the-ineffable-dumbasses

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

Realizing that squid have an ink sac and an internal shell called a pen so we’re living just a few short evolutionary steps away from calamarigraphy and honestly there goes the rest of today

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

sorry if i’m being a party pooper but because rabies is apparently the new joke on here ??? please remember that rabies has an almost 100% fatality rate after symptoms develop so if you’re bitten or scratched by an animal that you aren’t 100% sure is vaccinated then GO TO A DOCTOR. it’s not a joke. really. 

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

if you are going to need some kind of sedative for 4th of july fireworks for your pets NOW IS THE TIME TO SCHEDULE THOSE APPOINTMENTS TO ASK FOR THEM

NOT WHEN ITS 2 DAYS AWAY

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

if you ask me, the guy who put the sword INTO the stone should be king, not the chucklefuck who got it out.

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

Lichen time

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

btw, since i've seen this mistake several times in the last week:

it's not 'been put through the ringer.' what would that mean. what would the ringer do to you.

it's the wringer. a device for squishing the water out of clothes so they'll dry faster on the line. wringing them out.

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

Landscape embroidery by Carolina Torres

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

Okay, another little lesson for fic writers since I see it come up sometimes in fics: wine in restaurants.

When you buy a bottle of wine in a (nicer) restaurant, generally (please note my emphasis there, this is a generalization for most restaurants, but not all restaurants, especially non-US ones) you may see a waiter do a few things when they bring you the bottle.

The waiter presents the bottle to the person who ordered it

The waiter uncorks the bottle in order to serve it

The waiter hands the cork to the person who ordered the bottle

The waiter pours a small portion of the wine (barely a splash) and waits for the person who ordered it to taste it

The waiter then pours glasses for everyone else at the table, and then returns to fill up the initial taster's glass

Now, you might be thinking -- that's all pretty obvious, right? They're bringing you what you ordered, making sure you liked it, and then pouring it for the group. Wrong. It's actually a little bit more complicated than that.

The waiter presents the bottle to the person who ordered it so that they can inspect the label and vintage and make sure it's the bottle they actually ordered off the menu

The waiter uncorks the bottle so that the table can see it was unopened before this moment (i.e., not another wine they poured into an empty bottle) and well-sealed

The waiter hands the cork to the person who ordered the bottle so that they can inspect the label on the cork and determine if it matches up; they can also smell/feel the cork to see if there is any dergradation or mold that might impact the wine itself

The waiter pours a small portion for the person who ordered to taste NOT to see if they liked it -- that's a common misconception. Yes, sometimes when house wine is served by the glass, waiters will pour a portion for people to taste and agree to. But when you order a bottle, the taste isn't for approval -- you've already bought the bottle at this point! You don't get to refuse it if you don't like it. Rather, the tasting is to determine if the wine is "corked", a term that refers to when a wine is contaminated by TCA, a chemical compound that causes a specific taste/flavor. TCA can be caused by mold in corks, and is one of the only reasons you can (generally) refuse a bottle of wine you have already purchased. Most people can taste or smell TCA if they are trained for it; other people might drink the wine for a few minutes before noticing a damp, basement-like smell on the aftertaste. Once you've tasted it, you'll remember it. That first sip is your opportunity to take one for the table and save them from a possibly corked bottle of wine, which is absolutely no fun.

If you've sipped the wine (I generally smell it, I've found it's easier to smell than taste) and determined that it is safe, you then nod to your waiter. The waiter will then pour glasses for everyone else at the table. If the wine is corked, you would refuse the bottle and ask the waiter for a new bottle. If there is no new bottle, you'll either get a refund or they'll ask you to choose another option on their wine list. A good restaurant will understand that corked bottles happen randomly, and will leap at the opportunity to replace it; a bad restaurant or a restaurant with poor training will sometimes try to argue with you about whether or not it's corked. Again, it can be a subtle, subjective taste, so proceed carefully.

In restaurants, this process can happen very quickly! It's elegant and practiced. The waiter will generally uncork the bottle without setting the bottle down or bracing it against themselves. They will remove the cork without breaking it, and they will pour the wine without dripping it down the label or on the table.

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

I love picking up my cat and then setting her back down in the exact same spot except I've rotated her 90° on the z axis

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

I think the fattest wild pigeon in a given city should be venerated as a sort of civic deity.

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

most basic treatments for sickness involve some form of salt water (drinking electrolytes, gargling with warm salt water, epsom salt baths) as a way of microdosing going to the seaside

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

please stop writing "viscous" when you mean "vicious", it produces the weirdest mental images ever

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

Ten years later and your face still lights up when you see me coming towards you down the grocery store aisle.

[the-ineffable-dumbasses]

I mean