old and laughing at each other's corny jokes. Does life have to be so cruel that it has to one or the other. Why do other people have it all? Why can't I?? Did I do something soo wrong in my past life that I can't have real joy. The type that I won't feel guilty having. Why is she like that. I'm a very kind person and as a kid I obeyed all the rules, like a good soldier, I did things without even questioning. In such comparison, would she love to have a straight daughter that has a very bad attitude, rather than having a gay daughter that's very kind to everyone. I guess she does. But now that I'm older, does the thing that she always tell me is true? She always says that, no parent would advise their kid to be in jeopardy. Why do I feel jeopardized right now¿? I don't know, I'm surprised sometimes as to what am I still doing. I'm tired, tremendously tired. What am I FIGHTING for??? 2/22/2020

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Crooked

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7.18.2019

Maybe you just don't want to talk to me. Why didn't I think that?

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6.13.2019

I just want to be able to see her at least.,.

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I feel lost and I’m afraid no one will ever find me

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5.30.2019

He who hesitates, (snap) disintegrates.

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❤️

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5.25.2019

I just want to be happy

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5.22.2019

I feel like 'error 404' I'm broken and nobody likes me. 😭

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I was born at that era, I am a teen of the 90s and it was beautiful. The excitement to wait to come home and expect a letter professing someone's love for you, how their day went, how that day reminded them of you. And the feeling that you can keep their word and promise. I still have some of them, it truly reminds me that at some point, I was happy.

I am deeply saddened by the fact that I was not born into the era of love letters