the-real-overwatch-lore - Tumblr blog

[the-real-overwatch-lore]

The Power Of Belief

The only lore is the lore that you have in your heart. If there is no lore, then you are the lore.

Be the lore you want to be.

[the-real-overwatch-lore]

there is no title

D.Va is a fake gamr gril

OOOOOOOOO FUICK I’m BACK ON MY BULSLHIT AGIAN

She’s a member of the KKK

She wore white onec so she’s a KKK clan, the Ku Klux Klan Klan if you will

I AM FREE

memebr.

Dva has a confederate flag tramp stamp. She got it after a night out drinking with zenyatta. He got a swastika, which is why he wears the weird belt-sash-thing.

I’m not sure if it’s weirder if brigette and rein are banging or if they’re not

TORBJORN IS HERE WE MUST STOP HIM BEFORE HE BECOMES TOO POWERFUL

WHERE IS DOOMFIST WE NEED HIM NOW, ONLY HE CAN STOP THE POWER OF GOD

JEFF

JE

J

RBJO

ORBJOR

TORBJON

JEFF=TORBJORN

JEFF IS TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD YOU ALL NEED TO REALIZE THIS++

TORBJORN

ALL HAIL ORB JORB

W HVAE TO STOP GEOFF

BEFORE IT ARE LATE

ALSO

SO

ASLO

D.va being a fake gamer girls of great streaming for showing the tits and ass, became the best startcraft stream in the land. She really sucks dick at games but her rabid following of cucks made her so well know as the best PRO GAMER the korean military falling into her fake gamer grill web soon made her the leader of the mechs. But shes turned out to be shit, now the military is murder all streamers that say otherwise to try and save face, until the propaganda office came up with the russian botnet michael chu, which through the power of slav shit and hacker power made all you sheep believe that it is the writer for overwatch BUT IT IS ALL LIES DO NOT BE FOOLED BUY GOLD BUY GOLD

BUY BITCOIN BUY BITCOIN SELL BITCOIN SELL BITCOIN ITS CRASHING OH GOD MY MORTGAGE HELP

Zarya made the gloglogabgoblosasdfkjnidvcb man. The gobgogobaglab was a russian Omnic that had flesh and got in a house and really liked books. Because it was russian and Zarya is russian that means she made it.

NO BUY OMINCCOIN ITS DEFINITELY NOT A SCAN

Donald Glover is hero #503, his ult will just uninstall the game and pirate his entire discography

ULTRA INSTINCT IS A GIRL WITH A DICK

No fuck you instinct is the worst skill

And then we watched shitposting the end

Gerard and reyes were lesbian lovers which is why widowmaker joined talon for the reverse-dead-husband-cuck fetishists out there

So how is omnic babby formed?

Simple really, ordinary birth.

Well that’s done.

Can human fuck the ombrik?

Ord can only the omdick fuk the hummus?

Lrn 2 sple

Nej

Vore-based ult when

Zarya’s ult is a Vore ult cuz it sucks

O shit

Ur riech

Hitler as a servant went I NEED GENDERSWAPPED LOLI HITLER EVERYONE KNOWS SHE’S THE CUTEST BEST WAIFU SHE KILLED THE JEWS BECAUSE SHE WANTED YOU TO NOTICE HER

\\

NO FUCK YOU MUSSOLINE BEST WAIFU

So would Hitler be flat or have massive tits? Like this is what keeps the smart people up at

night Stephen Hawking’s last thoughts were about This very thing

No, have you seen that motherfucker’s paintings? Landscapes are FLAT. moe hitler would be flat as a goddamn board

FLAT HITLER IS THE ONE TRUE HITLER

Stalin is thicc as FUCK tho

Tru faks

Eisenhower the true tsundere tho. “It’s not like I want to be elected president or anything, b-b-baaaaka”

Trump is gonna build a wall to keep the omnics out

You real talk tho did trump exist in overwatch? Rhetorical question

Trump founded underwatch but then it got impeached :(

WAIT

NO

MATTIS IS SOLDERI 76

IT ALL MAKE SENSE

THOT DETECTED THOT DETECTED THOT DETECTED THOT DETECTED STAY WOKE STAY WOKE STAY WOKE THOT DETECTED

[the-real-overwatch-lore]

New character lore expansion

U FAKS

EVERYONE IS DEAD TO ME

Pissbeam is the irish pwoer, she inherited it from the IRA Omnics.

She is Torbjorn’s daughter, as a result of his affiar with Brian Keenan.

The Omnics wiped out the IRA in the war, and thus she wants to kill all the omnics. She’s also not Irish, but instead a Newfie.

Moira is Emily’s mother, but gave her up for adoption at birth because she was committed to her career as a genocidal maniac (definitely not a neo-nazi)

Mercy and Moira went to the same medical school, and were best friends until Mercy went all supervillian on her and used her blonde to make Moria’s reputation go down the toilet. Also she like, wanted to cure cancer but Mercy was like “no that does suffering so we must keep it.” So then Moria got all upset and joined Blackwatch and made Reaper all neat and shadowy and also made McCree’s dick larger. Genji just sat in the corner and cried about honor the entire time cause he’s a bitch.

She injected a anime into each arm to make her more powerful that you can possibly imagine.

But darth vader didn’t kill.

This also made her run like a fuckin weeb.

Like holy fuck what a fucken weeb

Get out ur traash

She had a short fling with Danny DeVito, who in the Overwatch world became a pro wrestler.

