the-rustic-autistic-blog

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

Something they don’t tell you when you become chronically ill is all the guilt.

I feel guilty because people have to take care of me sometimes.

I feel guilty that they have to deal with listening to me complain about my latest hospital visit.

I feel guilty that I have to cancel plans.

I feel guilty that I cost so much money.

I feel guilty that I can’t always make it to class, or I leave early, or I can barely pay attention.

I feel guilty when my profs let it slide and I end up passing when I know I didn’t do nearly enough.

I feel guilty that I haven’t been able to get a job.

I feel guilty that, because I don’t have a job, my boyfriend and friends often pay for me when we go out.

Being chronically ill doesn’t just mean feeling like shit physically. It’s feeling like shit emotionally because it drags other people into your shit.

I dunno, maybe I’m being overly dramatic because I haven’t been able to get myself to eat today

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

The only good thing to come from #LightitupBlue is now I know who I need to remove from my social media. I've been up for nearly an hour and have already unfriended 4 people who shared something from A$.

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

The only thing more powerful than a hyper focus is

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

OK THIS IS GOING TO BE AN ESSAY BUT CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT ALPHONSE ELRIC FOR A SECOND

Alphonse is such an overlooked character. People tend to focus more on Edward, as he is technically the protagonist, but they seem to forget the fact that Al is just as talented as Ed. They both equally worked out the formula for human transmutation, and their alchemical ability is more or less equal. Other characters go on about how Ed is a child prodigy and the youngest state alchemist, but it’s never mentioned that Al is even younger than Ed and is pretty much as intelligent as he is. Not to mention that he’s actually better than Ed in some areas, such as hand-to-hand combat.

But oh my god Alphonse has suffered so much. Ok all of the characters in FMA have had some kind of traumatic experience, but I’m talking about the physical side here. It’s easy to think “oh yeah he can’t eat or sleep or feel, that’s sad” but I want you to really imagine this in detail:

By doing some rough calculations (I won’t explain them here but if anyone asks then I will), I estimate that Alphonse regained his body four and a half years after losing it. Now you have to remember that he couldn’t sleep. He had to stay awake for that entire time. Have you ever had one of those nights where you can’t sleep at all and nobody is around and you feel so lonely and you don’t know what to do to pass the time and the night seems to go on forever? Yeah, Alphonse had that every night for approximately 1,644 nights. Assuming you sleep for half your life, think back to 9 years ago and imagine living from that point to this point. That’s a long time.I can’t even comprehend it; it must have felt like one long, endless, lonely day. And it’s shown several times that it clearly bothers him - it seems to be the one thing he hates the most.

And then there’s eating. Have you ever craved a food really badly even though you weren’t physically hungry? The kind of craving where you can’t think of anything else until you eat that food? Yep, Alphonse had that experience with all food. Ever badly wanted to cry just to let your emotions out? After all the emotional events Al has been through, he can’t even cry about it. And to top it all off he can’t feel anything, which is the thing i find hardest to comprehend.

But the line from that top picture is what makes me want to shout from the rooftops about how much I love Alphonse Elric. You have to think about what he’s been going through in the past few weeks or so - he kept on losing consciousness as his soul was pulled towards his body, he’d been taken over by Pride, trapped with him, and then had to fight him, and suddenly his armour body is transmuted away and he ends up at the gate.

And his body is right there in his reach. You can tell that he wants to transfer his soul back into it more than anything in the world. After four and a half years of no sleep, no food, no tears, no pain, no sensation whatsoever, he could finally become physically human again. But he chooses not to because of his friends and his family and the entire country. In the above screencap you can see that he’s crying. He may not be able to produce tears but the display of desperate emotion is obvious. He has to choose - take this opportunity to restore his body like he originally intended, or help out in the mess that the Elrics and everyone else got caught up in?

And of course he chooses to help, despite knowing that his time as a soul bonded to a suit of armour is running out and he could potentially die at any moment and he might not ever be able to get to the gate again and he might have to spend the rest of his life without experiencing any of the things I mentioned before. Because he blames himself and only himself for losing his body, and he would rather live a lifetime’s worth of what he went through in the last 4.5 years than risk anyone getting hurt in the final battle because of his emaciated body.

And what does he do as he’s leaving the gate to go and save the world? HE APOLOGISES TO HIS BODY. AS IF HIS PHYSICAL FORM WANTS HIS SOUL AS DESPERATELY AS HE WANTS HIS BODY BACK, DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT’S REALLY JUST TRUTH WHO LIVES AT THE GATE ANYWAY.

Why does he do all that? Because he’s fucking Alphonse Elric and he’s an amazing person, and one of the most underrated FMA characters ever. Don’t even get me started on his role in the final battle because this essay would turn into a novel.

