the-greatfully-depressed-bean

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Years ago I said I would tell my story one day and I think I've processed my trauma enough to do it now I'll be making a video it will probably be long.

I'll address my father threatening to throw me off a bridge and kill my mom. My mothers alcoholism that left me with no true parents. Her boyfriends that I shouldve never been exposed to. Growing up in church as a queer child. My grandfathers cancer. My first online friend. Dating a pedophile. My friends experiences with said pedophile. Escaping abuse. And finally being free after being abused for my entire life. It's a lot to unpack it's a lot for me emotionally. I'm sharing my story to show others that theres no shame in saying #metoo

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Last night I said I still planned to get all of the food in..... well I didnt and as a result today I've been snacking and picking at everything I also drank a lot of flavored water which previously I hated so I guess weve made progress in that department I also feel the need to point out that its 4:19 am and I cant sleep because I'm not exhausted from work and exercise and I'm honestly kinda bored I worked all day 6 days a week for 7 months and doing nothing for almost 2 weeks has been boring

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Today was a pretty great day I woke up early, had energy, knocked out the chloe ting workout then took a little nap played with jezzie, went swimming and then came in, did laundry, and showered, but I realized a little too late that I hadn't eaten or drank anything yet despite being so active. So realizing I made a mistake I made a protien shake and made dinner but I didnt finish either, and they're both currently in the fridge. This was my planned day and i still expect to get it all in but for right now I'm dealing with the repercussions of not listening to my body well enough. I'm in extreme pain from my joints (knee and shoulder mostly). As well as i have a migraine from not drinking enough and letting my blood sugar get too low. Despite feeling bad now I'm so happy I had a nice productive morning and was feeling better and stronger than normal until about 8pm which for me is amazing and I hope my health journey will bring more days like today. Jezzie has been watching me since the migraine really kicked in and I know this means I may have some medical issues while fighting it but I have water hard candy and tylenol on my nightstand and am prepared for the worst that veds could throw at me with my giant blanket and trusty alert pup.

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Macros are difficult to navigate

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Side note though this tastes like ass

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Getting better at tracking macros also drinking a lot of tea with lemon yesterday I had a migraine that was so bad I slept all day like I was awake for maybe 4 hours total but today I'm back on track and even got a protien powder to supplement my phobia of trying new foods I'm trying to get my macros to be 40% carbs 30% fat/protien as well as doing the chloe thing hour glass challenge and some mild cardio. I'm feeling better about myself physically and mentally

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

The last 3 days have been so hectic and just a downright mess but I'm moved in I'm unpacked and my fridge is full of fresh fruits and veggies and proteins and ontop of that my gym here has opened so I'm ready to dive head in to my new lifestyle. Btw heres a picture I took ontop of the mountain

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

I'm very sad to be leaving wake pizza LLC I was paid well, treated well, respected as a manager even though I'm younger than almost everyone there. It was by far the best work experience I've had and if I'm ever back in wake county I will be visiting them.😢🖤🖤🖤

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Last day at dominos. They got me an icecream cake and I'm going to miss quite a few of my coworkers it's been a nice experience here.

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Unwinding while the benadryl kicks in

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

3 days left until the move 1 day left of work 2 days for moving I'm ready to just be in my new apartment watching riverdale on my couch with jezzie. I have a planned 2 weeks off to focus on my health both mental and physical then it's back to work until september

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Too tired today I blame the rain. I haven't budged on my caffiene free journey yet but tonight might call for caffiene I still have 5 hours at work and I I feel like I need a nap. It's really dark outside because of all of the clouds and it's been like this for 2 days now. I havent dont any strenuous exercise while I'm this tired because I feel like it's probably unhealthy for me to push knowing that I'm too weak were not trying to have any dissections this week.

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]

Day 3 has me not feeling so great and with only 4 days left until the move I'm going to rest today. My rest days are usually not that fruitful when it comes to eating which will mean packing in calories with fats. Also my apartments gym has reopened and I'm very excited for that because it means that I'll beable to run with out worrying as much about hip dislocations.

[the-greatfully-depressed-bean]