the-lost-and-unhappy

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

Further

Further

And further you drift.

Drifting

Into the dark ocean.

Waves crashing against the rocks that are grounded.

Slowly drifting further

And further

Into the open water you go.

It’s calm, relaxing, you feel safe

Because it is calm

Until it’s not anymore.

You feel the wind hitting the back of your head

You look around and see the ripples that the raindrops formed

Until it’s not just drops of rain but an ocean storm. You try swimming back to land

But you’re already to far out

You can’t make it back and you know it.

So what’s the point?

You stop

You float

You think

This is it,

Then you let it consume you

And you realize you are your own storm and there no escaping from the hell inside of

You.

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

I fucking can’t take it anymore. Constant reminders of how I’m failing at life, how unsuccessful I am, and how I can’t do things. I honestly want to fucking end it. I just don’t have any emotions anymore and I can’t feel things. It’s like I shut it off. I don’t feel like I should be here but then I think about all that I want for my future and I stop and think.. will I be able to achieve that? Do I have what it takes to survive to reach that? I have not a fucking clue. I feel like I wont be able to reach that but I want it more than anything. I wanna prove the people who doubted me and said I couldn’t or shouldn’t and I wanna fucking slap them in the face with my achievements, but I have yet to figure out still if I have what it takes to survive, and honestly I feel like I don’t. And the main reason why I’m staying her is because I wanna probe people wrong but it’s so hard to try and keep pushing to achieve it, and I’m struggling.

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

No matter how happy I am or how good my mood is I always have this empty feeling deep in my heart that doesn’t go away.

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

“What if after all this fighting it turns out this world isn’t for me? What if i don’t belong here?”

_

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

End game;)

Sometimes I guess you just have to accept shit and move THE FUCK on. To much time has passed of me loosing my breath over you, in hopes of reconnecting, but I’m done wasting my time over some uncaring, unapologetic, using ass little hoe who couldn’t seem to see how much I actually loved him. I fucking carED about you with all my heart and slowly but surely things that people said to me started to make sence and now I see you as the dick that you are and I don’t give two flying fucks about you because you’ve broken my heart for the last fucking time and if you think for a second that anything will happen again you are sooo fucking wrong cause anything we had going is done, cause I’m so fucking done with you always being one of the main things on my mind. I’ve come to the realization that I’m so much “happier” without you. Now that I’ve accepted (for the most part) that there’s never gonna be an us of any sorts again I like could finally fuckinggg move on. It’s been like 8 months now since you ended things with me and it was hell what I went through, but I can say now that IM OVER YOU. You where my first love and I hope to fucking god that my next won’t be as shitty as you:)

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

I don’t know what it is but somethings changed in me. It feels like I lost part of my emotions and I’ve turned them off. I’ve just been accepting things for how they are and well so be it. There’s a creepy side that’s coming forth I feel, yet in a weird way it’s comforting. I’ve began to appreciate the things other can’t see or hear

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

There is a reason why I keep it all inside

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

Addiction.

Cigarettes make you calm.

Alcohol makes you forget.

Drugs make you happy.

Starving makes you proud.

Sex makes you feel loved.

Self-harm makes you numb.

Sleep makes you stop feeling.

We’re all addicted to something that takes the pain away.

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

I want to go off on you so badly. You make me feel so much like shit. You’re one of the major reason why I’m so fucking sad. But here’s the thing, you ask me what I’m mad about but o can’t say you without having to go into depth about everything and how I feel, id rather be sad than have to loose you again. You make me so fucking made you just use me and walk all over me and I fucking hate you, and I let you because things like that make you happy and I want you to be happy. I’ve been fucking trying so hard not to just snap at you because I feel like once I open my mouth and say what I have to say things won’t be the same and I’d rather keep all the anger inside of me than to lose you and make you feel bad.

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

I just feel like everyone leaves me at some point. We where so close and you/they just left me like that. I just feel so unwanted and unimportant cause 1. You either moved on fast or 2. Y’all just left and didn’t seem to look back

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

sometimes it hits me out of nowhere, all of a sudden, this overwhelming sadness rushes over me and I get discouraged, upset, suicidal and feel hopeless.

[the-lost-and-unhappy]

[the-lost-and-unhappy]