the-inner-alfi - Tumblr blog

the-inner-alfi · 3 years ago

Text

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧Project 3:Genre Mock-Up ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

So this is a comic script rough draft: Characters: - MC who struggles with trauma - Their Trauma personified - Friend/Roommate - Mother Main plot: Mc has gone through a traumatic event in their life, having to come to terms with the effects it has on themselves and the world around them. The reader gets to view the effects through a third person lense and can also see the healing process as well as the opposing theme LOOSE Script: Epilogue: [Start with black screen] -Monologue while sharing the details of that trauma-inducing night -Share the origins of the trauma's "birth" - introduce trauma - explain the current setting Episode 1: - we get an introduction to the main character's life and their daily struggle when all of a sudden their roommate comes in to have a heart-to-heart that falls upon deaf ears as their trauma bickers back point Episode 2: -Some friends come to visit and once again try to get MC to cheer up and open up about what caused them to be like this. We get a moment of realization as MC realizes what they really have lost. Flashback, to memories of childhood - leading up to the show about mother Episode 3: - Mother comes to visit, worried that her daughter has become disconnected. She reminisces about her youth; for the first time, it all becomes too much to bear. MC has a mental breakdown, starting a message of realization that they need help Episode 4: - Mother and Mc have a quiet moment, where Mother tries to sway MC's ideas of therapy, resaying Trauma's main points against the idea. They agree. MC gets a push - a cry for help - before speaking up for themselves - trauma is stunned. MC explains their emotions and the mother finally agrees. - takes MC to their first session Episode 5: - explaining the purpose of treatment and how it's affected MC''S daily life, shows trauma is not fully gone but more compliant than before. Not happily ever after but a start in the happy direction. Sources Cited: https://docs.google.com/document/d/132pR60VXkZwVehf7Mbof_TfTpiDlQ6HTHtNO1nJXges/edit?usp=sharing

WHAT DO THE HIGHLIGHTS MEAN: Because this is a comic, many of the quotes I will be using from my sources will be put into the actual dialogue or the explanatory text in the comics to help give more of an authentic feel to the overall text. CITATIONS: "causes of childhood trauma can originate from a variety of sources. These sources can be classified as "Type 1" which are single events usually marked by intense surprise and/or "Type 2" Which are considered complex or repetitive and marked by prolonged and appalling anticipation (Armsworth and Holaday, 1993; Terr 1991)" (Kramer, pg. 6) Chpt. 4 "students who have experienced trauma may be consumed with intense worry about the well-being of loved ones especially if they're uncertain of their family's whereabouts (Pynoos, Steinberg,& Piacentini, 1999) " (Kramer,8) EP.1? - EP.4 "These long-term reactions can include feelings of helplessness, fear and anxiety, existential insecurity, rage, sorrow, and grief, intrusive images, self-reproach or guilt, and a change in values (Dyregrov, and Mitchell,1992) " (Kramer, 12) EP.4 "Coping mechanisms are strategies used by people who are managing painful or difficult emotions caused by stress or trauma" (Kramer,15) EP. 2 ""Coping is defined as the cognitive and behavioral efforts made to master, tolerate, or reduce external and internal demands and conflicts among"(Folkman & Lazarus,1980)" (Kramer, 15) EP.2 "People will begin to disengage or avoid stressful interactions as a way of dealing with their discomfort (Ayers, Sandier, West,& Roosa,1996; E. A. Skinner et al.,2003)" (Kramer, 18) EP.3 " "Helplessness can be another way of coping, examples of this coping method include inaction or passivity and lends itself to giving up or relinquishing any control over the situation (E.A, Skinner et al,2003)" (Krammer, 18) EP.3 "Social withdrawal involves the art of avoiding other people and preventing others from knowing about stressful situations, particularly in regards to the emotional impact of this particular situations (E. A. Skinner et al., 2003; Tobin et al, 1989) "(Kramer, 19) EP.3 "Opposition includes such factors like aggression, anger, venting, and blaming of others for the situation (E.A.Skinner et al., 2003)" (Kramer, 19) EP.2