He was also 80 when she dated him.

She keeps her fingernails long to cover up the fact that she doesn't know how to use a keyboard

She’s secretly getting lesson from Sombra during her time in the EVIL organization.

Doomfist did nothing wrong

But sombra only types mexican so she can’t log into her library account. This makes her very upset.

SHE JUST WANTS TO READ

She doesn’t know how to read.

SHE JUST WANTS TO CHECK OUT AUDIOBOOKS

In the overwatch world iliteracy is at an all time high, meaning that 90% of the cast can’t read or write. The only ones that can are Junkrat because he’s a brilliant scientist seriously do you see those fucking bombs he made those out of garbage, and Hanzo who learned to write and read one thing “dishonor” and “family. Also Torbjorn can read because he killed the judeo-christian god with his dick and took his place.

During med school (nerd) Mercy called her “O’Deoderant”

This was because Mercy wanted her boyfriend at the time, Mako boy (roadhog) (he aged poorly in his mid life crisis) (really let himself go), and then Mercy and boi got together and Mercy got pregnant. Their child was a trash panda named Junkrat.

O’moria or whatever the fuck she is then got really pissy and modified the trash panda into a human.

Blizzard doesn’t know how to make a game btw

Fixed it 4 u

k  thxx babe

Np boo <3

BENIS

I did it mom

You did great honey

Reee

So Genji did eventually get a (cyber)dick, but he never wanted to use it cause he’s a bitch. He also killed tracer a few times because she annoyed him, but Moria brought her back. Mercy then stole that technology and that is what became the worst video game mechanic 2k123

ENHANCE (expand) DONG - McCReeeee 2k38

Moira invented everything Mercy ever had, but she was blonde and was better at sex so she was able to steal everything. Mercy also stole the expandong and used it on winston to satisfy her donkey kong fetish. The only person immune to her wiles was Torbjorn because he is a god. Also he’s her father and that would just be weird like jeez

Mercy = Edison, Moira = Tesla, Torb = Elon Musk who traveled to the future to destroy the world because nobody bothght teslas

Seriosuly tho fuck edison

Dude killed elephants

Like y

Y would u do that

I kill elephants

WITH MY DICK

They worht like 3.50

Genji is actually Jeff’s self-insert OC

So she like joined blackwatch because she hated Mercy enough, and everyone else there was like “yo fuck that blonde bimbo ye”

I mean I’d fuck that blonde bimbo, ye…

Gabe (Newell) thought they were talking about Morrison, though.

Gabe Newell = Torb, Torb = Half-Life 3, OVERWATCH IS HALF LIUF $

OH SHIT

THE TRUTH CAN NEVER ESCAPE

*teleports behind you*

“Nothing personnel, kid”

Don’t buy lootboxes plz

They don’t even drop in front of the entire lobby like what trash

So then Moira pushed to regulate lootboxes but Mercy Jeff stopped her and removed her from the game.

Mercy was using them to fund her crippling plastic surgery habits

Bitch you thought that was nanomachines?

Her tits had more plastic than a barbie doll

Did you know Mercy is addicted to all drug? Yeah, like future heroin. It’s like modern heroin but it has future in it.

Her healing beams are actually liquid weed, a whole 3 marijuanas

Mercy’s healing beams are liquid meth, much better for you

No that’s her damage boost meth = violence violence = more damage

Do meth kids - teeth are fior bitches

Healing = heroin?

havE YOU EVER HAELD A WOUND WITHOUT SMOKING CRTACK I THOUGHT NOT

Doomfist saw her power at stopping Torbjorn and recruited her into the one evil organization, the only one. (greenpeace) (Talon is greenpeace in the future I mean look at them, they’re green)(the whales all died, they had to find something to do with their time)(overatch the game exited in the overwatch timeline, but Jeff died because there were no whales to feed him)

RIP JEFFERY 2998-2017 (Jeff was the last of Torbjorn’s lineage)

PREPARE FOR DEFFERY

Watch out for geoffrey

Oh, there goes gravity

Mom’s spaghetti

Omnics get out

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[the-real-overwatch-lore]

Doomfist is his second name

So Doomfist didn’t steal the gauntlet for anything really important, not like starting another war or something. He stole the gauntlet because he needed to rip his dick off. Because he came from a different timeline, one where Torb doesn’t fuck, he knows that if he fucks, he will become a Torb. So now he cannot fuck, and thus stands a chance against the Torb menace.

Or it was a horrific masturbatory accident. 

[the-real-overwatch-lore]

Torb

Junkrat and Genji are related, they came from different mothers, but both come from Torb because he fucks. Hanzo isn’t related, except by Torb. Torb is his father too.

Sombra and Bastion are sisters because they are. The proof is right there. Also Torb is both their mother and the father, because Torb fucks.

Reinheardts dad is Torb too. Even though he’s older, Torb’s fucks transcend time. He is is his own father. In fact, the entire timeline relies on Torb fuck. Without Torb, then no one exists.

Doomfist is the only one who isn’t from Torb who fucks. Doomfist comes from a different timeline, and is trying to destroy this timeline to save all timelines, because the fucks is too strong. Torb will eventually fuck the universe itself - and everything will be Torb. Torb will be Torb.

All because one midget couldn’t stop fucking. 

[the-real-overwatch-lore]

Lucio went deaf.

[the-real-overwatch-lore]

leaked official comic

[the-real-overwatch-lore]

McCree X Sombra OTP

McBra Sombree Soree (not soree) Somree Mbra