the-happy-waitress

[the-happy-waitress]

Being a actress on the restaurant stage

Being in the hospitality industry the most important thing is to stay hospitable to both customers and coworkers, all in the while not screaming at them, "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

I can usually quess the type of people I have at my table in the first min of greeting them. All of us servers all have a unique way of introducing us all in the while pointing out what the specials and so forth.

Unfortunately where I work, the majority of the customers are lazy, ridiculously obese, cheap, and obviously not very intelligent. These are the things that make me play the part of the Happy Waitress.

First, I say "Hello I'm your Happy Waitress and I'll be taking care of you. It's happy hour if your want to be happy for an hour (chuckle maybe) we also have coke products, ice tea, sweet tea, and IBC root beer in a bottle. What can I get you to drink?"

Customer will say "Nothing, I'll just take water."

Ok, so what will you do with the water? Swim? Are you holding on it incase there are any aliens that you need to protect yourself from like in the movie Signs? Or will you be holding onto it incase of a fire and you will rush over with your glass of water? Maybe you're special human and you're able to use osmosis to rehydrate yourself.

Do you know why English is hard to learn, because there are tons of idiots who are native English-speaking that can't speak the damn language properly. It's like saying to someone of ours been a long day, you must be tired. And they reply no, I'm just going to go to bed. Huh? Then why would you go to bed for? Exercise? Solving string theory?

It must be the food in America, not only does it cause people to be unphathomly fat, lazy, and sick, it's making people more stupid. Eat more vegetables people.

[the-happy-waitress]

Working as a team? Not anymore.

When I use first start working in this business people worked together as a team, regardless of the feelings of each other. Now, everyone is out for themselves. It's like a school yard playground, with children bullying and tattle tailing in each other. They love pointing the finger at everyone else while telling the teachers (aka the management) how wonderful they are.

Case in point, there's this old drugged out bitch I work with, and not drugged out like Keith Richards, but more like an old as prostitute who should have retired decades ago if not for the fact she'll do anything for 5 bucks and the John is broke and not choosy at all.

This dumbass will go and run to the management and this person isn't doing this or this person is doing that. Ironically, she will sit and cry saying that no one likes her for some reason and she tries so hard to be helpful and blah blah blah.

At 61 years old, you'd think she'd try to be a team player, especially being in the industry since the dinosaur roamed the earth.

This shriveled up skin over bones has lost her drugs countless of times and not only that has stolen my cellphone.

Listen, I don't judge people, or at least I try not to. I don't care if someone drinks, smokes, or gets high. Hell who is anyone think they are that they can tell an adult what you can or can't do, with in reason. If you can do your shit like a professional, then go right ahead and do it.

However, that being said if your old enough to know better and you have to steal to get high then you need help. Not only are you stealing, but you're stealing from your work and your coworkers. Then you have the fucking balls to try and get the person in trouble by saying that person is not doing their job? You know those people should be allowed to publicly get their ass kicked with no consequences. But hey Karma is a 6 foot 180 lbs of muscle of a Bitch!

Point, don't be asshole to the people around you, because you're no better than them,unless you're a thief and a liar then we are better than you. 😊

[the-happy-waitress]

Needing some help!! We have some more manga that we can work on but we would need to have translators for the ENTIRE manga, Not just chapters. If you’re interested, just email us and we can show you the goods!!

Email us here at fujoshi.scans@gmail.com

Re-blogging helps!!!

[the-happy-waitress]

When you look around in a restaurant in America...

The fact us in the US are the 3rd largest populated county in the world and we rank in the top ten in obesity, it becomes quite disturbing. When you look around a restaurant 90% of the people are obese, I don't mean chunky or big, I mean they take the place of two or more people. Why? Just because refills are free doesn't mean you need have 7 refills of sodas, bread, salad with tons of dressing, or anything else that's complementary. At some point you have to say enough is enough.

[the-happy-waitress]

It's STD's

The first step to protecting yourself is understanding how STIs are passed. 

Check out the Healthysexual website for more info on STIs and what you can do to stay healthy. 

[the-happy-waitress]

Ready to order? Yes! What can I get you? Mmmm.......

It never fails when the restaurant is busy, there's a wait and the hostess double seats you with the third table on its way, you always have that one table that is fertilizing the weeds you're trapped in and growing faster and thicker no thanks to them. It seems to happen when you greet the table, most likely the first one; you get their drink order which then you go to the second table get their drink order and then drop them off in reverse so you can take the first ones order. Of course you all if they are ready, and they say yes, even commenting on knowing what they want. This is when you find out that they are not even close. They will may say "Oh I forgot what I wanted", "I'm torn between these two", or "What's really good here which do you like?" Mind you they just they just looked at the the menu, so how does one forget? If you don't know what you want then that would be a good example of not being ready! What is good here, you ask? Well nothing, our food just sucks. Of course we are going to say everything's good, especially the stuff our boss is telling us to sell....duh! Then if we give you our opinion on something 9 out of 10 times, you order something else. So why ask us, right? Then there's my favorite tables, who gets first prize in the Dumbass Awards. They without fail are the one's who, with the menu open in front of the them, will ask things like: "do you have this?" when it's not in the menu, "how much is this item?" the price is right next to it, I'll be lucky to get a 10% tip from then. My favorite is when you have to go down the list of drinks, sides, and such with each person, who after you just gave the list of sides or beverages we carry, will always ask Do you have this or that, what are my choice of sides, or what's in the salad again and which dressings do you have? So after navigating for 10 minutes or more with this one table now you have to rush to the the second table who's now slightly irritated, but are ready while the the third table is more happy because no one had greeted them, and how dare we not make them a priority. Yeah!

[the-happy-waitress]

Every phone has a calculator...

Listen if you'd bill is 35.00 proper tip is 7.00. Ten percent is 3.50, now times that 2 (or for the real math challenged add 3.50 and 3.50, unless your a human calculator or your server punched you in the jaw then you can tip 18 percent.

[the-happy-waitress]

Deer in headlights for your food.

You know that head cocked to the side dogs have when they hear sound they don't recognize? Well I get that look from people when I bring their food. The whole table staring at me, head cocked, silent, with crickets chirping in the background... Me standing in front with hot freaking plates, "who has the shrimp?" Chirp, chirp, chirp... "Finally I didn't get shrimp, I got Fried Shrimp"

Happy Waitress-"Let me make sure this Filet is A Steak"

-You can't fix stupid

[the-happy-waitress]

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”

— Anne Lamott

[the-happy-waitress]

Happy Christian Super Bowl, ya'll

[the-happy-waitress]

Tipping is not only a City in China

Anonymous 

[the-happy-waitress]

Hello Everyone! A Little Bit About Me....

Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a happily (so so so so happily) divorced.I have raised 4 children, two from birth and two came with the ex. I am an military vet and currently working as a server so I can go back to school so I can teach overseas. As much as I love the U.S., it is the people who drive me in to an insanity that has me having philosophical debates with the walls of my apartment, my dogs, and my steering wheel, basically anything that can’t running away from me. I speak more than one language, lived in different parts of the world, believe that my opinion is just that an opinion and actions speak louder than words.I try to be fair and kind to all, i know most people are human and people and the nicest person can be the worst and the ones who seem scary can be the nicest. I have like teaching and in writing this blog I know two things can happen, People with find this so funny that it will be shared and popular that it will make people better customers, or I will just be writing this like a diary with me writing and no one reading it. Well I am pretty sure my mother will read it. Well that won’t happen, everything I do isn’t right, I am not a millennial after all. Time to end my rambling. So here it goes...fingers crossed.