"standards have been made and implemented in what is known as trauma-informed care." (Taylor, 19) EP. 5 "Trauma-informed care and services involves " understanding, anticipating, and responding to the issues, expectations, and special needs that a person who has been victimized may have in a particular setting or service at a minimum, trauma informed services should endeavor to do no harm - to avoid retraumatizing survivors or blaming them for their efforts to manage their traumatic reactions" (According to Bath, 2008)"(Taylor,20) EP. 2 ""Understanding, anticipating, and responding to the issues, expectations, and special needs that a person who has been victimized may have in a particular setting or service. At a minimum, trauma-informed services should endeavor to do no harm -- to avoid retraumatizing survivors or blaming them for their efforts to manage their traumatic reaction (According to Bath (2008). 19) " (Taylor, 20) Ep. 2 "Exposure to traumatic events is becoming a collective experience for children and adolescents (Holmes et al., 2015)" (Thompson, 3) EP. 3 " Long-term exposure to traumatic events has been shown to have damaging effects on a child's brain (Cook-Cottone,2004)" (Thompson, 3) Ep. 4 " A child's exposure to trauma can also impact how they perceive themselves. A child with adversity can view themselves in a negative light that limits them and does not allow them to see the positivity (Ramburuth & Härtel, 2010) " (Thompson, 4) EP. 4 "Since traumatic events are happening more frequently, early identification and interventions are imperative, primarily when trauma occurs during critical developmental periods (Holmes et al., 2015)" (Thompson, 3) EP. 5 ================================================ PROLOGUE: [Start at black screen] "I Don't remember when it started feeling this heavy" [ Insert scene one: at a party ] - people dancing - drinks on the table. - music drowns out and an ominous door shows up and the edges around the image turn black. "I just know, that my body hurt. It was so hot, too hot, my skin felt like it was wax melting.," [Scene progresses to a hand against an arm- tight grip] "there's a force that makes me feel like I'm drowning" "And then nothing" --- [ Insert scene: alarm clock ] "I only know one thing for sure, this THING showed up the next day" "it follows me" [Bathroom eye contact] "everywhere.." [Walking into the kitchen] "I never know what it wants, sometimes all it does is sit there quietly" ['you want some?'] -- "Mornings like this make me forget that -" ['Trauma void'] "I hate when it talks" ============================ EPISODE 2: ROOMMATES: "[ ], I brought food" [Roommate enters, the house seems empty] [still shot of cup on coffee table] [knocks onto the door] "[---]?" [She opens the door and sees {mc] on the floor] "hey" "hey"

"did you eat?" "ill eat later" 'the food will only make you bigger than you are ' [ Silent still shot of the two of them] ".. you've gotten quieter" "Maybe I was always this way" 'no you weren't, you've changed " stop that" "stop what" ' she's judging us ' " Stop acting like you don't have a problem!!" [Trauma and [ ] grow silent as they both look at their angered roommate] [Roommate sighs before reaching to gently grab [. ] 's hand] "im worried about you [---]" 'she's not worried, who would care for someone like you "Why, nothing wrong" "don't say nothing wrong- you need to really think [----]; you know there's something - up with you" "Im. Fine" 'you're fine you're fine you're fine you're fine" [distress clearly on their face as raised up anxiety is beginning to affect them] " you're not - look I don't know what's up for sure - but - looking for some healthcare person who can just- listen to you-" "do you think I'm crazy?" ' crazy crazy crazy' "no! god- no! look healthcare people are specialized to help you - they can understand what's happening - whatever that is - they can help YOU understand what's wrong-" "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME" [Trauma grips onto MC] [Roommate stares silently noting that they seem more distant]. "okay." "Trauma-informed care and services involves " understanding, anticipating, and responding to the issues, expectations, and special needs that a person who has been victimized may have in a particular setting or service at a minimum, trauma informed services should endeavor to do no harm - to avoid retraumatizing survivors or blaming them for their efforts to manage their traumatic reactions" (According to Bath, 2008)"(Taylor,20) EP. 2 ""Understanding, anticipating, and responding to the issues, expectations, and special needs that a person who has been victimized may have in a particular setting or service. At a minimum, trauma-informed services should endeavor to do no harm -- to avoid retraumatizing survivors or blaming them for their efforts to manage their traumatic reaction (According to Bath (2008). 19) " (Taylor, 20) Ep. 2 ==================== EPISODE: 2: HAPPY BIRTHDAY: "[. ]!! open up!!" [Mc. who has been on the couch looking slightly disheveled looks away from the TV and walks to the front door with the blanket - the trauma hiding under it] [Door opens] [Several friends stand outside all holding various birthday items - all with bright smiles] [MC Looks back in silent shock] [ still shot of the sky as a speech bubble of "happy birthday"] -- [show the pop of champagne as everyone sits around the coffee table] "you all didn't have to come..." "nonsense! Why wouldn't we come to keep company to our dear friend?" "Why do you always sound so posh-" "ANYWAY- how do you feel? How's your birthday so far? " "It's, okay.." "just okay? big 21? and it's just okay?" "It's an age" [They all continue talking and having a good time taking a sip of their own drinks] [MC feels unnerved noticing their eyes- are their eyes on her, She feels trauma whispering into her head, she doesn't want to be there. she's crowding into herself] "[. ]? are you alright?" "huh?" "you seem... out of it?" "oh, yeah i'm fine" ' you are fine' "you sure? you don't look well" "have some cake" [Mc looks uncomfortably at the cake] 'you're fine' "i know" 'there's nothing wrong with you' "you're attention seeking' "i don't want to be here" [shows everyone having fun] 'why? you like parties, you've always liked parties' "I just don't anymore" 'what the hell the matter with you, you should be happy ' . 'yeah, why am I not happy.' 'why do I feel so, far away '

