the-grumpywaterwitch - Tumblr blog

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

Your cards cannot think for you your teachers cannot think for you spirits cannot think for you your gods cannot think for you. YOU have to think for you. Do not outsource your thinking onto other figures, because there are and will be people looking to fill that void and tell you where to go and what to do and how to spend your money, and you will cede all control if someone speaks it cleverly enough.

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

fandom tumblr was another casualty of streaming services. we used to be on here posting about the episodes that were coming out weekly and posting gifs and writing insane shit about the tv shows we liked. now a new season of a show will drop and we’ll talk about it for a week. two weeks tops. and then that show will leave collectively conscious for 1+ year till the next season drops. there’s a reason succession sundays was a blast on here

we used to have real television

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

Unpopular opinion but literally not one person in the world should have their human rights violated

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

really? another album? didn't she just make one??

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

I swear I get sad if I wake up and one is on the floor

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

i rlly hope it gets easier soon bc i am fucking losing my mind

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

happy old gnoll

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

Working at the sex shop really did rewire my brain. There was basically no topic that was too taboo to talk about, and what little propriety I’d had evaporated. I’d be out walking and chatting with friends about erotica I’d had to read that day only to be shushed and realize people were staring at me.

It always struck me as a little bit silly but I learned to curb myself for others comfort levels. Mostly.

But I have one distinct memory of decorating holiday cookies with my parents and my grandmother. My mom had worked in a sex shop back in her day, and I never hid my line of work from my family, so I was telling a work story.

I was conscious that my dad was slightly more sensitive, so I was using pretty broad descriptions, but I happened to mention silicone lube and my nana asked, “What’s that?”

I went into full sales mode. Focused on the little reindeer cookie I was decorating I started info dumping, “Oh, it’s pretty great. Water based lubricants get absorbed through vaginal mucous membranes, but silicone is too dense and our body can’t absorb it the same way. So once you apply some silicone you never have to worry about chafing, and a little goes a long way. It’s especially popular with older women, because they start producing less natural lubricant and absorb water based lubes so quickly.”

There was a silent beat after this statement.

I looked up.

My mom and grandmother were looking at me with rapt attention, and I belatedly realized I was addressing two older women who probably would welcome extra lubrication.

And then there was my dad, blushing so pink with embarrassment that I thought he was about to faint.

“I can talk about something else,” I offered in apology to my dad.

“Like hell! He can go in the other room, tell me more!” My nana declared. My dad scampered off to busy himself in another room while I answered their questions and talked about brands and pricing.

I slipped them each a small bottle of silicone lube for the holidays.

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

randomly remembering the time in 2012 when everyone kept saying the world was going to end at midday that day and like, i didnt really believe it, but i didnt want to be a complete fool if i was wrong, so i excused myself from class to go sit the field and perfectly timed the beat drop to a skrillex song just in case something happened. and im just. retroactively amused by the idea of ushering in the appocalypse with skrillex. most 2012 thing you could possibly do.

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

you can literally say anything to men, it doesn’t matter

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

[the-grumpywaterwitch]

[the-grumpywaterwitch]