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

Speaking as an autistic person, stimming is really really really really nice and comforting and comes just as naturally to me as breathing does, so when you tell me to stop stimming because it embarrasses you, it hurts me the same way it would burn your lungs if I told you to stop breathing.

Let your autistic kids stim. Let your autistic friends stim. Let people stim. Our overall health and well-being is more important than your small dose of embarrassment

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

Types of Dissociation

a handy guide by cmdonovann

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

How it feels to be autistic in April.

Some The Good Doctor gif edits from Breakdown.  Credit for the base gifs goes to @whitefluffyyeti. 

[Dr. Han as Autism Speaks– there is a blue Autism Speaks jigsaw puzzle piece overlaying his face: “Do you really think it’s a good idea to try and bully me?”]

[Shaun as an autistic person– he takes a deep breath and says, “I am a PERSON.” This is very difficult for him; he is advocating through a lot of emotion and frustration, so his tone is shaky.]

[Autism Speaks leans forward. “Do you realize that you’re proving my point?”]

[The autistic person gulps and stares as Autism Speaks goes on, “…That you’re acting immature?”]

[Autism Speaks keeps talking, “…showing that you don’t know how to communicate and you can’t control your emotions?”]

[The autistic person stands up and gestures downward at himself with both hands, his muscles tense and voice getting louder with frustration, “I am a PERSON!” He is doing his best to communicate in a ‘neurotypical-appropriate’ manner and still his tone is being policed despite doing everything ‘right’ by neurotypical standards.]

[Autism Speaks keeps ignoring what the autistic person is saying and says, “I’m gonna give you one last chance to SHUT UP SO I CAN KEEP ERASING YOU.”]

[The autistic person’s eyes are hard and angry as he shouts. He drops the neurotypical-appropriateness and advocates purely through emotion, words are secondary. His distress is evident. “I am a PERSON!”]

[The autistic person’s anguish accelerates towards a meltdown. His face is turning red, the veins in his throat stand out and his brow furrows as he makes jerky gestures to himself. He yells louder while pulling the ID card off his scrubs, “I am… I am a PERSON!”]

[Autism Speaks doesn’t budge, and only flexes his jaw muscles in uncaring annoyance as the shouting continues, “I AM A PERSON, AUTISM SPEAKS! WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!”]

[The autistic person’s face is twisted in rage and pain. His eyes are full of tears. He knows he has lost control and no longer cares. There is no mask anymore, he is feeling everything and expressing it in the way most natural to him. He bares his teeth and hollers at the top of his lungs, “I AM AN AUTISTIC PERSON! I AM SPEAKING! WHEN WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?!!”]

And that is how it feels to be autistic in April.

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

not to Discourse but I’m a cis man and my partner is an afab enby and if you call us a “straight couple” I will personally come to your house tie you to a chair and make you listen to a podcast about gender identity on endless repeat

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

PSA to our followers this Autism Acceptance Month:

Use Autism **Acceptance** Month (as opposed to Autism Awareness Month).

NO “light it up blue” or puzzle pieces. Google “Autism Speaks hate group” to learn more.

Use red or gold instead, which are colors supported by the autistic community.

Use identity-first language (most autistic people prefer “autistic” instead of “person with autism”), but don’t police the language of someone who prefers to be called a person with autism.

NO scare terms like “suffering with autism” or “afflicted with autism.”

Avoid functioning labels like “high functioning” or “low functioning.”

If autistic voices are not at the center of your efforts, you’re doing it wrong.

When in doubt, ASK AN AUTISTIC PERSON. 

To learn more about autism, visit autistic-run organizations like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and Autism Women’s Network (AWN).

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

if you’ve been trained to to dislike yourself for enjoying anything due to years of being told you’re annoying clap your hands 👏👏👏

if I listed out every particular instance that was met with negativity enough for me to stop feeling comfortable talking about it, this comic would be like 50 panels.

[ more comics | Patreon | Tapastic ]

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

I don’t care if I lose a thousand followers overnight, but if you think “tranny” or “shemale” are remotely acceptable ways to refer to a transgender person, please unfollow me.

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

Do any other american high schoolers have intense survivor’s guilt and trauma with school shootings even though they weren’t at your school?

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

Remember a few years ago how some autistic kid (like 14 years old) was like “Link is mute like me!” and NTs were obsessed with ‘disproving’ their headcanon and using technical definitions of outdated terms and saying that he couldn’t have mutism and that the headcanons were just “SJW bullshit”

and now in the latest Zelda, we get it confirmed that Link does indeed have selective mutism due to trauma and anxiety

because I will never fucking forget

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

Cake, Frida Kahlo, And Other Signs of the End of the World.

I’m still laughing with mine XD

via Drunk Austen on Facebook

[the-rustic-autistic-blog]

sometimes i wonder how a writer would describe me if i were a character in a book