"Coping mechanisms are strategies used by people who are managing painful or difficult emotions caused by stress or trauma" (Kramer,15) EP. 2

""Coping is defined as the cognitive and behavioral efforts made to master, tolerate, or reduce external and internal demands and conflicts among"(Folkman & Lazarus,1980)" (Kramer, 15) EP.2 ============================= EP: 3: HOMELAND [I've been thinking about my situation. trying to think about wether or not I should be afraid for myself]

[it doesn't help that - that thing has been more persistent than usual. Like it knows me better than I know myself... Like a certain someone, I know] "Mami?" "I brought food!!!" [a short woman with a perfectly pressed dress and blouse holding up multiple bags. Her smile is evident] ============ [the small woman walks around judging everything, her child and trauma following suit] "you live like this" "Mami- it's been a busy week-" "busy doing what? I raised 5 children and I lived cleaner than this when I was your age-" "Mami, times are different now" [scene change, showing a disgruntled face of the mom] " the only thing that's changed is this generation, always just blaming anyone and everyone and just never getting things done" [ fade into the mc, the mc seems distracted and distant as their trauma repeats and warps their mothers' words] [Mom turns around] "[. . .]?-" [she gasps lightly as she sees the trauma. Her eyes fixed on it, in her own fear she grabs her daughter's hand] "Come, let's do your laundry" == [Folding laundry] [mother glanced at her as she folds, noticing they look tired and drained] She sighs "

"People will begin to disengage or avoid stressful interactions as a way of dealing with their discomfort (Ayers, Sandier, West,& Roosa,1996; E. A. Skinner et al.,2003)" (Kramer, 18) EP.3

" "Helplessness can be another way of coping, examples of this coping method include inaction or passivity and lends itself to giving up or relinquishing any control over the situation (E.A, Skinner et al,2003)" (Krammer, 18) EP.3

0 notes

the-inner-alfi · 3 years ago

Text

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧Who I am(?) ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[Loss of Empathy] Language holds much more prominence when it comes to Identity than we give it credit for. Within every culture and every person - Language is an integral part of every person. For me, this grew even more during the pandemic when language began being more prevalent because of the way we used said language.

In the middle of the pandemic, when everyone was seemingly deprived of all forms of stimulating news - people grew more opinionated. This became a good and bad thing altogether. People grew to speak out more about the things that were affecting them, their communities, their homes - their people under the guise that it was better to speak out rather than to die without any change. This was the youth's perspective, but as they spoke out, the other side of the spectrum figured out that just as people were speaking, the same number of people were listening. Racist comments began circulating on social media, online forums, and even the news - creating a diverse echo chamber no one could escape. This is where people lost their crucial sense of empathy - forgetting how language affects everyone and how language can create and form a person from nothing. Perhaps you are wondering how language holds power in the multiple aspects of identity?

[The First Listen] For most of our life, half of our personality is shifted based on how the people in our lives view us and how we want them to view us, and as much as we don’t want our language skills to affect the views others have on us, they do. Amy Tan is a Chinese American woman whose work ranges from her experiences as an Asian American. Her work has been revered all across the board as emotionally rigorous because of its effects on its readers. One of these stories written by Amy Tan is her text called “Mother Tongue” where she states; “She said they would not give her any more information until the next time and she would have to make another appointment for that. So she said she would not leave until the doctor called her daughter. She wouldn't budge. And when the doctor finally called her daughter, me, who spoke in perfect English -- lo and behold -- we had assurances the CAT scan would be found, promises that a conference call on Monday would be held, and apologies for any suffering my mother had gone through for a most regrettable mistake. "(Tan, 1990, p. 2). This is a perfect example of how language creates first-level expectations from those around us. A simple interaction such as asking for your medical records can be difficult because of language judgment. Language presentation alone can make or break your impression of someone.

[Preferences Within Voice] Language forms more of our identity than just how we view others in a specific way; it also forms internal biases. Whether you realize it or not we all have preferences for accents and forms of communication. I have always felt at home listening to a type of speech with the sense of familial tones (usually found in homes of people of color. It’s a specific tone, if you know it then you know it). This bias is severely unnoticed. An excerpt from Melissa Hogenboom’s “What Does Your Accent Say About You?” supports this claim, which is similar to her main body's work where she talks about the outside forces that affect children and adults alike. As a scientific journalist, her article holds academic validity and goes into depth about how language and accents affect individuals. She states. “There is evidence to show that affinity for language even starts before birth. We know for instance that babies prefer the language they heard most while in the womb”(Hogenboom,2018,p. 5). This correlates with Tan’s work because of their correlations to an individual. Our experiences although separate all intertwine, Would Tan think differently of her mother's tongue if she had been accustomed to a prior sound of language; just as so many others had been subconsciously rendered to prefer the western model of voice?

[Passing Down The Roots] Part of being an individual is the cultures and traditions we carry and language has a huge role in sharing those cultures and traditions as a whole. Children of Immigrants have this understanding of how crucial language is when it comes to cultures and traditions; we first generations depend on language to tether us to our roots. We are not born in our motherland, we are devalued because of this and the only semblance of a connection we have to our ancestors can only be passed down if we are spoken to. Language is the key that unlocks that connection for us, This is explained in Michelle Chongmi Zauner’s book. Michelle Zauner is a singer, songwriter, and recent author; a lot of her music as well as her book talk about the feeling of being distant from her family and even herself when it comes to identity. In Zauner’s book called “Crying in H-Mart” A specific quote can be found that can echo the sentiment shared by many Asian American children. “Am I even Korean anymore if there’s no one left in my life to call and ask which brand of seaweed we used to buy?”(Zauner (2018). Pg.1). When we no longer have those who communicate with us, it can mean a whole new world. A world that destroys our self-identity because we don’t have anything that connects us; when language is taken out of the equation - we are often left with nothing else.

[The Final Bow] When I was younger. I lived in a neighborhood with a lot of other Bengali people. I grew up with tons of children around my age and over the years I forgot and relearned my first language - Bangla. I remember once, my mother asked me. ‘Alfi, why do you still try to still learn Bangla? All your friends focused on English” she said as she could not understand why I was trying so hard to keep a language that I could never speak while in school or was not favored in my country. I, of course, was a kid so all I responded with was “because I want to”. But years down the road I realized why. I was only connected to my Bengali blood, my Bengali blood came from the people who came before me. I think of my grandma, who can’t speak much English, and all that she has taught me, and how all of that would have been lost if I had never learned Bangla. A lot of my identity comes from the things I have learned from my family; I could not imagine a life without this part of me. Language influenced my identity more than anything, Language influences all of us deeper than we believe.

ALL IMAGES USED ARE MADE BY ME IN PICSART MOBILE APP !!

0 notes

the-inner-alfi · 3 years ago

Text

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧The Story Of Us ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Mental illness is genetic. I think of that often when I think back on my childhood, when I think of my mother as well, how so many things in our life overlap so neatly, I never know where. As a child, I spent my time with mental illnesses - living in my own world the best I could. Coming up with the most elaborate story in my mind is a way to pass the time. I remember spending time in my cousin's bedroom; She had been off to University and left her room a lifeless husk. I would prop open the window with a book since the sill of the window was far too worn down to support it. I was in California, where the weather had a knack for being crazy humid in the fall time; with every breeze, you would get the smell of heat and dusk altogether. It was nice. I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it as the wind would carry the white, sheer curtains. How they(the curtains) would whisk in front of me, I was convinced that they looked like the garments of an ethereal goddess. My imagination ran like that, over and over; a never-ending story. It is hard to remember what another idea for writing down my elaborate story was. I imagine it came as a flood; The little energetic me, feeling flushed in the face with an irresistible urge to write madly, And madly I did write. I would scrabble for whatever loose paper was in my uncle's office. I neatly laid down my pieces in a fan shape; To see my progress in a visually- pleasing way. Then I just grabbed a ballpoint pen and simply - wrote. I wrote till I could no longer write.

My mother watched me write a lot. This was during the years when I noticed she stayed in bed quite a lot more; She cried a lot more and seemed to smile less. I remember one instance she walked from the kitchen to the living area and simply sat beside me as I wrote. Her hand reached up gently to brush out the tangles in my long thick hair.

“Did you know? your Nanah (maternal grandpa) was a journalist?"

I raised my head; Her conversation starter intrigued me; as she spoke about her late father with tears in her eyes. At times like these, I would always burrow up to her chest. Both to comfort her and to listen to her heart. Her heartbeat was like a silent reminder to me that she was there. As I closed my eyes and pressed up against her chest, I listened to her speak. I heard her talk about how they grew up with barely enough to support seven people. She told me that her family was never well off. They often could not afford luxuries; each member had to make sacrifices, to care for one another. The only thing stable and solid in their life is the silent understanding that education was a way out of the hole that poverty had put the family through. Every child has a thing that they excel at. My Mothers siblings all had their own. My mother’s talent has been and always will be Writing. She writes when she is in the depths of her mind or when she wants to convey her emotions. She told me firmly that "the knowledge and ability to read and write - was a gift that needed to be appreciated". The people of Asia are poetic and educated. They are people who bore their heart and soul into their work, my mother had a soft spot for them. Which helped her have a soft spot for me. She saw the same poetic and heartfelt creativity in me that she recognized in herself. She pulled me from the warmth of her chest, shifting me into the grasp of her arms, her head pressing against my cheek in a desperate embrace.

“Alfi. People will take everything from you. They can take your money, your home, and the people you love. But the one thing they cannot take is your knowledge. Write, read, learn. That is how you become someone.”

Nowadays, I write infrequently. I no longer feel the insatiable need to hide away within the depths of my mind. No longer do I look at my mental illnesses and feel afraid, instead, I get the feeling of welcoming in close friends. No longer do I use my writing as a way to drown out the cries of my inner mind, but now my skills are used to delicately frame a conversation between my mind and my heart. I find calm beauty in it, no longer being fearful of myself and using my imagination as an escape. In the present day, I write more poetry than fantasy, I explore the depths of my own understanding of concepts through adjectives and metaphors.

Even as my writing changes and the years go by, my mother continues to preach that knowledge is something we cannot be stripped of. And she is correct, her preaching comes from a place of vulnerability. A place of knowing the cruelty of the world ahead of us,

It is there I make my silent promise. And a quiet homage to the story of us.

Credit for images: 1): Edited by me in PicsArt https://picsart.com/create 2): "Window at Sunset" by arbyreed is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0. 3): "Read, Write at Coco Momo" by TonyHall is licensed under CC BY 2.0. 4): "Hard-working hands rest as farmers learn in Bangladesh" by CIMMYT is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0. 5): Edited by me in PicsArt https://picsart.com/create

0 notes